Today's The Day - Success Story! Total Fetish (Femdom) ED Overcome!

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by GoingToSucceed, Jun 4, 2016.

  1. Well today's the day that I am finally writing my success story. I'll probably post in a fair bit of detail as I hope my story can potentially help other sufferers and give them hope that they can overcome this situation, especially guys feeling trapped by weird fetishes which have become their only sexual outlet.

    First my background! Since a very young age I had a weak spot for female dominance (femdom), I remember my first experiences of masturbation to fantasy about such things before I even really understood or knew what it was. I forget exactly how old but lets just say it was very young. Fast forward some years and the internet arrived where I could then really explore and explore I did. I did go around through a plethora of femdom topics and spent so much time doing so. To be honest vanilla sex, naked women etc were never that exciting to me. Obviously the years went on of exposure to internet porn and I was oblivious to the fact it could be slowly but surely building up to ED. In fact even just picking up girls through school I never really felt any life in my dick and I just put it down to the fact that there must be something wrong with me, that I wasn't into sex but had no problem being hard for hours over femdom porn. Then comes the time when I tried to have my first sex with a beautiful girl that I really liked and on multiple occasions we were stuck doing foreplay for hours and I could not get hard, could not feel a damn thing in my penis at all. Of course I could get very hard back home to femdom so again I didn't really understand that I had ED, I just assumed as always that I just was wired wrong and not into vanilla sex.

    Obviously the situation I was in by this point was extremely isolating as someone who is shy and self conscious to a fair extent as I felt trapped in my femdom addiction and that no woman would ever take me seriously because lets face it women want intimacy and sex is an important part. Years went by sadly and nothing changed and by the time I was in my late 20's I felt like I was destined to be alone forever. I should add I did once manage to have successful sex with a real woman who happened to be one of the femdom porn models who I'd masturbated to on many occasions so most likely I was able to do that because I was somewhat conditioned to her and my brain associated excitement with her but any kissing or attempts for sex with anyone else I was a case of total dead dick.

    As you can see by my back story I've got probably 20 years of femdom indulgence from early fantasy through til internet porn so it's no surprise I was such a fucked up case. Then one day I found the sites (yourbrainonporn & yourbrainrebalanced) that finally opened my eyes to what the hell was going on with me. Having scoured them for information, taking inspiration from other guys that had lost different fetishes etc I immediately started rebooting.

    Because I considered myself a really bad case I always figured I would need a long streak of abstinence before attempting to rewire. I won't say things went perfectly as I did slip up and look at porn over the course of couple years I actually rebooted. Among my long streaks were 60 days, 150 days, 90 days and then there were periods of complacency where I'd slip up every couple weeks. The good news is these quick slip ups dont set you back as badly as you may think. Of course they do break your confidence which can be crucial in overcoming this problem.

    After spending a couple years focusing on abstinence primarily and still doubting myself and my ability to get intimate with a real woman because of my horrible failings of the past I guess I just got bored and finally worked up the courage to just say "you know what? to hell with it just have a go." So I got myself a modest 20 day streak going then met a girl I enjoyed talking to and was physically attracted to and asked her out.

    My original plan was to just casually date for a bit and try the slow rewire with hand holding etc because I was still very scared and didn't want to be embarrassed and fail again. The exciting part was after a few dates the basics like hand holding, kissing etc were bringing life to my dick, something that was pretty much a new experience for me. Not long after my partner expressed that she wanted to have sex one night and while I was extremely worried things would go wrong once I tried to go to the step of intercourse I decided to go with it and after taking a little while to get comfortable my dick started to respond to all the kissing, foreplay and intimacy and not too long later I was having my first successful vanilla sex pretty much ever!

    Here I am now a few weeks later and I'm still seeing this girl, we've had sex a few more times as we only see each other over weekends but I've now been able to have sex in a couple different positions, my erection strength is improving by the week and I just feel less anxious and worried about my ED coming out.

    So in a nutshell after being conditioned to femdom porn for so many years I am now free and able to enjoy a vanilla sex life - something I never thought possible some years ago. For what its worth I believe my interest in femdom is part of me and I'd always be turned on by it to some extent but the part that is MOST important for me is that I don't have to act on it, I'm not dependent on it and I'm free to enjoy a normal healthy sex life.

    Some of the key things I'd like to point out from my multiple years of rebooting are:
    - I could have gotten to success MUCH faster but my own fears were probably as much of an enemy in holding me back so just having a go is important.
    - The rewiring part was especially scary for me because of past failings however it actually all happened very easy & quickly. I think quite possibly because I had abstained as much as possible over a long period of time so my body/brain was truly healed and now just needed to find its new outlet and break the femdom conditioning.
    - Exercise and focusing on improving your life even not related to the reboot are extremely beneficial as my whole lifestyle is better now.
    - Slip ups/relapses don't hurt you as bad as you probably assume though you are better to keep them short and not get into binges.
    - Reading too many other guys problems on the community sites isn't helpful as they can get in your head and create too many 'what if' scenarios. It's best to just focus on your reboot and overcome whatever issues you personally encounter as they arise.
    - It's best in my opinion to avoid trying to test your erection as it can lead to MO while not as bad as using porn I found if I tested my erection the strength would get weak quicker.
    - I see many people complaining about lack of libido etc. Basically I never felt like I have any libido, not much morning wood etc which worried me but simply put soon as I am hugging, kissing a real woman my dick comes to life so don't obsess about it, just keep faith in the process and that when you need to work assuming you've stayed off porn enough you will function.
    - Don't be in a rush, the process may be quick or slow just use it to better your life.

    I'm sure there are more things I can add to the list but I'll leave it there for now with just a couple more things I want to say.

    A huge thank you to Gary Wilson and everyone involved with yourbrainonporn and yourbrainrebalanced as well as everyone on the sites as I've taken inspiration and learned much from so many people that I could never list you all.

    Finally if I can go from one of the worst cases of dead dick, a lifetime of femdom conditioning to enjoying a vanilla sex life then you can do so too. I'm not promising it'll be easy and just happen over night but if you trust the process and do your absolute best to stick to it then you can and will get there! Good luck everyone.
     
    BringMeBack and TDC like this.
  2. Thanks for sharing your story! Another sufferer of fetishes looking for what you've gotten to.
     
  3. Thanks, I wanted to try post a relatively thorough story here because I think the fetish conditioned side is less covered and while it's the same principal overall it can be daunting and make you feel trapped by the fetish so with a bit of luck sufferers will see a horrible case like me can break free and enjoy a vanilla sex life. For me it's not even just about the sex it was as much about it opening me up to the prospect of not being alone which was my driving force more than my dick.

    I hope you too find your way to break free and achieve your goals! Good luck.
     
  4. Totally agreed, porn has never been about sex for me. Its been about trying to avoid non-sexual emotional pain and loneliness I've had for a long time.
     
  5. Serenades

    Serenades There is no reason to count days.Porn is past!

    Congrats my friend.
    A few more questions.
    What is the length of your reboot?
    Age started internet porn?
    What about your O's now?
     
  6. Hi Serenades thank you for your comment and questions,

    Ok my reboot has really been on going for 2 years or so though I wouldn't let that freak you out as such. To be honest I become complacent because I just kept trying for never ending abstinence which kind of got boring and then when I'd slip up I'd let the fear its really hurt my progress prevent me from moving. In hindsight I totally regret that I didn't try rewire a year or so earlier but oh well whats done is done I just hope some others can learn from my letting fear of failure hold me back. I really didn't pay a lot of attention to exactly how long it is because after a while I just stopped caring at how long it was just that I would be fixed.

    I honestly cant remember exactly what age I started on internet porn and I don't find it that relevant to know what age because the key facts are that I started on femdom fantasy and soon as I had the internet moved over to femdom porn so I never had that vanilla experience to let my brain understand that it is what I'm truly wired for. They say starting on internet porn users like myself take longer to recover though I can't really say for sure. I know I did see a few little signs of recovery in just my first 60 day reboot attempt.

    As for my O's now can you explain what you wish to know exactly?
     
  7. Serenades

    Serenades There is no reason to count days.Porn is past!

    Congrats again for your success and for your mindset (i think a right mindset is the key factor for a success reboot).
    I mean can you O with your gf as much as you want without bad effects?
    I also believe rewiring is cruizal part.For me personaly 5 days of rewiring equals to 30 days of absistence.
     
  8. Yes approaching things in a positive manner and one which just gets back on with things after a slip up is very important. I agree the rewiring is absolutely crucial. I think for bad cases it pays to try get a serious abstinence streak on the go first so your brain gets separation from porn and heals so that when you go looking for a new sexual outlet its truly ready and looking for it. I can't say exactly how long it is for each person, my original plan was around 150 days then start to rewire but I can't comment how that would have played out as I become complacent and plans changed.

    I never really had bad effects from orgasms to porn either that some people have so it's a bit hard to say. I haven't tried as yet to have multiple lots of sex within a day so I can't comment on how I'd go there. I've felt nothing but great and content after any of the sex I've had so far. I would like to improve my duration in due course though it figures I'm pretty sensitive having kept masturbation etc to a minimum over recent years.

    Hopefully this answers your question somewhat.
     
  9. yessnooo

    yessnooo New Member

    I would like to say that I just read your story....and I have decided today that I can be fixed because of it. I have almost exactly the same situation as you do.

    I started masturbating to porn at a very young age also (don't remember exactly but probably 12 years old or so). I very soon moved from magazines to internet porn when my dad brought home a computer from work. And from there I very quickly turned to fetish porn finally settling on femdom as the main source of stimulation. (although I do think that I had a draw to femdom/bondage from a very young age before any porn was involved due to some earlier experiences with girls and/or being "wired' that way) I am now 30 years old. I have always struggled with self-esteem issues especially when it came to relationships, or at this point just talking to women. I have really only had 1 girlfriend for any extended period of time (1 year) my entire life. Things didn't go so well sexually with her although at the time (I was 18) I could get an erection from simply being with her. Now however I have not been able to get an erection.

    Recently for example I had the opportunity to have sex on TWO separate occasions with one of the most beautiful women I had ever dreamed of having in my bed. As you probably know things didn't go so well. This girl actually came to my house a second time knowing what the result was the first time. So obviously she liked me but still I failed to get an erection. This is the third girl in 3 years this has happened with. (I haven't had any other girls so all girls were a failure essentially) The girl previous to her gave me multiple chances to succeed....again obviously she liked me or was trying to fix me or something. These are the most awful experiences I can think of in my life. Having a woman who you find extremely attractive....almost to the point where you don't think you could even have a chance at finding a more beautiful women and you fail to retain any connection because you can't get it hard.

    As you may expect for somebody already having self esteem issues this has had devastating effects. I don't even want to talk to women now. I don't feel like it is fair to subject someone to that experience because of my problem. I realized about 6 months ago that my problem is most likely caused by my fetish porn addiction. I tried to stop on my own without reading or knowing other people really had this issue...and didn't do to well. I maybe lasted 5 days before going right back to femdom porn. I was still partially in denial that porn was the problem and went to the doctor and inquired about my ed problems at that time....which was also very embarrassing because at this point you have truly admitted that you have failed.

    I think femdom is especially bad for me because the entire idea behind femdom is that you are inferior to woman but at the same time it almost allows you to think that if you had a "mistress," because she is in control that the problem would no longer be your fault. (sort of, I don't know how to explain it but basically the mindset almost enables itself)

    I am not a totally unsocial person. I have friends and I don't get too awkward having a normal conversation with strangers (though I am naturally shy and quiet). So none of my friends understand why I won't simply just go talk to women and why the past women didn't work out. And I can't really tell them either because it is way too embarrassing. Luckily for me the women involved in these situations have been trustworthy and as far as I know haven't told everybody lol. I think I am a pretty good guy and in every other aspect of my life I have been relatively successful (I have a career, bought my own house, my own truck, ect...). In all of these cases what is most disappointing to me is not that I didn't have sex with the girl in and of itself but that I disappointed her and potentially ruined what could have been a perfectly healthy and long lasting relationship. Not to mention I beleive that most women feel like it is their fault when you can't get it hard....even though it definately had nothing to do with any of the women they were all beautiful and awesome frankly. (they basically all approached me which is the only reason it even got this far otherwise I would have never pursued these women because I would have believed them to be out of my "league" by far and that is ignoring any effects of my problem)

    But now there is hope where there was none before. Somebody else has been in the same boat....almost exactly the same boat...and they were able to overcome this problem. If you can do it I can do it. As you were, I too am tired of being alone. I am tired of feeling disconnected from the world. I know deep down there is no reason for me to be alone other than this one problem that I created. What is scary however is that it took the better part of 15 years to establish this problem.........and usually problems that take a long time to create don't get fixed quickly, but I have to try. Literally my livelihood depends on it.
     
  10. Hi & thanks for your message. I'm glad I can help give you some hope as I know exactly how trapped with the whole situation I felt before my eyes were opened.

    You sound very similar to me indeed from the description you've given. I felt like I was doing women a favor basically by not letting myself get to intimacy because no matter what I'd say about it being me they'd ultimately feel unattractive as a result which is totally unfair given it's 100% true that it was my issues. The good news is if I can be fixed then you can certainly do it too. There's a femdom group in the groups section of this site that might be worth a look for you as there's a couple of us guys in there that have no broken free and if you want to ask any questions feel free I'll try check back fairly regularly in case anyone needs any help.
     
  11. Mara430

    Mara430 New Member

    Hi GoingToSucceed!

    I already sent you a private message about this subject and your recovery but maybe it's good to ask in public so everybody can have answers to questions which worries many fetish-rebooters. So here's my questions:

    #1 When you say you enjoy vanilla sex, you really, really mean it? It's not like you enjoy music, enjoy good food etc. but it's amazing, it's heavenly good and enjoy love making more than anything else. Of course I'll take time to get there but are you in there, have you seen significant improvements having vanilla sex as time has gone?
    (So basically: Do you get that same arousal from vanilla sex now as you got it from femdom? What about fantasizing vanilla, will it make you hard/horny/precum?)

    #2 Most important: Are you happy to your sex life? I think if somehow I can't to reboot/rewire (hard to believe coz seen improvements and have evidence...), is finding a partner, who is interested in same fetish, be an option. Well at least better than suicide but that would be my the only and the last option if I'm not recovered, let's say, in 2 years. But my true me and rational, emotional me doesn't want that kind of life. it's only my reward center that wants that, at least now...
    EDIT: When thought with more reason and what I really want from life, I'd never ever want fetish-based relationship or do femdom sessions for real. It's easy to consider on level of thought (because it's fantasy) but in reality, it disgusts my true self, it's only the reward circuit that wants shit like that, for now at least. It's enough for me if I'll be able to have vanilla sex even if it's not going be as arousing as femdom. Finding a loving partner, having a satisfying relationship and raising a family are my life goals. I don't want to judge anyone who lives fetish-lifestyle, it's everyone's own choice how to live, but I think I'm most happy with my choice.
    (Simplified once again: Is vanilla sex a real great pleasure and enjoyment for you that makes it you to crave it more than anything else (like femdom did) or does it feel like an obligation to satisfy your partner, and being close/cuddling/hugging is the reason which makes you feel happy and able to have intercourse but you feel like something is missing. Think about it from perspective of your sexuality.)

    -I hope you get it what I mean. I know these questions might sound stupid and similar but I'm asking that if I'll recover, am I heading to pleasure and enjoyment, not just a lousy sex life. I hope that I can reach both enjoying and healthy normal sex life but I think with an acceptance and a loving partner, I may have a satisfying relationship, sex life and be happy. You said you got it but just making sure you are happy with it.

    #3 My short-term goal now is 90 days hardmode reboot, no PMO/MO. Think I need more rest to my brain... even I have rebooted and a little rewired over a year. Do you think I have reasonable chances to recover entirely to enjoy vanilla sex life with true love? Porn in life on purpose is not option to me in any circumstances, it's been so devastating and bad for me so it can never be in my life anymore.

    #4 What's your situation now? Your story is relatively new. Have you seen improvements in sex/other life or encountered any problems today?

    Here's what I really want and would be ultimately happy with it:
    -Normal vanilla sex life which gives me true pleasure and enjoyment. It'd truly arouse me and just thinking about it'd make me hard and horny. Vanilla should give me the same arousal as femdom does for me now. It's like living a life that never had that fetish and always turned by vanilla. But being a realistic, that fetish can fade or not, don't care, as long as the vanilla sex feels amazing.

    Here's what I think I would accept and consider enough happy life but still missing something lol:
    -Normal vanilla sex life which gives me some pleasure and enjoyment but femdom would give me more in terms of arousal/sexual enjoyment, not happiness. Romance and a good partner would compensate that void in my sexuality. But still sex life would be more like love making than intense sexual lust. Of course both of them are important so if I miss the latter it would be a disappointment in my life. I don't want karezza love-making be my only sexual outlet, although it'd be interesting, I need also to climax. I think orgasms are important, as long as you don't do it too much.

    #5 Which texts describe you more or are you some between of them? I think I have to settle the latter describe at first but I hope I gradually towards to previous describe and ultimate happy life.

    I hope you answer because you are the only guy who had 100% SAME PROBLEM that I'm going through now...
    Sorry for a little bit messy post, I'm just lost and need help.
    -Mara430
     
  12. Clips4Souls

    Clips4Souls Member

    SUCH an inspiring story! I am 25 now & I have been PMOing to femdom/humil/cuck/foot/denial/chast/etc since 11 years old. It's been around 15 years now, yeah... Crazy! You said you were attracted to femdom due to experiences you had at a young age, and due to a pre-disposition? I can relate. i've had a very strange sex life.

    [post omitted for privacy]

    Really inspiring. If you'd be down, I'd love to talk to you a little more. LMK if I can Private Message you.
     
  13. Sorry, not been here often in recent times.

    Firstly @Mara430 - Think I've answered in private largely, I've lost track a bit due to being so busy where we and you were at. Posted in the femdom group again just earlier so feel free to reask anything I've not properly addressed, not been ignoring anything deliberately, sorry.

    @Clips4Souls - Yeah my first sexual feelings were femdom related (fantasy) before I knew what it or even sex really was. I don't feel it was due to experiences rather than it just being part of who I am. That being said I feel the porn when I got into really deepened it and it was so thrilling finding new elements that it ultimately become my entire sexual outlet which effectively kept me trapped in it until I learned of rebooting & rewiring since I figured no girl would want me when I wasn't going to get hard to fuck her. Your situation certainly sounded very twisted but thats probably the sort of thing I'd have gotten myself into if I was ever comfortable sharing my femdom desires with anyone real as I'd have jumped at any woman who accepted me for it. Feel free to private message, I'll drop you one in a second. Just note I don't always check here super regularly so my responses could be slow.
     
  14. Clips4Souls

    Clips4Souls Member

    It's interesting- For years I figured my attraction to femdom was due to a natural submissive disposition sexually. But now that I am actively practicing no PMO, I am finding that I have a very dominant disposition. I WANT what I WANT, so to speak. Also, it's funny that I've been using femdom porn all of my life, but the fact is: when I am with a 1-night-stand, I usually take a very dominant role. As-if to stroke my ego. & looking back, even when I was in long term relationships where my femdom fetish was known to the girl, I took a very dominant role during sex, directing what we would do next and how.

    I am beginning to think that I am very much a "switch" in that, I may have lusted over femdom fantasy all of my life, but when it comes down to it, I enjoy control, and I enjoy giving up that control as well.
     
  15. Actually sounds to me like maybe your sexual tastes have been a pure result of porn, still somewhat could be as you reboot and unwind from it. See how you feel in a while, I'll be interested to hear if you continue to change at all. I sort of expected as the femdom strength faded that I may lose interest but if I were exposed to some level of femdom in r/t I would get excited. Still I won't go seeking that out or indulge as I want to get full excitement from vanilla and I just don't see that happening if I constantly indulge in femdom stuff.
     
  16. DonLorenzo69

    DonLorenzo69 New Member

    How aroused can you get now with real sex? And compared to femdom, how aroused compared to that?
     
  17. Clips4Souls

    Clips4Souls Member

    whom are you asking donlorenzo69?

    if you were asking me, then.... Idk, I've never had a problem getting aroused during sex. well, i have, but, not often... basically only my first blowjob back when I was like 14, and then this one time I brought home a fat girl I wasn't attracted to, it took me longer than usual to get hard both of these times. I was still able to get hard though. I have pretty much NEVER orgasmed to ANYTHING other than a femdom video or a JOI countdown in the last 14 years lol... But when I am with an actual girl, either a 1 night stand or a relationship...... All it takes is a little kissing here, some dick to ass, and I'm ready to go. Femdom never really caused ED in RL sex for me, and I assume it's because RL sex gives me the same anxiety that femdom humiliation does. lol
     
  18. Tricky one for me to answer actually at present. I'm still battling a bit of performance anxiety which I think I've brought on myself by some relapses and then doubting my own ability. I'll try answer this one a bit more in depth in coming weeks when I've stayed clean and spent more time with my girl. I know I can say while I've relapsed every couple weeks my interest in vanilla sex lowered a bit but the tricky part is knowing whether its more in my head out of fear or exactly where I'm at. All I know for sure is I need to stop these quick relapses and focus only on vanilla.

    Stay tuned I'll try respond better when I've drawn some real conclusions.
     
  19. Clips4Souls

    Clips4Souls Member

    I will definitely be staying tuned to THIS thread! This is where I belong as well! :p

    check out my journal sometime bro, it's in the 24 and under journals forum. (even though im now 25)
     
  20. Sir, thank you for this.

    I feel I have a great deal of similarity to your case. I once went 90 days a few years ago and had some relative success thanks to a one night stand. But I have a very single lifestyle and after a few years i have come back to psyche myself up for another attempt in the new year. I look upon your story with great relief as it both reassures me and reaffirms several thoughts.

    I look forward to my goals and I'm saving your story for inspiration when I need it.
     

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