Just had a memory flashback and it all makes sense now

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Ichoosetofightback!, Jun 16, 2018.

  1. I just remembered an experience from my childhood. I was about 5, lying on the couch with my housemaid on top of me. This image has always been in my head but I never understood it. I started digging deeper and tried to recall what happened but its like a blank void exists after that. Finally I came to the realisation that I was sexually abused that day. Who knows maybe it happened more than once. Its just that my brain never comprehended what exactly was happening to me till now.
    I've never understood why I've always been so sexually curious since I was a little kid. More than other kids. As far as I remember I've been addicted to porn from the time I discovered porn. Maybe this childhood experience is the cause of why I avoid talking to real women and instead choose to look at one behind a screen. I've been lying in shock for one hour. Posting here was the only thing I could think of.
    lookingahead likes this.
  2. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Kids at a young age will be interested in porn from the moment they watch it. Usually, growing up watching porn robs the individual from maturing ones sexual identity by having innocent sexual experience with girls at a young age. Those experiences, from my understanding, build character and personal development around women making it more easier to interact with girls. From what you said, i don't know that the abuse was the trigger but porn definitely is a huge negative seeping us of our life. I also don't think that we need to find the root cause in order to stop addiction. What we need to do is go out there and experience life as it ought to experienced.

    But, I do believe that if you beat yourself up about the abuse, you will cause yourself harm mentally and that may impair your ability to enjoy life and delve you deeper into the addiction hole. Block that out of your mind or just remember it as a minor glitch in your young age but doesn't define you or stop your growth.
  3. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    That's terrible. Sorry to hear. I think it would be good to talk to someone about it. A therapist. Just so you are not alone with this and have professional guidance.
    mindingmymind likes this.
  4. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    All at once I'm sorry to hear it, but congratulations on a revelation.

    I watched a video/podcast recently where three guys were all talking about experiencing some sort of sexual abuse as children/pre-teens. They described seeing things that would make an adult scream "run away, this guy is a perv!", but as kids they had no idea because it was such foreign territory. The kids understand so little about what is happening that they are even more defenseless than an adult in a similar power struggle. Seems obvious when it is said out loud, but it is easy to forget. It can take kids a long, long time to put it all together in their heads.

    Addictions are primarily about what we're addicted to, but we all carry wounds and addictions give us false medications for those wounds; so, I wouldn't say it is an either/or between the substance itself and emotional trauma, since the interaction is far more complicated. Often it is the emotional problems that are our worst enemies in recovery when we try to quit cold turkey but end up back at it and don't understand why. At least it was for me. The Jonesing and sheer craving can be white-knuckled if we are properly motivated, but the emotional stuff is a deathblow.

    I won't ask because it isn't any of my business, but a point to consider might be what KINDS of porn you were consuming and if there is any connection. There may not be... there are theories floating around that porn induced fetishes can be influenced by emotional draws/issues/anxieties. Personally I think it is dangerous to apply that 100% of the time, but there is enough evidence (I believe) to show it exists.

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