The Long Walk

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by TheLongWalk, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Keep the hope alive. Light will come.
     
  2. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    Just relapsed. Over the past few weeks, porn was slowly creeping back into my life. This is just the result of it. As expected it felt underwhelming. Also, I got tired of counting days without seeing any results really. Even though I put more than 200 PMO free days in the bag, it felt I wasn't going anywhere.

    Anyways, despite being a depressed fuck, I want to get back on the horse. I don't plan on binging or further delving into porn. I will try to go the hard mode route even though it will be extremly difficult.
     
  3. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Hey, man. It happens. No worries. Glad to hear you are back on the horse. Winter adds another level of difficulty I think. I hate winter. Just looking forward for both January and February to pass.
     
  4. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    relapsed again. Need to get serious about commiting to abstaining from PMO again.
     
  5. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Don't put any pressure on yourself. Get less serious about it.

    Try this meditation

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/the-lotus-meditation/id855346663
    http://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-lotus-meditation-5914.html

    It is heavy on the visualization. In this case. This is a good thing. You will need to visualize an image of a divine being. You can try Jesus or somebody you think is divine from real life. I just use an image of Guanyin. Something like this (google image search "Guanyin golden statue"):

    https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.8755795.9023/flat,1000x1000,075,f.jpg
     
  6. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    Relapsed again. I need to change something in my approach. It always started with peeking and then ending up on tube sites.
    @NoDestination I'll try the meditation on the weekends!
     
  7. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Curiosity killed the cat!

    Hope you will try this meditation. I find it just amazing. Just don't put any effort in thinking if you are doing it right. Just enjoy it.
     
  8. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    Here I go again...
     
  9. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Did you try the meditation I linked? If not the weekend isn't over yet. ;)
     
  10. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 9

    I feel like this is the beginning of a good and long streak. Finally, I'm commiting myself to abstaining from PMO again. My perception about the whole process has also changed. Instead of feeling bad about the whole thing, I'm starting to feel thankful about the fact that I finally (well, it's more than a year ago...) found out about all the bad effects porn has, what was causing my ED, and how to cure it.

    I'm also starting to feel super horny and the urges are definitely there. During my 200+ no P streak I would have masturbated them away but now I'm commiting myself to hard mode again. So my only release will be with a real partner (which is highly unlikely given my current situation) or due to wet dreams.

    Stay commited everyone, you're fighting the good fight!
     
  11. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 15

    Smooth sailing this week. I've been in an okayish mood and had zero urges. I'm going to stack the days.
     
  12. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    Awesome work!
     
  13. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 24

    I masturbated a few days ago to sensation only because I felt so fucking horny. I won't reset the counter because I want to get some momentum going. This will be a one time slip. If I masturbate again, I'll reset the counter. Additionally, I set up a new porn blocker which blocks all sexual content. I could get around it but I have to open a few different text documents before I can unlock it which is enough I feel because my urges to watch porn aren't that great at the moment. It also gives me enough time to rethink my action IF I should feel like relapsing.

    Stay strong everyone!
     
  14. NoDestination

    NoDestination Active Member

    M is not the problem P is. Vanilla thoughts and M every now and then is pretty OK. You doing good!
     
    TheLongWalk likes this.
  15. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 35

    Abstaining from PMO has been easy the past few days. The new porn blocker works like a charm and even prevents me from peeking which is great because the urge is stopped right away before it becoms a bigger problem and goes away quickly. Right now, I don't even feel an urge to masturbate. I try to abstain from it too.

    Stay strong everyone!
     
  16. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    I'll reset my counter. I have been staying off porn but masturbated too often to continue counting days. Hard mode is the way I wanna go and therefore the reset. On the positive I have to note that I can masturbate effortless without P or fantasy. At least that's a good sign in my book.
     
  17. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 13

    Finally, I manage to get a good hard mode streak going. As of now, I don't feel any temptation to masturbate. Leaving porn behind is not that hard at the moment which is good. The past few days I had low mood because of an incidend that happened a few days ago. I saw the girl I had my very first sexual experience with. Needless to say, that I had sexual problems with her. Funnily enough I was able to keep an erection but had massive DE. She was standing outside of a train station while I was riding the tube. I was very happy not to meet her because that would have been very awkward. But it also made me very sad. She is super cute, exactly the type of girl I'm into. I would have loved to have a relationship with her but even back then, when I was 17, I was already a heavy porn user and simply lacked the motivation to pursue a healthy relationship. The incident made me very sad. Not the brightest thing to do, but when I arrived back home, I started googling her and found out that she has a very successful career while I'm struggling in that field and have to deal with heavy social anxiety since last year. It really made me think that a lot of stuff went wrong in my life and that I'm so behind when I compare myself with my peers. Anyway, even though my present situation sucks big time, I'm more dedicated than ever to make this my final streak and reboot once and for all. Who knows, brighter days might be around the corner.

    Stay strong, everyone.
     
  18. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 3

    Back to starting fresh. Keeping away from porn isn't that hard anymore but I get urges to masturbate and then do it. But I want to reboot doing hard mode. I made it once to more than 100 days, and I want to do it again.
     
  19. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    I still have problems abstaining from MO. I'll try it again the hard mode way.
     
  20. TheLongWalk

    TheLongWalk Member

    Day 1

    Just relapsed. Had incredibly urges throughout the day and when finally coming back from work, I relapsed. Next time, I'll try to stay away from the computer when these urges occur. It fucking sucks...
     

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