Author Topic: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do  (Read 1328 times)

RoadToReality

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Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« on: March 16, 2013, 03:13:22 PM »
Found this online. Thought it was quite good:

Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
By LINDA HATCH, PHD

Many recovering sex addicts find it almost impossible to quit internet pornography once and for all.  Internet porn is different from other sexual acting out behaviors; it hooks people faster and can have a powerful hold that leads to frequent relapses even if other, more “serious” behaviors have been relinquished.

If you are addicted to sexual massage parlors or to serial affairs then you need to do at least some minimal planning. This allows for mindfulness strategies and other tools to help abort the behavior.

Sexual imagery is everywhere, sometimes flashing on the computer screen unexpectedly. I had a patient who stumbled on a friend’s sexy valentine video on Facebook and went into a relapse.  “Blocking” software is unreliable, and getting rid of your computers is not the ideal solution in the long run.

The major risk factors for chronic internet porn relapse


The underlying issues of porn addiction are the same as with any other addiction.  As with other sex addicts, internet porn addicts associate intimacy with pain, tend to be emotionally insecure and isolated, and avoid reaching out to other people.

But even when working with other recovery strategies, I believe there are particular serious risk factors in porn addiction that often go untreated and unaddressed. These are:

Living a minimal life
Falling into a daily routine that promotes porn use
Have given up on a real and lasting intimate and sexual relationship
Preventing Relapse Requires New Behaviors

After you’ve been in recovery from sex addiction, you may still need to make some very major changes in your life in order to combat  the lure of porn.

Plan a full life

If you live a life of deprivation, if you’re willing to live in messy surroundings, willing to be an underachiever or under-earner, then you need to make a longer term plan for how you’re going to turn your life into one of success and meaning.

This takes a willingness to visualize yourself succeeding.  I don’t mean in fantasy, like winning the lottery or having someone swoop down and transform your life.  I mean the kind that takes goal-setting and struggle, knocking on doors, getting better jobs.  Don’t let unpaid activities get in the way.  At least for now, make achieving your life goals your main recovery activity.

Get out of your daily routine

For porn addicts, the problem often has a lot to do with being in a rut.  Usually this takes the form of a daily routine which predictably ends up at the computer in front of a porn site.  There are many kinds of ruts, but the one I think of as the prototype is that of the person whose social life consists of hanging around Starbucks and looking at attractive women he can’t have.  This is followed by going home to a lonely night and using internet pornography.

Whatever the rut you’re in, it probably leads to a “victim” feeling of being unable to get your needs met, which makes you turn to porn use.  I am utterly convinced that in order to quit porn, most die hard addicts need to radically change their routine, and continue to vary it.

Reclaim the idea of a good relationship

This is probably the most important change a porn addict can make.  Most sex addicts have little experience with what a healthy intimate relationship looks like. In recovery, they get better at intimacy and relationship skills by making new choices and practicing new behavior.

However, many porn addicts seem to have unconsciously or consciously given up on the whole idea of having a fully engaged intimate relationship.  They feel it’s too difficult, or that it’s impossible to find the “right person.”

What you must do in this situation is imagine a realistic picture of what a good relationship would be for you.  This means that it includes a good sex life, so you have to imagine that too.  Realistically.

Making a different kind of life

You’ll know you are out of the woods with porn when you’re making energetic changes in your life and in your way of thinking.  New behavior is your friend.  Be patient with yourself, but be dogged about making changes and doing things differently.  Above all catch yourself lapsing into old ways of thinking.

imout

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2013, 03:26:53 PM »
very good. I score low on too many routines and underachieving. This confirms my own thoughts
Don't Play With Yourself, Take Yourself Seriously
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=7078.0 my journal

monte_cristo

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2013, 10:00:43 PM »
Just wanted to bump.

Is this anything radically new or insightful for us...not really...but I think everyone can use the reminders.

Aussie_85

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2013, 10:20:17 PM »
Good article.

I live a minimal life,when i hit rock bottom my life literally revolved around my next PMO session.had given up on any future relationships,pretty much given up on life itself sadly.

I'v'e reached out and gotten help,firstly from here and YBOP,and secondly from my therapist who i told about my porn addiction a few weeks ago,she agree's and thinks PMO addiction is the root of all my problems.of course simply quitting PMO won't make my life 100%,but it's a start,the most necessary one if i want to change.


The way im looking at it now is:

I'm in recovery,iv'e been in this rut for a long time now,going on 2 years at rock bottom 'hardcore addict' stage.so no,going out meeting women,finding a good job,finding new friends and being superman is just compltely unrealistic for me,at this stage of my recovery.

After iv'e done 120 days that I'm looking at as my 'detox' period,then i'll seriously have to start making changes,i'll probably even write up a and print out steps I'm going to take to achieve small goals and stick it on my wall.it's important not to bombard myself with hard tasks right now,or it could be to much pressure and lead to relapse,number #1 goal for me - Reboot and rewire,then the long road to complete recovery begins.


Thanks for sharing man,Aussie.

Conscientiously

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2013, 11:18:12 AM »
This describes me to a Tee. I am tired of people asking me what I did this weekend, or have I gotten any plan Friday night. Well, obviously the answer is weed, alcohol, porn and poppers. Sometimes I lie and make stuff up; which makes me feeling worse. I know I need a change because seriously this habit doesn't do anything for me anymore. I am not satisfied by it and yet I can't live without it. I can't even count how many times that I told myself "this is the last time".


You are where you are today.

wrong rewards

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2013, 11:30:45 AM »
This describes me to a Tee. I am tired of people asking me what I did this weekend, or have I gotten any plan Friday night. Well, obviously the answer is weed, alcohol, porn and poppers. Sometimes I lie and make stuff up; which makes me feeling worse. I know I need a change because seriously this habit doesn't do anything for me anymore. I am not satisfied by it and yet I can't live without it. I can't even count how many times that I told myself "this is the last time".

I hear you, bro.   I spent 2 years popperbating every couple of days, sometimes more often, edging for hours.     I would always have a few beers to go with the poppers.  I tried adding weed sometimes too, which really did get me out of my mind.  It's scary how deep you can go, how far you can get taken from normal reality.  I would literally watch the same scene hundreds of times, tripping my nuts off thinking that I was part of it.   

I destroyed myself in every way you can think of - my physical and mental health, my social life, my hope for the future, everything lost in the porn poppers trap.  Over the past 9 months I've been trying to reintroduce myself to reality.   I am actually thankful that despite my best efforts I can't get hold of top-quality poppers any more.  It makes it easier to quit when the side-effects obviously outweigh the high. 

Real life seems so much more interesting.   I want to get back to it.


« Last Edit: March 19, 2013, 11:33:55 AM by wrong rewards »
Since one's spiritual hunger can never be satisfied by such means, the addict can either keep consuming pornography in greater amounts, hoping that somehow quantity will change its quality, or else he can give up pornography and seek a different sustenance.

Conscientiously

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2013, 10:10:51 AM »
This describes me to a Tee. I am tired of people asking me what I did this weekend, or have I gotten any plan Friday night. Well, obviously the answer is weed, alcohol, porn and poppers. Sometimes I lie and make stuff up; which makes me feeling worse. I know I need a change because seriously this habit doesn't do anything for me anymore. I am not satisfied by it and yet I can't live without it. I can't even count how many times that I told myself "this is the last time".

I hear you, bro.   I spent 2 years popperbating every couple of days, sometimes more often, edging for hours.     I would always have a few beers to go with the poppers.  I tried adding weed sometimes too, which really did get me out of my mind.  It's scary how deep you can go, how far you can get taken from normal reality.  I would literally watch the same scene hundreds of times, tripping my nuts off thinking that I was part of it.   

I destroyed myself in every way you can think of - my physical and mental health, my social life, my hope for the future, everything lost in the porn poppers trap.  Over the past 9 months I've been trying to reintroduce myself to reality.   I am actually thankful that despite my best efforts I can't get hold of top-quality poppers any more.  It makes it easier to quit when the side-effects obviously outweigh the high. 

Real life seems so much more interesting.   I want to get back to it.

Thanks for your reply, its nice to know someone is listening.
I feel pretty good about making changes right now, even tho it is too early to say. And if it is meant to be that I'd relapse couple of times before becoming strong enough to kick it for good; I am ok with it. It is still a progress I suppose. In fact it is kinda refreshing to feel hopeful  8)


You are where you are today.

flamingwind

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2013, 09:43:07 PM »
Yeah that's me all right. I have zero goal in life, all I want is to win a 100 millions so I would never have to work ever again. I never wanted to become someone or even something. I have no drive to live yet I'm not suicidal.

My life has been relatively the same for the past 11 years: get back from school or work and stay on the computer and watch porn to help ease the pain that daily life provide.

I also missed so many opportunities with quite a few girls, just because I'm scared of a relationship. I only had one gf and it lasted a week, I broke it off due to panic attacks.

Unstable

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2013, 04:56:48 AM »
Damn,

This article hit many key notes with me. I definitely day dream too much; I have dreams and aspirations yet afraid to actually chase them. My routinue is also problematic, come from Uni on the computer, come from work on the computer and come from gym on the computer. My day always ends on the computer and it’s repetitive as well. It’s a vicious cycle I need to break. Yet again the relationship part is 100% spot on, both sexual and with males; avoiding to reach out to people.

I have always said to beat this addiction, major life changes need to occur


"No Arousal" Method - Semen Retention

job

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2013, 11:11:55 AM »
Guys:

So many of you are hurting and seemingly can't break the cycle. It breaks my heart to see 1 day or hours since last PMO or MO posts.  I too feel the inability to control this demon.

But it's not a matter of "willpower," it's a matter of admitting the ability to not being able to manage, and turning to others for help and support. (We can get some of that here,  the journaling is great, but again, it's all internet use. How many of us get off this blog, vowing to improve,  and then go look at porn anyways.)

Can I recommend getting face-to-face with another human being, out of your house, and verbalizing your hurting and pain.  Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)  group, or Sexaholics Anonymous group (SA) is what I belong to, we all share and all understand where we are coming from. Accountability partners are there to help you when you are "sober" and when you fall. Picking up the pieces and then working on other facets of your life can go from there. If you are Christian seek out a Jesus' based recovery group.

This article is a good one -- again, it points out the problems and some easy ways to fix.  But it's an article.  A counselor (another human) can help with the life-changing behavior that you need to make. 


Matt. 7:24 24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock."

wrong rewards

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Re: Frequent Porn Addiction Relapse: 3 Tough Things You Must Do
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2013, 11:55:48 AM »
Guys:

So many of you are hurting and seemingly can't break the cycle. It breaks my heart to see 1 day or hours since last PMO or MO posts.  I too feel the inability to control this demon.

But it's not a matter of "willpower," it's a matter of admitting the ability to not being able to manage, and turning to others for help and support. (We can get some of that here,  the journaling is great, but again, it's all internet use. How many of us get off this blog, vowing to improve,  and then go look at porn anyways.)

Can I recommend getting face-to-face with another human being, out of your house, and verbalizing your hurting and pain.  Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)  group, or Sexaholics Anonymous group (SA) is what I belong to, we all share and all understand where we are coming from. Accountability partners are there to help you when you are "sober" and when you fall. Picking up the pieces and then working on other facets of your life can go from there. If you are Christian seek out a Jesus' based recovery group.

This article is a good one -- again, it points out the problems and some easy ways to fix.  But it's an article.  A counselor (another human) can help with the life-changing behavior that you need to make.

Hi Job, thanks for your post!  Do you think you could post your thoughts on SLAA here?   http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=7260.msg114614#msg114614
Since one's spiritual hunger can never be satisfied by such means, the addict can either keep consuming pornography in greater amounts, hoping that somehow quantity will change its quality, or else he can give up pornography and seek a different sustenance.