Talk about ups and downs, mate. I'm up and down like a bloody yo-yo this week. The ups and downs of a sustained clean-spell are of course preferable to the ups and downs associated with slips and/or relapses.... or even the ups and downs of being a committed addict, but still... deep bloody breaths. This morning I was all perky, ready to get back to work. Now, even after a good lunch, proper shower (with a cold finish) and a fresh nicotine patch on... me heads in the toilet, again. I'm almost completely de-energised and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and shut the whole world out. I actually reckon that giving myself permission to do that (given my current challenges) would not necessarily be letting myself down. And yet, I've spent way too much time in bed already this week. It's a lovely day. I'm going to take a few deep breaths, move slowly and gently, pack the car and head towards one of my busking spots - no pressure to put myself out there, but who knows? My mood could easily flip 180 between now and when I arrive and, even if I feel remotely capable, I will get up and give it a go. I need the money and I need to feel that sense of having stepped up, if at all possible. Depression is a bitch. Reboot-related depression is not much better but at least it's for a good cause. Not much of a response to your considered (and considerate) input, Nofap. Apologies. I will respond with appropriate attention when I can shake off this.... shit. Thank you, thankyou.