Tearing Down the Walls, Part 2.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Billy B., Oct 23, 2016.

  1. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thankyou, my friends.

    I've still been using again, but reasonably mindfully, I guess.

    I just keep on. Pretty good at kickin' lil' goals the last couple days (as it has been lately).

    So that's good.

    Big busy day with yoga and busking and dinner with my other family (good friends with beaut kids who make my heart go 'sing'). :)

    My intention is to try to stay connected here, keep working active recovery, meditation, mindfulness, etc.

    And to get back to supporting the rest of youse, too, if I can.

    Take care, all.

    Till soon. :)
     
  2. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Mate it's great to hear you're doing well and just getting on with life. The PMO thing needs to be kept in perspective and if you can just get on with life and keep your consumption to a minimum you'll be stronger when you finally decide to ditch it completely again. I remember your 300 day streak, how you fought through some very hard patches that many of us don't experience, and you came out the other end like a man reborn. I think you're still benefiting from that big streak, that it wrought some permanent changes in your mind and approach. That and a little bit of Pema doesn't hurt, does it? ;)

    When you talk about using mindfully i think once a bloke learns about PMO (has the language to describe what it is they're doing and the brain science behind it) it's almost impossible to go back to using un-mindfully! Bloody Gary Wilson, spoiling all our fun!

    Great to see you back and posting again. See you round!
     
    bobjes likes this.
  3. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Tell it like it is, yes! :)

    For true all this mindfulness and the lil' bit of meditation is working wonders!

    Hahhaha! Yerp...

    It's good but, ay? Like Pema says, we're still gonna stuff-up so, instead of being surprised or burdened by that (or givin' ourselves hell!), we can just as easily choose to practice being patient and kind with ourselves, and be grateful that we have the awareness to observe it in the first place.

    And we'll get there if we keep practicing. :)

    I hope to be back properly, soon. :)
     
    A New Man likes this.
  4. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Yes, by mindful (in regards to pmo) I mean that I'm keeping it to a minimum, trying to mostly view only reasonably 'realistic' content and noticing if I'm 'going there to avoid feeling something uncomfortable'. Of course, as an addict, I guess, I am avoiding (the discomfort of withdrawal, true), but... I mean, it's only occasionally lately that I've been drawn to it as Avoidance, generally, and often the mindfulness allows me to resist doing so. For the most part it's not getting in the way of the other things I want or need to be getting on with. So that's good.

    I finally got onto a source for some quality organic cannabis. The strain (or cultivar) is called Amnesia and, although high in THC is apparently good for mood disorders. One of the other attributes is apparently 'stay productive' and that seems to be true! I'm vaping it for now, but when I get an Oz I'll cook it up so I can ingest, mostly, instead. Ingestion has a few benefits for me including that I can regulate and reduce my average dose. It also comes on slow and tapers off gradually so that I don't get that crash which people call 'the munchies' but which is really just a craving for more pot... actually, a craving generally which can lead to overeating or pmo or whatever.

    So! I'm learning as I go.

    Things are definitely coming together, generally. I've got the opp to record a couple songs in a studio the next couple weeks, I'll soon be set up at home with everything I need to record amateur stuff at home and to get my website FB etc and get there for get some profile out there and drum up some gigs.

    I'm excited!

    When my computer space is set up properly I wont have to sit at this dodgy spot for typing and hopefully I'll have more impetus to check in on the rest of yas.

    For now I'm just aiming to note here daily - for the purposes of structure.

    Looooooove! :)

    PS Oh! And I'm on to the E-cigs which will save me bikkies and hopefully help me to get off the smokes for good.
     
  5. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Had the night off, yesterday (no pmo at the end of a big day which has been my pattern)!

    Also had a day of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and vaguely hopeless BUT, through the power of mindfulness was able to observe these feelings with a modicum of non-attachment and carry on, more or less, regardless.

    Pretty good!

    And I feel better this morn.

    More soon, fellas.

    I hope youse are well.

    :)
     
  6. JustOneDayAtATime

    JustOneDayAtATime New Member

    When I think of the times that I used pornography, I consider this entirely a waste of time. So I reason to myself, anything that reduced the time I spent on this activity was, comparatively speaking, a good thing. I think you should be pleased with yourself, reducing it to a minimum. That's a good thing. Total abstinence might not be what works for you. And that's fine too. Keeping it to a minimum is good. Hell, reducing it by a little, even that's a good thing. So good on you and best wishes.
     
  7. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good onya, man. Yeah... I guess, ultimately, I'd like to be free of it completely but 'progress not perfection', huh?
     
  8. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Looks like I might be up for another day of 'sitting with unpleasant feelings and carrying on, regardless'.

    We'll see, my mood can shift quite drastically in a short time, so maybe things'll pick up.

    Peace to yas.
     
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Got a hot date, tonight.

    My intention is to let go of any expectations and just enjoy her charming company.

    On the other had I will be making sure my nest is clean and tidy.... just in case.

    And if not... I'll be coming home alone to a clean and tidy place... and I can smile, regardess.

    Love ya, guys.

    Soooooooon. :)
     
  10. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    PS! The build up to this significant event in my recovery has encouraged me to be even more mindful (and minimal) in my usage. It has inspired me to delete the links and 100 or so pix I'd saved.
    Maybe... maybe it's time to step back fully again?
     
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    So no cuddles for me just yet... BUT! We had a lovely night and will hangout again soon. No expectations, no agenda. Aaaaall good. I feel... loved.

    :)
     
    bobjes likes this.

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