A Long Way to Go

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by JohnQ, Oct 28, 2017.

  1. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    It’s been a while since I’ve entered anything in my journal. I am still suffering from no libido although I feel really good otherwise. I have good spirits, feel healthy and have plenty of energy. It seems odd to me that this flatline has been going on this long, the further I get away from PMO the deeper the flatline. My wife and I haven’t had sex in several weeks. First a cold she had got in the way but my lack of interest hasn’t helped. It’s like the further from sex I have gotten the easier it is to stay away. I’ve been wondering if sex would help jump start things. I’m still hopeful that this flatline will end soon and I do feel optimistic.
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't let it go on too long, bud. Jump her bones and reestablish that you are a guy who needs his needs met. It's easy to fall back into the status-quo, a place that we all know sucks. The libido will come back. There's a thread somewhere, I think Gabe started it in Success Stories, and it deals with libido.
     
  3. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Saville,
    Thanks for the advice. I’m feeling a little more energy, let me explain. I went to the gym on Wednesday and one of the women that teaches pilates was lifting weights near me. She is very attractive, well actually beautiful. I had done one of her classes a few times over the winter. I’m always very careful at the gym to not look at any of the women. Get this, she had her earbuds in and was talking to someone on her iPhone while lifting, but went out of her way to get my attention, smile and say hello. Just that, nothing else, but I definitely enjoyed the attention. The past three months I wouldn’t have felt anything. Later that night I did my wife. It was really great sex. I’m still dealing with DE but I felt really energized and very sensitive. Maybe it was the attention of the pilates instructor or maybe it just took some time to get out of my funk but this week I’m definitely feeling more libido. If I had to guess it just took time for my libido to return and noticing the instructor was just an indication of libido returning. I would have to acknowledge that it is possible that these things have a positive reinforcing effect; a positive feedback loop. You know, your libido comes back a little, a pretty pilates instructor says hi and you feel a little something then you just have to bone your wife and then your feeling great the rest of the week.

    I will see if I can find the tread on libido. I know I’m not out of the woods yet.
     
    Saville likes this.
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    That's similar to what I had going on. The sensitivity started coming back and was like "wow, I can feel something in the dick!" Everyone's different in terms of time line, but you're getting their, bud! :)
     
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  5. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Been feeling a lot more energy lately. It feels my libido is coming back. Over the past couple of weeks I have actually been getting erections while asleep and having sexual dreams most nights. I don’t want to jinx it but I feel like I’m really coming out of this flatline. I’ve even noticed some super powers returning; women have been smiling at me and saying hi at the gym or out in public. The whole super powers thing has me laughing. The rational me says it isn’t real and is only an artifact of being out of my funk, another part of me makes me think it might be possible and women can tell when a man is more confident and in tune with his surroundings.

    This loooong flatline seemed to last forever. I’m left wondering if flatline was SAD or work stress or both or just part of the recovery process.

    My wife and I haven’t been having much sex. It has to do with the way our busy schedules have been working out more then anything else. If she is lucky I’ll let her have some this weekend. Lol.
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It has me laughing too. The super powers are real, bro'! Woot!

    Time to tap it, JohnQ. :cool:
     
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  7. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Watch the Keto diet John. "KETOSIS"•read
     
  8. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Saville,
    Oh yes, I hit it this weekend. Get this, my wife actually came on to me. I can’t tell you the last time that happened. The sex was great and I’m having a lot of sensitivity. I’m still having DE but I’m so close to that going away. My libido continues to improve. I’m not certain but the fact that the weather has gotten more spring like probabaly has a lot to do with it. I even cut the lawn and did some yard work this weekend. I really missed it.
     
    Saville likes this.
  9. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Bobo,
    I did a lot of research on this and it is safe. This is a diet that our ancestors ate before the advent of our agrarian society. In fact some cultures (Inuit, Maassai etc) until very recently ate this way. Basically the diet is a low carb, moderate protein diet. I kind of got my nerd on with this diet and read up on the science. I was even checking my ketone levels with pee sticks and eventually bought a breath ketone meter. My measurements on this diet have been between .5 mmol/l and 3.2 mmol/l. The numbers in the 3.0 mmol/l range were after long bike rides. Ketoacidosis is at 10 mmol/l and you just can’t get to that level through a diet, something else would have to be wrong with you.

    The theory of the diet is that a ketone/ fat based metabolism vice carb based metabolism is actually a very good fuel for your muscles and brain. In fact, since you are not burning sugar you don’t get the reactive oxygen species so your inflammation is way down. You and 40 have talked about inflammation so I was curious about that. I noticed I don’t have joint pain and my recovery after workouts is much better. There is some proof that it can actually help with athletic performance. The cycling season is just getting started here so I don’t know if that is true from my own experience. The only problem is I had to give up my pizza, pasta and rice. :(

    I also don’t get the sugar crash in the afternoon and am much sharper. Doctors have used this diet for epilepsy. I was even wondering if the keto diet could help with healing/rewiring my brain from the porn addiction.

    This is probabaly more then you wanted to know. ;)
     
    Saville likes this.
  10. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    My libido is much better than it was a month ago and I’m feeling pretty good but I’m far from 100%. My wife and I had sex yesterday and although it was good I’m still suffering from DE. This time my sensitivity was down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I’m in a much better place than I was a month ago. I’m starting to wonder if I will ever be completely healed (whatever that is). I’ve been wondering if this is something I just have to accept. Some part of me believes if lower my expectation and I accept I won’t be complete healed because it takes the pressure off. There is another part of me is saying, I should maintain a positive out look and not give up and that is the way back. I’ve been moving back and forth between these two mindsets.

    Tonight I went to the gym and noticed some of the typical hotties there and couldn’t help but wonder if I could perform with any of them. I felt way less than confident. I’m not interested in pursuig any of them but how I was feeling about it was possibly a valid test for where I really am in this recovery.

    Anyway, I will keep my head down and keep slogging forward.
     
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think you can be both positive and take the pressure off yourself. :) For myself that meant not worrying at all about my wife's pleasure. She's in bed to please me, a biological orifice. :eek: ha ha I don't know about you, but before it felt like my job to make sure she came first. I was trained that way by my mom (no, never had sex with her o_O) but she was rather vocal about how men should please women. I think it's just allowing ourselves as men to find our own way. Our women have voices and if they want more they can ask for it.

    This is a common thought. We wouldn't want to perform with them, though and that's why they don't ignite our interest they we might think.

    You've really got it going on, JohnQ. Just keep coming back and posting. I love reading your updates.
     
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  12. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    ;)
    Saville,

    Thanks, it’s always great to hear your perspective. It helps ground me in some kind of reality.

    I definitely go out of my way to please and yes, most of that has to do with my nice guy thing. The DE is another factor. It is sorta like since I can’t get off I might as well work on bringing the wife off. The exact contribution each of those factors has is hard to determine. I find myself in the middle of having sex and thinking I just need to focus on my on pleasure but it is a struggle. It’s ridiculous, it’s like I have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other and the damn angel keeps winning. ...so frustrating.

    You mention men finding our own way and having read No More Mr Nice Guy I know it is important. I need to constantly remind myself about that. I’m still working on spending time on myself, the things I’m interested in and on being good to myself. It’s hard though, I spent so much time in nice guy mode that it’s hard to change. I am finishing up that welding course I started. It was great fun, nothing like the hum of electricity, flying sparks, and a puddle of molten metal. I will probably signing up for the next class in the fall. In the mean time I started studying another technical hobby I was interested in. In the NMMNG book Glover talked about treating yourself to a message but I can’t find a way to be that good to myself yet. :(

    Regarding gym hotties maybe you are right but it would be so nice to have that kind of libido again. It would so reassuring.
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Do you guys do different positions? I like to make out side by side and just feel the feels and not think about the dick too much. After that a few pokes from behind before we do full frontal. I find that puts me in the right space. My wife can be a real chatty Cathy in the sack, which used to kill my libido, but now I barely hear her. I really just concentrate on my pleasure. When our marriage was young I would always make her cum first, but now if she doesn't cum, and I'm done, I'm totally fine with that. She can think whatever she likes. In some ways I think it's like doing the dishes for her. It's a duty. Sometimes we have a real connection and other times it is just fucking.

    Do you mean massage? I go for one once a month now. It is completely non-sexual, but I think helps to keep my body alert. My massage therapist digs in and sometimes hurts me, but afterward I feel awesome. It's great to have a woman have her hands all over you and for it not to be sexualized.

    Yup, it is! But, you're doing great. :)

    Have you ever walked barefoot on a beach with stones? Wow, it fucking kills. How come one's feet are sensitive our whole lives, but our dick can feel dead? Maybe there are more nerves in the feet, but c'mon, the difference is ridiculous. If we spent all summer walking barefoot then our feet would eventually callous over and we wouldn't feel much. This is what we've done do our dick. We've calloused it up and warped its sense of feeling. Add into that feelings of defeat and it can take awhile to feel whole again.

    Keep on truckin'! I love how you did that welding course. Sounds awesome, man.
     
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  14. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    You the man JOHN WOW you really have come along!:Do_O
     
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  15. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    After working out at the gym today I felt really flat. I saw a bevy of young beautiful women and a crane couldn't have got my pecker up. I realized the reason I felt flat was I was hungry and probably my sugar was low. @40New30 has written a lot about supplements and other things that have really helped him. Sometimes the reason for our flatness is chemical. It's worth checking out his journal, if you haven't already.
     
  16. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Sivelle,
    Thanks. I have to make more progress. I always make sure she goes off first and that has to change. We do mess around and go for different positions but sometimes it just seems like a distraction other times it helps. My state state of mind during sex is all over the place. You are right about the Chatty Cathy thing, when she talks it just ruins it for me. Also giving up the nice guy thing is much hardor then I thought it would be. I can’t digure out how much of that is conditioning and how much of that is DE. You would think it would be easy to give up the nice guy thing but it isn’t. As far as connections go there is some but I’m carrying so much baggage it gets in the way.

    Yep, meant massage. Maybe I need to give that a try. It might help.

    You make an amazing point about walking barefoot on a beach. Most of the time my dick is dead. How is that possible? How much of this is in our heads?
     
  17. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member


    Saville,
    It’s funny you mention this but I was thinking about 40’s posts on supplements a couple weeks ago and thought it would be good to go back through them. Some mornings I wake up and I have this hard-on that could crack concrete other times there is nothing there. There has to be something about the physical condition but I can’t figure it out. I do take some basic supplements but I thought about keeping a food journal to see if there is anything I could discover.
     
  18. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Food journal will give you info but,you have to be explicit and record how you feel etc.
     
  19. JohnQ

    JohnQ Active Member

    Bobo,

    Thanks. I think you might be right. I am struggling with how to figure this out. Most of the time I have no libido and then other times it is soaring. I was wondering if it could be food and I actually thought about keeping a food journal to see if there was any connection. I still need to go back and sift through 40’s journal for ideas on supplements.

    The past few weeks I have definitely been in a flatline accept for once or twice at the gym when a pretty girl would say hi. It’s funny but most of the time I’m there they have no effect on me. I might as well be working out next to an 80yo man. That said I’ve been feeling really healthy and I’ve been sleeping well but have been under some stress at work so maybe it is stress.

    I’ve been a avoiding sex with my wife. Unfortunately that is easy enough to do. I’m 285 days in and I’m not panicking yet but I hope things change soon.
     
  20. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    I m 275 days in John. Though I have a g/f I 2 hope this damm FLATLINE ends. Though it could take up to 2 years. Lets hope NOT !
     

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