Author Topic: Saving my marriage and life  (Read 6838 times)

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #25 on: March 30, 2012, 12:47:27 PM »
Thanks, RIMO!

Day 23--still fairly flat, but faint signs of life down there.... Mood OK.  I've been working on deadline, and the triggers -- urge to PMO to relieve stress/procrastinate; urge to PMO as part of rush of relief after deadline met -- have been present but not much.

"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

james_992

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #26 on: March 30, 2012, 02:12:37 PM »
Good work man,, that flat-line is gonna end after a while, from what ive heard , im going through the same thing.

Existential

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #27 on: March 30, 2012, 02:44:57 PM »
Keep it up spinergy, you are doing awesome. I think a lot of people here, as well as me, would like to be at day 23. I am on day 11 today and my average is 2 weeks then I relapse :(. I want to break that and go for months this time.

gb0138

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #28 on: March 31, 2012, 08:29:11 AM »
Thanks, RIMO!

Day 23--still fairly flat, but faint signs of life down there.... Mood OK.  I've been working on deadline, and the triggers -- urge to PMO to relieve stress/procrastinate; urge to PMO as part of rush of relief after deadline met -- have been present but not much.

Don't relapse if you can help it.  Your head will get foggy and it is not a pleasant feeling at this stage. Your confidence will sag.  Hang in there is you can.

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #29 on: April 01, 2012, 10:10:08 AM »
Thanks, Rimo, Existential, gb0138.

Day 25:  Feeling good about progress.  Morning wood today and yesterday although still flatlining somewhat.  No urges.  Mood somewhat better.

While I hate the fact that I'm going through this at my age (48), I have to say that it must be more difficult for younger guys, what with a younger man's sex drive.  I don't think the dopamine problem is easier for me, but it must be more difficult for men who are dealing with both the dopamine problem AND the sex drive of the 20's.
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #30 on: April 02, 2012, 08:44:36 AM »
Just a quick post to log Day 26.  Still flatlining pretty much but not absolutely dead dick.  Mood--ok.  Posting replies on others' journals reinforces my commitment.

Added 8 hours later:  still on Day 26.  VERY unproductive day.  Basically surfed the 'net (no P).  So I feel crappy about that.  Gotta deal with the Internet addiction too, I suppose.  But the no-PMO reboot is paramount.


« Last Edit: April 02, 2012, 03:03:05 PM by spinergy »
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

David in Catharsis

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #31 on: April 02, 2012, 09:05:58 AM »
I see you have a very positive attitude and you're always trying to seek for more motivation, whatever the source its is. You'll get there. Good luck with your wife and children!

MetaMorph

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #32 on: April 03, 2012, 03:51:55 AM »
Spinergy, hang in there dude you're doing great!!!

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #33 on: April 03, 2012, 09:37:50 AM »
Thanks, guys!

Day 27:  Reboot going well.  Mood much better today.  No morning W.  Suppressed libido, but not completely flatlining.  Unexpected sexy picture of professional cheerleader on web page caused noticible PMO impulse. 

The journey continues.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Heroesjourney.svg
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

Existential

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2012, 10:03:15 AM »
Be careful with those PMO urges since they can pop up when you least expect them and watching very mild stuff, as you wrote in you post. Keep going spinergy, almost to day 30. Excellent.

james_992

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #35 on: April 03, 2012, 06:27:58 PM »
ur doing great man, keep it up,and as the person about me said, be careful with those urges they can pop out of anywhere and strike you down

Rob4Hope

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #36 on: April 03, 2012, 08:13:33 PM »
Hello Spinergy,

Wow, another married guy who mirrors my situation.  In my case, my wife found out, and part of the problem resulted in her withdrawing from me physically.  We both agree that for 23 years, we haven't had a 'normal' sex life.  It has been the most painful thing I have ever endured in my entire life,..and the most chronic.  I unfortunately crossed lines further than PMO, and when my wife found out about that, it was devastating.  She as wondered for a long time why she wasn't enough for her.  It has been difficult for her to learn (and she is still learning) that when she tells me NO over and over and over, it hurts me deaply.  I question the marriage, the value of marriage as an institution, and whether the "Sunday School Lessons" I grew up with about "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultry" are of any value whatsoever.  But, thank God and my conscience that despite my mistakes, I do believe there is value in fidelity.

My wife sees that I do have a sense of right and wrong, regardless of my mistakes.  She also sees that in a small way (not in ANY way to diminish my horrible choices), she has contributed to the problem.  Because of both of these things, we are working to rebuild.

I've had multiple problems with my reboot cycle.  I haven't "flatlined" as much as I thought I would (and I had hoped it would be more). The moring wood for me returned after about a week,...and then WHAM,...lust!  Anyway, I'm not going to quit.  NO way am I going to quit.  I have too much to lose.  I might actually get my wife back.  If I can do that, there is a real possibility we can have a loving marriage for th enext 23 years.  I'm willing to reboot for that.

Keep going Spinergy.  Also, please keep posting.  Your story and mine are similar in a LOT of ways.  I want to learn from you as you progress forward.

MetaMorph

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #37 on: April 04, 2012, 04:44:30 AM »
Spinergy, glad to hear you're in an "up" mood, hope it continues for you.

Looking forward to the post where you have nailed your wife to the bed hard!!!   ;D   You will share, won't you?   :D

Good luck today, my friend.

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #38 on: April 04, 2012, 05:12:25 AM »
Rob4Life:  Thank you very much for the thoughtful reply.  I find your posts and experience very valuable as well.  We can do this.  We must.

MetaMorph:  Absolutely!

Day 28 a.m.:  So far so good. 
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #39 on: April 05, 2012, 06:18:46 AM »
Starting Day 29.  Nothing to report other than massive morning wood.

I notice that I am replacing PMO with a lot of surfing and commenting on news blogs and this board.  Not ideal, but Internet addiction is, has to be, vastly better than P addiction.
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

Psychosis

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #40 on: April 05, 2012, 06:36:35 AM »
From one straight guy to another: I'm glad to hear about your morning wood.

I haven't thought this through very much, but I sort of suspect that it's not the worst thing in the world if your former PMO habit is being replaced by overuse of the internet for non-porn stuff (this is especially the case for using this board). I would probably say that you should make an effort to do more serious stuff, but it's not like it's going to impede your progress. Plus, it seems to me that the PMO is such a root problem for me, that, in taking care of that, I can afford to bring on other non-related surface problems in my life. I hope that makes some sense.

Existential

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #41 on: April 05, 2012, 01:12:01 PM »
Starting Day 29.  Nothing to report other than massive morning wood.

I notice that I am replacing PMO with a lot of surfing and commenting on news blogs and this board.  Not ideal, but Internet addiction is, has to be, vastly better than P addiction.

I wouldn't worry too much about internet addiction and posting on forums. Once you recover from this whole PMO thing, you will be too busy pleasing your wife in the bedroom to be able to touch or see a computer haha.

james_992

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #42 on: April 05, 2012, 01:55:29 PM »
Good, i like to see eveyone making sum progress, dont worry to much about the overuse of the internet as long as you keep away and restrain your self from the harmful things you are gonna be just fine.

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #43 on: April 06, 2012, 02:30:04 PM »
Thanks, guys!  I agree:  Until I'm fully recovered from PMO, non-P Internet use is not a big worry.

Day 30:  Extremely busy at work today and yesterday.  No PMO urges, mood fine -- hyperfocused on work, and productive.

Stay strong, everyone.
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

Joey

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #44 on: April 07, 2012, 06:03:13 AM »
wow , good work, seeing you making it to day 30 gives me faith , keep going

Existential

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #45 on: April 07, 2012, 11:10:44 AM »
Keep going spinergy, as Joey and CleanHands said a month is a mile stone and its awesome that you have made it that far. Stay strong.

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #46 on: April 07, 2012, 11:42:25 AM »
Joey, Cleanhands, Existential--thanks for the props!

Day 31:  Not much libido, mood ok.  Feeling good about reboot progress.  I won't feel like quite as much of a shithead in church tomorrow.

Guys, everyone recovers at different rates, and I'm still waiting to experience most of the benefits of reboot.  But, there's one benefit I have experienced and that each and every man will experience early on:  the satisfaction of regaining control of his life.

Be strong!
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."   

Joey

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #47 on: April 08, 2012, 05:10:38 PM »
Man honestly seeing you on day 31 gives me hope and motivates me to try and reach that far, ur inspiring me lol

spinergy

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Re: Saving my marriage and life
« Reply #48 on: April 09, 2012, 07:29:41 AM »
Day 33:  No real PMO urges.  Slightly more libido, but still below optimal.  Mood good, upbeat.  Appreciated going to holiday services and not feeling like a practicing pervert.

I'm glad documenting the day-to-day progress is helpful to others--it helps me to be vigilant and accountable.

Stay strong, brothers!
"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."