hookups are killing me!

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Clarkmr, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    Hey everyone,

    this is a very basic, simple accountability post. I've been porn free for just over 13 months now --- my life has improved dramatically. But, just recently, I discovered Grindr.... and , well, it's quite predictable that it would induce similar behaviors as does porn, but I've found that it's VERY hard to put down the phone once I've started. Not to mention, the chaser afterward gives me brainfog and some slight (very slight) social anxiety.

    I dont think that getting on these hookup apps erases any of the progress I've made, but it most definitely prevents me from moving forward (and makes me look at potential mates in a pornographic way, which I want to avoid).

    This is just my way of keeping myself accountable! I gave up porn, so tbh this should be a walk in the park.

    Anyone have any input? Encouragement welcome :) <3
  2. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    I am afraid I don't have any direct advice since that isn't a road I've traveled down (not by my own grace, of course), but I do want to thank you for posting this.

    I've had a few similar experiences, though not as bad... it is like the porn habit is a smart speaker just waiting to hear its word to start doing its thing, and sometimes it regonizes it at weird times. I've had instances where news articles will get those systems churning and I have to shut it down. I don't consider those relapses because it wasn't porn nor was it... ummm... "finished" like a porn session, but I definitely felt the similarities. I stay away from dating sites for largely the same reason. Am I missing out on someone really special by not being on those sites? Maybe. But, I'd rather be the man I want to be apart from that woman than a lesser man with the woman. Besides, I was on the sites for years, and over time they just get shallower and shallower, stupider and stupider and I don't think I'm actually missing out on anything.

    What, I think, many rebooters overlook is kicking porn is about kicking the entire pornographic outlook and finding a new model of sexuality. If we've only ever understood intercourse, sexual stimulation, gender, the female half of humanity and all of this through the lens of porn, then when we turn off the computer monitors and cell phones and proceed out into the world, we will turn the world into porn, because it is ingrained in us. We hit a point where we say "that is not the sort of man I want to be", but when it comes to "this is the sort of man I want to be" we get stuck. I've been inspired by an array of people in my life, and especially since quitting. Mr. Fred Rogers is getting some really good love right now... look at how amazing of a life he was able to have without obsessing over sex, pleasures, addictions, or anything else. But, I digress.

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