Success story: Former porn addict living life

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Sound fx, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    So, I have not been on here in over a year. I need a journal to put my thoughts down. Since I loved this forum and am used to its format, I figured here would be the best place to do it and if I can inspire some people and receive a little encouragement on the way that wouldn't hurt.

    So here I am, now 24, with two business, in decent shape (need to get back in the gym but still looking good :)), and a beautiful, kind and loyal girlfriend who is madly in love with me and views me as her night in shining armor. I will be posting a more detailed success story in the appropriate place but for now this is a brief overview more to start my own personal journal again.

    Short thought: The "Life after Porn" mindset is very very dangerous, and very very very ineffective.

    Newsflash, I used pornography two nights ago. I felt like absolute shit, really went all out. I laid around all day yesterday, but back to it today living life and trying to make the most of it :)

    With this addiction, outside of the obvious ED, I think its the shame that's most restricting and paralyzing part of it. Atleast it was for me. Had to figure out with even not being perfect in my walk of recovery I am still worthwhile and still can go after the things I want. I don't have to wait til I'm fully "cured" to go after those things. I can go after them now and be more "cured" because I am trying to do the things I want to do even though I'm not perfect.

    So, to the task at hand, the journal, life has been fairly good for me, overall I am in a decent place but I have been slacking a bit as of late and I have been feeling guilty for that. Feel like I need a place to review my thoughts and put them down to give me some better direction, so that's what I'm doing.

    Jan (my girlfriend) has been good, I enjoy my time with her and seeing a woman that has full trust and confidence in me as her man is a very beautiful thing. Our 1 year anniversary is on the 20th. I am used to it now, but it was hard to believe sometimes before. Even one year is pretty amazing and something I almost thought would never materialize... lol.

    This is coming from a guy who at 23 only had sex with a prostitute one time. Practically a virgin. Who was numbing himself to the point he was having trouble facing the world.

    Now I feel more of an alpha, and I am confident in myself and feel so much better. To be honest my "highs" in emotions aren't that much higher I don't think. But my "lows" are wayyyyyyyy less. To where I feel better overall by a lot. A lot of times I do feel happy although I am not the best at recognizing it. But Janhavi has helped me a lot at recognizing it and she is probably consistently the happiest person I have ever met. And that I am able to add to her happiness is a blessing.

    I have been reading, a lot. Proud of my self for that.

    And working on the businesses. Since the last time I posted I opened another business ( same thing in a different area ). It hasn't done as well as we wanted, but I'm glad it happened. We were expecting to be absolutely slammed this year, and although it hasn't, I definitely am not starving, and in a really good situation financially being a 24 year old who was self made.

    I have not been going to the gym or dieting. Although I still have the form (somewhat lol) I need to get back on it. Having trouble finding the "push" to get the momentum really turning for this. Although I do a good bit of excercising and stretching in the business in my spare time its not enough to be where I want to be. And for that I was planning on getting up earlier and jogging every day, to give me something active to do, and so I wouldn't be in quite a rush in the mornings anymore.

    Financially I am doing well. I am studying stock trading and looking to invest some of my income to secure a stronger future. Met with a financial advisor today actually.

    As far as the martial arts I have really been slacking. Boxing is just such a hard workout, and my cardio is terrible. So I have been kind of chickening out. Also want to start getting in the Jui-Jitsu but have not done that either, was supposed to go to a class Wednesday but my porn use and shame prevented me from going. I want to be committed to this. I want to be great at this. I just know it will take sooooo much effort and time, and I am wresting with that (no pun intended lol). This is something I want to be part of my identity, to teach my sons, and have as a "notch on my belt", I am trying to summon the courage to do it. And come to grips that if I really want to be fully competent it could take me ten years or so to get there. Something I am digging deep down trying to internalize.

    So, the matter at hand, the big hiccup, so to speak, ED. Still there, but not even close to the level it was. I am continuing to improve. I am able to have sex with my girlfriend without the use of any Viagra, (which I used for the most part the first 3-5 months of us getting together) which is awesome, and makes sex more enjoyable.

    I am taking daily supplements which boosts my energy and libido. It helps a lot, towards the ED I don't know to what extent, but it helps my motivation and I don't hit a wall in the middle of the day like I used to. I feel clear and focused right now. If you have any questions to what I am taking I'd be happy to answer.

    Been drinking a water bottle every morning when I first wake up. Does great to rehydrate me and wake me up. I feel like its better than coffee to start the day. Been drinking coffee almost every morning too, usually when I first get to work. Which I am all for. Gets my day started and gets me clear mentally. Not like I drink it every day, but most days. Enjoy the taste too.
    Overall I am doing pretty good. Not as good as I was, but good. And I am determined to do better. That's what this post is for.

    All the best guys, keep fighting the good fight. Just know the hard work does pay off in the end. I wish all of you the very best and a smooth recovery.

    Til next time,
    Sound
     
  2. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Dude that fight last night. Mcgregor vs Diaz. Go McGregor lol.

    It was me and Jan's 1 year anniversary last night. We had a great time. Had sex late the night before (like 4 am or so) and the next day we went out to eat, was gonna go to the Indian restearaunt down the road from the shop but we would've got there late so we went to a place called "Spanky's" lol. Food wasn't all that great but we had a good time. Had to do some stuff at the business so couldn't officially take the day off. But after we closed up the shop went to her place for an hour and had plans to go see the fight.

    We were talking about going to the strip club, not something I necessarily wanted to do, but she had literally never been to one, and the fight was going to be playing there, so we went. She enjoyed it, and had a great time, and I had fun seeing her reactions and seeing the fights, and seeing some tits too.

    Like I told her and she felt the same way, strip club was never really my scene. I always enjoyed going out downtown and going to clubs and dancing. I feel like when you go to strip clubs its so artificial, based on money and lust, but when you go to downtown or something like that the attention you get is based off of skill with women. Also a lot of the people you see working at a strip club are just broken women, everyone has their struggles but just not something I look for in a partner.

    But back to the point on hand I haven't used in a few days, and sex has been good with Jan. She doesn't like to have long sex, because I hurt her a good bit when we have sex and especially when I'm thrusting hard. Something I would prefer as it helps with the rewiring process and I'm just to spend as much time in those guts as possible.

    But today is Sunday, have to make the schedule for the week and got back to writing on my To Do List daily so gonna work on that for the rest of the day while the employees handle the grunt work (life is good).

    I must get back in the gym, I must start doing the martial arts or I will look down on myself if I don't. Trying to figure out what the space is between me writing on here saying "i must do this I must do that" and actually getting the self discipline to make it happen, and make it happen over a very consistent amount of time.

    I will continue to push forward, I am learning and learning and at the end of the day I'm not where I want to be, but overall I'm the best I've ever been. And I guess that what it's all about.

    Keep strong fellas, the grass really is greener on the other side.
     
  3. jkl

    jkl New Member

    What places do you find first dates and dates while in the relationship to be good spots? Did you have any experience with the religious girls?
     
  4. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    To be completely honest with you I'm no player and I've never been. Although I think of myself as having a good confident personality and had girls very attracted to me I've only recently taken advantage of that with gaining new ground on my addiction.

    With that disclaimer being said I'll put in my two cents as I have read some books on attraction, and feel I am pretty successful at attracting women/getting dates now.

    Places to find dates... Approach them, get in the habit of approaching them, whether it be in the mall, in the gym, or any where else, mall and gym were my two go to places. Also in my business I interact with random people all day so that was a good source of possibilities.

    For me approaching is literally painful, I was always shy and I've never been fully comfortable talking to beautiful women. The way I've looked at it, when I'm searching for a girlfriend or woman, I look at it as a momentum thing. The first approach you do will probably not be very good, just get it over with so you get more comfortable with it. Over time, you'll see your approaches get better and better.

    And you will gain the skill very very quickly, in 10 approaches you will probably feel 5 times more confident than the first, and since you are looking at it as a numbers game, even it doesn't go good you will not be overly discouraged. As far as a "first date" there are plenty of options, movies, dinner, beach, lots of stuff. It's more about the interaction than the actual activity I think. Focus on owning confident, friendly and playful emotions and she will react to that.

    Dates while in a relationship... That's even easier, movies, dinner, beach, the normal stuff. TBH I've found that when you are in a relationship the best time you normally have is in the bed, the sex is great but not even that part, just the cuddling, laughing, joking, kissing, massaging, connecting, talking, that's the stuff that makes the dates special, that's what women really want. That's why money is not important to all girls.

    Religious girls, yes, I grew up in Church and going to a Christian school. I'd say just be yourself, if you are religious don't be afraid to moderately express that, if your not, don't try to be something your not, she will pick upp on that lol.

    Can give you a couple book sources and dating blogs that have literally changed my life if your interested. Helped me out tremendously.

    all the best
     
  5. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    Truly awesome. I aspire to become like you someday. It seems like you are building your life around a set of solid habits.

    I also find your perspective on "Life After Porn" refreshing. Frankly I had that "all-or-nothing" mentality for a long time, and all it did was promote unhealthy cycles between abstinence and binging.
     
  6. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Thank you! You will get there man, just keep pushing and give it time.

    Sounds about right, the abstinence/binge cycle is a painful one, I feel if you got enough things in your life to keep you occupied, and enough responsibilities that you know you can't throw away for pornography it will help. It may not prevent you from using entirely, but the motivation to not binge (and be stuck in that absolute rut) will be there much stronger than if you are delaying living your life because you are a porn addict.

    all the best
     
  7. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Slow day at the business, starting to be the slow season so that's expected, I don't mind, get some alone time to myself and my thoughts. Had a great start to the day. Woke up at 10 am (got out of bed at about 10:45), chugged my morning water to rehydrate and energize myself and went for a run. Felt great. Went back, sat for a couple minutes, and took my shower without too much of a rush and had a small breakfast.

    When I get up at 10 am and get started on that I will be in a great place. Have time for my run, go back, do penile excercises and shower, lay in bed for a few minutes and read and then get on with my day.

    Trying to work on being more productive in the mornings/early day. I was today, went to the business and set a few things up, did 10 pages of reading (I try to read 20 pages a day but don't always follow through because I procrastinate reading to one of the last things I do in the day), worked on the scheduling for the week and started journaling.

    I can feel the momentum continuing to grow. I need to keep hold of it and not let go lol.

    Might be going back home for the weekend, one of my buddies is having his fantasy football draft on Friday and his bride vs groom "beer Olympics" on Saturday. So wanted to make it up there for that. Will be good to get some time to relax. When I go up there that's what I intend on doing. Intentionally take some time to relax myself and feel good about rejuvenating. So we'll see how that goes.

    Overall I do enjoy writing on here, I will try to continue it. I enjoy staying busy and doing productive things so much more than sitting around and doing nothing like Facebooking. Now if I could just shift this momentum to my routine of early morning getting up, gym, martial arts, and internet marketing for my business I will be even better.

    That's the goal, being better than you were the day before right? :)

    Good things guys, keep it up.
     
  8. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Wooh, me and jan had sex last night and it was amazingggg. Some of the best we've ever had. I am leaving to go back home for the weekend in a few hours and so we had a few beers and were hanging out before I go. We had an amazing time connecting together and the beers helped us relax and let loose a bit.

    So pumped about the weekend. Get to go home and do some good old fashioned rest and relaxation. That's my goal this trip. To relax and doing nothing more than hang out with some friends. Told myself the only "work" I'm going to do is a bit of reading and my subliminal affirmations at night. Other than that I'm going to use my time to socialize.

    Other than that everything is good. Been doing well lately. Didn't get up early to run today because it was my last day before leaving and we were drinking last night, figured I'd take advantage of the opportunity to lay around in bed with Jan.

    Although I haven't been going to my boxing I have been doing a lot of agility drills and doing a good bit of jump rope. Need to get my cardio in a good place. My morning runs will do wonders for that. Can't wait to get started and build a consistent habit there.

    Overall been doing well. Gonna do a bit of reading before I head out.
     
  9. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Been a bit over a week since I posted on here. Wanted to post yesterday but didn't have time.

    Been constistently and faithfully using my To Do List almost every single day. Does wonders for my productivity. I really am probably the most productive I've ever been right now. I just feel so much better doing the things I need to do.

    Once I get back into boxing, Jiu Jitsu, Church and PE I will undoubtedly be in the best place I have ever been as far as productivity and going after my dreams.

    I want to start studying real estate... That's one of the next things on the list. Consistently gaining knowledge about the stock market. Feel like I know at least a little bit about that now... lol. Was just thinking last night it would be awesome to be a pro mma fighter and after retirement be a real estate mogul... Build up cities. Would be cool. Call me a dreamer I call it goals... lol.

    Got back in the gym last night... Felt amazing. Like I was at a place where I was meant to be. Not in a corny sense or anything. Just a place that I identify being competent in and when I'm not competent in that area I don't feel as complete lol.

    Going to that Jiu Jitsu class tomorrow. Pretty excited about that. I will not make excuses and I will go no matter what. The offseason is steadily coming and I need to get in the groove of pursuing my hobbies. I am going to build good momentum there.

    Watched porn last night. Some softcore stuff, still felt guilty and unfulfilled. I hadn't jacked off since I had been back in my home town, so about a week and a half or so. That's real good for me, I feel my self discipline is growing. Also been reading a book on self discipline... Just started reading with my girlfriend. Trying to get her motivated.

    I really wish she was committed to being active and healthy. I could see us having a future but she's just so lazy, she hates physical activity and exercise. And although I would never say it to her and play it down she could be defined as fat now (although she has a great natural figure and beautiful face), and I know with how I value being fit and healthy and athletic it would just be unfair to everyone involved to marry her or something.

    We've all seen the guys with average dad bods and then the 300 lb wife beside them... That just couldn't be me. I couldn't do it. I would be so frustrated and angry with that.

    On a positive note we are going to the gym, and we've been running in the morning, which is positive, and been eating salads. Although she doesn't enjoy doing it she is doing it for my and I am unforcefully motivating her. Trying to have her look at it in a positive light (doing something healthy for yourself, challenging yourself, relieving stress, looking good, being fit, having more energy, being productive), so even though we aren't meant together maybe I can leave her with some valuable skills to take with her for the rest of her life... And we will always have love for each other, we both know that.

    Been listening to a couple of audiobooks, bought them at barnes and nobles, got Tony Robbins "Awaken the Giant Within", listened to it several times. Main principles that I am taking from it and benefiting from is learning to associate pain and pleasure correctly, take pleasure from doing productive, challenging things... Like working out, or paying your bills, or studying and reading. Also about making commited decisions... Still working on that one... lol. I will keep pushing.

    All in all I have been doing good. Still listening to subliminals & affirmations almost every day... Maybe its starting to pay off, lol.

    I am in a good place, and I am happy, because I choose to be happy. Til next time.
     
  10. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Had a good day yesterday. The day before I was very productive and did a listened to a ton of subliminals and affirmations so I took a break from that yesterday except for as I was falling asleep. Told myself I would have a decently relaxed day yesterday and I did, but my productive nature broke in and I was actually more productive than I expected. That's a good thing I assume lol.

    Went to that Jiu Jitsu class and observed, it was fun and looks like a great workout. Looking forward to getting into it and committing to it. There's a lot to learn from the guy who teaches the class. I am trying to associate positive emotions and perceptions into getting into this and learning a lot of new things. I want to be the guy who it tough mentally and physically, and although I think I already am, I want to continue to improve and live that life. "if you want to be a lion you must train with lions".

    I really am trying to focus and embrace challenges. Trying to look at them the right way too.

    I masturbated last night, without any pornography or anything. Felt good, felt like I had more control. And wasn't sucking the life out of me, felt like I got to wire my sexuality the way I wanted to without any outside forces affecting it in ways I didn't want it to. Had more control, and did the thing I used to do and fantasized about women I knew in real life.

    Went running yesterday morning, and am going to the gym tonight.

    Although I wish the business was busier, I am enjoying my free time. And almost feels like all the positive actions I'm taking will pay off more than the money I could make from the business killing it. Maybe that's a stretch, but I do enjoy and am thankful for having the time to do the things I want to do and get paid while doing it.

    So gonna figure out a week to start the jiu jitsu, its a $50 2 week trial to start out, and that includes unlimited fundamentals classes, and after that its $150 a month with 2 classes a week. Which works out perfect, a good enough commitment for me to stick to, without being overstretched, I am also going to start up my boxing classes again. That's why I have been running and working on my cardio, for that, because it is a very very challenging workout lol. But that's why I enjoy it.

    When I do run, I have not just been doing a steady pace like I used to, I have been simulating boxing sparing, some light, medium and heavy intensity running, and a little bit of walking break in between. Really want to get my conditioning developed.

    Really am trying to see myself in 5 years, doing all the things I want to do, could be a very competent pro mma fighter in that time. Next on the list after the martial arts is getting into real estate. Really want to go that route.

    I will keep pushing, I suggest you do the same.
     
  11. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Its September 12, at 2:00 PM, in the back of the shop, feeling tired today, might drink a bit of coffee in a few minutes to get a pick me up. been pretty productive overall today though.

    Listened to the audio book "Jim Rohn's How to Use a Journal", didn't learn too much tbh. Reminded me that a journal is a good place to objectively look at our thoughts in a much less scrambled form. Also that it can be good to use this canvass to look at our life as we would like it to be if it was ideal. What our ideal life look like... Cool. Also to write down our problems, as when we write our problems down on paper it gives us a different perspective on the situation than what we have in our sporadic thoughts.

    So it was good. Glad I listened to it.

    Although I haven't really been feeling all that motivated today, I have been productive, which is a good sign. Habits and discipline I guess. My daily to do list is something I really enjoy. Gives me a list of things I know I can do to have a productive day. I keep a separate white board at both of my businesses and write on them daily.

    Been eating healthy and going to the gym with Jan. She has really taken an interest in being healthy. We have been eating salads, and been active almost every day. Did not go to the gym yesterday, was recovering from a hangover from the night before, but we have been very consistent. Will be going to the gym tonight.

    I really really need to work on getting up earlier. Atleast by 10 am. My business opens at noon, which I like because I am not much of a morning person, but I can't abuse that fact and get up at 11:30 everyday... That's not what a successful grown man does... I must make the commitment to get up by 10 am, and start going to bed earlier. Only problem I have is I really enjoy my leisure time at night. I stay so focused and productive during the day that I feel that's the only time I get to relax and do my other things, like watch a little TV or play a bit of my xbox. When I tend to get on the xbox I tend to want to stay on there, that's the problem. Maybe if I could limit it to one hour max a day... That would be good.

    Usually I go a couple days without playing then I binge for 4 or 5 hours or play a lot on a day I have off... lol.

    Other than that I want to get started on Penile Enlargement, I want to gain some size, increase my erectile quality and feel more and more confident about my junk. I even bought some oil to use for it. I have so much spare time here at the slow store that I could even do it during the day. Just would have to be extra sanitary of course. That's something I really want to do.

    Also I subscribed to two magazines... "Barrons", which is an investment magazine. Want to continue to learn about stocks and funds and the investment world, and take advantage of my extra income. And also "Success" magazine, which kind of speaks for itself.

    Although I do enjoy my job to some extent, and there are perks to it, I do feel somewhat tied down with it. Maybe not as bad as I previously felt, but still do. I really want to get into Boxing and Jiu Jitsu, and was worried I would not be able to with the business. But I've come to realize that only about 4 months out of the year is it busy enough to even come close to having an excuse of not being able to do my martial arts, which even then I still can squeeze in a good amount of time for it.

    But I haven't even been going to classes consistently although I have the employees to cover me to do it. So what do I really have to worry about?

    Part of this business is I am burnt out on it. And it puts me in a difficult situation doing this with my father. I know he doesn't want to dothe majority of the grunt work himself, and honestly I don't really either, so we hire employees to do mostly everything involved in the low level stuff, so often times I am stuck there bored with nothing to do, feeling stuck because we don't have a house to "escape" to and take advantage of the fact that the employees are experienced enough to handle the serving parts of the business.

    It will all be better next year when we have a place we can go to.

    My concerns is with him and how he wants to move forward with things. He doesn't enjoy working the job, and can be somewhat lazy, and only wants to work 4 days a week (versus the 7 days a week that's required). I want to make as much money as I can, but don't want to be tied down to the point that I can't do the other things I want to do (like martial arts & taking days off). So i'm considering whether we both just work 4 days a week, or I work the full 7 days a week like I've been doing, considering I've still had time to do the things I want to do (although I haven't) and take a bigger paycheck.

    But if I do the 7 days a week thing, I want evening off (to do my martial arts) and it has to be a significant pay raise to the point of making it work it for me to do it. Otherwise I'd rather just keep it the way it is, and us both just have 4 days a week to work.

    Also my other concern is when he does "retire" which he wants to do, how much is he expecting to keep? Percentage wise? How much does he want for a ridiculous buy out price? These types of things really worry me. When we got into this we agreed this would be his retirement, but I never put it in the context of his retirement being the funds that he continues to keep when hes hardly involved with the business, I meant from the money he would make from the business himself the time he is there.

    Kind of a rant post, but things to think of. I do feel fully confident, that although its not that bad, and I get paid a somewhat passive income when the growing pains of the start of the season subside, THAT atleast in this context, of how the business has been this year, I do not want to do this for the rest of my life, and don't really care to be in business with my dad for the rest of my life.

    Overall I'm searching for something else, I am very passionate about the martial arts, and would love to do that as a career, but there are other things I want to do in the meantime. That's why I've been dedicated to this investment thing, if I could become knowledgable and skilled enough in this to make a steady income to where from day to day I don't have to devote so much "locked down" time, and I can use that to live off of, and pursue my dreams of being a martial artist champ with plenty of free time to spare. And if I could get into Real Estate, and use my good credit and business reputation to start making good money into that, I could be making a lot of $$$ (500k or so a year) and have all the resources I need to make my life the way I want to make it without worrying about this business as much...

    We'll see, just putting it all down.
     
  12. Robane

    Robane Member

    Hey man. Continue to stay busy and motivated. That will help you stay off porn. I also am interested in stock (day trading and swing trading, options trading) and real estate. Also I suggest drinking lemon water in the mornigs instead of just plain water. The lemon water helps neutralize the ph of the blood after the relative acidification that happens after sleeping. Also check out a motivational speaker named Tony Litster. He touched s whole range of subjects: porn addiction, business, health, meditation, etc.
     
  13. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Thanks man, I genuinely appreciate that. I will try out the lemon water. Do you use fresh water or lemon juice concentrate? Also I didn't know him by name but once I searched I did see one video of Tony Litster a while back on porn addiction, was a great vid, I will look into his stuff again.
     
  14. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so I am convinced. I need to start to Penile Enlargement excercises. I would love some extra size, but more importantly I need an increase in erectile strength. Even when I do masturbate to pornography my erection quality isn't great. My penis doesn't "lock" into place as often as I'd like, I have to really really be feeling the mood to get there. I'm sure through all my years of jerking it I've weakened my erectile function. Time to get that back.

    To be able to have strong, long lasting boners is a thing I think every guy wants, and a valuable thing to be attached to my identity. I want that for life, not just for now. And I know PE and kegals will do wonders for that. I am committed to improving my erectile health and size.

    But the reason I came to this convincing,,, Jan and me had sex last night, I wasn't able to finish. She was looking so sexy last night, all dressed up, just took a shower, had her nice sex shirt on, I came in the door and she was extremely affectionate and loving. She was trying to hard to be sexy and satisfy me, and I loved her doing that. But I wasn't feeling it, I really wasn't prepared, didn't take my pills to boost libido like I would have if she had told me.

    And although I purposely controlled my emotions and didn't get as frustrated with the situation when my gear doesn't work, I know she still had to be feeling bad. For her to be working so hard to please me, and attract me, and satisfy me, and for me not be able to perform, and her blame herself... That is absolutely unacceptable. And is simply selfish of me not to do everything I can to make her feel sexy and beautiful like she is.

    She really doesn't understand my troubles although she tries... I've told her I've had problems with other women in the past, but she still blames herself, as any normal woman who is not a model would... Like I said, it is simply selfish of me not to do what I need to do to make her feel beautiful, and so it goes I will do PE consistently from now on.

    This will give me confidence in my erections, and make me feel more comfortable in bed, and gain a good bit of size too.

    And more importantly make her feel sexy, and beautiful, and desired, like the she is.

    So that's that, I am committing to that. I know she feels insecure about her weight, because I am in good shape, and she is frankly well overweight. But in a situation like last night to where she was so prettied up, and loving and sexy, and covering up her tummy with a sexy shirt, her weight just can't be blamed. And I have to accept responsibility that I cannot side idly by and slowly wait for my errection quality to improve. I have to start making moves to improving it actively. And that's what I will do.

    All in all things have been good. We have been hitting the gym, eating healthy, and I have stayed busy during the day doing the things I need to do. I know it will continue to pay off. One day at a time.

    Have a couple events over the next few days, so will be staying somewhat busy with that.
     
  15. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Sheesh. If last night wasn't proof the Penile excercises work then idk what is. Did excercises about an hour before I went to go see Jan.

    I was feeling horny after hanging out with her and having food and I know my dick was feeling good and active, like it should be feeling lol... We went to have sex and I didn't have any problems at all. My penis felt strong. And "pumped". Looked big too, probably was psychological but still... lol.

    I was completely sober, I didn't have to drink to relax, or think wild sexual thoughts, or be over the top to get a "boost", I just had a healthy erection, and in so had good sex with my girlfriend. Felt really good. I wasn't even pumping hard, nice and easy like she likes and she came as I did. Felt good, was great sex together.

    So PE, I am committing to it, I have the time, lets make it happen.

    I am trying to associate "taking action towards my dreams" as Tony Robbins would suggest... Lets do it.
     
  16. hugo_c

    hugo_c Member

    Hey man - great to see how well you're doing. 2 businesses at your age - that's amazing!

    Love the comment about Tony Robbins as well - he's the man!

    After some recent health issues I've started to work out again, doing mainly bodyweight stuff as I've injured myself several times with weights. Forgot how great it feels to exercise.
     
  17. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Thanks man!!! I appreciate the words of encouragement.

    That's great buddy. Glad to hear it. I know it's not easy, especially starting out but definitely worth it. Bodyweight stuff does fine. Little cardio and your right on point
     
  18. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so I bluntly fucked up yesterday. I jacked off during the day in a situation that I shouldn't have. Won't go into any more detail than that but I used a webcam chat and blew like $150... Goes quick when you use that thing...

    Tbh I know it's not as bad as pornography, cuz you don't have the same amount of dopamine overload, (although you are searching girl after girl). But it's still terrible, and stupid fucking expensive. I couldn't even tell you how much $ I've lost doing that and phone sex chat.

    I'm not mad at myself, I'm not drowned in sorrow, but I am committing to making the decision to never do that again in that context, it was inappropriate in general and especially in this way. Something that is simply unacceptable.

    The night before I was feeling tempted as well. But I fought through it pretty strongly and won. I changed my body language. I yelled! I slowed down my thinking, and didn't "jump" to anything. I can do this, I just need to remember to slow down my thinking and weigh everything before I make a decision. That helps a lot I think. Weigh the pros and cons to myself.

    Also I'm trying to delay gratification on things that I impusively want. Trying to control my diet and eat better, which I've done pretty good at, (lost 2 pounds in that past couple weeks), if there's something that I want to "jump" to, even if its not sex related, I try to delay myself from doing that thing for a while.

    Trying to consciously be happy as well. Can do that a lot more, but working on it haaaa. Was watching a video on RSD and was talking about how when you are waiting for a "destination" to be happy, and not happy in the moment, you are literally training yourself not to be happy. So even though I'm not exactly where I want to be, I still want to be grateful for where I'm at and continue to work on the skill of being happy and comfortable.

    Went to a party last night with my gf, didn't even drink, wanted to build social skill and courage without drinking. Saw another article that says you numb yourself and diminish your social skills when you drink. So I am going to try to be sober when going to public events, everyone else drinks anyways, so its not too uncomfortable, and I improve from it :)

    Been listening to affirmations and subliminals still almost every day. Been doing that for almost a year now I think.

    Also been doing PE consistently, only done it for 2 days in a row (supposed to do 2 days on, one day off) and yesterday was my off day, so I'll do it tonight. Really am going to commit to that.

    I need to get on the Jiu Jitsu this upcoming week. Its a 2 week trial, and you get unlimited fundamentals classes in that time, so I should go for every class I can. Have to work that out, on how I am going to go on days I am at the slow location.

    Other than that everythings good. Me and Jan have been going to the gym, we want on a brief walk this morning, I need to start getting up earlier and being active in the mornings. She wanted to get up earlier, but I didn't and talked her into laying in bed. That's on me. I must improve at that.
     
  19. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so two nights ago I used pornography very heavily. I am not down in the dumps about it. Just need to be more conscious of the times I use.

    Overall, I have spent about $400 the last two times I have masturbated... Wow. When you put that down on "paper" that sounds really, really bad. Watched porn for three hours the other night...

    I must use better self control. And if I do have to use, don't go all out. Limit myself to 30 minutes, and absolutely no webcam... It is way to expensive.

    So that's the thing... Limit myself. If I mess up, mess up lightly. Don't dig yourself a grave Erik.

    Outside of that I have done good... Have been staying busy and productive, doing my PE, and been having good sex with Jan... The PE has done wonders for my erectile health. I could even tell a difference when I was using porn last night. Not the right context to take advantage of my healthy boners... But still.

    If I must do something, limit it to 30 minutes. Masturbation is a much better option, I feel better about myself and more confident. It's actually much much more fulfilling... Just take a little bit longer to get going.

    Don't JUMP to anything Erik... Delay gratification... I actually will spend more time using, that I ever would fighting the urge and delaying the impulse to use.

    I can do this... I know I can, I need to start making this more of a focus, more conscious effort being put back into celebrating recovery. I have my sexaholics anonymous book... I am going to start reading it. I am reading three books almost every day right now. Once I finish one (which I am very close to) I will swap in my sexaholics anonymous book.

    Sounds like a plan. I can do this. I have slipped a little bit here after doing extremely well, but I am convinced to get the momemtum back fully in my favor. "It's not who you are underneath, its what you do that defines you"

    Lets start doing the things that define me and get me intuned with what I want to be.
     
  20. Sound fx

    Sound fx How bad do you want it? GO GET IT THEN.

    Okay so back on the track, back on the grind!

    Had an event yesterday, went good, was so busy didn't go to the gym last night. Will go the next two nights in a row.

    Haven't felt all that bad, haven't been moping around like I normally would after having a relapse. Went to the gym the next day still, and was decently productive that day, not as much as a normal day but decently productive. I think it's all signs that I am improving, I am healing, I am managing this addiction better and better as time goes on.

    Been doing PE consistently, only day I took off was the day I relapsed, even did that the next day too. So did my two days in a row and tonight is the day off. Me and Jan plan to have sex tonight so that works out well. The relapse really sets my libido back, feels scattered when I relapse, I'm not as confident in bed and feel shame. Not as initiative with it as I am if I have a free conscious.

    I must continue to stay clean and celebrate recovery, Jan deserves that, just like she deserves me do dick excercises to improve erectile quality. I want to continue to make her feel beautiful, like she is.

    Things have changed at work. There are gonna be some new owners. Could work out to our advantage though. Potentially moving to the big city. These changes would completely alter my life, and I have grown accustomed to where I live currently. But it's too good of an opportunity to pass up. If this goes through, I probably wouldn't move next year, would be the year after that, would have to continue to save up $ and branch out there. Feel like I would prefer another year where I am at anyways. Haven't really had time to sit back and smell the roses here, with the exception of vacationing with my girlfriend, and the offseason holidays.

    Getting my form back in the gym, I can see the difference. Lost 3 pounds so far.

    Jiu Jitsu, next week is when I start!!! I am pumped, have to get the schedule worked out to where I can go when I'm at the slow store. Have an idea to where I can make it, it will work out.

    Been listening to a lot of subliminals still, feel it's paying off. Been listening to one for athletic improvement and can feel a difference when I run. A lot smoother. Also listening to a couple to increase learning ability.

    Diets been good, eating a lot of subway lol. But being smart about what I get there.

    Need to pop back in my positive audio books when I'm driving, listened to the Tony Robbins one probably 5 times lol. Will listen to the other one I bought, only listened to that one once I think.

    Been reading as usual, didn't read yesterday, being busy with the events and all but am gonna read after I get off of here now. Usually about 20 pages a day. Not counting the countless stuff I research and look at on the internet.

    Stocks trading good, almost everythings in the green.

    More gains to come.
     

Share This Page