The Wanker Who Came in from the Cold

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Hello Penis My Old Friend, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I believe it. What a change you went through.

    If you find the time I would highly apprechiate it. Or maybe you could pm me a link. Anyway thank you very much for all the help and insights :)
     
  2. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    Today is 83 days no PMO, and with one week to go to 90 days I feel like I have turned a corner in my recovery. I had been feeling some pre-90 day jitters but they seem to have calmed now, and I feel settled in my abstinence.

    B came round after a night out on Friday and we had some amazing sex, then twice again the next day, and once more on New Year's day. I was able to last long enough to make her cum with only penetration (a first), and my EQ was good, although rounds two and three took a bit more to get going.

    When we had finished on New Year's Day I looked up and said, "I think my dick is fixed". It was instantly as if a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders when I realised that I am now able to have good, non-self-conscious sex, without worrying about whether it's going to happen or not. I'm able to have sex as it should be: intimate and in the moment. I was worried I would never have sex like it again.

    I still think that physically I have some way to go, or I may have damaged my penis through years of compulsive masturbation, but it is perfectly functional and still improving, so maybe I'll get a diamond-cutter one of these days.

    Emotionally, I am improving, too. Me and B had a pretty big fight between Xmas and New Year, and I was feeling crap for a couple of days. The good news though is that I was able to feel crap and not act out. In the interest of full disclosure, I did look at some fitness model images but there was no M and I managed to shut it down. I am proud that I can feel crap and not give in. Life is emotional and I'm sick of hiding away in P.

    When I felt that weight lifted, it also made me realise how much weight I was bringing into my relationship. My hope now is that with my issue no longer weighing so heavily, as a couple our baggage is now back within the normal limit for a couple to deal with. Time will tell I suppose :) I mentioned this to B and she told me that it had been really hard for her, the way our sex life was, with it either not happening or me being visible distracted.

    EDIT to add that now B seems much hotter to me. I appreciate he body a lot more now that I am not concentrating so much on my EQ.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2018
    cjm likes this.
  3. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Nice man, really nice. Veni, vidi, vici ;)
     
  4. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    That all sounds awesome HPMOF, you've earned every single bit of enjoyment from it. You inspire me, especially with the term non-self-conscious sex, because self-conscious is my problem too.

    That said, there is a word of caution. We like to work towards things, and when there is no more goal things get a lot harder. Think of yourself as a boxer. Reaching 90 days made you the champion, you won the title of "ED cured". But now comes the hardest part, defending your title, for the rest of your life. Contestants will still come, when you don't expect it. I've read multiple stories on the NoFap reddit about guys well over a year who will relapsed and fell into a binge. I relapsed on day 118/120 one time, for example (still enjoyed some benefits though). It sucks, because we can never become complacent.

    Just saying this so hopefully you can enjoy the good times forever.
     
  5. Hello Penis My Old Friend

    Hello Penis My Old Friend Well-Known Member

    88 days down and going strong. This equals my longest previous "streak".

    Thanks Thebeg. With regard to the self-consciousness, I never realised how distracted I was by my own self until this veil lifted and I was in the moment. B had previously said that she felt that I was elsewhere during sex, and I didn't really know what she meant: as far as I was concerned I was in the moment. This may well have been true, but I was in a moment all by myself, instead of in a moment shared between us. The difference is really something. Sex is much more fun and passionate.

    Thanks for the words of warning, especially as I am about to head into totally uncharted territory. However, I think I have my head screwed on here (touch wood). One of the good things for me about SAA was teh acceptance that this addiction is just something I have to live with and adjust my lifestyle with that in mind. In the past when I've tried to kick this habit, I now see that deep down I've been in denial, like it is something temporary and I just have to weather the storm and then it'll be plain sailing. I believed in an end point. Now I think that I am already at the end point, but also constantly on day 1. This is just the reality I have to operate within. I may have written about "trusting the process" in the past, but now its seems like I never really did until now.

    So yeah, there are some things I just can't do if I want to live PMO free, have successful relationships, and successful sex. Maybe I won't ever be able to do them again (smartphone, Facebook, porn), but that is surely a price worth paying.

    On a physical note, those 4 orgasms in quick succession really exhausted my libido, and it's has only returned today.

    Looking forward to 90 days and then 3 calendar months this Friday :)
     
    TheScriabin and Thebeg like this.
  6. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear your story-line is turning to be quite the inspiration for many of us! What you are experiencing seems to be light-years out of my reach, but it's empowering to know that there are second chances in life. I think we definitely deserve a second crack and make good with our plans before expiring and incarnating another body!
     

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