A quick (but important) thought

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Lightning, May 22, 2018.

  1. Lightning

    Lightning Member

    Hi everyone,

    I haven't been on this forum for a while so I don't know what's 'new' or if in fact anything has changed. But I have a quick thought I want to share with you guys.

    People often talk about the process of change, and it goes something like this: They say, don't try to just quit porn, because that probably won't be possible. Instead - adopt a new lifestyle which will enable you to quit porn. Find a hobby, or something you really enjoy, go to meet ups, take classes, make new friends... And then, you'll find yourself gradually overcoming the addiction.

    I want to make an important observation on this. Often times, as in this illustration, porn is still made into the addiction and the enemy. In other words, on one hand it's saying: Don't try to quit porn, try to change your lifestyle. On the other hand it's saying: Try to change your lifestyle...So that you can quit porn. And so again, the assumption is that porn is some evil enemy that warps us, and if only it was gone everything would be good. 'But you can't beat it singlehandedly,' 'so here are a few pointers', and so on.

    I'd like to offer this possibility, which may be more than a possibility. That porn in itself - is actually just masturbation. Yes - it is masturbation with an outlet designed to get you to climax as fast as possible. Yes it offers all the variety you want. But in the end of the day what are you doing - what is this big evil? It's masturbation. If you believe masturbation is morally wrong, you could be right, and that is a separate discussion. If you believe seeing naked people or people having sex is morally wrong, again, that's a conversation that should be had. But porn in itself is just that. Masturbation.

    And so, what is the 'evil' in porn? The one we can agree on? It's that it takes over your life, so to speak. It doesn't really, it's that you use it to avoid doing things you care about. That's it. Instead of dealing with that bad feeling you're having right now, understanding yourself, working out what needs to be done, you think there's nothing you can do - and so porn is the answer. And then, you can find yourself doing that for 8 hours a day and feeling bad about it - because, again, nobody wants to live like that. There's so much to do.

    And so consider this. The reason to go out there and get hobbies is not to quit porn. It's the opposite, porn has enabled you to stay away from going out there and getting hobbies and living the kind of life you want to live. And so now reclaim that. What do you have. A life you've been wanting, but maybe haven't dared to admit it. And when something hard comes you have a foundation where you can give that a home. And what about porn? That's just something, that's out there. People having sex on camera. People like to use that to masturbate. Maybe not you. And maybe you have your own thoughts on that. It doesn't matter. You have a life.

    I hope this helps.


  2. Lightning

    Lightning Member

    P.S. Knowing what kind of things you enjoy, and finding these new circles and activities can be daunting at first. I recommend finding someone to help guide you at least through the beginning. A really good life coach, or the like, can go a long way. Something practical which can help you both uncover these 'secrets', the true desires in yourself and also commit to them in action.

  3. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Ya dude

    Well if porn was just like masturbation, the human race would have been wiped out aeons ago :p

    Even early VHS porn can't match the amount of dopamine stimulation (aka escape) we have today with broadband porn.

    Another thought, modern broadband porn isn't built to make you climax as fast as possible, the exact opposite actually ...

    But ye that's just random thoughts, I'd say you got a good direction mate ;)
  4. Immature

    Immature Member

    Yep, there is something really special about using large numbers of different porn videos at will, which wasn't possible in the past.

    For many years, I only used images. I had many thousands, and I had a random shuffle to keep things novel. Sometimes I would finish with a video or 2 - because they would finish me in minutes. I never had anything like PIED.

    I retired, and started spending more time, downloading videos for hours. Then I had a program to shuffle them into random order, and be able to watch as many as 8 simultaneously. And I could close anything that wasn't exciting enough and the program would pop up another in its place. And I could fast forward through any of them too, as needed. 4.5 months of that and I had total PIED. There wasn't any normal sexual shit a woman could do to get a response.

    So yeah, this stuff is different. The level of stimulation is just so intense.
    spoofy likes this.
  5. Lightning

    Lightning Member

    Hi friends, just saw your words now. You bring up an important point, the difference between porn and high speed internet porn. Which is the reason we're here in a sense. I'd like to suggest, though, that the difference between high speed internet porn and 'regular' porn is not a real difference.

    What that means is, that in both situations a person is being stimulated by some form of material. The only difference is how much of it they have. Because of the nature of the effects he's experiencing, a person may think that there is some sort of magical evil about porn. The brain, the mind regards it as an enemy, as in 'you caused all my problems!' and begins to demonize it and build up stories about it and basically obsess over it. And then when it realizes magazines never had this effect, it starts adding the supplement '[*high speed internet] porn'. Again, as some sort of entity. Without realizing it, what the person is doing in this situation is giving porn power. Building it up into 'something' when all the while it's videos and images of people.
    And in a certain way, it's very close to what sex is (I know it's popular to say otherwise) in that it still involves being stimulated by the kind of human you're attracted to, in some way - and visually is an important way. So - the problem is not porn and not even internet porn. The problem is a habit. It's when people design a habit which is meant for the sole purpose of getting them off on command (yes, as a way of dealing with things often, and not only, also just orgasming). This habit has side effects. For example, when you masturbate you likely don't think of the manual stimulation almost at all - you're just thinking about how to get to release. It's like "I don't have time to feel touch... What's the use in that, I'm with myself anyway" -> So that 'brain pathway' becomes blocked 0r in other words, that desire doesn't make sense because you're not used to using it. Porn is for orgasm anyway. Masturbation is for orgasm anyway. You're not used to doing it for touch even. "Is it hot if a girl (someone) touches me? I don't know, can I get off to it?" You're not in the moment, because what's the use in that. You want orgasm. What's more, the moment is what you're likely trying to avoid when you're using porn. And so when you're with a real person, a factor that can get in the way is that you're used to being the one to guide you 100% start to finish to orgasm. And not be the one to feel touch or have an experience. It's all isolated in the brain. That is the habit that needs to change.

    And so circling back to 'traditional' porn, the main difference seems to be, how heavily this habit gets ingrained. But it's still a habit and still the same habit. When we talk about porn we have to know exactly what we're talking about (I'm striving to do that, I'm not claiming to be an authority) lest we make it into something it's not and cause ourselves unnecessary problems. The good news about habits is that habits can be changed. The thing that felt good as an experience solely in your brain can be much more powerful and fulfilling as a real life experience provided you allow it. You need to work with it, have fun, allow this realization to sink in, and also be with someone where you don't have to worry about p.i.e.d. or anything like that if you do. Because we know how much those worries themselves are a cause.

    All the best,

  6. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    Ya dude I totally agree, old school porn can still be just as harmful in theory.

    But I was referring specifically to modern porn being built to make you addicted easier.
    It's like junkfood vs. a restaurant, both can make someone an food addict, but one is a lot more accessible (not to mention they put chemicals to block satiation)
    Next time you go to either, see if you can clearly tell which one has more ratio of obese people :p
    Oldschool vs. modern porn is no different, and this is something quite serious which is is killing our society. (esp as these sites are accessible by minors, hell even teenagers nowadays get ED)

    I totally agree porn is "not in the moment", however non-porn masturbation is *all* about the moment :D

    But you know what, let's not make this an internet argument, we both know porn addiction is bad, and you obviously have different practices and beliefs which work for yo.
    Let's agree to disagree and I wish you all the best with that man.
  7. Lightning

    Lightning Member

    I agree that disagreeing is fine!

    I also think that discussing these things can help shed light on them.

    I definitely see your point. What's most important to me with all this is no fear. Some people make porn into a monster and in so doing give it power. My point is that in order to truly make peace with it all (-be in a good place) we need to reach a point of understanding. To be beyond it means it's no longer an enemy. Being in a truly 'judgment free' zone is half the battle, because there is no battle. Only preference, a deep understanding of what I want.

    All the best to you as well.


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