Tearing Down the Walls, Part 2.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Billy B., Oct 23, 2016.

  1. Nofapado

    Nofapado Active Member

    It's amusing to watch commercialism go crazy at Christmas. A beautiful message gets buried in a pile of plastic stuff.
    Billy B. likes this.
  2. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    Im glad you seem to be doing so well lately, Billy. Keep up the good work! :)
    Billy B. likes this.
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Christmas can be like P-extra light. It's easy to care about how things look rather than how we feel inside.

    Merry Season to you, Billy!
    Billy B. likes this.
  4. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Enjoy Billy (-:

    Best wishes mate!

    Have fun and stay safe PMO wise.

    Thanking you for your support, your wit and courage!
    Billy B. likes this.
  5. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Haaaaw, you guys... thank you!
    I thought I mighta scared youse all off with my existential ravings. :)

    I've had some interesting revelations... learning a lot about myself.

    I look fwd to share.

    In the meantime, I'll leave youse first with a Christmas Poem (that I think Nofap, in particular, will appreciate):

    Santa, Santa in your sleigh,
    Come and take my toys away.
    While I’m sleeping in my cot
    Visit me and take the lot!

    Santa, Santa set me free,
    Clear an open space for me;
    Me and all the girls and boys
    Buried under heaps of toys.

    Santa, Santa with your sack,
    Come and take some plastic back.
    Take it back and its place
    Leave a little breathing space.

    Michael Leunig
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
    Nofapado likes this.
  6. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    And, also by Michael Leunig, this:

    'The Adoration of the Magpie'


    Peace, Peace, Peace. :)
  7. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    Peace and merry christmas to you too BillyB. Thanks for truckin' with us :).
    Billy B. likes this.
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Merry Xmas to you and yours, Oneway! :)
  9. Nofapado

    Nofapado Active Member

    Love it. Merry Christmas!
    Billy B. likes this.
  10. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    Hope you're doing good Billy. If not, this is the place to be.
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thanks for checkin' in, Mate. I'm doin' okay. Doin' great reboot-way, few other challenges comin' along but nothing I feel unable to handle (specially not now that I'm PMO-clean). I really, really need to update my journal to cover the last few weeks of reboot action - it's been enlightening. I hope you're doin' well: still only a few days behind me I see! I'll get back to you (and our other friends) this week, hopefully.

    My friend, Faye, is funny. She posted on FB:

    "Farewell 2016. Don't let the door thump you on the arse on your way out....

    Seriously: who invited that dickhead, anyway?"

    Happy New Year to you all. :)!!
  12. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    Good to hear that you're going strong Billy! :)
    Hope, that also the other challenges get solved soon enough.
    Billy B. likes this.
  13. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Day 75. (It's a Monday).

    Thought I’d better tap-tap some about my recent progress in the re-boot since I’ve been neglecting that in my postings (and in posting, generally).

    The last few weeks have been interesting.

    About three weeks ago (around day 60, I suppose) I started noticing triggers a lot more than I had previously. I think I had been in flat-line and so, coming out of it (off and on), I was actually triggered more often. I didn’t feel the pull to PMO but did have to resist click-bait some, and be mindful not to ogle or fantasize…Actually, there was a couple days there where I allowed myself to fantasize when looking at women in the street but I didn’t really feel like that was helpful or healthy… so now I do the Catch and Release thing, instead (more on that another time).

    I've begun to notice around the house (or as I settle down to sleep) regularly grabbin’ the ol’ fella and givin’ him a lil’ tug or a squeeze and at first thought that it was to do with being horny again. Sometimes it is that, but sometimes it’s just old habits or because I’m at a loose end (bored or uninspired) or because I’m feeling emotionally out of sorts (sad or lonely) and those last two are significantly identifiable as a part of my PMO cycle, the one that previously would have led very quickly to a session. Now I just observe when I do it, let it go (so to speak), and direct my attention elsewhere.

    I’ve had the odd (more or less intentional) play-around (like Bobjes was talkin’ about: just explorin’ touch – no fantasy). That’s been okay, I get a reasonable response. A couple times I really, really wanted to cum but, not wanting to deal with any kind of chaser and also to stay on track with my (hard)reboot experiment, I resisted that urge. Instead I made up my own sexual transmutation exercise and have used that quite a bit (I’ll explain that at the bottom, in case yr interested in the details). I have done a lil’ research on Sexual Transmutation and there seem to be many techniques and applications much more varied than what I’ve come up with myself.

    What else?

    I have continued to experience periods of depression but also seem to be better (than I was) at differentiating between actual Depression and other mood-states like melancholy, genuine sadness, loneliness or whatever. Also, just having low levels of physical energy I can sometimes confuse with Depression. Being able to differentiate is important because, even though managing all of these states requires me to be present, and to accept them for what they are, any response, any path of action is likely to be at least slightly different, depending on the state in question.

    So Thankyou, Re-boot Process for helping me start to identify my feelings in finer detail.

    Speaking of mood-states, Bobjes suggested I ask my psychologist about Affect Regulation, which is kind of just a fancy-pants way of saying mood-management. Turns out that almost any Mindfulness activity will be helpful in this regard, but particularly ones that involve left and right balance. So yoga (Asana) is good, because whatever a practitioner does on one side of the body, is repeated on the other. The one I have enjoyed most has been Alternate Nostril Breathing which is also a yogic (Pranayama) practice which apparently balances the activity in left/right brain hemispheres as well as the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, amongst other things.

    On that, one of you blokes was talkin’ about Nasal Cycle (apologies and can't remember who because it was when I first re-joined here and everyone was new to me). Anyhow, when I first started daily (5 mins) Alt Nostril Breathing about a week and a half back, I found that my left nostril was almost always at least partly blocked, but the last few days (when I think to check) both nostrils remain more or less equally clear, more often than not.

    That’s gotta be helpful.

    Listen, I've got more to share and I really would like to offer some input on your own journals also, but it’s late and I’m tired (I’ve had a low-energy, melancholy day) but I will endevour to get more active here, again.

    Thanks for reading.

    I hope youse are all going strong (and staying flexible).


    Billy B’s DIY Sexual Transmutation.

    Horny or not I've been doing a meditation/visualization where, on the in-breath, I imagine drawing energy out of my groin to spread (though my whole body but) particularly into my chest (heart) and from there, on the out-breath (long, slow, full breaths) imagine the energy radiating from my ‘heart’ into the rest of my body, particularly down my arms, out trough my hands and back into the groin, creating a kind of feedback loop. As I come to the end of the out-breath I pull a lil’ Kegal for good measure. Gawd only knows if this exercise helps me more than psychologically but it’s a mindful-type-meditation and that certainly can’t hurt.
    bobjes likes this.
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Day 76> It's Wednesday, somehow.

    Talk about being low energy/melancholic: yesterday I was actually depressed.


    What a bloody drag.

    I was (as usual) mostly aware that it would pass but that didn't stop the pain, just maybe eased it some.

    For readers who don't know, I have a history of depression. I don't think that getting PMO-free is gonna fix that. Still, abstinence will likely improve my condition at least slightly and the process of recovery (the bigger picture lifestyle changes, the psycho-spiritual work that will need to be done) will no doubt contribute considerably to effective management.

    At the moment I've just gotta stay on track, see how my energy levels go as my clean-streak stretches out.

    The brain-fog is killer.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
  15. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Day 77> It's still Wednesday

    I'm feeling less depressed, today. Which confirms that it does, always, pass. Coming here and reading tales of success plus helping to support others who're struggling is like food for my troubled mind. Hopefully I'll get to the beach this evening - trying to imagine the feeling of diving into cool clear, water will hopefully get me off my arse and into the car. It's only a half-hour drive, after all! Hopefully I can go with a friend, too, or meet one there. Double bonus healing action.

    Posi-vibes to alla you.
  16. Healed7

    Healed7 Member

    I was just curious about how quitting both porn and smokes faired. On top of quitting porn, I have also not smoked for about 10 days now. Is this the right thing to do? Can it affect your sex drive? Any time I have tried quitting smoking I felt like my desire and performance took a big hit which makes me go back to smoking. I had quit smoking for 12 years and stupidly fell back in 2013 and have been struggling to quit since
  17. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    I like 77. Onwards to 777... :)
  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Shit. I've been off and on the cigs the whole time. Been smokin' solid now for at least a week. It sucks. I'm hoping that once I'm through the worst of my reboot I'll find the energy to stop again, properly. I'm feeling like one battle at a time is enough while at the same time really, really wishing I wasn't a smoker!

    The only thing I've noticed that might be relevant to rebooting is that... we get a lil' micro hit of dopamine each and every time we take a drag on a cig. I'm not sure if that helps me deal with the reboot easier or if it hinders my progress over all.
  19. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

  20. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Good one Billy!

    I looked into your alternate nostril breathing suggestion and sexual transmutation interesting. My morning routine is gettin so full now that I don't have time for work anymore, lol. Great stuff though, thanks for the tips.

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