Do you think that after a certain period of abstinence, your fetishes/cravings will be gone?

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by coyote, May 22, 2018.

  1. coyote

    coyote Active Member

    I've been wondering about this. Will fetishes/cravings be gone after a certain period of abstinence, or will it always be about resisting urges?

    Have any of you experienced it? (I mean the disappearance of fetishes/cravings after long abstinence)?
    Have any of you been abstaining for so long that you can safely say urges/craving are gone forever?
  2. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    abstaining from what?
  3. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Hi coyote, good to see you around here again. There is a good thread going on fetishes over on the other board if you ever visit that. It won't answer your question, but so far it is a good discussion.

    I've been wondering too, and don't have an answer. I do think there are a few kinds of fetish. Some come from early pre-sexual things that we've incorporated into our sex lives (probably via porn), some things are mere tastes that get greatly exaggerated (large breasts for example - the fetish community for extremely large breasted women online is pretty intense), and some come purely from the escalation of porn over the years. There might be other types, but that is what I'm working with right now.

    The pre-sexual stuff is weird, and I don't fully understand it. I think the best we can hope for is to retain an odd fixation, but to decouple it from porn and orgasm will return it to a non-sexualized state.

    The exaggerated tastes will likely normalize. Someone looking at the large breasted women in porn may laugh at the comical implants once they've given up PMO, but my guess is that that particular body part will remain a point of attraction for them... just in a less weird way.

    For things that come strictly from escalation, I'm not sure, but from what I read on these boards, it seems full recovery is possible. On this list would be the people who start watching gay porn but aren't gay at all, or other stuff like that.

    For me, my own weird fetish has weakened considerably. It was so very strong, that even non-porn stuff would get my heart racing. Now, it is weird. It is like, I can't help but stare if I see it in public, and I find myself looking at (G-rated) pictures of it, but I have no urge to masturbate or anything with it. I'm honestly not sure if my fixation on it is sexual or not at this point. If I were to relapse, I'd likely end up looking at the fetish stuff though, so I guess it isn't completely gone... though, that is a hypothetical. I'm not going to relapse on purpose just to find out. ;)
  4. lookingahead

    lookingahead To restore my inmost being. Staff Member

    I've been seeing a hypnotherapist who has helped me go very deep into my psyche and began the process of draining the swamp of my sexual fetishes. Even though I haven't completely rid my mind of all unwanted sexual cues, I do believe it is possible to peel back the layers of the emotional "onion" and unsexualize what porn has sexualized. It involves some intensive processing and reprocessing years of childhood traumas, and reparenting the wounded inner child ego state. Again, to answer your question, I think a full recovery is possible, but it would require long term, intensive work with a skilled therapist. And even with that said, it would be unreasonable to say that you would never experience a fleeting trigger from time to time for the rest of your life.
    doneatlast likes this.
  5. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    Very well put lookingahead.

    I struggled with a pregnancy fetish. I have unpacked a few things: my life growing up in the 80s/90s had a lot of public health stuff/psas/health classes that were basically pregnancy scare tactics, and the image of the pregnant teen was almost like a shot from a scary movie. It is hard to describe, but those who went through it know what I mean. It was just the conventional wisdom on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies, I guess. I also had an ex-girlfriend in high school/college with an abusive boyfriend/husband who had something of a pregnancy scare (more rumor, really) that troubled me deeply. As life went on and my peers had families and I didn't have any, I'd become more and more anxious. There are other things, though I won't go into all of it. So, so incredibly odd to me. It is a surprisingly common fetish too, but I've never been able to find any real explanations for it. It is common enough that my searches generally turned up message boards of women complaining about weird pervy co-workers or so forth that seemed oddly interested.
  6. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Nice avatar, lol. And no, you're safer to assume you're stuck with the fetish, if faded, forever. Sorry.
  7. htcuser

    htcuser New Member

    I've recovered. And the answer is yes. I don't know what anyone else is saying in this thread. You can and will eventually get to a point where the fetishes you once enjoyed won't be as interesting as they once were.
  8. Perigee

    Perigee Member

    I think that would depend on what the fetishes are, when/how they were developed, how strong they are, etc. I three fetishes from what I can tell - two of which are closely related, having been developed between the ages of 5 and 10, and I can't see them going away for good. The 3rd one is sort of a "supplement" to the others, but was developed much later in life (a few years ago), and will likely go away with time.

    I would say if you fetishes were developed when you were in your mid 20s or older, they can likely be diminished or eliminated completely. If they were before that, then probably not. I've accepted mine to be as much a part of me as the color of my eyes. But that doesn't mean you can't deemphasize them from your life to some degree.
  9. Immature

    Immature Member

    So, I've read a lot on YBOP about people who stop PMO losing the tastes they acquired through PMO.

    I like tranny porn. (I know, nobody has heard that one before /sarc). I never thought to look for it before seeing it while using straight porn - but we all know how that works. So that may go away some day if I actually get some large time - but 61 days, my longest streak, didn't put a dent in it - it's going to take a lot of time. And I acquired it 30+ years ago - when pron was mainly magazines and peep shows (and maybe some VHS tapes) so - maybe that isn't going anywhere either.

    On the other hand, I remember being in 4th grade and getting hard while watching girls's butts. I'm expecting that shit is built in, and isn't going anywhere as long as I am breathing. (I have little or no childhood trauma that I could attribute that to.) And that one doesn't embarrass me either, it's not like I'm after comically large butts. Though my preference is for ones that are a bit disproportionate, I can very much appreciate a normally proportioned woman.
    doneatlast likes this.
  10. coyote

    coyote Active Member

    Thanks for the input, guys!


    I have one fetish that I've developed after I'd started watching porn. Prior to that, I didn't even know that exists (don't wanna go into details, but not sick).

    The other one definitely started sooner (I think as soon as I started noticing girls, when I was about 12), but I think I could live with that one.
  11. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    I dont believe they ever truly leave. I still have those places deep within me that get off to the darker types of sex. However, with prolonged avoidance, they become dormant. I have a perfectly vanilla sex life with my partner, and find it to be very satisfying. That said, if I "allow" myself to venture, mentally, back towards that which used to get me off (domination, bdsm, etc,), they come rushing back. So it's just a matter of focusing on what you want.
  12. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    If you don't mind my asking, do you feel your own fetishes arose from escalation from porn, existed before porn, or at least revealed themselves later? I'm curious sort of as an informal survey.
  13. Clarkmr

    Clarkmr Member

    I believe the seeds were there, and many of my darkest fetishes certainly were encouraged and incubated by porn, but I believe the foundation was there for other pyschological reasons. However, like I said, when I'm with my BF, none of these impulses arise unless I tap them intentionally, which of course, I don't.

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