Living A Lie
With masturbation we subdue our normal male masculinity, regressing to a world of non-reality, a world of lies. We make up fantasies, imaginary situations, which have no real basis (on that later). We watch porn, which is make believe, just like motion pictures and we want to believe that it is real. We make up an imaginary world in our heads and start to think that that is how it really is. We build our life expectations based on this false world. When the world doesn’t meet our expectations – we become bitter and depressed. And since we are talking sex, this means our sex lives and our relationships.
I was in the porn business for 7 years and believe I have seen enough. The one main thing I can tell you is that “It is not what it seems!� It is a big illusion, just like the movie industry. We are tricked to think that what we see through the lens of a camera is our own vision. Have you ever seen those survival shows, where a guy with no food or tools tries to survive out in the wild? Looks extreme, right? But have you ever thought about how you are being able to watch this guy survive in such conditions? Because there is a camera man with him and perhaps maybe a whole camera crew. It is all staged. There is a guy with a heavy cam on his shoulder next to our hero, doing the same he does, in the same conditions, plus also filming. Or maybe several camera men, if the hero is being filmed from different spots. Otherwise how else would you witness it? The same with everything you see on television and internet. Even if it says, “reality� – there is still some sort of staging going on.
But let’s drop the staging, I want to say about the models participating in the shoots, because the models are the objects of our fantasies, desires and longings. They are our fictional partners, those mistresses, porn stars and girls next door of the net. They become our standards of what we look for in real life women. They make us believe that they enjoy everything they do on camera. Thanks to them we think that that’s how all women are, or many of them. Then we fool ourselves by trying to find the same in our real lives. And when we don’t find it – we get depressed and start thinking that there’s something wrong with us.
One main thing: the girls rarely look the same in real life as they do on camera. Yes there are rare instances, but for the most part NO! There’s make up and there’s clothing involved. Rarely do the so-called “girls next door� take care of themselves and present themselves the way they are seen on camera. It is staged and they are told what to do and what to say. Most of them come with their hair undone, wearing no make up and bring no clothes to change for the shoot. The producers have to provide the clothing and the shoes for them. Some of them never wear high heels and do not even like them. Most of them do not pay much attention to their feet and have to be told in advance to get a manicure, or paint their toenails. And still, some come with their nails undone and the stylists have to paint them. The producers make up an illusionary image and this image is what you are masturbating to. You think these are kinky, gorgeous looking girls, who enjoy doing whatever is on the site. But for the most part they are girls, who are trying to make some money, by doing what they are told. And this was the biggest disappointment in the business for me. I got into the whole idea of opening a site, for the purpose of satisfying my fetishes, but the irony of it – is that I never really did. The real life is not what it seems from your computer screen. The girls who would come to shoots would turn me off, if not right away by opening their mouth, then later on when taking off their shoes. I always had a thing for classy, stylish girls with beautiful feet. I didn’t find them in the porn business (now I know they are a rarity even in life), because just like all the men out there I was living in illusion, brought onto me by the porn industry itself. I already had so many preconceptions and expectations before going into the business, that when faced with real life – I became disappointed. It didn’t turn out to be what I thought it would be. The type of women that I desired were out of reach, because they would never come near a porn shoot and the type that came – were always disappointing. Although there were some instances, where the girls that I had a crush on would participate in a shoot, but only to be a big disappointment later. It was to the point where I would produce a shoot with a girl, during which I felt no arousal whatsoever, and then masturbate to the same girl, when later watching the video. You see what I mean? The same girl in real life and on screen made a totally different impression, because on screen I would tweak her to my imaginary standard. And this was devastating, because the real life has turned out to be a turn off. This is why so many men, who masturbate – have a dysfunctional sex life. We picture these women on screen as being perfect and we expect the same from life. But in life, even if the woman is gorgeous from the looks of it, she may turn out to be the opposite of what we expect, when confronted in a more private setting. This disappointment further pushes us to reserve to our imaginary world.
Do not get depressed about your sex life, do not get depressed about not getting what you want, or what you fantasize about, because often it is not relevant to reality. You have to base your desires on your personal and real experience only.
You have to go out into the real world to find objects your desires, and masturbation will only prevent you from doing that. Plus from what I saw, women do not think as much about sex as men do. They do not occupy their heads with sexual fantasies that much. Porn was made up by men and for men – to satisfy their manly fantasies. The girls are in it solely for the money, because they need to make a living or get through school. In Russia for example, many of the girls come to big cities from smaller towns, or far away districts, trying to make it big. They all need money. They are not spreading their ass cheeks or kicking a fat guy in the balls, because they enjoy it. Some are good enough actresses, or others are good at following orders. They are rarely “into� what they do and for the most part do not like to recall what they participated in. Later many of them regret what they did and would like to forget the whole experience.
Think about all of this the next time you watch another video clip.
I have been suffering from masturbation ever since I was a child. Later when I became fully aware of this destructive habit, I began to suffer in awareness, which was even more painful. This habit was with my 18 years of my life, from 11 to 29. I tried to stop so many times, but nothing helped. I’d go to bed thinking I’d start a new life in the morning, but the next day just started like any other day – with masturbation.
All this began to change when I made a decision to change myself as a whole, as a person. By changing who I was and my way of life – my habits started to change. And this is an important concept to realize. Our habits do not make us – we make them. You have to get to the cause of the habit, to the core of the problem, and the core is your mind and body. Since masturbation is an addictive behavior, it lowers us as individuals. To fight it we have to elevate ourselves and then to not come down. It took me a couple of years of struggle, working on myself before I could finally get the results. The result is that I have been going almost a year now, without masturbating. This is the longest ever in my life. Now I’m at a point, where I do not even think about doing it. But at the same time I made a huge change as a person. And these two changes go hand in hand.
When I say I have been going without masturbation, I mean without cumming from stimulating myself physically. Throughout this year I had fallbacks, where due to my mental weakness I would arouse myself and get very close to cumming, but then stopping myself in time not to. But these occurrences were not frequent and were always treated by me as a loss to my own self. And even though I’m at a point, when I have no thoughts about the actual act of masturbation – I still pop up something arousing on the net once in a while, just for a look. I do get hard, but I do not actually think about going further. But this also is starting to happen less and less frequently. This is to show you that it is a process and not a short one. You can quit, but the tough part is maintaining yourself. But don’t get discouraged, because I will share my advice and information on how to quit and maintain, which will make it easier for you by saving you the time that it took me.
It took me a little over a year to find what I needed to help me with dropping my habit. It was not easy, because along with masturbation I was fighting a drug addiction. In my life these two habits were often side by side. It was actually the drugs that motivated me to start looking for a change. They had been part of my life for years and at some point I thought that they would remain so. I could not imagine my life without them. But I was at a point, where I knew that If I would not seek help, I’d start moving towards rock bottom.
I doesn’t really matter how I got into where I was at that time. The important thing is that I made a decision to get out of it. My addictions came from my inner state of being. I had a great life from others point of view, but even though I had lots – I was unhappy. That emptiness is what I’ve been trying to fill with partying, drugs and masturbation. Short-lived pleasures, that artificially elevated me, made me come down so much harder afterwards.
I needed to reach a new level of my life. A better level of my self being. For too long I was stuck in the same state and could not see the life around me clearly. I had to step out of that state. I was depressed and miserable, so I knew that somehow I had to make myself feel better.
The first year I have been going different ways, trying to get myself to a state, where I would feel good enough not to come down. I tried different practices, among which were working with cosmic energies (Russian practice), shamanism, Chi Gun, Kun Fu and Yoga. A year before that I also boxed. I even ended up going to China, to the Shaolin Temple. All of this without a doubt started a process in me for the better, but I was still having occasional slip ups into drugs and the masturbation habit was also there.
I am grateful to the first year, because it made me stronger and planted the seed that would later yield a crop. You have to be strong at your decision and stick with it. Even if you slip up – don’t give up, because the result will eventually come.
During that year, after another fallback – I fell to the world of addiction and again was trying to bring myself back. I knew I had to make a drastic change, so I left Russia and headed for United States. There I was doing some studying, getting my mind off the life back in Russia. I quit drugs, but not masturbation. Plus I also picked up smoking cigarettes. Even though I felt different, I was not well inside. Constant studying, plus the city’s fast life (I was in NY) soon left me again depleted of my life force. I had no choice, but to look for a way to replenish myself. I decided to look for Yoga classes. I enjoyed doing Yoga back in Russia, because then it gave me the lift, which I was so in need of now. Destiny led me to Kundalini Yoga classes and since then my life was never the same.
This Yoga School completely changed my life. I dropped all of my habits: smoking, drugs, drinking, and masturbation. How? Thanks to this Yoga, I was able to elevate myself to a new state of being. A state where I felt new: physically, mentally, and spiritually. This new state was exactly what I’d been looking for.
Kundalini Yoga was originally brought over from India and taught in United States by Yogi Bhajan in the 1960s. It is based on ancient and secret techniques, acquired from the master Yogis of the East. It was originally taught to help people get rid of drug dependencies, since it was a major issue in the 60s. Since then it became very popular and widespread throughout the whole world. It is a very powerful Yoga and is called the Yoga of awareness. It is fast in a sense, that people very quickly feel its effects. They also very quickly understand whether they like it. But from my experience almost everyone does. And when they start doing it – they also start to witness a drastic change in their lifestyle. One of the main changes is that the bad habits go away. This Yoga works not only on the physical levels, but on all of the subtle levels, and most importantly on our mind. Yes, our mind! And does it really fast. I took me a little over a month to reach a state, where my habits were gone. Yes, I still longed for a cigarette or a wank once in a while, but for the first time in my life I felt the strength I needed to resist.
Our mind can either be our friend or our enemy. There is a saying: �A person who can master his mind, can conquer the world!� Our mind is the source of all of our miseries, and this has been taught by all of the enlightened people and prophets all throughout the history of this world. All of our desires, fantasies, habitual behaviors come from our mind and for the most part are never real. They are just phantoms brought onto us by society, parents, friends, and our past lives. Almost never we think, or act based on our real desires, because they almost never get through the clutter of trash stored in our mind. And since our mind controls us – we have no power to be ourselves. Thanks to breath and physical exercises and most importantly meditations in Kundalini Yoga – we begin to practice the virtue of mind control and mind control brings the most important thing – will power. Not only we start to notice our real selves, but we start to develop the power to say no. And when we can say no – we become free of so many of life’s burdens.
This Yoga literally changed my life. What’s special about it is that you don’t have to be very flexible, as in other types of Yoga, plus it is very dynamic and anyone can do it. The main slogan of this Yoga is: “Keep up!� You just have to do your best. Newbies and masters can all practice together. Plus this Yoga school is very fast in terms of results, unlike other Yoga schools. Right after your first class you feel a difference in your state of being. You feel so good and uplifted that you just don’t want to come down from this state. When you realize how good you can really feel, you sacrifice your bad habits and addictive behaviors in order to retain this state. This was the case with me and masturbation. Plus something happens on higher levels of consciousness, where you ultimately loose the need in any type of destructive or harmful behavior. You just don’t want it. With time you become a new you, stronger, happier, healthier and misery free (What else is needed?).
Kundalini Yoga changed my life and it will change yours. It is becoming more and more popular all over the world and I am sure you will have no problem finding a class near you, no matter where you live.
Below are their homepages, where you can find a teacher near or read more on the yoga itself. Give it a try, take it from me – it is a life changer.http://www.3ho.org/http://www.kundaliniresearchinstitute.org/