Author Topic: 10 months of no PMO  (Read 14126 times)

Parcival

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10 months of no PMO
« on: July 15, 2012, 12:03:08 PM »
Hello,

September 2011 was my last time of PMO, and my discovery of yourbrainonporn. Since then i've come a long way, with ups and downs (mostly ups lately!) and i haven't done any PM and only O with my girlfriend. Its amazing how true yourbrainonporn was, and what it has done for me.

At the start i was suffering from porn induced E.D., now most of the times i get an erection easily, sometimes without my penis being touched even and with just caressing of the body. I had never thought that possible before!

With this i come to a small problem i still have. Today i made love, after about 2 weeks of not doing any sex, and i did get hard pretty fast, but then we talked for about a minute or so before the actual deed, and i was losing my erection while i knew i would soon 'do it'. Why am i, after 10 months, still not completely cured and sometimes lose it a bit? Before today, for the last few months, this hasn't happened i have to say.

Besides that the most important question: i notice that my 'urge'/libido before i would do PMO was bigger as my 'urge'/libido is now with my girlfriend. My libido was higher for PMO then for actual sex, even though i have more pleasure when making love to my girlfriend.

In my head i go over the differences; i could do PMO for a longer time, do exactly what i liked, there was no possibility of a 'no', no performance anxiety, and i have to say that sometimes after we do have sex, my girlfriend and i get into an argument after going over the details because she wants to know my progress (i donít know if this is a reason i still get nervous and no libido). On the other hand; i now have more pleasure when having sex then in the past with PMO...

Does anyone recognize this? or maybe knows what is going on?

PS thanks to Marnia and Gary for their site, and to theunderdog for starting this forum!

freshstart2012

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2012, 01:53:08 PM »
Hey man, sounds like you're definitely on the right track.  Congrats for making it this far.

As for the trouble of your erection losing a little strength if "the deed" is postponed slightly,  I think that's a little normal.  10 months is a looooooonnggg time, but who said you're 100% back to normal yet?  even though you're probably at the end of the road to recovery, you're still on it, nevertheless.  Also, it could be a little performance anxiety.  if your gf is pressuring you after you're having sex to tell her how your recovery is going, you could be prone to shy away from it because you are anticipating something that may or may not happen after. 

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it much.  it sounds like you've made so much progress already, and you should only assume it will keep on getting better.  the only thing i would suggest if you start losing it before you start having sex is *************possible trigger warning********** have your girlfriend give you a little foreplay, touch you, do something.**********  you said you get aroused at just a caress of the body, there's no shame in your girlfriend putting her hands on you a little bit again, that's what it's all about!  I don't know how old you are, but very few guys are going to be able to hold a rock hard erection if they have to stop and talk to their woman right before you start going at it.  don't worry about it.  just keep on going on your road to recovery, i'm sure even this will fade after a little more time.

Parcival

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2012, 11:25:41 AM »
Thanks for the response :)

I'm 34 years old so not a teen anymore but still age shouldn't be a problem.

My girlfriend and i do foreplay indeed and thats getting me hard, as told before she doesn't even have to touch my penis for that. So thats definately very good.

What i still have the most problems with, is with libido, the urge to go have sex. And thats also what my girlfriend has a very hard time with accepting. I say its because i was addicted, and addictions have very strong urges because, well, otherwise you wouldn't be addicted to it and it would be very easy to stop. Then again, when having sex now, actually doing it gives more pleasure then the PMO did...

I also think about that the thought of going to do PMO in the past was the most exciting. Often when i had made myself exciting for a long time, the actual deed was... dissapointing. Now if i could get this exciting feeling before having actual sex now... thats what i'm looking for i guess. Thats 'libido' or how i kinda see it.

BTW i've started going to a group about a month ago, 10 men who have a porn addiction and 2 people accompanying us and i have to say it helps to see others struggling with the same thing, to see there are others and you're not alone and that its a real problem not just of anonymous people. One thing i already learned there, is a nice tip... if you feel urges, go do something in the house, be it fixing some doorknob, mowing the lawn, etc... anything to get your mind of your addiction. Maybe i'll post some more things which could be helpful when i hear them :)

RunDroogieRun

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2012, 11:30:43 AM »
This should probably go in the "success stories" side of the forum. WEll done.

freshstart2012

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2012, 12:20:03 PM »
Parcival, we're all here for you.  we're lucky to have such a great forum!  sounds like you already at the top of your climb to recovery, and it's all pretty straight forward from here on.  you got through the biggest sticking points, and now you actually have a base of progress to build on.  you're on the bright side of things I believe.  Again, well done :)

and congrats on finding a group to participate in.  I can't imagine how much that helps, but being able to discuss things in person with others, rather than on the forum, is probably monumental in helping you feel at ease about your situation.  this SHOULD be in the success stories section!

10thPlanet

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2012, 04:44:43 PM »
Well done my friend.  About when did you see the most positive changes come about? You sound like your in good standing...every day know should only get better

Believe

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2012, 02:09:26 AM »
Did you need full 10 months to see some improvements? Can you please also tell me your background information about how long and often you were PMOing before rebooting?

One more chance in life

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2012, 02:18:56 AM »
Congratulations dude. 10 months is awesome.

Can i ask what your general health is like. Are you fit and healthy? Do you eat a good diet?

I have found changing diet has helped me tremndously as well as reducing PMO. I hope to get to 10 months like you one day but eating healthy and exercise has made a big difference in my life.
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Parcival

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2012, 01:08:47 PM »
Thanks all for the positive feedback :)

Bit of background information: I'm now 34, started masturbating at about 13, but the PMO went really bad when i went living on my own with unlimited internet access. I did it 2-6 hours a day... or longer. Never really had a gf because i'm very shy. Met my gf when i was 29, where i found out i couldn't keep hard or get hard when making love to her. After a while i fell back to using PMO behind her back, i escalated into more hardcore things, i couldn't stop it though. Went to a sexuologist to which i said i didn't really wanted to give it up just yet, a psychiater who didn't see anything wrong with it basically, and followed the advice on yourbrainonporn... which apparently cured me :) Now i'm still going to the group to not fall back, and understand more of it, and get better still.

The changes all got very gradually, i didn't need the full 10 months to see the most important changes, but still, i do not feel completely better mostly with the libido.

If i had to pinpoint a time where i saw the biggest physical change, was about 3-4 months after stopping. I noticed that i could get hard again with my girlfriend instead of needing porn/ fantasy. I say physical, because my mental state was still pretty bad, in that i was kinda an ass to my girlfriend... before stopping PMO i had alot less emotion then now, and also the stopping triggered withdrawal which made me angry (at not being able to do PMO even though its a subconscious process, for example i always wanted to leave my relation and that was because of the PMO).

My diet was pretty good at some point during this process (grilled meat with only using olive oil never butter or so, rice, not the most vegetables) but it has gone bad alot the last couple of months, now i have been eating mostly 'already done' meals bought in the grocery, or ordering food. We're planning on picking up the healthy diet again though :). I'm not sure if it had anything to do with me getting better. I think really the stopping PMO (and fantasy!) is the cause for getting better, for me that is, if using healthy diets work for others, use it of course! About my fitness, i dont work out, i'm rather too thin then too big, weighing 75 kg or so (160 lbs? not sure not american). In general i'd say i'm healthy.

Any other questions i'm of course happy to help :) it is nice to be a bit on the 'bright side of things' for once :) and i hope more people will see this side!


thisgirlknits

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2012, 05:24:42 AM »
Welcome, Parcival!

My DH says something similar.  He told me that the turn-on from porn was like a 2 and the pleasure release from porn was a 2.  He says the turn-on from me is a 10 and the pleasure he experiences with me is a 10.

So why did he get erect immediately from porn and ejaculate within a couple of minutes?  With me it takes him 10-20 minutes to get an erection (getting better) and he would loose his erection during intercourse (getting better with that too).

Why is porn so "hot"?  I don't know the answer to that.  DH doesn't either.  We know that it rewires the brain and makes him addicted to something he doesn't even really want.  The chemical and psychological reactions in the brain are only now starting to be described. 

Have you seen Gary's TED talk about mating behaviors vs bonding behaviors?  Don't get discouraged about a lower libido for intercourse than porn.  From what I understand, porn makes you want to spread your seed to everyone in the world (virtually).  ED is your brain telling you "Enough! No more orgasm!  You might already have hundreds of children!"  When you are intimate with the same person over and over, your brain stops the desire to "mate, mate, mate!".  The behaviors become bonding behaviors that will seal you and your partner together for longevity.

10 months is awesome!!!

Do you have any issues from your past that you still need to heal?  Sexual abuse of emotional neglect?  My mother has a mental illness and I am finally dealing with the craziness I experienced growing up.  DH was sexually abused as a child and the more he works through his healing, the more I see his libido returning and him taking back what was stolen from him.  He seems to be finding himself sexually, finally.  They say that 1 in 3 girls is sexually abused and 1 in 4 boys, so I just thought I would pose the question.  You don't have to answer.  Just something to think about if this was the case for you.  I was the first person in the world my husband told about the abuse. 

Even if it isn't sexual abuse, there might be something else getting in the way of a complete recovery.  What has been going on these past couple of months when your diet turned to already prepared meals or ordering out?  Life stresses?

RunDroogieRun

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Re: 10 months of no PMO
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2012, 06:56:41 AM »
Where did you read that 1 in 3 boys and 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused?