Porn, incestous acts and reboot (need some help)

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by No Faper, Jul 17, 2018.

  1. No Faper

    No Faper New Member

    I am 25 years old. When i was 9 years old one of my cousin who is 10 years older than me,used to talk to me about sex. My parents are very strict they never let me play outside the house because they thaught that i may learn bad habits from boys. But they didn't know that my cousin is corrupting me. I learned about sex at very early stage, thanks to him. He used to tell me various sex stories,sometimes gave me book with sexual photos. I was very happy , because it felt me good. I became addicted to such stories and photos at early stages and started to fantasise about sex with ealderly women, he encouraged me for that, because he used to do the same thing. We used to seat in a room and fantasise about sex with almost every women we liked, especially about our aunt. When i was 13 ,my parents put me in the hostel and we seperated, but my fantasy and masturbation didin't stoped.
    I love my mother very much. She is my everything. I can't see any person touching my mother. I used to get angry if anybody touch her except my father. I remember, when i was in 5th class, my uncle painted my mom's face with colour ,this made me so furious that i attacked my uncle with hammer. When i was in hostel this love/obsession grew bigger.
    I started to watch porn when i was in class 11th. And there i found a story of sexual relation between mother and son . I became so addicted to it that i fantasised my mom as my sex partner.
    I secretly began to see my mother doing sexual activity at night. But now i am in graduation,the porn has took a toll on me . I am suffering from PIED, frustration, anxiety, unknown fear ,low confidence e.t.c. . I now want to quit porn and in my 1st month of no-pmo (no porn, no masturbation, no orgasm).. but the incest memories about my mother and aunty still comes to my mind often..but i want to get rid of them . How to stop these imagination and flashbacks of the past.??...please reply...i am in dire need of help.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
  2. Fortune20

    Fortune20 Member

    Jus continue to stay away from porn ... Those demons will weaken there grip on u over time but u cnt feed the addiction in any way, otherwise they come roarin back ... Start wit a three month no PMO goal (eliminate masturbation as well) and take it from there .. Trust me, ur circuits are fucked up so u ll need a full reboot
     
    doneatlast likes this.
  3. No Faper

    No Faper New Member

    How much time full reboot will take...,??
     
  4. Fortune20

    Fortune20 Member

    Not sure since everybody is different ... Some 6 months some may even be a year ... Butuse three months to stay clean from women, porn, and any type of stimuli so you can clean out ur circuits of most of those triggers ... Next start meeting women and cuddling or even jus talkin and being around them ... The key is to not rush into sex so jus find a girl who u can start slow off wit and build from there
     
  5. No Faper

    No Faper New Member

    The problem is i am single...and i am virgin ...i fear girls...the idea of approaching a girl is big no no for me...few girls approached me in the past but i became so nervous that i did some stupid things which i didn't wanted to do ...and all girls made distance from me one by one
     
  6. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Do you have insurance? I think you may be a good candidate to find a counselor/therapist to go through this stuff.

    In my own reboot, there were three basic temptation types: the purely physical ones, the arousal/sexual ones, and the emotional ones. The physical stuff can be white knuckled, the arousal/sexual can be controlled environmentally (though it takes time to learn how), but the emotional stuff really takes time and work to heal. If you can quit porn completely without dealing with it, then great... see where you stand. But, the emotional stuff can really take you out at the knees. I was in the process of looking up therapists about a year ago but never went through with it because I couldn't resolve the payment bit. Thanks be to God I got through it and figured stuff out on my own, but it really is the emotional stuff that gets us the most.

    To your last question about how to avoid memories and flashbacks... the less you let the stuff in, the less it will want to barge in. That takes time, though. The best thing to do at this stage is to evaluate triggers. If certain activities, patterns, thoughts, whatever make you think of these things, try to get rid of them. It is like an alcoholic finding a new route home from work that doesn't drive by a bar. The non porn trigger I see the most on these boards is social media, but it really could be absolutely anything.

    A lot of guys on these boards fixate on the idea that non-porn sexual experiences will help them normalize. I'm yet to read any success stories. I think the fixation just creates another level of anxiety, which gives people another reason to give up and turn back to porn. My advice is to just try to be the best human being you can be, without worrying about whether you're having sex or not. There are lots of ways we can strive to be better people besides having sex!

    You can do this, and you can certainly become such a better version of yourself. Recovery is amazing... it will feel like an eternity getting there, but it will be worth it. You can do it!
     
    No Faper and Fortune20 like this.
  7. Fortune20

    Fortune20 Member

    Watever this man above me said do ... Words taken right outta my mouth
     
  8. No Faper

    No Faper New Member

    I want to tell u guys one more thing.. i go to meet my maternal aunt regularly (every 8 to 10 days) for some reasons ..i am in love with her since i was 14 (not due to porn, i just love her)...i don't think about my mom now (perhaps due to no pmo).. but whenever i meet my aunt , i get attracted towards her... i used to live with her alone 5 years backs(my uncle job was in nearby city) and was there for more than 2 years...in that time i used to seduce her and she used give positive signals...now i live in hostel..but whenever i come to meet her i loose my control and try to seduce but now my uncle live with her so she ignores my seduction..but still shows her lusty body parts to me...this makes me super horny...i just wnt to make love with her...but her actions confuse me that she want me or not...because she gives both positive and negative signals ...what should i do..
     
  9. quitprofoo

    quitprofoo Member

    No Faper, if you are trying to seduce your aunt or think she is giving you positive signals or you want to make love with her you should stay away from her.

    I know what it's like to be extremely horny but you need to think about getting a stable place to live more than anything else. Try not to think about your aunt.
     
  10. yourfriend

    yourfriend New Member

    friend,
    i too was corrupted by one of my relatives at the age of 9. He convinced me that everyone comes out of a vagina at that age :) i felt disgusted and then many other things followed...and suffering... you know it all my dear. But i found help around 1.5 years back :) so here i am sharing.

    explore 'inner engineering', just google it. this will help you. this helped me immensely over the last 1.5 years. transformed me completely, I could come out of porn and all the baggage that comes with it, felt inner joy for the first time in my life. All i would say spend some time evaluating it and find it for yourself.
    #UnplugWithSadhguru
    wish you the best.
    your friend :)
     

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