The one journal to rule them all.

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by ScorpionsBane, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Couldn't help myself with the title. :D

    This marks day 0 of my Newest Nofap streak.

    I have gone a long ways and back since i started. I'm going to start relearning everything I have forgotten. Starting with triggers.
    I have identified a few triggers that I am going to start blocking from my mind.
    I also have stopped watching anime again for obvious reasons.

    I intend to start doing much better. I can't keep this up forever.
     
  2. artoftherighteous

    artoftherighteous New Member

    Friendly advice from a former pc 4hour+ per day guy who also watched anime. Watch the computer habits. Seriously. Browsing in general is not good. If you're on there, better be doing something productive or know what you're doing otherwise it's best left off. Anime was just the start for me. Just sharing my experiences
     
  3. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I was doing good till i hit today. Quite a bad day overall.

    No excuses though. I know what mistake i made. I will be more alert for the sudden urge next time this happens.

    Wish me luck! :D
     
  4. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Weird. Today was a decent day overall.

    My mind must have been really tired. I put up almost no resistance to it.

    I started Wellbutron recently. I think the more it works the better this will get.

    For now I will simply try my best!
     
  5. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Just used a block site program to block my addons so I can't try to disable my other blocksite that blocks bad words and stuff!

    >:D Take that, urges!
     
  6. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    It seems this is not the one to rule them all.

    I messed up again. But I'd like help on this one.

    I didn't get intense urges like you normally do.
    This happens often now, where i just cant stop thinking about it. I try to focus on other things but my thoughts wander back to it and i get the urge to fap to a particular trigger.

    I use windows 10, so i can't use site blockers to block sites since i have windows edge.

    I don't really know what to do. I have a councilor's appt. soon, I'm gonna tell her about all this. If anyone can help its her.

    At the very least, she can hold me accountible whenever i relapse and that should help.
     
  7. artoftherighteous

    artoftherighteous New Member

    I don't know what you do, but think about this, if you weren't on the computer or internet would you really be PMO-ing? I know for some it's "unavoidable" but let's be honest, many times we have pleasures linked to the pc that are not directly related, but must be substituted. For example I had to stop playing video games/browsing youtube/browsing forums. Just do something that does not involve the internet, find a new hobby. I can't tell you how much easier it is to avoid bad situations when you are just not around the internet period. That's why I've gotten as far as I am now.
     
  8. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Hmm. Since this doesn't feel like a huge relapse, I'mmaa only reset the edging one.

    I didn't do the whole thing, only a little O came out at all, and I didn't get a huge high or anything like that.

    I think the only thing I'm feeling right now is shame at what I did. But I know better now. Another lesson learned, and this one didn't have the same repercussions.

    I will have to be more vigilant though, the chemicals in my body must be going nuts right now.

    Wish me luck! :D
     
  9. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Something else; I've been going through a serious bout of depression. Nofap isn't helping it but I think staying noPMO is best for me.

    This depression is terrible. I'm practically scared of going to work. I can hardly function day to day.

    Taking meds and seeing councilors, but it still takes time to heal.

    I wanted to say this because I think it'd help.

    Artoftherighteous, I get your advice, it makes sense, but right now I can't afford to quit the computer. I have to do whatever I can to make the time go by until I get better.

    Thank you for the feedback though. :D
     
  10. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I had a wet dream last night. I'm not going to blame this relapse on it, but I think it played a part.

    The other part is just my depressive self. I want to feel good so bad I do something so bad for me to feel good.

    Its an endless cycle and I am afraid I will never get out of it. I don't know what to do honestly.

    I try and try and try but I fail every time. I don't honestly know what to do except keep trying.

    Next time I'm going to sit on my hands or go outside. Honestly.

    I also need to figure out how to remove microsoft edge. Fuck Edge, damnit.
     
  11. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    So good so far. I figured good news would be nice on this journal.

    A few hiccups, i did read some porn recently, but it was part of an experiment to remind myself of what usually happens when I do.

    I normally want to feel good while reading/watching porn, so I end up relapsing. This time I went into it to judge my body's actions while reading. It was rather interesting.

    It's fresh on my mind now, so it should all work out fine.

    Good luck to everyone else! :D
     
  12. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Came kinda close to a relapse (If there's a pun in there, none intended.)
    But taking precautions against it. Removed windows explorer so it won't be a way to sidestep my barriers.

    I need to be strong in these dark times. I think i'll be ok this time. I don't wanna relapse and lose my progress.
    Relapsing now will hurt me significantly. My depression is really bad nowadays.

    I have no intention of failing.

    Wish me luck!

    I wish all of you the best of luck as well! :D
     
  13. TheYoungOne

    TheYoungOne Member

    Hey ScorpionsBane,

    Great job on your progress so far! I hope you stay strong indeed and reach your goals and beyond.

    Here are a few quotes that I think might help you along the journey:

    "It's not about being the best. It's about being better than you were yesterday."

    "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."

    "I've never met a strong person with an easy past."

    You got this!!!
     
  14. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I was in the middle of typing a message as to how I was doing good and I knew I had this when I went and relapsed.

    The whole time I was like: "I don't wanna relapse." but I did it anyway.

    It hurts, but I'm trying not to beat myself up for it. I think I learned something from this.

    I gotta stop using the internet on this computer, or find a way to better block all the sites that can cause trouble.

    This is my fault and I will accept the blame for it, but I need to keep from beating myself up over it and start doing better.
    I know I can't do it on sheer willpower alone. I'm going to practice more things that I stopped practicing midway through my streak.

    Lets look on the bright side: I made it 22 days this time. Normally I only make it a week.

    Hell, I already feel a bit better now that I vented a bit and now am looking at the bright side.

    I will indeed stay strong and reach my goals and beyond, as the previous comment said.

    Also: I confided with my dad about all this. As a smoker and former alcohol addict he completely understands what i'm going through and is supportive of me. He says to just keep looking forward, and that's what i intend to do.

    Wish me luck; and I wish all of you the best of luck too!
     
  15. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Grrr. Having issues.

    There's this one image in particular that triggers me. I don't want to fap to it, but when I look at it, it make me want to fap.

    It keeps popping up in my mind, and I can't seem to focus well enough to keep it out.
    I guess all I can do is keep trying at blocking the thought until it works.

    I can get through this, and when I do, i'll feel better about it.

    (Its the same thing that caused me to relapse last time)
     
  16. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    Hmm. I'm not doing so bad right now. I am having bad thoughts, but I'm working on ignoring them better.

    So far so good!
     
  17. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I'm going through a really bad time. I seem to have lost all my progress with this.

    I'm not losing hope or anything, I just need to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it.

    This damn laptop probably isn't helping. I should probably stop using it if I can't control this better. That might help.

    It would also help if this damn keyboard could keep up with my hands! D:<
     
  18. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    EDIT: I don't think i actually fell back into it, i've kept trying!
    I have no intention of stopping nofap, but it will be difficult to get much traction.

    I know my biggest issue is that I do not focus on something else immediately after thinking of something innapropriate.
    My ADHD has gotten significantly worse, so it's hard to focus enough to think of something else.
    Right now I try to get through each day as best as I can mentally. I may just start trying to nofap one day at a time instead of thinking about multiple days at all.

    I think I can get through all this, but I just need the proper medication and help that I haven't quite gotten yet.

    I have no intention of giving up, I just need time to get everything straightened out.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
  19. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I believe i was hasty in saying i fell into it again. I have kept trying to do nopmo, but i have difficulty because I cannot focus well and as a result think about porn a lot.

    I think I am slowly starting to do better, though, and I wish everyone else luck
     
  20. ScorpionsBane

    ScorpionsBane Young and with issues. Ones I want to overcome.

    I am going to be doing my best to relearn what I have lost and to practice what i need to to overcome my addiction.
    I am kinda tired of being anxious constantly. I cant even ride in cars comfortably anymore >.<!

    I know I'll get better, I just have to keep trying.

    Throw yourself at a wall enough and it will break down.
     

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