The link between social anxiety and frequent masturbation.

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by fapforfreedom, Jan 21, 2013.

  1. fapforfreedom

    fapforfreedom New Member


    I've been a lurker on this forums for nearly 8 months now, after discovering YBOP last July. I've been doing the No Fap thing, but I've not been posting about it. I have been quietly observing the consequences of my "reboot" and drawn the conclusion that based on my anecdotal experience that there is a definitive link between social anxiety and masturbation (not necessarily porn). I'm posting this isn't the Social Advice column because I feel very strongly that there is a link between lifestyle and social success. Fapping (and porn addiction) are strong components of a particular lifestyle. If, in fact, there is a correlation between frequent masturbation and social anxiety, I feel it needs to be discussed in the capacity of social coordination.

    A quick history. This is not meant to be a journal, but just a basis for stating my observations:

    I've been viewing porn since I was 13 (first internet connection). I am now 32. I've had two serious relationships, both lasting > 4 years, only having sex with one of them. I never had any great interest in sex, but had a daily interest in porn and MO. All of my life I've suffered from social anxieties and depression; neither of which were very serious, but they did prevent me from seeking social contact with people I wasn't required to interact with professionally.

    Last June I discovered YBOP and began my reboot on July 22. I didn't count the days, but I lasted until sometime in mid-December. I spent about 6 weeks in flatline, then I gradually started to notice changes in the way I perceived other people. I actually started to enjoy going out and interacting with people, something that had never happened before. My depression was reduced, but not gone entirely. Girls seemed prettier and easier to talk to. I suppose you've all heard the bullet points on the benefits of rebooting, so I won't go through the list. I will just say that the biggest impact was my social anxiety was nearly gone.

    I mentioned that I lasted until mid-December. I never went back to pornography (quitting P was never that hard), but I did resume M and O at a frequency of about 3 times per week. Mostly, this was just to keep the tank empty, so to speak. After about two weeks, I noticed my social anxiety was coming back. I was once again hyper aware of everyone around me, and I had an overwhelming urge to check my hair and clothes for imperfections. I was always checking to see if my fly was open. I, once again, started looking behind my every time someone laughed or talked loudly. I constantly worried about what people thought of me, and was afraid to say anything or "make a scene". I would get into a social situation and begin to panic and all I wanted was out.

    So I quit again. For another 2 weeks. As I expected, my social anxiety went away. Mid January, I began again with M O, except this time at a slightly reduced frequency. I'm now starting to keep track of how far I can push it before the anxiety comes back. I'm aware that reduced social anxiety is one of the rebooting bullet points, but I haven't seen too many people talk about it in terms of specifics. It will take a little while (possibly a year) before I can draw any reasonably definitive conclusions on time and effect, but in the mean time, I need some peer review.

    How many of you have noticed this? How many of you have found that social anxiety is linked to M? Has anyone else experimented with this? If so, how far are you able to "push it" before you notice changes? What are your limits? Have you noticed anything else effects it as well?

    I know there are a lot of infotainment media points and washrag news articles that claim that there is a link, but AFAIK, no studies have actually been performed on this.

    I would like some group input here.

  2. fullset

    fullset New Member

    I've never had a serious case of social anxiety. I do/did have a mild case of social anxiety, but nothing more than normal. I do think that there is a definite link between MO and social anxiety.

    As a matter of fact, I think most of the problems associated with PMO are only due to MO that followed P. Porn by itself, in my opinion, is not nearly as big of a problem as most people make it out to be on this forum. I've never seen stellar improvements in anyone who just quit porn and kept on MO'ing. But when they quit MO along with P, they felt like a completely different person (Modus comes to mind, even UD).

    People who did report benefits due to just quitting porn (following the orgasm reboot), I think saw the trivial benefits because their frequency of MO reduced due to quitting porn.

    As far as studies go, I don't remember reading/hearing about one that compared social anxiety to MO. By the way, what is your MO frequency for January?
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    I have fairly moderate social anxiety. Will post results in a few months time.

    My social anxiety seems to follow my issues i have.

    First Acne, Body Image, Clothes, how i spoke then body language and now ED

    It seems i keep ticking things off the list, sorting the issue out and another problem arises that affects my social confidence. I really wish i picked PMO to tackle first lol
  4. ChrisHaven

    ChrisHaven Member

    In my early days of struggling with PMO, I found out that my social anxiety was linked mostly to M.I was trying to get better with women and improve at work so I only experimented with not masturbating before going out to bars or social events where I would mingle with women and before peak seasons in my business.In these instances,I was very social and exceptionally charismatic. The best results, however came from absolutely no PMO shortly after a relapse-about a two week period.

    I may be wrong, but I believe the impact of masturbation on social anxiety varies from guy to guy and environment has a huge impact on it.In my organization,I discovered sales reps(mostly guys) perform best when they do not masturbate during peak sales seasons where we are selling to clients close to 70 hours a week .And yes, I actually let them know in meetings that when they are persuading that much and eating,sleeping, and crapping sales pitches, their charisma, social skills and persuasive skills are at their peak.Not masturbating in such intense and focused environments seems to have the most impact, socially.

    I remember reading somewhere that alot of athletes-football players and boxers were advised to abstain from PMO prior to games and fights, due to the aggressive/bold edge it gave them.
  5. fapforfreedom

    fapforfreedom New Member

    I would concur with this. Porn augments the problem, but it is not the problem. At least, that is the way it appears to be for most guys. I'm sure that there are guys out there with legitimate porn addictions. I think part of the problem is that we are dealing with multiple psychological conditions and behavioral patterns, each with their own "most effective" treatment regiment. It distorts the issue.

    I would *love* to see more science performed on this. There is a great book called "Bonk" by Mary Roach, where she analyzes numerous aspects of human sexuality, and one of the points she frequently makes is how little scientific research has been performed on the topic of sex, let alone sexual disorders.

    I guess we are pioneers in a way.

    To answer your question, I'm down to every Saturday, scheduled. Exclusivley MO. I do not use P anymore, and have actually found I've lost interest in it (one of the signs that my reboot may have worked). That's been about three weeks now, with no noticeable negative impact. If my anxiety doesn't come back noticeably towards the end of February, I may increase frequency to 2 times a week. It's not very scientific, but its all I have to go on.

  6. ironworld

    ironworld New Member

    This is definitely a real issue. When I went 100+ days without MO I was the most social I had ever been. I could strike up conversations with people I barely knew with ease - in fact it was fun and engaging - I enjoyed doing it rather than having to force myself. Once I found my girlfriend and went back to having regular orgasms (3+ times a week) I noticed that while my social anxiety didn't get as bad as it was, I once again started to keep more to myself and procrastinate about talking to people I wasn't close friends with (for example; at a party I would spend 5-10min listening to a conversation between people I don't know so well, and that whole time I'd be debating on whether I should actually enter the conversation).

    I have no idea why this happens. Currently I'm trying to overcome this by forcing myself to socialize and hoping that the anxiety will fade, rather than stopping orgasm.
  7. Richard

    Richard New Member

    I have 27 seven years old. I been masturbating regulary since i was 14.
    And i have social anxiaty since i was like 21.
    OK, now i quit Masturbating on 25 of June 2013, and i 'm steel on the road.........

    I still got social anxiaty issues............, its less than before, thats true, but i still get pretty pretty nervous on talking to some people and some girls............. and it KILLS ME............... so... i was looking around for some good info to help me out, and i end up on your post, so i thougt it could be nice to give you my info, for you to know...............

    my only strategy for no on, its to keep my life away from masturbating, and see if i can improove in anyway.............., because social anxiaty... is really really sad........... jajaja its sad............

    so i dont know, i would like to see how are YOU doing, cause maybe you can give me some hope.....

    i read on your post, that within 8 months of not masturbating, your social anxiaty was very different and you were doing fine........... so........., i justhope that happes to me too........ ok, thats all.........

    if theres anything more you want to know, feel free to ask.

  8. Stopper

    Stopper IT'S OVER!!!

    Maybe we all need psychiatrists? Seriously this can't be normal right? Ejaculation > Social anxiety. I mean come on, it's unfair first of all. Good feeling > Bad effect. And second of all why us? This has not been acknowledged as a world wide problem.

    Is it maybe because we feel shame towards porn and when we have sex we use the same pathways as we use while enjoying porn? Resulting in unconscious shame and low self esteem as a bad effect. It could be.
    But definitely man, it's very annoying but it comforts me to read you guys experience the same thing. I'm trying to overcome this. It's so off-putting!

    This is a good thread and let's post on this guys. Keep posting, I need to overcome this and we need to overcome this! Seriously.
  9. ygtrhos

    ygtrhos Guest

    I also find this thread very important because of the subject!
  10. potato

    potato New Member

    Ive gone 70 days now, and my social anxiety really isnt much better at all. Im still struggling to talk to new people and start proper conversations with them.

    Its not that I want to spend my time alone, when I see other people at parties I want to go up and talk to them, but its just too hard for me. I think not drinking plays a role in this too.

    I had a social anxiety problem long before technology and porn, and it will be with me after ive gone through this recovery period too.
  11. pilj

    pilj Guest

    So i dig up this one because i notice that any kind of orgasms (altho real sex is better) brings back my anxiety for few days. I had a streak of 100 days no PMO and looking back thats where i was the most social since my depression started a year ago.

    Anybody here that notice that almost directly after an orgasm their OCD/anxiety/bad moods/brain fog come back?
  12. TheBorb

    TheBorb Bullshit detector

    It's true.
  13. vetred

    vetred New Member

    I do believe social anxiety is connected to O. This might be because we are monogamous animals. Once you O on a regular base your brain will think that you are in a relation ship with a female and making tons of children. Because we are supposed to be monogamous animals and suppose to raise the children you make. Your brain will automatically try to shut down to temptations from other females.

    We might have woken up and are able to think and react on our thoughts as the only animals on this world. But our brain is still very primitive and in full control of you and your body! try not to wink when someone claps right in front of your face. Or when someone tries to scare you you automatically jump in defense mode and scream. This is all your brain completely gaining control of you and your entire body! That means that it is not strange to think that our brain does stuff far beyond our imagination to improve or maintain human life. Think about it.

    This is just an assumption tough, but it totally makes sense.
  14. Attos

    Attos New Member

    It's probably more general than that, in the sense that various addictions increase anxiety by depleting dopamine levels.

    On the other hand, if you're gonna spend hours indoors, humping your keyboard, that's not gonna improve your social life, is it ?

    Keep in mind that anxiety is reinforced by NOT DOING something and decreased by doing it.

    To give an example, and don't take this literally: If you are not going to take a shower for few months, you'll end up getting anxiety about that.

    So for anxiety (and other things) you have mood, environment and behavior. If all 3 meet, your anxiety will increase.

    For example, you're in an anxious "mood", and are triggered by the environmental cues and try to push it all away (either avoid the social situations or become a control freak - as in you know in your mind something is wrong and keep trying to fix it - like you describe, worry about what you look like, what you speak, etc).

    "Mood" is obviously not a scientific term, you can think of it as a predisposition, which is related to genetics, diet, your brain chemistry, etc.
  15. frusting

    frusting New Member

    I can chime in and say it is absolutely true. I have had anxiety ever since I could remember, but I have also been MOing since I was 13. My anxiety is very tangible. I get this knot in my stomach and fear that people are going to judge/laugh, etc.

    Since I dropped P 1.5 years, things improved dramatically, however I still bouts once in a while. Most people who know me have no idea and cannot believe I have anxiety. They always tell me that I seem perfectly comfortable, engaging, charismatic and funny. Perhaps to them, but inside it feels like death. Glad I can put on a shiny facade, eh?

    That being said, I have not dropped MO entirely, in fact back here just because I want to do a full reboot on the MO. I also believe P is not the problem, P is probably a catalyst. The problem is the strong link between that high of ejaculation to something that is not real. Whether it be P or Fantasy, etc.

    I was in a serious relationship right after I quit P, regular sex (when I could), and would hate to think that my anxiety had anything to do with having regular ejaculations. That would be pretty messed up. It is like we are being punished for doing something perfectly normal and healthy. Unless we are only meant to ejaculate strictly for procreation purpose, which is a tough pill to swallow.
  16. pilj

    pilj Guest

    i totally agree with you, i think people who were born with physiological imbalance or develloped it in early life should not O very often. My ocd anxiety is much better now after a small streak of 12 days and a mini flatline. It is so much better like that, i will only O to real sex now with feelings i had enough of one shot fuck where you are disguted or bored by the girl right after you had sex with her.

    Love or abstinence.
  17. frusting

    frusting New Member

    My ED is so bad that the idea of being able to fuck anyone that I am bored/disgusted with is just simply out of the question. That perhaps may be a blessing in disguise, but I would love to be able to choose when to use my erection and when not to. Currently, I do not have the luxury.
  18. TheBorb

    TheBorb Bullshit detector

    It's fucking annoying, I wanked my confidence and life away all those years. Recently turn 40, nofap slowly becoming a natural habit, flatliney but got three women tugging at me, all gorge with ample boobiage, one who I'm deffo likely gonna shack up with, yet my inner mental framework is still primarily forged of wank-based social anxiety, my new reality feels so sudden, a fucking mindbomb, hard to accept and take in, part of me feels a little like Brooks did in Shawshank, yet unlike him I like to persist a little...nofap seems to open doors, the chaos builds character, fapping just blitzes one's charisma.

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