Making positive change

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Callum77, Apr 1, 2018.

  1. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Hey guys,

    This is my new blog where I am fully committing to give up porn forever.

    I've had accounts on here before under different names and I have now been trying to quit for over 2 years. It has been a constant struggle and although at times I have gone on long streaks, I find myself in the same position as I did 2 years ago.

    I've just relapsed after a 25 day streak and finding it difficult to motivate myself to try to quit again, which is why I have created this blog, as a way of getting support from the amazing community on here and being accountable to someone other than myself.

    The thought of having PIED in 5/10/15 years in the future absolutely petrifies me, and only I can make that positive change and beat this thing.

    So starting tomorrow, no porn and no masturbation!
     
    Vinny Stapes and Mcgregor like this.
  2. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Already relapsed today on what should have been Day 1, I'm finding it so difficult to stop myself from watching porn once I get the thought in my head. The streaks I have gone on have mainly been possible where I've been able to not think about porn, once I get it in my head it's increasingly difficult to ignore.
     
  3. hopeforchange

    hopeforchange Member

    Hi, maybe a bit unconventional but what helped for me is. When I get in that state where I'm thinking about relapsing, and it seems like it's inevitable: I say to myself first MO real quick and If you still want to PMO afterwards go ahead. But then after I O from MO I can think clearly again.

    It's better not to MO but if I don't have a partner I have to preform with It's just so difficult. The longer I've been away from porn being it with of without MO the less it will occupy my mind. And just rubbing one out won't give you the same setback as a full blown PMO relapse.
     
  4. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 4 - Relieved to have been able to start my streak. The first day really is the most difficult but now I'm over the 3-day hump I'm hoping I'll find it a bit more easy to carry on. But at the same time important to take it one day at a time and focus on the small targets, my next aim is to make it to the 7 day mark.

    Part of getting on a streak, in my experience, is keeping your mind as busy as people so you don't think about porn at all. If you're constantly thinking about not relapsing then it makes it far more likely that you will relapse. Constantly keeping yourself occupied is the key to maintaining streaks and I'll take the opportunity to focus on my uni work rather than this. I also will only post occasionally on here for these reasons, but I'll check in every now and again as a way keeping myself accountable
     
  5. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Thanks for your advice man and appreciate you checking in with my blog. That's cool that you've found something that works for you but I think in my experience I need to completely abstain from MOing as well as PMOing. Part of this is because I find it difficult to MO without porn so one would lead to the other. But great that you've found it an effective technique on your journey, your streak's so impressive keep it going!
     
  6. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 5 - relapse! So frustrating. It all starts from going on Grindr which got me horny then went on Instagram and looked at photos on there which really set me off. I know that I should avoid Grindr, I use it to MO from sending and receiving pictures which I know is really bad and counts as a relapse. But at the same time Grindr right now offers a chance for me to actually hook up with someone which I feel like might make me feel a bit better about the whole thing.
    If I use Grindr to hook up with someone at some point this week hopefully it'll help me stay off it in the long-run.
     
  7. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Just relapsed again and feel so goddamn miserable about everything. I felt physically sick after I Oed. I've been trying for 2 years to quit and I just keep on making the same mistakes over and over again. It makes me so sad that there's such a large community of us who are having our sex and romance lives ruined by porn and that porn is stopping us all lead happy successful lives.

    Fuck I'm tired of this shit
     
  8. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Spamming the blog today but it's been a really fucking bad day and I need to get my thoughts in order. I need to stay off Grindr for the next year until I'm better, I use it as a virtual way of getting myself off and I don't ever really use it to meet guys I just jack myself off on my own while I'm on there. It would be good to just go on there and hook up with a guy just to break my duck but I'd actually get very little pleasure out of it and I think the harm outweighs the benefits. I need to just focus on breaking this thing and in a year's time when I've hopefully gotten over my PIED I can start having fun.

    My aim now is simply just 7 days without porn, if I make it to next Sunday I'll really feel like I've accomplished something.
     
  9. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Really bad few days, I mean fucking awful and my porn habit has got out of control in a way that I don't remember it being for at least a year. My previous relapses have been bad but I don't think any have been as bad as this. Continuous binging and going on Grindr for the last few days, the worst part is I arranged to meet up with a guy off Grindr to have sex but instead I stayed at home and watched porn. Having sex would do nothing for me right now it wouldn't turn me at all; all I want is porn. Even as I type this I'm thinking about watching porn, that's how bad my addiction has become. I just watched porn and then cried for a whole 5 minutes afterwards it made me feel that fucking miserable.

    I've been back home with my parents for a couple of weeks and that has really set me off like nothing before. When I'm at university I kind of have it under control a bit more but when I'm at home all these memories of being 15/16/17 years old and fapping miserably on my own in my room come flooding back to me and are a real trigger. I'm going back to university in a couple of days and hopefully I'll be able to manage it better there.

    I hate how depressed porn has made me, I'd been doing so well for a long time but that is the lowest I've felt in over a year. I need to use these feelings of anger and pain and sadness as an ultimate low-point and a constant motivation to never feel like this again. How long am I going to let this control my life? How long am I going to continue never being in a relationship or being scared of having a connection with another guy?

    I'm making a promise: Today is the last day I let porn control me like this and make me feel this low.

    Tomorrow is the first day of never watching porn again.
     
  10. Vinny Stapes

    Vinny Stapes New Member

    I hope it works out for you man. Been relapsing for 5 days. Can’t see to make it past the 3rd day each time. Goodluck either way
     
    Callum77 likes this.
  11. BeInControl

    BeInControl New Member

    You can do it. Just remember each time WHY you are doing all this and what you are trying to accomplish with it. And remember the feeling of missery. Isnt worth it. You want the REAL deal and not the pixelated ones.
     
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  12. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Thanks man you too. Got to day 4 now so I'm hoping I'm over the three day hump, gonna try to get to a week.
    I often get like that too and I can't really describe how I get out of it; I think most the time I just need to get past the first day then I'm usually okay. To do that normally I'll put myself in a position where it's really hard for me to watch porn/fap, so just get out the house all day or spend all my time with friends. Keep going man you'll get there
     
  13. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Thanks man I'm always trying to keep that target in mind. I'll get there eventually
     
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  14. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 8 - completed a week, which I'm so happy about because I really never thought I'd get there after my continuous destructive relapses a couple of weeks ago. Feel good but also know that I should stop thinking about my streak and how many days I'm on because thinking about not relapsing will make it more likely that I'll relapse. But purposely not thinking about something is difficult.

    My brain is also playing tricks on me, had a very vivid dream last night that I had watched porn and relapsed and woke up feeling very disappointed and wanting to fap. Thankfully resisted but made me feel very strange. Was relieved to wake up and find out that I hadn't in fact relapsed after all but somehow I almost feel like I cheated even though I know I didn't

    Anyway all I can do is keep going and onto 10 days, and then two weeks, and whatever comes after that. Gonna try and stay off here as much as I can but I'll post updates every now and again
     
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  15. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 12 - felt really shit today. I don't know whether this is withdrawal symptoms and not getting the dopamine that I usually get from fapping but yeah just felt really low. Had the temptation to fap and even installed Grindr on my phone, but instantly uninstalled it and put my phone in a different room to the one I'm working in. Felt like I needed to post on here today to keep me focused and not get complacent, I'm only two days away from completing two weeks without PMOing, so I've got to keep that target in mind.

    When I've downloaded Grindr before and not actually PMOed the first time of installing it, this has often acted as a trigger for me to go back to it later and eventually relapse, so I'm determined to not let that happen this time. I've always gotta remember that there's nothing inevitable about anything that happens and I have the power to resist porn.
     
  16. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 15 - made it two weeks which I'm really happy about. But been very close to relapsing a few times today, I'm hungover so my self-control is lower than normal. I've browsed a few pictures for a few seconds then gone right off then before I actually got to fapping but I need to make sure I stay strong for the rest of the day and carry on my streak. Always need to remember that there is nothing inevitable about anything that happens and I have the power to resist porn in all its forms.
     
  17. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 18 - RELAPSE.
    So annoying but unfortunately had a massive relapse today, started off just by looking at pictures on instagram and fapped off that, Then watched porn and fapped off that, and for the rest of the day all I've thought about is watching porn and done so twice more. Felt so disgusted with myself, the biggest thing this has shown me is how addicted I really am; I was sat in a lecture and all I could think about was it finishing so I could watch porn. Thought I had been doing really well up to this point but this is a big setback.

    Thinking about the reasons why it happened was probably because of looking at pictures for a little bit on Saturday when I was hungover. If I'm being honest with myself I did purposely browse pictures and get hard from it and touch my dick, just because I went off after 30 seconds before I PMOed doesn't mean that it wasn't still a bit of a relapse. Then once I got it in my head for the past couple of days all I thought about was relapsing until it finally happened. Just goes to show that I need to avoid all of the stuff completely: no grindr, no porn, no pictures on instagram or facebook: no form of porn in anyway. I need to be more self-disciplined and if I feel hungover or feel like I might start browsing a few 'innocent' pictures I need to put my phone down and get out the room.

    So frustrating to be back at the beginning again for the 1000th time. Now I need to focus on my next streak and making sure this one is my last ever relapse.

    But first I need to get past the first day. If I get through 24 hours without relapsing I'll be really happy, I know from experience just how hard the first few days after a relapse can be so I'm extra determined not to make it happen again.
     
  18. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day 4 - really happy to have built up a 3 day streak after my last relapse. It's usually very difficult for me to get back into a streak after I relapse once and I often end up PMOing over and over again so for me to have avoided that is really positive.

    Now I need to make it a week and not make this progress for nothing.
     
  19. Callum77

    Callum77 Member

    Day -1 - I'm absolutely fuming. I'm livid. My best friend asks me why I'm not seeing anyone and what is the answer???? Because I'm addicted to porn???? I couldn't bring myself to say that to him but he keeps on wondering he's a brilliant person and I can't give him an answer. He keeps on saying I should see someone and I bloody will because it's the first day of the rest of my life!!!

    When will I stop porn leading my life?????
     
  20. Chosen Undead

    Chosen Undead Member

    Hey, I am in a similar situation as well. I have been trying to quit for the past two years as well. Keep posting and do not give in.

    One thing I have been doing is blocking any form of pornography on my computer and phone through software. It really helps set obstacles for me. The only problem is after 10 days or so I end up getting past them. (By the way, you should try not counting days. It might be the reason why you are stuck in this cycle.)

    One thing you should know is that porn actually prevents you from meeting people. It is an ironic catch in our compulsive behaviors.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2018

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