The 1 year + club

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Freedom from Servitude, Aug 7, 2018.

  1. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Reaching out to all recovering addicts with at least a year of being PMO free, I'm conscious that there aren't many active users on this forum who are long term sober yet still feel that something is missing in their lives. I'm starting this thread so that we can support, learn from and inspire each other in recovery. Feel free to post any links to success stories, share insights and developments from your own journeys.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
  2. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Member

    hey dude. I'm at 170 days. feeling better now. and want to keep this streak clean forever!!
     
  3. Quahog234

    Quahog234 New Member

    Haven't looked at porn in just over 2 years. Have Mo'd a handful of times since then.

    I'm still dealing with post acute withdrawal symptoms but things are much better than they were at the bottom of my recovery (around the 1 year mark.)

    My biggest symptoms were/are chronic fatigue, depression, anhedonia, lack of motivation/apathy, daily headaches, inability to socialize, etc. I'm definitely an extreme case but I pretty much lost my ability to function. It was a very scary and character testing period in my life.

    I'm still continuing to improve mentally, physically, and sexually in a very slow and nonlinear fashion. I am still pretty far from 100% but I'm doing ok now and getting better every month.

    For anyone reading this who is experiencing heavy withdrawal/ post acute withdrawal symptoms, just keep pushing through it will get better eventually. Some things that have helped me are meditation, eating clean, intermittent fasting, exercise, spending time in nature, and trying to socialize as much as I'm able to. The truth is though, even if you're doing everything possible to help yourself there's still a chance that you're going to feel extremely shitty for a while. My advice would be to just try to be easy on yourself and know that as tough as your situation may be, it's only temporary. Just keep doing the best you can and have patience with yourself and your brain as it continues to recover from this nasty addiction.
     
  4. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Thanks for sharing, guys. At two years one month into recovery hard mode, my experience has been very similar to yours, Quahog. Your last paragraph is very true to my journey of late. I've had a lot of anxiety, depression and fatigue, along with some other symptoms. The process has been improving, albeit very gradually and in a non-linear fashion. I have also tried and continue to put in practice different approaches, and have found that I struggle with the aforementioned symptoms quite a lot.
     
  5. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Member

    stick to this journey guys. I've been doing this no pmo since Feb 2014 and kept failing. it's so easy to fall back into this addiction. you always got to keep this at the forefront of your mind and keep it as your number 1 priority and only then will you succeed. I always tell my self to be careful and remember how easy it is to fall back into this addiction. so I remind myself that to keep clean.
     
  6. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi guys, I have an interesting question and would be intrigued to see what you make of it. I have met a variety of addicts since entering recovery. Some, to all appearances, live quite successful and productive lives, they have good jobs, a partner and a family and a few hobbies, despite acting out for years. They also seem to be confident socially and this has been used as a tool fuel a sex addiction. Yet, I have also met others like myself who found it difficult to be functional when they were in the grasp of their addiction. Any idea what the reasons for these differences are?
     
  7. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Consider me a member in waiting. October will bring my one year mark.

    Life is good. I love not having that monkey on my back. I will still get the odd emotions that would drive me to porn, but I have lost my taste for it. When my parents quit smoking in the early 90s, they both said that once they'd quit long enough the smell of cigarette smoke disgusted them. I know that isn't the case for all ex-smokers, for some it smells pretty good, but it was for them. Porn is like that for me. The idea of it is gross to me now. Poor, exploited young women, young men with their hands down their pants... ugh.

    Well, I see an embedded assumption here. We're assuming these people have nothing wrong in their lives, emotionally, spiritually, mentally... maybe they're just better at hiding it. A high functioning alcoholic that somehow makes it work on time most/all days of the week is still an alcoholic and would still benefit from quitting. I suspect it is a personality type thing... some people are just more oriented to short term goals and responsibilities and it would take a lot more to knock them off of their game. We can only discuss it as a thought experiment but I bet if you were to take a personality type system like Big 5 or Myers-Briggs we'd find that each manifests addiction in a different way. On the MBTI example, I would bet that the ones who seem unaffected by their addictions are something like ESTJ, who are considered pretty driven, rigid, and rule oriented in life to begin with. All of that stuff can be taken too seriously and needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but it can be a good exercise for the mind and soul to recognize differences between ourselves and our neighbors. Do you know your MBTI type?
     
  8. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Apologies for my slow reply. I have been away. For me, my interest in porn comes and goes. There have been periods where I have been disgusted by it, but also periods where I crave it.

    I'm not making that assumption. I know these people and they do have difficulties in their lives. Actually, all of the addicts I have met seem to be quite similar underneath. For example, they have a sense of disconnectedness with others and experience some form of depression. The question is this. If, as it is held, the depletion of dopamine receptors is associated with the rise of particular symptoms like social anxiety, poorer cognitive performance etc, why is it that some in terms of functionality seem to be relatively unaffected by it?

    I think you might be on to something that the chemical effects of this addiction can impact us in different ways. Whether it has something to do with personality types, I don't know. I am an INFJ for the record.

    I wonder whether exposure to high speed internet porn also contributes to these differences. Also, going by my experience of recovery, I feel that this addiction doesn't operate in a vacuum, but in tandem with what else is happening in their lives. I was always a shy child, so my addiction may have fed into this tendency.
     
  9. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi everyone, just posting an update from a urology appointment I had today at the hospital. For those of you who don't know, I have had an abnormally slow urine flow, difficulty with dribbling and the frequent urge to go to the toilet. I suspected that I could have prostatitis after putting my prostate under a lot of pressure when I used to act out. It turns out that there is nothing wrong with the prostate and I have been diagnosed with an overactive bladder. The causes for this condition are not always clear, but there does seem to be a link with the nervous system. The muscles of the bladder apparently contract too much. I wonder whether there is anybody who has experienced these symptoms and has received a similar diagnosis? Also whether you think that there is a link to porn addiction here or whether this is completely unrelated?
     
  10. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Yeah, I get that sometimes. Especially if I'm at a higher point of arousal. I'll have to go with higher urgency, but not really have that full of a bladder. Sometimes flow is weak, too. Years ago during failed reboot attempts, I'd get some serious pains, and lots of burning when peeing. I've assumed it is all reboot related, though I do keep an eye on it.

    I don't want to question your diagnosis, but I wouldn't expect doctors to really understand what the prostate goes through with porn addiction, either. I mean, during addiction your junk thinks it gets to ejaculate at the slightest sign of arousal, and often gets worked even when not aroused, sometimes multiple times in a day. Switch that to having to calm things down afterward after arousal, and it confuses the whole system. It is like it doesn't understand not ejaculating every time, and has to relearn how to be normal.
     
  11. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Yes, I don't think the urologists who have been seeing me would have a full understanding of how years of abuse from this addiction may have affected my body. Neither can we either I suppose. We are the guinea pigs. You have come up with an interesting theory. I am not ruling out that possibility. But at over two years of being sober, you can't help but wonder whether there are other factors at work here.
     
  12. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi guys, I thought that I would check in quickly to let you know how I am doing. I am 2 years 3 months hard mode, give or take a few wobbles where I have found myself in triggering situations but stopped myself from jumping off the cliff. I haven't touched porn or masturbated.

    My symptoms are largely the same since I last posted in this thread. I have noticed, though, a significant improvement in my energy levels. They are still a bit on the low side, but I have a lot more energy now and probably wouldn't describe myself as having chronic fatigue like symptoms. The shift came around about the same time I started to introduce apple cider vinegar as a supplement. It is a well known prebiotic. So, my higher energy levels may have something to do with my healthier gut microbiome. I concede there is not compelling evidence to support that theory, and it could be down to something else, but unless it is PAWS related, I can't think what.

    To help with my mood and sleep quality, i am trying magnesium oil, aroma therapy and listening to hypnosis tracks. I will let you know if I find that this helps when I have given them a fair trial.
     

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