Tearing Down the Walls, Part 2.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Billy B., Oct 23, 2016.

  1. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thankyou kindly, my friend.
     
  2. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Cardio and meditation, along with caloric restriction and fasting (in moderation) are the ONLY scientifically proven ways to grow/preserve new neurons in the hippocampus as well as treat depression/anxiety as well as 'drugs'.

    I would recommend you begin walking every day for a least 10 mins and ramp up to running 30 minutes per day over a few months. 15 to 30 minutes of daily meditation.

    Results are cumulative, and WILL DECREASE fairly quickly if you come to a dead stop.

    Much better than taking any drugs, no sides.

    I also find moderate amounts of caffeine treats my brain fog depression symptoms...had to go off the caffeine for a few months because of pelvic/bladder pain which is now gone due to healing my gut/bladder with bone broth, etc. You've read my journal, so you know.

    Peace.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  3. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Day 155> Thursday

    More later, perhaps. I hear that Gratefulness first thing in the morning can help set us up for the day, so...

    Today I resolve to be Grateful for:

    -Books (I like books)

    -You blokes.

    -Ironically, the real estate inspection I have this morning. I was stressed like crazy about it and, as is my unhelpful habit, I ignored it to the last minute and so spent 8 or 9 hours off and on yesterday, cleaning and tidying. Now my place feels fresher (it's still a dump, but it feels fresher) and I have been reminded that it's not that hard to keep it clean and cleanliness tends to counter the fact that it is shit, over all.

    #My ol' friend, S, was thoughtful: when he heard about some folks looking for a guitarist, he put them on to me. I'll have a jam widdem in the next week or so.

    +Playing some Rock n' Roll for a change.


    # An act of kindness (no matter how small) I witnessed or participated in.
    +Something I am looking forward to.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
  4. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Appreciated, man. I don't think the fasting is good for me in the short-term (cause at the moment I don't need the stress) but I am dead keen to have a crack at that over the coming months.

    Running isn't gonna be an option (bad knees, no money for shoes) but: I reckon I'm going to take your advice and walk, briskly, upon waking. A ten minute casual stroll isn't gong to do much for me as I'm fairly active already so it'll have to be an intentionally brisk one. Hmmmm, some sort've 'formal' cardio where I've got someone to push me would probably be best (I've been thinking that for a while) but finances... we'll see. I'll start with the walking!


    And the meditation, of course (need to get better at daily practice).

    Good onya, 40. I thank you for your time, mate.
     
  5. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    A rebooter called Zed once wrote:

    "Our time here is precious, and every moment is filled with possibility and the chance to enter deeper into life, to open out to what is continuously offered up to us by the world. pmo addiction is the opposite of this, it's a lurid, small-minded little world where we hand over our dignity and the truth of what we are in exchange for short-term lizard-brain gratification and escape from what is real."
     
  6. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)


    Hey Billy B, I've done a lot of emotional release through the years, and expressing grief has been a big part of it. So you're on the right track in understanding the need to connect with your feelings of sadness and express these feelings in order to move beyond your depression. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep feelings of sadness inside ourselves, and that energy is naturally depressing. Cannabis, alcohol, and other drugs can help keep that lid intact - so to the degree a person is able to reduce/eliminate these as part of their lives, feelings of sadness will much more easily flow.

    I remember a men's anger workshop I went to for a Friday - Sunday stretch in the early '90's. I was primed and ready to go, and after my initial expression of anger, tapped into what seemed at the time to be an unrelenting pool of sadness. I could not stop crying. Looking back on it, one of the best weekends of my life, as it opened my eyes to a much different way of seeing myself and handling my emotions.

    Chances are much greater to be able to break through our walls if we're in a safe environment for an extended stretch. Good luck, mate:)
     
  7. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    Billy. Just my two cents. My experience is that intense strength training does help your mood. I mean a session where the training is so intense that you don't have time to think about anything else. You don't necessarily need to go to gym as there are plenty of such excercises that can be done at home. Afterwards you feel content and relaxed. The (healthy) soreness you get into your muscless feels good too. With walking or jogging I don't get the same effect. If you decide to try it out and haven't done it before, remember to start slowly though.
     
  8. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)


    Thanks for posting, Garga2. It's beautiful:)
     
  9. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thankyou so much fellas.

    Today i dont have the energy to even contemplate.

    Today is all about hiding.

    I will find the strength to address this, though.

    I will keep in mind the strength training, thanks, Oneway. Can't quite imagine how to get over the hump of resistance, but...

    And I think, NCBob, that I could benefit greatly from something like you did, that weekend. I know for a fact that I need to shift this... somehow.

    Be well, fellas.

    Sometimes this can feel like the loneliest trip there is. And to a certain extent, that's true... I'm the only one has to cope, intimately, with this madness. On the other hand, we at least have each other to bounce ideas off.

    I appreciate youse. You are good men.

    That gives me hope.
     
  10. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You're killing it, BB. Just keep doing what you're doing!

    PMO withdrawals take a lot of rest, live a low stress lifestyle and get well. P is just not an option whatever happens.
     
  11. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thanks, man. I'm hopin' and prayin' that another thirty days or so is all I need to start feeling less of the discombobulations. I don't know how I will continue to cope if things go on much longer like this.

    Still, I try to keep in mind that life in the throws if addiction weren't exactly a bed of roses, so... I will never (intentionally) step back into that particular mud-puddle.

    So grateful (NCBob) for "Pmo is not an Option" and "Thou shalt not Peek": these two dictums (or whatever) can be credited with having got me to the point where (surely!) the hardest part must soon be over.

    Still feeling pretty grim, this morning, but, as I keep reminding myself: life as an addict weren't any more fun, neither.

    Sheeesh. What a ride.
     
    Abc likes this.
  12. Oneway

    Oneway Active Member

    Billy. Even if you now feel grim you have hope that things get better. Hope which is based on reality that you're doing what is good for you. As an addict you didn't have hope. There was only acting out, time inbetween and the next acting out.

    Reboot has taken you really into peaces mentally. As I see it old addict-Billy is breaking down...and it is painful. But it has to happen before new real Billy can fully emerge.

    Hang in there (and I know you will).
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2017
    Billy B. likes this.
  13. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Bumping you to the top, BB. Gotta get these spammers off of page one of our forum!!

    Please listen when I say that I went through many dark days at your stage, and I still have them...but it's so much easier now. Self care and reminding yourself of your self worth even when you feel like you're in total darkness will get you through. You matter, a lot.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Thanks, guys.
     
  15. Tryagain73

    Tryagain73 New Member

    Keep walkin the line buddy. Every day we're on it makes the prize all the greater.
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  16. Abc

    Abc The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Hey Billy B, you have a lot of love comin' at ya from your compadres on the board. You deserve it, mate:)
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  17. titan_transcendence

    titan_transcendence Well-Known Member

    You know how much I have relapsed lately. I can assure you its not worth it to fall back to addiction. Temporary relief, but then theres only full return of anxiousness, same damaging old patterns and more desperation. Even if you have bad days now you at least have something to feel proud of: your resilience.
     
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  18. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    You guys rock.

    Right now it's just about all I can do to ride these waves of depression. I've spent that much time in bed the last few days my back and neck are all fucked up. Suicidal thoughts are an almost constant companion. About half the time I'm able step back from those thoughts, but often... too often, I find myself wishing I had the means to end the suffering.

    It's not just the pain of Reboot. The process has amped up the shit that I've been living with for the last 20 years or so.

    I'm still here, but. Just trying to keep in mind that my moods can, and do shift quite regularly, and desperately hoping that going through all this means I will have a better chance at managing my mental health with more aplomb, once again. I had a good couple years there, up until my mates suicide (and now Reboot) where I was much stabler. I still had me down times but was able to keep them in perspective, I guess you could say. In any event they didn't drag me down for days and weeks at a time so I rarely (if ever, during that time) got so desperate as to feel as if I'd lost all hope.

    Thank you, again, Brothers.

    Today I see a friend who will help me with my community housing application. Getting out of this dive and into a place that is more peaceful and functional will no doubt help my state of mind (though I'm unlikey to see that change in a hurry, so must keep working on other things to support my healing).

    Peace to youse.
     
  19. Lowdo

    Lowdo Well-Known Member

    Keep going Billy - we're all cheering you on. I can't imagine how tough it is but I'm constantly amazed by how much support you give to us all on this site! Thanks again!
     
  20. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Good onya, Lowdo.

    Takes one to know one, btw (you are a good man, I feel you're compassion and empathy shine through in yr posts).
     
    Lowdo likes this.

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