July 6th, 2012. That was the last day I viewed pornography.
I have wanted to share this story for a long time now, as I hope that this may help someone else or give them hope. I believe my case is a classic case of Internet induced erectile dysfunction.
I started viewing porn at the age of 12. During those days, Internet porn was relatively primitive; it was 2001 or so, and my usage consisted of still pictures and short 15 second bits. My porn usage during those days was very common, and I masturbated a lot.
I had my first “sexual” experience with a real person as a junior in highschool at the age of 16. I received a hand-job from her and as the relationship continued, oral sex came into play as well. These experiences never caused me any trouble with ED. The key thing to note here however, was that we never had sex or even tried to have sex due to religious reasons. During this entire time I continued to watch porn. After dating for four years, we broke up. My porn usage continued during these times.
Fast forward to 2012, where I met another female. Two months into the relationship, we attempted to have sex, but me, having never attempted to have sex, could not get it up. I chalked it up to anxiety, and left it at that. This continued to happen, and soon enough it became a wedge in the relationship as she began to think it was “her fault.” I of course was clueless as to why this was happening! In fact, I remember going home from her house after several failed occasions and watching porn in an effort to “prove” to myself that I could still “get it up.” Of course when I watched porn, I was able to get it up quiet easily. In an effort to figure out what the hell was going on however, I did some research and came upon a site called “Your Brain on Porn.” This was the biggest discovery for me.
I learned all about brain connections and the desensitization that I had done to my brain through constant porn usage. Coupled with the fact that I had never had sex before so “the wiring” on that aspect was not as functional as someone who say had had sex before, it explained a lot about why I was experiencing this erectile Dysfunction. I continued to learn more. I learned that I needed to ”re-boot” my brain in order to be sensitive enough (turned on) to have real sex. I learned that because I had not had sex before, the re-booting process would take longer than usual. I learned that the advent of tube sites and hundreds of sexual “partners” being just a click a way seriously screwed my brain up.
On that day on July 6th, 2012, I also told my girlfriend. I know a lot of guys on here are uncertain or afraid to do this. GUYS, I am telling you right now: PUT IT ALL ON THE TABLE. Yes the conversation was embarrassing and awkward, but ultimately, it needed to happen in order for the relationship to be an honest one and one that could continue. My girlfriend was fortunately understanding, especially when I gave her the link to YBOP.
So I started to reboot. No PMO for 2 months was the goal. During this process, I went to a doctor to check for ED. The doctor said everything physiologically was functional with me. This just continued to back up the notion that my issue was psychological. After 2 months of no PMO, I attempted to have sex with the GF.
I was not able to “get it up.” I was disappointed, but after reading about how long it takes for someone with no prior sexual experience to recover and reboot, I should have known. It was also during this time that I was still searching for something to salvage the relationship (I was worried that after this failure, surely the relationship would not last longer). I went to a doctor and explained my psychological issue. I begged for a drug like Viagra to fix this. I expected nothing since this a prior doctor had denied the prescription, but after explaining everything to him, the doctor agreed that Viagra could help me during the process. Two weeks later after going to a wedding with her, we were able to have sex, twice! That was my first “O” in over 10 weeks.
I think there were positives and negatives of using Viagra. It helped me psychologically, but it also caused dependency. When I took it, I could perform. When I didn’t, MOST of the time I couldn’t get it up. I began to wean myself down to half a pill, and then a fourth. Slowly, I was able to gain more confidence. This, coupled with the fact that I had not watched porn since that early July day, continued to help me, I believe (I did masturbate on occasion and still do). My last instance of “not getting it up” must have been February 2013. During that time, I would say almost all of the time I could get erect, and very sparingly did I ever go soft. Since that February, I have not had ONE occasion where I cannot get it up
I have noticed the following phenomenon: When someone fixes their issue, the leave the forums. This was me, as I have not visited these sites since my success. There are many others out there that I am sure have done the same; there are many success stories that are never told. To me, recovering from Porn addiction using the rebooting math seemed like pseudoscience and a forlorn hope. I did it because it was my last resort. My advice to you all is to give it a try. If you have porn induced ED, have never had sex before and grew up on internet porn in the process for many years, then I hope this story provides you some inspiration that there is HOPE!