Success story: Former porn addict living life

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Sound fx, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so I've continued to do real good.

    Thursday night I went out for a buddies birthday party, had a real productive day before going. Spent the evening and night drinking and hanging out.

    Friday I had a lazy day, slept in til 3... Which fucked up my sleep schedule. And had a lazy day, but ended the day with my good routine of making my to list, reading it, reading positive books, then rereading the list, then visualizing my ideal next day, then listening to affirmations as I went to bed.

    Went to bed late with waking up so late so I knew I probably wouldn't get up at 10:30 like I should, so did damage control and got up at 12:30 so I can get back on track and go to bed at my normal time and get up at 10:30 again.

    Did my normal daily routine of getting up, drinking water, making coffee/nootropics, went on my run and then ate a healthy morning breakfast.

    Good start to the day and got me in the zone.

    Then read with my girlfriend on self discipline book "No Excuses" by Brian Tracy (I HIGHLY recommend this book, one of my favorite self help books so far) then did my PE and took a shower and shaved.

    Now knocking out my list and all the things I have to do from laptop. About to eat, then we are going to gym and then are going to come home and clean the room and go see our roomate perform at the bar down the street from the house. Good day so far, just wanted to write in here to keep my on track.

    Feel the momentums going on my side

    Note: One thing I can do that won't add any time, which would be a huge benefit is cold shower! Embracing the discomfort and using it as an advantage. I will try to make it a focus of doing these.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2016
  2. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Holiday season has been great. Had some much needed relaxation time with the family. Went up to DC, checked out some Museums, the Zoo, went to the movies, hung out with family, ate good food, then came back to my hometown to hang out with friends and some more family. It truly has been a great trip and I have had a great time.

    I think I just broke through my plateau. I have had a great time and felt so powerful and respected with my family and a good bit of my friends. We caught up with some family members I have not seen in depthly in several years, and I really felt confident, optimistic, self controlled, charismatic, & powerful. And everyone benefitted from it, it wasn't a demeaning of others emotions, it was a positive & uplifting alpha emotion. It was great.

    I really felt great around everybody for the most part and more and more confident. wasn't perfect around some people but thats not the point, even though some people weren't giving me the external approval I often crave I still felt confident and felt like I expressed myself well for the most part.

    These are all just bigger motivations to get even better, to improve myself even further... To keep pushing, and create more competency and happiness, and power and confidence in my life. I want to keep getting better. I want to take it to the next level... Or 10 levels higher... I really do and feel I can.

    All this optimism at the end of the year brings me to start thinking of my new years resolutions. Haven't made a real competent and tangible list for a few years, but the last one I made did wonders for me, and similar to the way I am now, I was fully ready, willing and disciplined mentally & physically to make it happen. I feel I am in a similar place not but even more maturity and competency and self control. The last REAL resolution I made was about 10 resolutions, and all of them have been fulfilled in one way or another. Not always to the tee exactly the resolution, but always fulfilled in some way, some more than others and some less. But it truly is the pursuit and the growth that you receive that makes you feel alive, and makes it always worth it, even if you aren't there yet, and even if the goal isn't complete attained yet. The pursuit, and growth, make you feel alive!!!

    Although I will be busy entertaining and spending New Years with my girlfriend, I am going to try to take some time to reflect, on this upcoming year, and want I want to see, and create, and improve upon, and build, and identify with.

    I think I will go back and read some of my previous posts from years ago on here... and find some sources of inspiration, and appreciate how much I've grown...

    As I write this and as I've seen over the past few days that hard work really does pay off, and feels good, I have come to a clearer picture of what I want to do, and become, and gain, and achieve this next year.

    Heres a brief list, this often goes hand in hand with my daily list I wrote a couple weeks ago, which I will review after I put down my thoughts...

    • Social skills! Social confidence, alpha male mentality, game with women, the ability to flirt and pursue even if I have no intention of sex, having a great social life and making new friends
    • Martial Arts! Jiu Jitsu, Boxing, Judo, Muay Thai, Wrestling, MMA, competing, running, being athletic, being strong, mentally and physically, chasing my dream, being an alpha, being dominant and capable of defending my own with 100 percent certainty
    • Conquering discomfort head on!!! Beating physical pain and gaining pleasure from the workouts, the tiredness. Understanding it benefits me. Talking to everyone that I want to to talk to! Connecting with people with no avoidance. Learning actively with full effort, an open mind and a white belt mentality with the confidence that I can become a black belt in anything I want to in life.
    • Business! More knowledge of business, more competence of business outside of my singular field. Multiple streams of income, knowledge of economy, and politics, and developing the skill of real estate investing/flipping, and stock market trading/day trading skill and profit
    • Most Successful Stand! This goes along with business, I want to open up an extremely sucessful new business that I'm opening up in the big city. One with an amazing VIBE. A cool, pleasant hang out spot, a place I can enjoy working with employees that I enjoy
    • Sales! Everything in life is sales! Vast knowledge and confidence in myself to persuade and put my message against confidently, ability to sell my product firmly, and efficiently
    • Erectile growth and health! Improved erectile quality, and size, and an increased confidence in my sexual abilities and abilities to have fun and give/receive pleasure. Kegals and PE daily
    • Find two more genuinely interesting hobbies to identify with and take pride in! Golf? Ping pong? Biking? Poker? Motorcycle? Cars? And commit to spending at least one hour a week to sharpening those skills.
    • Celebrating Recovery Actively!!! Sex Addicts Class! Once a week for the rest of my life, go in a class with like minded, positive people trying to do good for themselves.
    • Leadership! Learning to motivate and mold my employees to grow, greater people development. Greater management skills. Better output and attitude from employees, and me as well!
    • Better communication with family, friends, and in business! Increased efficiency of phone use, answering the phone every time it rings. Calling back immediately if not, immediate email response. "touch it once" policy. Calling family members actively and often!
    • Health! Better diet, more healthy, nutritious, energy giving cooking/meal prep, fast food only 4 days a week (compared to the normal 7 now lol), experimenting with meal prep service, cooking a ton of meals twice a week. Healthy eating, heavy protein, low fat, low/good carb diet. No sugar! No caffeine at some point. Gym 3-6 days a week depending on my soreness from martial arts.
    • Early Riser! Waking up at 8:30 and in bed at 12 every day. Consistent sleep schedule, no sleeping in. Waking every day with a surge of discipline, energy and hopefully motivation. Running 20 minutes immediately upon waking/after protein shake.
    • Happiness! Appreciate and love life. Look for the little things to take pleasure from. Choose happiness, choose joy, choose making the best life for myself and being 100% okay with being a work in progress. Choosing to love myself, unconditionally, at all times. And always see my value, and always see the positive things, the beautiful weather, the small victories, the good things that happened during the day. Saying it will be a beautiful day!
    • Organization and Cleanliness! Business organization, better file keeping. Increased personal life cleanliness, two quick showers a day would be great! Clean car, clean and organized room. Brush teeth twice a day with no exceptions, letting my nails grow out
    • Saving Money! No mindless spending, buy only things that you will surely use. Investing money in good quality things for my future, things to motivate me, seminars, good quality food & diet, MMA classes, things to learn, no eating out/no fast food, good meal prep and no sex chat.
    • Self Discipline! This ties into them all. Doing what I should do, when I should do it, whether I feel like it or not. Knowing that showing up on days that you don't feel like it are even more important than showing up on the days that you do feel like it!
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2017
  3. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay haven't posted since my New Years Resolutions list that I made, although I didn't intend on that being my final draft it was very authentic and spontaneous, and very close to exactly what i want, so I copied that list and printed it off, with a few modifications and writing some things on there and I think its exactly what I want, my comittment is to read and review it every day, as much as possible, every hour if I can. And visualize it, visualize myself being successful, visualize myself in three years if I chase mastery in these things, and fall in love with the pursuit.

    So theres that. I am focused on following through and taking action towards my list and the reviewing, emotional attaching, and visualizing of the list will internalize until I associate and identify with that list, and those actions.

    I have relapsed pretty hard the past few days, harder than I have in a good while. I PMO'd 3 times in a span of about 2 days, and spent like $250 on sex chat... I must overcome this, and I'm starting to realize I need more help along the way. I went to Sexaholics Anonymous this Monday, even though I really didn't want to. And we talked about the first step in SAA is admitting we are powerless over our addiction, and our lives have become unmanageable. I think I am coming close to that point. Not that I am completely powerless. What is in my control is going to these meets, and reading my SAA book, which I am going to start doing.

    I want to have this completely behind me. I can do it. I just have to continue to build these good habits and focus on them even more. I can do this and I know I have the maturity and work ethic to put it all together. I am focused on that.

    Been getting hit with urges. Stronger than I normally have. Just got to ride it out and focus on staying clean, and move on from this addiction.

    On my list, it says going to one SAA class a week, for the rest of my life. And I really want to stick to that, as its good for me, a community of people that I can relate to.

    Action points for this... SAA once a week as described obviously. I am going to get a sponsor here soon, I have never had one, and I think that will do a wonder of good, although the idea kind of irks me to be honest. But its for the best, and it will make me a better person. Porn blocker. I am going to talk to my life coach about that this week. Spending $250 on sex chat is unacceptable. I have to think long term about this, it has to get better, as it's already pretty bad.

    So that's my mission, that's my goal. Working my new years committments, reviewing them daily, taking action toward them.

    I am going to Jiu Jitsu class tonight @ 6:45. Free 30 days trial at the gym. So I am going to take a shot at it, and give it a good effort for a full 6 months. I talked to my life coach about my passion for this, and the least I can do is give it a full shot, to see if this is for me. Atleast I can say I really tried, I can always say that.

    Had some business bullshit to deal with, with changes of ownership, thought it was all done but apparently not. Hopefully we are at the point that everything is settled. We have a franchise cruise on the 16th. So everything needs to come to a close by then hopefully. Things are looking up other than that. Have been busy with work, and helping several people get started. That's where I really have the passion, is helping other people get going. It's something new, and more unpredictable than what I have previously done. And it helps me grow more and mature more in my business sense. All very good things.

    More as it comes, stay strong my friends!
     
  4. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Wow, it's awesome to see you living by your habits. I recently read a book called The Morning Miracle by Hal Elrod and the visualization and review process you intend to do everyday reminds me of that. I'm guessing it keeps you better aligned with your goals because you can easier distinguish between activities that help you toward your goal and those that don't. That and the surge of motivation you get when you feel you are in alignment and moving towards them. Honestly, it's all too easy to forget our goals and be wandering around all day, doing the next thing that comes up. But it's clear you don't do that.

    The recent lapse back into old times can be just that, a temporary short-lived lapse if you deal with it and the reasons why it came back in your life. Wishing you luck on your journey man, and thanks for the great post in my journal :)
     
  5. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    2017 Goals, Resolutions, Commitments, and To Do List
    • Visualize yourself being successful
    • Focus on living your dream life
    • See yourself executing your plan with passion and ease
    • Focus on the application
    • Focus on being a complete alpha male-balanced, fun, confident, successful, courageous, charismatic, and strong
    • Build enthusiasm and passion towards these things
    • Review this list daily!!! Look it over and internalize it every hour!
    • Visualize it and make it a clear and vivid picture
    • See it so clearly, and so consistently
    • Decide, just decide, who you are going to be!
    • Visualize yourself in three years, completely transformed
    • Evolve
    • Passion
    • Progress
    • Social skills! Social confidence, alpha male mentality, game with women, the ability to flirt and pursue even if I have no intention of sex, having a great social life and making new friends
    • Martial Arts! Jiu Jitsu, Boxing, Judo, Muay Thai, Wrestling, MMA, competing, running, being athletic, being strong, mentally and physically, chasing my dream, being an alpha, being dominant and capable of defending my own with 100 percent certainty
    • Conquering discomfort head on!!! Beating physical pain and gaining pleasure from the workouts, the tiredness. Understanding it benefits me. Talking to everyone that I want to to talk to! Connecting with people with no avoidance. Learning actively with full effort, an open mind and a white belt mentality with the confidence that I can become a black belt in anything I want to in life.
    • Business! More knowledge of business, more competence of business outside of my singular field. Multiple streams of income, knowledge of economy, and politics, and developing the skill of real estate investing/flipping, and stock market trading/day trading skill and profit
    • Most Successful Stand! This goes along with business, I want to open up an extremely sucessful new business that I'm opening up in the big city. One with an amazing VIBE. A cool, pleasant hang out spot, a place I can enjoy working with employees that I enjoy
    • Sales! Everything in life is sales! Vast knowledge and confidence in myself to persuade and put my message against confidently, ability to sell my product firmly, and efficiently
    • Erectile growth and health! Improved erectile quality, and size, and an increased confidence in my sexual abilities and abilities to have fun and give/receive pleasure. Kegals and PE daily
    • Find two more genuinely interesting hobbies to identify with and take pride in! Golf? Ping pong? Biking? Poker? Motorcycle? Cars? And commit to spending at least one hour a week to sharpening those skills.
    • Celebrating Recovery Actively!!! Sex Addicts Class! Once a week for the rest of my life, go in a class with like minded, positive people trying to do good for themselves.
    • Leadership! Learning to motivate and mold my employees to grow, greater people development. Greater management skills. Better output and attitude from employees, and me as well!
    • Better communication with family, friends, and in business! Increased efficiency of phone use, answering the phone every time it rings. Calling back immediately if not, immediate email response. "touch it once" policy. Calling family members actively and often!
    • Health! Better diet, more healthy, nutritious, energy giving cooking/meal prep, fast food only 4 days a week (compared to the normal 7 now lol), experimenting with meal prep service, cooking a ton of meals twice a week. Healthy eating, heavy protein, low fat, low/good carb diet. No sugar! No caffeine at some point. Gym 3-6 days a week depending on my soreness from martial arts.
    • Early Riser! Waking up at 8:30 and in bed at 12 every day. Consistent sleep schedule, no sleeping in. Waking every day with a surge of discipline, energy and hopefully motivation. Running 20 minutes immediately upon waking/after protein shake.
    • Happiness! Appreciate and love life. Look for the little things to take pleasure from. Choose happiness, choose joy, choose making the best life for myself and being 100% okay with being a work in progress. Choosing to love myself, unconditionally, at all times. And always see my value, and always see the positive things, the beautiful weather, the small victories, the good things that happened during the day. Saying it will be a beautiful day!
    • Organization and Cleanliness! Business organization, better file keeping. Increased personal life cleanliness, two quick showers a day would be great! Clean car, clean and organized room. Brush teeth twice a day with no exceptions, letting my nails grow out
    • Saving Money! No mindless spending, buy only things that you will surely use. Investing money in good quality things for my future, things to motivate me, seminars, good quality food & diet, MMA classes, things to learn, no eating out/no fast food, good meal prep and no sex chat.
    • Self Discipline! This ties into them all. Doing what I should do, when I should do it, whether I feel like it or not. Knowing that showing up on days that you don't feel like it are even more important than showing up on the days that you do feel like it!
    • Pray! Just 10 seconds a day! Thank God for his blessing and ask for his help along your journey!
    • Meditate! 15 minutes every day!
    • Choose to make work enjoyable in all areas of life! Psych yourself up when going to the gym, use positive self talk, convince yourself that it makes sense and is advantageous to go to the gym. Stack and reframe all the reasons to get up early. Remind yourself again and again all the reasons to celebrate recovery and become the guy that doesn't watch porn, then reframe it again and remind yourself from another perspective. Remind yourself WHY you are going to MMA classes, in many different ways. Reframe the reasons again and again. Remind yourself why you need to get started today, constantly. Stack all the reasons why its makes sense and is beneficial to do the things you need to do and remind yourself it will be really really fun when the habit is developed and the benefits are manifested.
    And I immediately became consumed with the idea of pursuing it.

    1. In what ways have I given today?
    2. What did I learn today?
    3. How has today added to the quality of my life?
     
  6. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Thanks brother! I really appreciate that man!

    "That and the surge of motivation you get when you feel you are in alignment and moving towards them." Man, that is powerful stuff, that is the perfect way to describe it! I wish I could capture that mindset and keep it forever! It truly is an amazing feeling. Wish it was permanent, lol. Guess we are both working to get back there. Wish you the best as well man.
     
  7. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so I told myself I would post on here tonight... Have been really busy as of late. Been in the big city looking for locations for the business and helping out some franchisees in the area. Overall its been a productive trip.

    And before that we had a franchise retreat on a cruise so although I've been very productive business wise everything else hasn't been up to date lol. My routine has been in shambles lol... Told myself I would workout every day on the cruise to counteract all the food that was eaten but I wasn't able to muster the discipline and motivation to do it.

    Overall I have been productive, especially with business, and socializing, but there's something about travel that completely screws up the routine and productive actions that accompany self discipline. Think that's natural for most people, but it still makes me a little uneasy and would like to work on that in years to come :)

    I put up my final draft for my daily review of commitments. It's my committment and goal to review it every day, especially at night before bed. Need to print off the final draft to carry it around with me, the first draft I made is at my girlfriends house, so I'll have to review on here until then.

    One thing I think I need to remind myself of is two things: habits & motivation. I need to remind myself that you CAN consciously motivate yourself. Motivation is important... I know people put down motivation, saying discipline is the be all end all... Thats true to a certain extent, but if you don't have motivation atleast in a majority of the way you will be miserable. Life is so much easier when you can motivate yourself to pursue your goals and keep your committments... It's a wonderful thing. So let's work on that.

    The other thing is that habits make things easier. Seek to make good habits, and keep and internalize your habits. I have been so hell bent on self discipline lately. Make motivated self discipline a habit. Self discipline is great, and amazing, don't get me wrong, but it needs the help of motivation and habits, if you ask me :)

    That's all for now, gonna keep this brief.

    I am still focused on success, and focused on motivation.
     
    yearofchange likes this.
  8. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    I never thought of it like this. I read this when you first posted it and came back to read it again. I never realized this was a thing, but I really think you're onto something there. I will likewise spend more effort on motivation. Maybe that positive outlook on life people talk about is important to have for success related to spending energy on motivation.
     
  9. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Thanks man! I think it's probably something we all need to focus on. I think some people are more inclined naturally to be more motivated than others... But I feel like it's something that we could train ourselves to do. Gah, what a wonderful world we would live in if we could harness the power of enthusiastic motivation and use it as our normal state... lol.
     
  10. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so had it on my list to post today... Gonna try to be efficient and get this done farely quickly. Need to focus on more high quality focus and being a bit more time efficient lol.

    After having my routine messed up from business trips and all, when I got back to town my routine had been completely destroyed, that past 3 or so days I have been back on track though. Haven't been able to get up right on time but have been pretty close. With the exception of today, have been lazy today. I woke up at like 1... Slept in because I haven't been sleeping well the past few days.

    Hit the gym the last 3 days in a row though, and went running yesterday. So I have been productive. Been reminding myself that I need to take small steps. So the past few days the to do list hasn't been as stacked as it normally is. Starting small to get in the groove and build some momentum back. Has worked really well. Figured since I had gotten back on track I could have a really productive day today, so I made a pretty extensive to do list today. But the sleeping in part has messed that up lol... Still going to try to knock everything off of the list.

    Other than that. Been waiting on the negotations for the new lease of the building we are hoping to get. And helping some franchisees get open. Jan helped me photo shop a sign order for a franchisee yesterday so we worked on that, I did some reading, went to watch the superbowl with my dad and then went to the gym after. So it was a productive day.

    Gonna do some reading after this and listen to subliminals. Need to mark some more things off the list.

    Got my sex addicts group meet tonight at 7. So going to go to that.

    Should go to my martial arts class tomorrow to blow off some steam. We'll see how that goes.
     
  11. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Didn't go to my SAA meeting yesterday and didn't go to martial arts today, but other than that I have been doing good, had a very productive day today and have been feeling motivated. Gah I love this feeling

    I really am going to focus on that motivation feeling, I truly believe it can be harnessed.

    It's late and time to get some sleep. More as it comes.
     
  12. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay. so updates.

    I have been all over the place since my last post, training new stores, moving to the big city (just got in the extended stay in the big city), been spending my last times with my girl. Have been somewhat slacking here as of late with different things.

    Gym motivation has been lacking, haven't been going to my SAA meetings, diet has been lacking, daily to do list and looking for locations has been lacking, and porn use has been fluent.

    I want to hit the ground running here. I am going to try to focus up. And make good decisions of action and execution.

    I must make this new city my bitch, and completely conquer these bad habits/laziness/love of comfort that I have always had.

    Whats the point of comfort if it costs you your self esteem? I want to feel good about what I'm doing. I want to feel clear and focused. I want to feel motivated, and disciplined, and alive, by conquering these fears.

    I want to have full confidence that I can build the life I want to live, and that I can dig myself out of any hole, and can build any skill, and outcome that I want in life.

    I am going to start taking nootropics more often and cutting down on the caffeine. Working out with pops every other day. Getting up at 7 am every day and going to bed at 11 every day. I am going to go to my SAA meeting every make. I am going to make good, wholesome, productive, life giving decisions. I am going to stay clean and celebrate my recovery the right way. I am going to read. I am going to practice martial arts. I am going to be the best I can be. I am going to be an early riser. I am going to do kegals and penile enlargement excercises every day. I am going to study books on game. I am going to heal myself from this last relationship and be even better for my next one. I am going to build an extremely successful business down here, I am going to have an extremely successful career in investing, I am going to have great body posture. I am going to carry myself around with pride and value my self worth.
     
  13. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    What's up everybody? Can I get a little support on here? Damn lol... Hit me with some positivity!!!

    Haaa.

    Okay so updates....

    Found a great spot for the business, affordable, good building, good visibility. In the perfect situation, lady that really wants to sell, right in the middle of some very heavily developed parts of town, across the steet from an abandoned shopping center, which isn't really going to affect our business, but could pose as HUGE returns in investment and the property value shooting through the roof. I could seriously see the area blowing up in 10 years and the property being worth 2 to 3 times as much as it is now.

    So I think we are going to move on that building.

    Everything else I have been doing good. Went to bed early yesterday, going to go to bed early today too. Am going to get up early tomorrow. Going to set my alarm clock for 8. And I am making the decision to get up right when it rings. Gym tomorrow. And meeting with a realtor of another property we are interested in.

    Met up with my buddy that lives in the city. Good to get together and catch up. He's really business/work oriented like I am, and he worked for the same company a few years ago.

    Going to the gym tomorrow with pops, so that's going to be good. Time to get serious and get back in the routine of lifting. I have gotten a bit out of shape. I weigh about the same, but the form has been lost quite a bit... lol. Really want to get abs. I have decided that I am going to get my diet right and improved moving forward. Time to get back to he healthy eating.

    I have been very productive today. Went looking for locations and found that very promising one, and been on the laptop all day since doing productive things, listening to affirmations, watching inspirational videos, studying a book on atrracting women and being an alpha male "How to be a 3% Man" which is free, and now going to watch one video on youtube from Charisma on Command, do some reading and fall asleep listening to some more affirmations.

    Gotta get my supplements and nootropics out of the car, cuz I want to take some tomorrow before leaving the room/hitting the gym. So I'll go out to the car now and get them.

    Then come back up, brush my teeth, read, take out my contacts and hit the hay.

    Really looking forward to getting back in the gym.

    Life is all about making good decisions. I am doing to decide to make good decisions :)

    You can do all you can to train the subconscious mind, I think that's great, but the best training you can give your subconsious mind is by conscious results. So let's make that the focus.

    I also need to look up Sexaholics Anonymous Classes in the area to attend weekly, and go to my first MMA class in the area. I figure I will put off both of those reasonably, until after I have gone back to my previous city to train the new owners of my store, and spend my last days with my girl...

    I know I can make up my mind and decide to go before, I can make the time. We'll see.

    Gah. My last days with Jan... Sheesh. It's gonna be sad, I am going to miss that girl so much. I really enjoy my time with her. Part of the problem is I'm still just so numb. I don't feel my emotions and sexual libido is anywhere close to 100%. So for that reason I don't think it will hurt me as much as it would... But I sure do love that girl. She is so sweet and kind, and beautiful. I just wish she was more motivated and was in better shape. If it wasn't for those things I would marry that girl.

    But I value activity, and fitness, and motivation and pushing my life forward much more than she does. She loves comfort, she loves sitting back watching tv. There's nothing wrong with that, I just know that's not my path. And i know that settling in that way would be wrong for both of us in the long run. Short term she would love for me to be that person, but we both know deep down that it would affect us long term and I know I would be doing things that I truly don't want to do. So although it will be hard, I know its for the best. And me and her will always be friends.

    I don't want to disconnect from her. I want to have my first non family member female life long friend. I think that will be a great thing for me (and her) to grow into being able to do.

    So that's it for today, gonna get my stuff from the car, doing my reading, and hit the hay.

    All the best fellas. I decide to stay strong, celebrate recovery, and be the beste I can be.
     
  14. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so need to post on here. this forum seems be on the dead side compared to a couple years ago. and I think I may need to change my focus, so considering starting to journal on nofap instead of here. maybe to make a metaphorical step up to where my concern is not only porn but masturbation. Maybe will motivate me to masturbate more (and less) and shift my focus off of pornography. Plus theres just more people on there.

    So just a thought. I probably will do that and update on here from time to time.

    Overall I have been struggling, probably more than I realize. This addiction can be deceptive. I have seen a couple escorts, no sex or anything but still, and been paying for phone/video sex chat. My girlfriend moved across the country for her job, and I haven't really been off to the best start. Have been using pornography pretty religously and need to take a step back. I also stumbled upon some hypno/affirmation porn videos that rewire the brain for being an alpha male. I know it's not the best thing but if it came to the point to where I only looked at that once every month that would be better than using hardcore pornography and sex chat.

    Need to get back on PE exercises, as that motivates me to stay clean and improves erectile quality so I can masturbate effectively, which motivates me to continue PE even more.

    Been reading and studying the past few days. Been looking into getting into real estate investing. And taking out a small business loan to finance the building for my business. Looking to buy my very first property. Could pay for it in full but want to invest my money wisely and distribute it to areas where I can make even more money.

    I have such a great opportunity here to really build my life and secure my financial future indefinitely. So I need to act wisely and make the right decisions at this time to secure my future for after my time with the company I'm with.

    I also need to go to my SAA meetings weekly again. And do it the right way. Get a sponsor. Commit to every week and stay with it. Focus on making it a permanent habit for my life. Really with my business, I need my father here (my business partner) just because of my addiction. If I was completely removed from this (2 years without viewing pornography, only healthy masturbation every week or so or not at all, SAA classes every week with a sponsor that I talk to every week) I would be able to do this on my own. Not that I would want to but I could.

    This stuff stunts my growth and maturity and I need to take it seriously especially since I don't have my lovely girlfriend here with me.

    Also I have an amazing oppurtunity to build my growth and get on this martial arts dream of mine. If I could commit to a couple hours twice a week to start out, and stick with it, I would be on my way. It would be fun, I would enjoy it, I would feel confident that I went after my goal. I would be in great shape, and have that masculine confidence that I could fully defend my self and my family. And I could build momentum, and learn more and more about it to the point it was a full passion in my life.

    Also would like to start taking golf lessons, once or twice a week. That would be cool.

    I read in a book (need to keep reading, dropped off the books and been reading a free ebook online and reading Success Magazine) that it hinders your self esteem when you don't keep your commitments to yourself, I now realize that has effected me. I have so many things I want to do, and be good at, but I don't live up to my goals. The book suggested to lower the amount of commitments/goals, and just make sure that you keep them. So that's a cool focus. I like the idea of that. Instead of trying to be good at 20 different things. Take 5 things and be great at them, and build depth with them.

    -My business, be great with my stores and Territy Development
    -MMA, go to classes just twice a week
    -SAA, go to classes once a week, no porn in any sense, masturbation only, having a sponsor
    -Investing, study Real Estate investing and open and IRA when income starts flowing
    -Health, good diet, cooking, supplements, gym 4 times a week, running in morning on non gym days
    -PE, kegals every day, PE excercises 2 days on, one day off
    -Social Confidence, reading books on attraction, how to be an alpha, live life confidently on my terms, make new friends, meet new people and build a more fulfilling and active social life


    It's not magical, but I would love for that to be my list. To build, incredible depth, and progress, in each one of those. If i just committed to that, for a year, or 3 years, I would be exactly where I need to be.

    3 years is not a long time. Years go by QUICK. All you need is the consistency.

    Thats it for today.

    For the last thought, I really miss my girlfriend. She is so sweet and kind, and I love having her next to me. I know I/we get lazy when we are around each other, and I feel guilty for the laziness, but man I sure miss her wonderfully enjoyable presence. I just wish we could adopt an active lifestyle, which allows me the time to do these things that I want to do, while still enjoying our love for each other. I miss that girl. And love her very much.

    Well, time to keep pushing on, I will post more as it comes.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2017

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