Third time's a charm?

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by typicalme, Jan 30, 2018.

  1. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Hey everyone,

    I'm starting a new journal after a very long absence. I first tried to go porn-free in 2013, and made it to 25 days before relapsing. Then I had a couple shorter streaks before giving up.

    I was back on this forum in 2014 for another, even briefer attempt. Since then I've tried to quit porn several times without keeping a journal, and I've even made it as long as four or five weeks—but I always fall back into old habits.

    So here I am again. Briefly, I'm 37 and happily married, and I've been a fairly heavy user of porn since college. I was first motivated to quit when I started having erection and orgasm difficulties during sex with my GF/now wife. Quitting porn has always led to a rapid improvement in sexual performance, and I've been lucky to have only brief flatline periods. But perhaps because I'm relatively quick to "recover," I'm also quick to decide that maybe porn's not such a problem after all, as long as I use it in moderation . . . and you can guess where that attitude leads.

    Today is day zero (d'oh!). I plan to post brief updates every day or two. Thanks for reading!
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2018
  2. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 1

    I got this. No major cravings, and not worried about making it to tomorrow.
     
  3. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 2

    Still feeling pretty good. Definitely in a bit of a flatline — no real sexual desire, and feeling a bit shrunken and lifeless downstairs. In a way, that makes abstaining easier. The tricky part for me is when desire comes roaring back. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
     
  4. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 3

    Feeling good about making it through today, and through the weekend. Still think I'm in a bit of a flatline — haven't felt turned on by anything in a few days.

    Guess I should mention that my initial goal is to go 30 days without P or M — but sex with my wife is OK. After that, I'll decide if I want to continue the no-M part. In theory, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, as long as porn's not involved. But in my past experience it's been a slippery slope. When you're so thoroughly wired for P+M together, trying M without tends to trigger new P cravings, or at least it has for me.
     
  5. Living

    Living Active Member

    Thanks for your replies in my topic, typicalme! I agree with you on the masturbation part. I think that to successfully make it part of your life without porn, you need to completely untie it from PM. To most of us PM is pretty much a package where we masturbate to porn in the same place(s), in the same situations and under the same circumstances. I don't know how to untie M from P, but perhaps changing place, situations and circumstances might help a lot. Just a thought:)
     
  6. Living

    Living Active Member

    Oh, and good to see your progress so far. Three days might not seem like a lot, but when you are a chronic masturbator that is a big deal! Be proud of that.
     
  7. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 6

    Still no relapses, and haven't been too severely tempted, although it's starting to get more difficult. But today I'm going to be really busy so that helps.

    Living — Thanks for the responses, I totally agree about PM being a package deal for most of us. I'm not sure how to untie them either, or if that's even possible for me. So for now going to stick with the no PM plan. Appreciate the encouragement!
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2018
  8. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 7

    Last night I dreamed that I relapsed, and when I first woke up I wasn't sure if it had really happened or not. Relieved that it was just a dream—one week feels like an accomplishment. It's definitely been getting more challenging. For me, the hardest part is resisting the voice that tells me, "Hey, now that you've taken a little break, it's OK to resume PM in moderation, one quick session a week would be fine, and this time you'll keep it under control, clearly you have the willpower . . ." Ugh. At least I've learned through experience that that's just not true; I'm not able to use porn in moderation.
     
  9. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 8

    Feeling more powerful cravings for porn but resolve staying strong so far. My goal is to someday get to the point where it doesn't even occur to me to look at porn. Sort of like how it doesn't even occur to me to buy a pack of cigarettes, although I did smoke for a while when I was younger. We'll see—that's probably a long way off with porn.
     
  10. Living

    Living Active Member

    For me around day 7 or 8 I always used to find things a bit harder and after that the urges would decrease quite rapidly. Perhaps that puts your cravings in perspective a bit. I do hope you get to that day too! And I do believe that managable. When I had my longer streaks there actually were a lot of days when I did not consider porn. Ofcourse there were still also days when I did consider it, but I believe that with the right approach this will decrease more and more.
     
  11. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 9

    Living — Thanks for the feedback, it's good to hear that you've found urges decrease after day 7 or 8. I'm hoping that's true for me too. Yesterday was a bit of a tough day, I had a work setback and also some hours alone in front of the computer and felt very tempted at several points. But I white-knuckled it and now I'm not feeling any strong cravings, at least so far. Looking forward to marking day 10 tomorrow.
     
  12. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 10

    Still hanging in. Not much to report. Going to be busy this weekend, so that helps.
     
  13. Living

    Living Active Member

    Congratulations on reaching day 10!

    You know, one of the best lessons here is: if you can white-knuckle those temptations today, you can white-knuckle them tomorrow. Ofcourse that's simplified, but it's good to take a minute (or 10 minutes), sit down and be proud of yourself that you pushed yourself this far. There were days when you had to deal with powerful cravings and still you pushed true. This shows you can do this. Keep it up!
     
  14. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 13

    Got sick over the weekend, so that made it both easier and more difficult to abstain from PM. On the one hand, I felt crummy/gross, and didn't feel horny at all. On the other hand, porn has always been my go-to method of self-comforting, and has allowed me to forget about feeling miserable (and made the hours fly by) many times in the past. Anyway, I abstained without too much effort. It's just amazing how in so many situations the brain is like: porn? And you have to say: No, no, we're not doing that anymore. And then an hour or a day later: porn now?

    Living — Thanks for the comment, those are good reminders. I think maybe the hardest part for me is not the powerful cravings, but the days where I feel like: Eh, why bother? Like, I know I can successfully white-knuckle it, but some days I don't remember why I resolved to do so in the first place. Maybe giving myself more credit/being proud of myself, like you suggest, will help—that's definitely something I can work on.
     
  15. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 14

    Two weeks! Still feeling a little under the weather, no major cravings.
     
    Thebeg and cjm like this.
  16. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Nice work keep it up typicalme.
     
  17. Living

    Living Active Member

    Congratulations man! You know that you're pretty much halfway your longest streaks, right? You can do this. Keep it up:)
     
  18. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 15

    Finally feeling back to 100% health, or close to it—and feeling some stronger cravings again too. But hanging in there. Keep reminding myself that I'm just going to feel like crap if I give in to the urges, whereas I'm feeling good about my streak now and I know I can keep extending it. This month already feels like it's flying by, and if I just hang in there Feb. will be over soon and then that will be 30 days . . .

    Thebeg and Living — Thanks! The support and encouragement sincerely make a difference.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
    Living likes this.
  19. Living

    Living Active Member

    30 days would be nice! Glad to hear the support is making a difference too. We all know this a rough journey and something that's hard to be really open about to the people closest to us. If we didn't have the strangers out here this would be a very lonely path that would be really hard to keep up. The main reason why I got back to the forum is that at this point in my life I really need a bit support myself. I have tried to get back on track and found it really hard and misserable. I had to drag myself along with all my shame and my guilt and my other issues. Like I don't want that for myself, I don't want that for other people either. So if posting a bit of encouragement in some journals is helping some of you to get out of this mess I'm more than glad to do so:)
     
  20. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Day 16

    Working on something super tedious on the computer today, and porn is more tempting than ever. But not going to give in. Trying to reward myself with frequent breaks, listening to music while I work, and thinking about stuff to do this weekend.

    Living — This forum and the supportive comments are definitely a huge help to me. Quitting porn is really f-ing hard, and without anyone to cheer you on it seems almost impossible. Glad this place exists.
     

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