Slowly Getting Older

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by 100DaysMission, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    All good in the hood, this forum is pretty quiet at the minute it seems - hope everyone's doing good.

    I want to start three more positive routines to implement into my daily practices.

    1. Cold showers (in the morning, I can have a warm one at night).
    2. Three sets of press-ups, repeat until failure each time. (I want to start exercising like I used to, and this will just get me into the routine of doing a little every day, hopefully I can build from there).
    3. Pelvic floor relaxation exercises. I stumbled across these a little while ago, and may as well try them for a little while. I have a slight issue with premature ejaculation, but no other symptoms of a weak or tight pelvic floor. So I will do some relaxing exercises for a while, and then some strengthening exercises and see if I notice any changes.

    I will do all of these things every day hopefully, I will post how I get on. Plus they should all have the benefit of improving my mental, sexual and physical well-being.
  2. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Yeah it is totally quiet, I've been in ghost mode for a while, I come here everyday but most of the time I don't leave a trace.
    I'm glad you're doing good!

    Good luck with the improvement things!
  3. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Well I like the update, it looks a lot better, and it seems much more user-friendly. Private messaging looks better, and typing replies is easier (though I can't figure out how to embed quotes anymore - anyone?).
    I probably won't use the social media side of the new forum, but maybe it'll be good for some people.

    Anyway, day 84! I have kept up with my three new daily routines for three days in a row now. It's nice to wake up feeling tightness from exercise each morning.
    I haven't noticed any improvements yet from my pelvic floor exercises though. And I forgot that cold showers lead to me having lots of spots on my face - hopefully this calms down a little bit, otherwise I will have to drop them.

    Hope everyone's well, and have a great start to the weekend guys!
  4. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Well the cold shower experiment has to end, my spots are getting really bad - this tends to happen when I do cold showers without my acne medication.
    But not to worry, I will keep up my exercise, that is the most important thing!

    Day 85 done! And seeing M tonight and all day tomorrow which will be nice :)
  5. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Less than two weeks from the 100!

    Spots have started to improve already after dropping the cold showers. Have stuck to exercises and pelvic floor relaxation stretches though (not noticed any changes with the latter).

    I've also had M over for the last two nights, and she's coming round again tonight. We're just making the most of each other being in the same country before she heads home for a month. Things are going really, really well. She is really keen to introduce me to her friends, so I have met a few and it went well. Me and her get on much better when we are just out and about, and still great when we are cuddled up together. We do a lot, we just lie in each other's space...sometimes no talking, no music - just breathing each other in. Being at peace. I'm liking her more and more, and she is really into me, which is just great.
    We haven't tried sex for maybe 3/4 weeks now. Going to wait until after the holidays now, because I am having a sexual health check-up, so it seems silly to start before getting my results (just to be sure). But we are getting really good at satisfying each other in other ways. And also I don't mind because I think another month's abstinence from anything will help with my erections even more.

    The only time I think about porn is when I come on this forum. Even then, occasionally when I'm writing my journal I forget why I started this journal, or what it was initially about. Though I won't get complacent. The Christmas break will be hard. I'll be away from M, but also there will be lots of triggers to contend with that have been absent from my term of study. Returning to my old childhood bedroom, returning to a stressful working environment, returning (probably) to at least sporadic drug use. So even though 87 days have been and gone, the battle will properly resume in a week and a half.

    Take care folks.
  6. esa490

    esa490 Member

    I am glad to see the progress you have made man. I haven't been on in about 12 days and it is really strange to see this new interface. It looks really modern compared to before! Best wishes to you and M and belated Happy Thanksgiving! (American here)


  7. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Good to hear everything's going well. Is it love that you feel for M? have you ever been in love?

    I'm not sure I have!
  8. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks for the reply Emmanuel - I hope you had a great thanksgiving too!

    And good to hear from you too DoW. I don't think it is love, and like you I have never been in love (well reciprocated love at least. I have loved girls, and girls have loved me I think...but never in a mutual partnership).
  9. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Day 90.

    Feeling proud. But ten to go really, to fulfil my destiny...haha.

    This is only the second time I've hit 90 days, since I first had problems with ED/discovered YBR back in 2013. I've had some other good streaks, but hitting 90 has only happened once before. I actually managed to go for half a year, but I didn't really get a chance to re-wire. I eventually ended up relapsing because I was just exhausted by travelling (I was back-packing around the States at the time), and ended jacking it to hotel porn when I was cooped up by the airport for two days before I flew home.

    So I guess my long-term goal is to beat half a year. But short-term - I really want to get to 100.
    Though it's really interesting how different this streak feels compared to the last, no doubt due to the re-wiring (I'll probably elaborate on this a little later). And it's nice to know that even if I relapse, I will have made significant progress with overcoming ED, so that is something to hold on to.
    However, I'm still feeling really positive, so I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing for the time-being. M goes home in 3 days (only for a month though). So we have been practically living with each other the past week or so - it's been really cool. We'll start having sex after the holidays too, so that is something to look forward to/get nervous about. But definitely exciting, and I'm grateful to have a month's abstinence from Os beforehand.

    Enjoy the start of your weekend folks.
  10. dontgiveup

    dontgiveup Member

    91 days! Amazing! I'm very proud of you and can't wait to hear more
  11. esa490

    esa490 Member

    One more week yo. You got this.

  12. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks guys, it's certainly nice to know what day I'll hit my target if I stay disciplined.
    For now I'd like to tie up a few loose ends, with regards to journalling, before I hit the 100 (hopefully) and talk more explicitly about the progress with pornography addiction.

    So, my term has finished at university. It's been good, I've enjoyed it, but I really haven't done much work. I don't have deadlines until the end of next term, but most of my assessment is coursework-based so I really need to knuckle down next term.
    I have been busy with good things though. Joining groups and societies, practicing a lot of piano, and attending lots and lots of non-compulsory seminars and lectures. I haven't been lazy, I just need to prioritise better next term - getting a decent mark in that which I study has to be the most important thing really. I'm feeling confident, and disciplined, and happy and I just need to direct all that.

    I also met M. Really near the start of term - we've actually been dating for over 2 months now, though she's just gone home and we won't see each other until a week into the new year. I thought I'd write some thoughts about her and the relationship before I forget. It'll be useful for me.

    She likes me a lot. This is really good because I feel completely secure, and she is bringing out a lot of confidence, and she is helping me to stop doubting myself. She's non-judgemental, and we value many of the same things in a relationship - honesty, openness, reflection.
    I make her happy. I am kind, and thoughtful and I find it easy to think of and say nice things to her, and to do things that show that I value her. I make time for her, and I can please her sexually (This took a while...I thought she was O'ing from the start of our relationship, but I asked and she wasn't. I was probably a bit naive there. But I'm glad she told the truth. I had to learn and practice and she gave a few pointers, but after a few weeks I could make her O with my fingers, and lately with my tongue as well. We're going to start having sex in the New Year, we were waiting for my STI results, though they'll probably come back negative. So it'll be exciting to learn how to have good sex, though I'm also a little scared because of any PIED skeletons. Anyway, this is a long parenthesis and I can probably talk about this at a later date.).

    So the last thing to cover is how I feel about her.
    Positives - She is a really great person, and I miss her when we're not together. I'm attracted to her, I can be myself around her and she seems to like that, she cares for me and that makes me so happy, and she makes me laugh. I like that we aren't just sexual together - we are affectionate, and tender and playful...but also passionate too. I think she's really pretty, and she is really level-headed and wise. And although we don't have much in common, we are both open to trying new things (for now).
    Negatives - I do over-think (you are right DoW), and I need to control that a bit better. Most of the problems that I've wrote about before, have been caused by me thinking and hypothesising when I've been by myself, as opposed to being caused by events that happen when we're together. Like, I'm worried about what my friends will think of her. I like her body, but she is a little overweight, and although it's a dickhead thing to admit, I would care what other people thought. That's a horrible thing to write, but I have to tell the truth.
    There's mainly two main, rational concerns I have. The first is that, I'm not sure how we will get along when we are a little further down the line. We are still a new couple, but when/if that initial infatuation subsides maybe we won't get on so well. Though there is an easy solution to this problem - simply wait and see, there's no point trying to second-guess. So I won't.
    The second concern, is that I hate maintaining long-distance relationships. Platonic or romantic. Just every aspect of them does my head in, and I have to force myself to make an effort for the sake of politeness, but I always get tired. I can't think of anyone I've spoken to regularly online in the past 6 months, who I haven't also seen in person regularly within the last six months. I don't enjoy messaging people regularly who I don't see often (I mainly meet up with friends), I don't enjoy phone-calls in general, and I don't enjoy video-calls with anyone.
    So this month apart with M is just going to be a case of getting through it. But if it's bad, and I get annoyed, part of me will think what's the point. We'll be together from January for another couple of months, then she'll go home for another month, and then we'll be together for a few weeks and then I won't see her for four months (I'm going travelling). So we'll see how this month goes, but I don't think I'll enjoy much of it (with regards to being in a relationship). It's not her fault though, so I need to remember that. But it's making me moody just writing about it.

    This post kinda ended on a sour note. With people I know, there are very few interactions that aren't face to face, that I enjoy. Though with people who I've never met, I find these online interactions really interesting - I guess it's fun to imagine and build real people from fragments of information.
    Anyway yeah, so that is an update on everything non-porn about the last three months or so. I'll talk about porn, and erections and addiction if I hit 100 days. (Then hopefully I can figure out how to change my username, haha).

    Peace, and all the best to you brothers.
  13. esa490

    esa490 Member

    I think its great that you are being reflective on your relationship with M. I do agree that it is a little bit dickish to care so much about what your friends think of her when it is something not regarding her personality. You know, she seems to be treating you well and you her and you guys are happy. Anyways, its not my place to judge and I do not kinow everything so I will stay positive for the rest of this post. I am very happy for you 100Days and am glad to see that you have made a lot of progress and have learned a lot about yourself on this journey. I am glas you have found someone and she makes you happy. Finally, if things don't work out, I hope you remember that everything is a learning experience. It was really great to read your honest reflections on the cusp of achieving your namesake.

    All the best,

  14. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Thank you Emmanuel! I wish my counter went back further. Even back in June/July I was PMO'ing multiple times a day.

    And you are very right, she does treat me well. I do definitely know that it is very dickish (not just a little) to care what my mates think about about her weight - especially because they will just be happy for me, they won't even care. I think how I feel is more a symptom of wanting to fit in (even though I do), and being validated by other people, so I'm going to try and do some rational thinking, and find some better thought processes.
    But yeah, I don't want to be a dick, I just need to be honest to myself in order to see the cause of these thoughts :) Especially because I don't even have a great body (I'm a little underweight probably), but she has been really keen to introduce me to a few of her friends. Though weirdly I think I actually like her body more than she likes mine. I just care more about what other people think of hers, than she does mine. But now I'm rambling.

    I appreciate your reply Emmanuel, it has already helped me to dig a little deeper.
  15. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    First of all, I read the book Norwegian Wood, and the whole time, the main character made me think of you. Such a great guy. I'm secretly glad to read that you care about what your friends might think about M's weight, because I would feel totally the same, and I would also feel like a dick because of it. Very interesting. It's so ridiculous, right?! The good thing is, though, that you're aware of it. Because of that, you could choose to just see it through. Don't let it stop you from letting her meet your friends and don't let it ruin it. Some people would've misinterpreted that fear for other people's opinions as their own opinion, so, even though you feel like a dick, be glad that you're aware of it.
    I guess this is (a part of) 'growing up', finding out that fear of other's opinions could mean losing a great girl.

    Good luck, keep us noted, we're proud, as always! (ALMOST 100 DAYS WHUAAAT)
  16. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    Thanks for the reply DoW, I haven't come across that book - I will try to check it out!

    Yes, I do need to keep exploring and thinking about this situation. I haven't stopped her meeting any of my friends though, she has met a lot of people I know, just not any close friends yet, but that has been a logistical issue. But you're right, it is a part of growing up I guess. I'm very independent really, and quite mature - just I have a lot to learn with relationships.

    And yes, thank you!! I am looking forward to hitting 100 days :) Is your counter up to date? If so, you're doing really well too!
  17. 100DaysMission

    100DaysMission Active Member

    100 DAYS!!!!


    Done and dusted. No P, no M, no edging.

    Full update to follow.

    It's been a journey!
  18. deadofwinter

    deadofwinter Active Member

    Congrats dude! :)
    You're an inspiration, can't wait to hear your observations and noticed changes. I'm gonna take this whole NF/NP seriously again as from today.

    (My counter wasn't correct, IF ONLY!)
  19. esa490

    esa490 Member

    Big ups man. Keep it up!
  20. Londoner

    Londoner Active Member

    Fantastic! Congratulations, really happy for you - now keep it going! :)

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