Stop giving in

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Stopgivingin, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Hi guys!
    My name is stop giving in and i am from europe. First of all you have to excuse my english as i am not a native speaker.
    As most of you i suffer from pornography addiction.
    To be honest my case could be worse but for me it feels pretty bad.
    Like most of you it started all innocent when i got my first porn cd when i was around 14.
    As time went on for a pretty long time things didn't worsen as i was still consuming the same 'harmless' material online. I got my first girlfriend at the age of 17 which i am still together with now after 11 years. When everything was fresh in the relationship i stopped watching porn for about half a year without even thinking about it.
    But As time went on bad habits started to reappear. This time it got worse and the material i consumed got weirder and weirder as yeara went on. When I'm done i feel empty and just think what the hell have you been watching. Again! Why are you doing this?
    This isn't my first attempt to stop but this time shall be the last time that i quit. I opened this thread as my kind of logbook... My place to come to and write when i feel weak which will happen as i work in shifts.. And i got plenty of time on my own..
    Today is day 1 of what i want to be a thousands of day.
    I have to keep in mind there is no peeking, not just a quick look for...
    The main reasons for me to do this is to feel free again.. To get closer to my girlfriend which i truly love and want to marry but as long as i am relapsing it's not possible for me. Also i want to get rid of this weird stuff that i aquired.
    So this was my introduction.
    I hope some of you will read this and we can get into exchange about our weaknesses our strength and what helps us to break free.

    So what are you opinions? Where your are currently at? What are you doing when you home alone and a trigger his you?
    Also i got a question. Is there anyway to block porn on your celldevice and still use chrome?

    Best wishes

    Last edited: Dec 4, 2017
  2. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    So it has been the first day of my streak. Day 1 felt pretty easy and throughout the day i had a good feeling. I had a nice day at work and managed to get things done at home.

    What kind of gave me a bad feeling where the thoughts if my sexual appetite will ever go back to normal and if I will ever find the things disgusting that used to disgust me before porn took its toll...

    Hope whoever reads this also had a pmo free day!
  3. matthewmammothrept

    matthewmammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Hello, stopgivinin! Welcome to YBR! Glad to see that you are taking back your sexuality. Wish you the best as your rebooting journey goes on!

    There are a lot of strategies for when the urges come. I personally doing a quick exercise, holding your breath, and simply leaving the room, your computer or phone to be the simplest. But you to be able to put these strategies in place, you need to have good discipline. Mediation and cold showers can help in the regard... you need to make sure you make the "right" choice in the moment.
  4. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Thanks for the reply i might try that. I think it would be a good thing for me learn meditation although it might be difficult in the beginning.

    Day 2 is done!
    What worries me sometimes when i recall my porn addition is if the tastes that i acquired over the years are the 'real me' because even though i do feel strong arousal it also makes me feel bad at the same time when i watch porn. I am still able to get off to Normal stuff but it's missing the kick somehow...
    So which adds to that depressed feeling is when i browse the Web for new research on porn addiction is when i stumble upon articles of the deniers... Like David lay and I start asking myself what if he is right and we are plain wrong.
    Then i consider the rush that i get when i relapse. Real fast heart beat and even shivering.. It is so wrong.

    Anyway i need to quit this shit.
    Hope you had a pmo free day once again!
  5. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Hey man.

    From experience (I have been trying to quite for maybe 4 years now) I can say that the longer I stay clean the less I want the weird stuff...

    If I have a good long streak I just want to be closer with a girl more than anything. So just try to stay clean and those weird things will fade into the background.

    Good luck man.
  6. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Thanks for the reply. I've read your thread and saw you dedication!
    Best wishes for you!
    Day 3 is done. I think i will be easily able to make it to 6 days but monday will be difficult because i will be home alone after a 24 hour shift. I will have to prepare myself. Maybe take a long jogg and physically exhaust myself!
  7. chrism

    chrism It's time to make a change.

    Hey man, it’s nice to know that people are reading :)

    And yeah dedication is probably the main think that is making me think I am making some progress, just keep going and at the very least you won’t keep going to that bad place and getting worse.

    Your idea about the long jog is a good one, since I started going to the gym I have made a lot more progress.

    Good luck man! 3 days is a great start!
  8. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    So day 4 is done.
    It has been a pretty exhausting week at work and finally its weekend! Unfortunately i gotta work on Sunday...
    I have been reading about escalation on ybop. Pretty interesting publications are listed there and some of them are from pubmed so it is serious research. Sadly the research on addiction is just at its beginning..
    I will be really interested how porn is perceived in ten years...
    Have a nice weekend!
    TheScriabin likes this.
  9. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Active Member

    Regarding porn perception in 10 years, I think it's going to be an up-hill struggle. It's so part of the mainstream, a lot of people don't really recognise the damage it's causing.

    But that is not so important, because life is always full of such challenges, and we musn't fall into the trap of thinking any time in human history is any better or worse than what came before. It was ever thus, and ever will it be so. There has always been temptation, and in anything from Biblical parables to Greek mythology each culture has its own stories of temptation leading to the destruction or enlightenment of men. The best each of us can do is work on ourselves, and there is plenty of good science out there for those who wish to learn, not least on the brilliant YBOP that you mention.

    Things are perhaps more challenging for the so-called 'lost' generation who don't always have the guidance of religion or close-knit communities with common values. But even in the stories we will be familiar with from our time, for example the plots of video games and modern movies, the same archetypes are there: brave warriors, wise kings, prophetical witches and wizards, cunning serpents, tempting sirens and terrifying dragons etc. The hero in a modern video game is appealing to us because we are playing the role of the hero, but it is only virtual, symbolic of the journey that, at some point, we need to embark on in the real world.
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2017
  10. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Wow that was pretty deep. I think i understood what you were saying... And you're most likely right saying that it will be an uphill battle but that has also been the same with smoking and the tobacco industry and look where we are right now.. But to get to that point it will take a long time and i hope i don't struggle with my addiction anymore at that point.

    This night wasn't such a good night as i woke up and got aroused by thoughts and scenarios that popped up in my mind.. Somehow i managed to calm myself and wipe the thoughts aside.
  11. matthewmammothrept

    matthewmammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Yes you might get discouraged initially. When you first start meditating you actually feel that your compulsive thinking gets worse. That's because you are paying attention to it now, unlike before, and its wildness is unnerving. Just continue your practice, and it will get better.
  12. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Active Member

    :D Sorry, I didn't mean to get so off topic! I think it's always good to go a little deeper, and 'look closer' as they say in that movie American Beauty. The things that face us now are really no different to the challenges of the past, and I think it's good not to be too deceived by appearances. S'all I was saying. The internet and porn, and the future, is indeed worrying, frightening even, but adversity is nothing new.
  13. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Okay that sounds good is there any kind of online turtorial which you
    Could recommend?
  14. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    If my day counting app is right 82 days left.
    I think what is really important for a successful reboot is to abstain from any kind of artificial stimulation. A simple YouTube video clip might be enough to push one over the edge. Also fantasizing is bad because it leads to relaps too.
    What I think also important for a reboot is to solve one's underlying issues because porn addiction might only be a symptom to numb one's depression or in my case to get over my low self esteem... I'm not entirely sure this is the root for my pmo addiction but it most definitely played it's part.
    And even though I know I shouldn't feel bad about me (decent looking and somehow successful) i still don't know how to love myself...
    Anyway i try to work constantly on my weak spots and try to improve myself. Stop procrastinating and getting things done. Hope you guys have a good weak.
  15. TheScriabin

    TheScriabin Active Member

    You are right on every level, but you mention the things you need to stop doing. That's good, but you have to think about the positive things you need to start doing to fill the void in your life that porn has been filling.

    I'm sure you know this, but it's good to be reminded of it.

    Do not disregard any of your feelings. Not knowing how to love yourself is a very good starting point, and an honest expression of not knowing what love is. Those who love themselves don't even think about out because they have known it in a felt sense. Ask some people, 'what is love to you?' and they will answer in a flash. Ask others, and they won't know what to say. That may provide some pointers into your family life. If you don't feel self-love, it is likely people didn't make you feel loved. But you are deserving of love, totally derving of it. So you need to be a Sherlock Holmes, exploring your past in order to understand where this stuff came from, the low self-esteem, the difficulty loving yourself. It is vital that you do this.

    At the same time you gotta experiment with new positive behaviours that will help you feel good about yourself, the very act of doing this is self-loving.
    Stopgivingin likes this.
  16. Stopgivingin

    Stopgivingin New Member

    Thx scriabin i like your thinking because you tend to explain things from a different kind of view and you do point out the things which i think are good for me.
    Well 77 days to go.
    Well i had a good feeling but the last 2days dragged me down because i thought alot about fetishes and if might have one...
    Any way i gotta abstain from pmo because it's a very unhealthy habit and will lead to pain, loneliness and Emptiness.
    Sometimes i ask myself if my aquired fetishes might just be ocd related because i already had 2 severe episodes of hocd and i already feared getting als and a dozens of other things... Still this time it feels different but i think it's always this way.. Otherwise you wouldn't fear those things you obsess about.
    Well that might have been a bit confusing to read but i hope you will be able to understand what i tried to express. Have a nice weekend folks.

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