Weird outward porn thoughts and voices in my head :(

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Gettingbetter33, Mar 13, 2017.

  1. Ok I may be going insane, I hope someone can relate.

    This past week I have been having these weird like self conversations in my head. One voice goes "Mmmmmm o man I want to drink a 6 pack and cum all over my computer screen and watch porn all day." then another voice pops in and says "Wtf that sounds gross, lonely weird and terrible."

    Then the bad voice says "You should really watch some shemale porn. Don't you want thirty dicks in your face? You need some female dicks in your face and your ass." Then the other voice goes "HOLY SHIT! Dude we need to talk, like you need some serious help and adjustments. We need to cut this shit out.

    Then the voice comes in again and makes a moaning noise and says "CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! CUM CUM CUM EVERYWHERE!! TITS COCK TITS ASS PUSSY VAG PUS COCK" And again the other voice goes "Wow......we need to talk man. You know there are a few other things we can do besides gratuidious and wildly kinky sex right? We can go for bike rides and chill and go on dates and get coffee....that's a possibily.

    This goes on all day and is driving me nuts. I'm guess maybe I'm starting to switch back to my old sexual preferences and the addiction is fighting to survive??
     
  2. Imfree

    Imfree Member

    I can relate. When I'm alone I often start unconsciously whispering obscene, porn inspired things. I assume that these "conversations" are still in your head? Some of the stuff that I whisper to myself is not even related to genres I have ever watched or wanted to watch (scat, for example). My conversations are related to OCD. To myself I think of it as a something like a seizure. I think of a personal source of shame or a failure and I become unconscious and whisper things to myself like "fuck me in the ass" with a look of incredible agony on my face. After a couple seconds I become conscious again, realize what I'm doing and stop.
     
  3. Phew ok man thank you for sharing. I mean I wish we didn't have to deal with this but it is nice to at least know someone else out there has a similar struggle. Here's hoping our voices and whispers start turning into positive messages soon.
     
  4. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    For years, my voice called me loser and a useless piece of shit. That's how it got me to keep being addicted.

    One day I just decided not to listen any more, and after two weeks it just faded away.

    The important thing is not to engage, not to try to push these thoughts out of your mind, because that just makes them stronger. Just ignore them - it's just your inner addict.
     
    tricking mind likes this.
  5. sky007

    sky007 New Member

    God dam,this hits me hard.I'm trying so hard to improve myself but the voice that tells me I'm a failure always brings me down.I try to ignore it only to start having conversations with myself.The voice is not only me but flashbacks of shit that happened in my life where I got ridicule one way or another.Knowing the method and being able to act it out is a totally different concept, but I agree,do not fight those voices.That only gives them more power.
     
  6. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    The voice will go. Just tell yourself not to listen and it fades away.

    Addiction is driven by turmoil - any self-hate, even if it's regret over your last session or just fear about relapsing, will pull you back in. That's why I talk about self-forgiveness so much.
     
    tricking mind likes this.
  7. Sky007 one thing that helped me was to almost have a conversation in my head. One voice was my inner critic, one was a third party, almost like I allowed a friend into the room in my head. So when my addict voice said "You are a failure fag fuckup cocksucker." my third party voice would go "Dude.....wow just that's wrong man why are you so angry.?

    That's what works for me :)
     
  8. Imfree

    Imfree Member

    This has not been my experience. I have tried everything, but this has been with me my whole life. I picked up this parasite which won't go away. I'm so exhausted from having this battle going on every second of my existence. I'm like an empty shell or a ghost now. I don't really have any emotions, just a sense that something is missing.
     
  9. lmfree, you might have just not discovered something about your past yet. For me it wasn't only porn, it was alcohol and depression that I also had to face. Once I faced those issues the voice started to fade.
     
  10. Imfree

    Imfree Member

    I'm open to suggestions. I am certainly not well, but the nature of my illness seems to be unique to the point that I've never heard anybody describe experiences quite like what I have. I know a lot of people who got diagnosed with a mental illness and sought treatment, only to wind up in a much worse position than where they were earlier. I certainly had a difficult childhood and adolescence. Self criticism is very ingrained now. I will be quick to make a harsh judgement of myself. The idea is that I can say to people "I already know what you're thinking. I'm a worthless piece of shit because X. No need to mention it. I already know and I apologize.". I have to prepare myself for the worst judgement every time to anticipate the blow. I am not sure if it is really something I have control over or if I can't get what I want only because of my height and size. Everybody is angry with you all the time if you're a short man.
     
  11. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    I can identify with everything you've put here.
     
  12. DemBrainsTho

    DemBrainsTho Member

    Interestingly, I recall an old thread on Reddit NoFap where this guy claimed that NoFap had cured his schizophrenia. Something to look into.
     
  13. DemBrainsTho (love that name) I totally believe that.
     
  14. Wabi-sabi

    Wabi-sabi Imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

    Imfree, forgive me for jumping in over one throwaway line, but I think you've answered your own question here.

    Are people really angry at you about your height? Or is this an issue you've built up until it poisons everything you do?

    I've been self-conscious about my build my whole life - I'm tall and extremely skinny - but I'm starting to chill out about it. Also, for years I told myself I was a failure with women, and it went from being an excuse to something that poisoned every single relationship or conversation with a woman. Thinking I was a loser made me fail at everything I tried.

    As I get more comfortable in my own skin I'm learning that people don't care about my looks or appearance. Everyone I meet has their own battles to fight, and hardly even notices me, let alone judges me over something I have no control over.

    I'm going to suggest you focus your self-esteem building on this area. I think when you feel more self-confidence you will stop the negative self-talk.

    Sorry if this seems like I'm telling you how to live your life but I spent years calling myself worthless, and it was terrible, and I know what you are going through.
     
    Londoner likes this.
  15. Imfree

    Imfree Member

    Thanks for your response Wabi-sabi. I did have some people explicitly state that they didn't think much of me because of my build, but I need to try to move past the orientation that assumes everybody is like that. I would give anything to be able to move past this. It is the main thing that occupies my thoughts.
     
  16. pieterarons15

    pieterarons15 Member

    I often have porn flashbacks of scenes i used to watch random at the day. I was working on a big project when i suddenly was thinxing about a porn scene i used to watch years ago.
     

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