Thanks for taking the time to look, feeling very down at the moment, thought i'd send a post..
Long story short hopefully, just under a month ago I came here to tackle obsessive fetish porn material thoughts & indeed the reboot programme, success stories & replies from other posters gave me a great sense of hope. Therefore the first part of my post has been covered a little before & apologies for repeating somewhat.
( I masturbated exessivley, daily to fetish material & have done since the age of 11/12, jumping straight into this material from childhood, bypassing vanilla sexual thoughts.) Of course this presented problems when meeting women as these thoughts meant I couldn't get turned on at the idea of sex or getting intimate with the opposite sex - my hope therefore was by abstaining for 90 days, I would discover for the first time in my life some real desire for more regular vanilla thoughts & obtain natural erections at the thought of getting close. Not only do I need to steer away from online material, but also shun thoughts that enter my head - daily! Remember this isn't a case of me trying to RE-discover vanilla sex, having lost it to online porn - I hit the ground running with 'my stuff'. Do you think this is possible? I've read mixed reports, some who say fetish will always be there in the background & to just encorparate this, others who believe in 100% abstaining will increase sex drive.
I actually consulted a therapist online who was of the opinion i'm not 'asexual' due to having form of fantasises & I have no desire for the same sex .. for the record it's just that my fantasises are not based on intimacy or attraction - they're on female / female humiliation, dominance, catfighting & the like - which i'm really ashamed of.
2 - Physical damage to ED
Whilstever I did the above up until a month ago I masturbated face down on soft flaccid in a prone position. On reflection, this was due to an inability to obtain and maintain an erection suitable enough to masturbate the normal way, I just associated my thoughts to prone masturbating - wheather this was associated porn induced ED or a physical problem from the start I don't know. Anyway, 2/3 years back I got myself checked out at a urologist where overnight tests were ran etc. These came back as showing a Veneous Leak to the penis - an outflow of blood
Again, whether this was due to excessive masturbation or has always been there, who knows. At the time I actually was prescribed oral meds & therapy - the latter advocating prone masturbation would you believe, so I actually made no real progress.
So, i'm in a position now where I desperately want to get back on the mend & love reading reboot reports however seemingly can't due to physical ED i.e. in theory I could do 6 months abstain & still no improvement. I am confused as to the ratio between porn induced ED versues veneous leak in my case - - I don't know if anyone has any expierience on this matter but for the record,
Either through taking max strength oral meds or manually stimulating the penis from off, I now masturbate daily conventionally ( either on hard flaccid or say 80% with oral meds ) I can do this for a continued time of say 20-30mins.
However, I have to lie down or sit up to do this & have to continue with constant
manual rubbing stimulation with the hand standing up, letting the hand go or changing positions means my penis 'dies' within 5 seconds even with oral meds such as cialis & viagra - i'm on the max strength too. This makes thoughts of prone so appealing but I won't!
- I rarely, if ever obtain natural spontaneous erections & no morning wood, maybe due to the amount I masturbate / maybe due to the physical cause.
- I'm 25 & diabetic for over 10 years which is well controlled. My consultant see's no reason that nerve damage is the cause & testorone is above avg.
Unfortunately aside from oral medication, the only other treatments available scare the hell out of me - as they would do many. My previous partner recently ended a relationship due to my fetish stuff & ED & I must admit my confidence has gone entirley, I fear I won't be able to move on as well as the next guy - instead it appears i'll have to find that understanding one whereas all I want to do now is ' get out there ' & experiment having completed the reboot.
Not least as other treatments are invasive, thus meaning difficult to breach the subject with girls, my confidence is shot to pieces due to the mental fetish thoughts & ED venous leak issue. I really hate sounding so negative, I just feel sick with despair at the thought of penis rings, vacuum pumps & penis injections I strive for recovery as opposed to a stop gap get by.
I've read up that surgical implants are the only suitable 'cure' I really can't stomach the thought of having something so artificial & the thought of having to succumb to something unnatural. It seems to me all the treatments are nearly as bad as the actual condition, thus I feel trapped with nowhere to go or light at the end of the tunnel.
A penis ring has been suggested to help 'maintain' the erection unfortunately apart from the embarrassment, i can't say it works entirley, this causes pain, loss of feeling & extreme difficulty in achieving satisfactory O.
You'll see there is resistance to treatment - that's not negativity on my part, it's just an overwhelming desire to get to a stage of being where I want to be - i constantly research online for success recovery stories in the hope i can too - infact that's all I'm doing day in, day out - i'm mentally strong however all of the above seems an overwhelming challenge.
I've booked into see the doc again soon however this is a wait as expected I guess I'm praying for a different diagnosis or a miracle answer right now my life seems to be a nightmare i'm just a regular guy who want's help - just when I got over prone, i've now shifted the 'battle' towards this I appreciate these issues aren't strictly on topic & really all you can offer is too consult the professionals & accept treatment - if anyone does have any suggestions or links.. I just only wish there was a forum & reboot programme for my issue for recovery.
Thank you so much for reading & any input would be hugely appreciated.