Author Topic: How does Porn affect your views on women?  (Read 1301 times)

Evolution

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How does Porn affect your views on women?
« on: January 16, 2013, 08:03:41 PM »
Hi guys, I'm 30.  Been pmo'ing since I was 13 (17 years!) and never had a girlfriend or been on a date.  My porn addiction escalated to using prostitutes regularly as well.  I've been rebooting for a while now and its going well, def an eye opener. 

I find there seems to be a bit of a barrier between me and women.  I feel intimidated by them.  I think I put them on a peddlestool.  Obviously I think porn has affected my views on women, perhaps I feel like I'd have to perform like a pornstar if I ever got with one. 

I've heard people talking about how porn objectifies and depersonalises women.  What dos this mean?  How do you guys think porn affects your views on women?  Please discuss.

Gray Bork

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2013, 08:29:41 PM »
Too much  porn makes me think that real-world women aren't attractive enough for me. It's stupid but that's where my head goes ...
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Aaron

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2013, 09:05:22 PM »
Objectifying means you view them as objects of sex rather than as real women. Its like they are made for sex and that alone.

And I agree with Gary^^ 100%. It does make my standards ridiculously and selfishly high.

Drawn Toward Redemption

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2013, 09:19:20 PM »
Eh, my problems don't seem to be quite as deep as others, but porn has made me overthink things in the worst ways possible. When I hear that a group of girls are locking themselves in a room to play a game, my mind thinks "...secret lesbian kissing party?" I thought about this at a family gathering when something similar happened... That's kinda fucked up, innit? Thinking that about my own relatives? I felt dirty that day.

I guess you could say porn has presented imaginary implications in my head that are perverse. But nothing else comes to mind immediately. I like to think I always approached porn with common sense, acknowledging that it was fake and that these scenarios are as legitimate as the white son of a black couple, and that most women are likely not this... frisky. But, the scenarios were still in my head and that's enough reason to hate porn- for putting those outrageous scenarios in my head.

I'm glad I found a good bottle of Porn-B-gone 3 months ago. It's really helped me get a healthier grip on my view of women these days. Though I've always found all creeds of women attractive, so I don't think my own standards have really changed. I like em' in all shapes and sizes (well, I confess, I'd prefer a healthy girl over an overweight one, of course). It's just a shame I never act on such attraction, which brings me to a response to the OP...



It's actually pretty normal for either gender to put some of the opposite gender on a pedestal. You think there aren't women out there who swoon the Hell over Robert Downy Jr., and think they could never match up to his standards of beauty or, y'know tightness? For us men, it's a different ball game. Women are more emotional creatures, so getting their attention is a bit more difficult, at least if one is looking for a meaningful relationship, which oddly a lot of men do want. Unfortunately we men truly are not as emotional, and many of us base our capability in understanding romance in the reactions of women.

Though it's not a good thing to be defined by how women may treat you, it's nearly impossible to deny that the mere, genuine acknowledgement from an attractive woman gives you a nice little tingly feeling. Some guys handle it better than others, keeping their macho attitudes intact, but some of us (like me) can't help but smile and furrow our brows just a little if we get a compliment from a rather fetching lady. It feels nice to be told you're handsome, or that you did a good job, and there's nothing wrong with that feeling. It only becomes a problem when someone uses it like the White Feather Girls of the past, who shamed their men into becoming soldiers to run to their deaths.

The problem with the pedestal for both genders is the tendency to not act based on the pedestal. The saying "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" applies here. I don't know how I rate on a scale of 1 to 10 myself. Maybe I'm a 5, or Hell, maybe I'm as high as an 8 and just don't know it. I'll never know until I try. There are plenty of less than super-model-ish women who hesitate to act on their attraction, probably just as many as men who hesitate honestly. This may have something to do with aiming too high, but again, you'll never know what you can achieve until you try it. Does that mean I'm going to show up one day at Nikki Yanofsky's doorstep and hope to win her heart? No, of course not, but if I see a rather beautiful woman who appears single, and I'm firmly interested, then I need to just get over my fear and go in and hope for the best.


As for the objectification in porn, it's true, but it's also no better for the men I think. The men in porn are made to be sex gods, able to make a woman do anything because obviously having sex with that guy is just that good. If they're not Hercules then they're the perfect submissive, allowing the woman to do whatever the hell they want to the poor sap. For men, porn presents willing women. For women, porn presents the perfect punching bag. The depersonalization of both men and women is inevitable for porn, as porn is primarily for nothing but horniness-driven sexual consumption which rarely involves actual emotion.


« Last Edit: January 17, 2013, 12:43:01 PM by Drawn Toward Redemption »

Evolution

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2013, 06:11:33 PM »
Is the feeling women feel for being used only for sex similar to the feeling that a man gets when seeing a prostitute that he is only being used for money?

wantabetterlife

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2013, 08:26:16 PM »
I used to be scared of girls in my college, but now after no PMO and after having slept with a few escorts, I can say that I am confident talking to a girl, without any worries.


whatthefap

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2013, 09:05:23 PM »
I used to avoid getting hugs from girls. I was ashamed to hug women because "If they knew about my PMO habits, they wouldn't be hugging me". Lots of shame wrapped up in it. Even though I was starved for interaction and physical touch with real women, it literally felt unnatural and uncomfortable to me.

Crazy huh?

jimmygimmeXO331

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2013, 09:54:04 PM »
Viewing women as objects, high (unrealistic) standards of perfection, expecting all women to be willing to do anything to accommodate all my sexual whims, thinking all women just want sex, inability to have an emotional connection with women etc... Porn completely distorts one's perception toward women, reducing their existence to mere sex craving automatons. 

Azrael

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2013, 09:50:37 PM »
Pornography intensified my existing and currently unresolved resentment toward them and the inequality between genders. I've always thought that women, overall, had it better off than us men and were happier than us, and my very male struggle with these absolutely useless and annoying sexual urges of mine that eat away at my insides, while women don't struggle with theirs anywhere near as much and have it far easier when it comes to dating, usually having at least one desperate and pathetic male to receive attention from without having to work for it, has only come to reinforce that resentment.

I'm not gonna lie... I hate the vast majority of women. Not in a subtle and unconscious way that "hey they must all be skanks like in those pornos" or whatever (I never really got into thinking like that anyway as I was never real into hardcore porn), but in an overtly hostile and anti-feminist way of wishing that they were as expendable to modern society as men are.


« Last Edit: January 19, 2013, 10:03:24 PM by Azrael »

Connoisseur of Lotions

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2013, 10:45:23 PM »
Porn showed me that women are capable of amazingly persuasive fake orgasms, thus teaching me that they are better liars than men.
"such a victim literally dies by his own hand" - Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

Evolution

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2013, 04:56:24 AM »
Pornography intensified my existing and currently unresolved resentment toward them and the inequality between genders. I've always thought that women, overall, had it better off than us men and were happier than us, and my very male struggle with these absolutely useless and annoying sexual urges of mine that eat away at my insides, while women don't struggle with theirs anywhere near as much and have it far easier when it comes to dating, usually having at least one desperate and pathetic male to receive attention from without having to work for it, has only come to reinforce that resentment.

I'm not gonna lie... I hate the vast majority of women. Not in a subtle and unconscious way that "hey they must all be skanks like in those pornos" or whatever (I never really got into thinking like that anyway as I was never real into hardcore porn), but in an overtly hostile and anti-feminist way of wishing that they were as expendable to modern society as men are.

I have some resentment to women as well but I'm trying to overcome this.  You should check out this thread:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25665

I recommend you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

gameover

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2013, 05:14:18 AM »
Porn made me think women were pussy ventilators. You could just put your dick in whenever you liked and all your problems would be fine.

Barneybarn

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2013, 05:34:49 AM »
Porn showed me that women are capable of amazingly persuasive fake orgasms, thus teaching me that they are better liars than men.

E, so many of your quotes just crack me up. Thx for adding a touch of humour to this forum!

Azrael

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2013, 10:07:36 AM »
Pornography intensified my existing and currently unresolved resentment toward them and the inequality between genders. I've always thought that women, overall, had it better off than us men and were happier than us, and my very male struggle with these absolutely useless and annoying sexual urges of mine that eat away at my insides, while women don't struggle with theirs anywhere near as much and have it far easier when it comes to dating, usually having at least one desperate and pathetic male to receive attention from without having to work for it, has only come to reinforce that resentment.

I'm not gonna lie... I hate the vast majority of women. Not in a subtle and unconscious way that "hey they must all be skanks like in those pornos" or whatever (I never really got into thinking like that anyway as I was never real into hardcore porn), but in an overtly hostile and anti-feminist way of wishing that they were as expendable to modern society as men are.

I have some resentment to women as well but I'm trying to overcome this.  You should check out this thread:

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25665

I recommend you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.
Heh... now if only I ever pretended to be "nice" to anyone, then I would completely fit that profile.

I read through some of the comments in that thread, and came across a quoted article by a "Dr. Gilmartin", titled "Envy of Female Privilege". I do have to say that he concisely sums up what I feel, but that there's one difference between myself and the men he's describing. I'm not merciful enough to merely wish that I was born female... I'd like nothing more than to turn all women into men and knock them off of their pedestal that the rest of you put them on :)

Gray Bork

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2013, 05:55:26 PM »
Pornography intensified my existing and currently unresolved resentment toward them and the inequality between genders. I've always thought that women, overall, had it better off than us men and were happier than us, and my very male struggle with these absolutely useless and annoying sexual urges of mine that eat away at my insides, while women don't struggle with theirs anywhere near as much and have it far easier when it comes to dating, usually having at least one desperate and pathetic male to receive attention from without having to work for it, has only come to reinforce that resentment.

I'm not gonna lie... I hate the vast majority of women. Not in a subtle and unconscious way that "hey they must all be skanks like in those pornos" or whatever (I never really got into thinking like that anyway as I was never real into hardcore porn), but in an overtly hostile and anti-feminist way of wishing that they were as expendable to modern society as men are.

I can sympathize or empathize with a lot of your opinions as expressed here. I also find myself "feeling" them. I mean, I know that you are expressing them in an extreme manner and you're not trying to defend those feelings, you're just saying, "Hey, that's what pops up inside my head, a set of sensations about women that I have to deal with." And for me, a lot of those sensations pop up inside my head too.

I don't know whether my porn use exacerbated those opinions or not. It's a chicken-and-egg problem, sort of: did I have resentment that led me to porn, or did porn make me resentful, or maybe a little bit of both.

I think the really deep pain that I personally feel, at the root of these feelings, is essentially my lack of power. I have a set of biological drives that I simply cannot slake. My drive is for sexual activity PLUS emotional intimacy with a sexual partner, and that partner needs to be willing and complicit and a hot-enough female human. (Like most average heterosexual males', obviously.) Those drives that I have simply cannot be fulfilled. The drive doesn't go away, but the level of fulfillment of those drives remains inadequate. Like living a life in which you constantly are juuuust about to sneeze. Dammit, get it OVER with already ... please? Whereas, to the contrary, I see women as having a set of drives and desires, some of which are rather strong and some of which just aren't. And then they just trundle along in their lives. At some point they get the baby instinct, the biological clock goes tick-tock, and ... guess what? THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT. Somehow their capacity to make the most of a relationship, such that the longer-term enforced commitment that they end up with, is something that they end up liking. Whereas men (or, me?) end up wanting X but getting Y.

So I see me as born with desire for X in a world that will only give me Y. And women as having the power to give me X or, as they presently do, for no apparent reason except the fact that they like causing harm to other humans, to deny me X. Meanwhile I see women as born without relay much desire, but with a great capacity to decide that they must have desired Q if, after a bit of self-scrutiny, they happen to notice that Q is what they ended up with. it's like they have retroactive capacity for neediness. Weird ...

So, anyway, I resent the power they wield over me. Years and years of Zen PUA study could not cause me to lose my sexuality to the point that I wouldn't need acquiescence from females. But they only acquiesce in order to cause harm. They like hurting. So, I have to let myself be hurt. Either, by not getting laid, or, or by letting them harm me in the false act of laying me. That's how it feels.

Harrumph. Glad I got it off my chest. I bet it comes up again ... and again and again and again ... :(

Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.
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Sirena

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Re: How does Porn affect your views on women?
« Reply #15 on: February 19, 2013, 11:39:42 AM »
I'm very sorry if this was already asnwered.
So I've made it 100 days+ without Porn. Since I actually stopped it been 120~ days, but I felt one day looking at my girlfriends picture, and at a magazine.

About 3 weeks ago I've had the best eretion I've had on my life. it was an easy 10 without much estimulation.
Some weeks ago I got loose abit, I unblocked much of my girl friends on facebook, and well, it got worse.

And a week ago I couldn't take it anymore and masturbated. Did it twice.

So, I'm on point zero again? Did it go back alot? I don't know.