The long way: concentrating on the next step

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Fry2, Dec 5, 2016.

  1. Living

    Living Active Member

    What might also help is working on breaking that cycle. One of the things I've learned in the past 6 months is that when I slip it is very often caused by the way I relate certain circumstances to a slip. It's a very small step from 'in condition A I am more likely to relapse' to 'Hey, this is condition A: I'm going to relapse'. That second line of thinking is really self-defeating. I agree with you that to a certain extent it's good to avoid situations that cause you stress, but it's also important to become more aware of the fact that stress doesn't have to lead to a slip.

    And like Gilgamesh said: take some time for yourself. We live in rather complex times and it's just so damn easy to get stressed. I must say I'm not very good at taking that time off myself, but I'm learning:)
     
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  2. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for pointing that out, it is always good to remind ourselves that we have a choice, so just as you say if A occurs that doesn't mean I have to relapse..
     
    Gilgamesh and Living like this.
  3. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I agree that taking your own responsibility is important. Often people of which we feel have treated us badly, have less influence on our lives than we think. Still I also feel that we have the right to be pissed off at people in such situations. The thing with being pissed off for too long, is that it affects ourselves more than the other.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  4. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Yeah it's like drinking a cup of poison and hoping that the other person suffers. I only recently found out that forgiveness, acceptance and compassion are the way to deal with difficult situations and difficult people. However I'll be the first to admit that it's really hard especially when we feel that somebody has done us wrong or hurt us or that a certain situation is unfair.
     
  5. Living

    Living Active Member

    I sometimes struggle with this too and I think that one of the best perspectives here is that in the same way we are not perfect and fuck up regularly, others do the same. And besides that, we all come from different places: what might make perfect sense to you, might not make sense at all to someone else. And that's not because they are retards, but most of the time it's because they have a different perspective on life. To quote the great philosopher Frank Ocean: "We all try":)

    As for taking responsibility: I find that very important for the sole reason that the only thing we can really change is ourselves. I agree with Gilgamesh that sometimes it's perfectly fine to be pissed off at people, but having a grudge against people and telling yourself over and over again that he/she was wrong is not going to get you anywhere. Well, it might turn you into a very sour grape ofcourse, but I guess that's not what anyone has on top of his/her life goals:) In the end it doesn't really matter who is right and who is wrong, it's about how you deal with it. And to do that focussing on you instead of on the other person is probably the best tool you have.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018 at 7:59 AM
  6. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm I'm getting to that too familiar spot where I feel consistantly unwell, anxious, tired and/or depressed and I (my brain) would do anything to feel good if only for a moment and be it at the expense of mid-long term health.

    It is as if my brain is simply unable to take care of my wellbeing without any dopamine boosting substance or activity.
     
  7. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    I'm having a lot of tiredness and brain fog at the moment as well but I see it as the brain healing it's self that's what helping me carry on.
     
  8. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Could you go for a run, or work out? Stay strong. It will pass...
     
  9. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I agree, that's pretty insightful actually, thanks!
     
  10. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I like that attitude and I try to apply it, even though it's tough sometimes because I don't know neither the outcome (if it's really worth the effort) nor the timeframe. If I had a broken leg I could tell, but with this addiction it's like wandering in the fog for years and bumping against obstacles all the time without a silver lining.
     
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  11. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Actually I wrote that post after I exercised, socialised and meditated...

    Thank you though, indeed it will pass.
     
  12. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    So this is getting a bit uncomfortable now. I've had insomnia for a couple of weeks, anxiety kicked in and since a few days urges, flashbacks and cravings for certain substances/alcohol and porn resurfaced in a nonnegligible strength. Also I can feel my sexual energy rising as the last O is at least a couple of days old. My wife has been sick and tired and is therefore obviously unwilling to provide "relief", perhaps also because she instinctively senses I'm in a weakened state and could benefit of cultivating and not "wasting" my energy.

    So an interesting challenge presents itself here for the first time in months or even a year. I can notice my minds subtle tendency to get rid of uncomfortable feelings by whispering stupid or even dangerous ideas in my ear. I now have the choice to be smarter than that and practise acceptance and perseverance towards unpleasant experiences.

    It's been a while since I have been able to successfully do that (if ever). Most of the time I gave in eventually and I remember last year at this time, where a downhill streak ultimately got me ending up hospitalized. I now also realise that perseverance (whiteknuckling) itself also costs strength and while I was still wasting my energy and deprived myself of any rest while still experiencing a tremendous amout of stress in the past I eventually had to fail.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018 at 1:26 PM
  13. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    My wife and my baby daugther have left for the weekend to visit their (grand)parents. I intend to make sure I get some rest, because as much fun as having a baby is, it can also be a bit tiresome and I haven't slept much in the recent weeks.

    Booked a two week vacation to Mallorca in a nice hotel towards the end of this years summer. First time flying with the baby, curious how that goes. ;) Got another week free this summer at home, maybe to go to a lake or go hiking. These vacations should be another step in my physical recovery / regeneration
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018 at 1:19 PM
    cjm and dig deep like this.
  14. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Second that! And a well-rested mind is way better able to deal with those urges....
     
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  15. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Actually those urges even seem to disappear when well rested again...
     
  16. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Time for a new profile pic to underscore that I'm seeing a bit more of the sun already :)
     
  17. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Good idea!
     
    Fry2 likes this.

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