Should I publish a book? Would this community support me?

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by MO19, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. MO19

    MO19 Member

    New update :)
     
  2. MO19

    MO19 Member

    made it to day 17 today and relapsed after taking a shower.. I just wanted to cum...I was by myself...I endeed up falling asleep at 7am and waking up at 9pm. I havnt eaten and have no food. everything is closed.. Im actully thinking of fapping untill 12am because thats when the new day starts//

    But since winter break is this this week, I will take my laptop home and leave it there for the semester. (3months)

    This should help me not stay in my room stuck to the computor "relaxing". ill force me to leave by killing me with bordom. I signed up for therapy next semester, and also a social club. I will change my life :) it will be uncofortable but do able

    Day 1 is tomorrow.
     
  3. TheYoungOne

    TheYoungOne Member

    We all have those days, sadly. But I hope you get back on your feet soon!

    P.S. When you have that unconquerable motivation firing up in your heart, use that power to create a plan to the life of your dreams. After the fire dies down (like it always does), follow through on the plan whether you feel like it or not. You've got this! :)
     
  4. Veeav

    Veeav New Member

    I hope you're doing well. Remember if you relapse after 10 days then you made 10 steps forward and 1 back. Every period pays off :p
    Good luck :rolleyes:
     
  5. MO19

    MO19 Member

    thank you man. I agree with you
     
  6. MO19

    MO19 Member

    I fapped a day before new years and havnt fapped since. I turned my laptop off, and sealed it up with its package and left it on the top shelf of my closet along with my ipod touch. As with my htc phone, I erased everything I had on it, and bought myself a dumb phone on amazon.com which has abolutly no internet. Its a simple call and hard to text message type of phone. I gave my htc phone to my dad. My parents were surprised and kinda unsure if i should do this or not. No internet, no youtube, no emails, no google maps. They gave me alot of what if sinarios and i said i rather have little inconvenices then keep being addicted to porn and masterbation. I told them i wanted to find my purpose in life and help others, but in order to do that i would have to beat this addiciton. They were proud of me to say the least.

    Today I came back to college after winter break. My parents left. Then it hit me like a baseball piched to my face. The profound sadness and lonlieness. The anxiety. i wanted to cry and chase my parents car. No...This semester will be diffrent....You love your self and somthing happened over break..Im diffrent..Ive made my choice in life. I respect myself more...But i have no freinds!

    I got food and took a nap..Woke up and felt alittle empty. I reached for my phone several times in my dorm hoping to find my smartphone so that i could google stuff which would eventully drop me off at a place that would make me feel worst...But wait no phone, just this dumb brick...

    I went to get somthing to eat and came to the library since this is the only place i have access to the internet now.

    Classes start tomorrow and ill sign up for a club, just to help me socialize and get me out of my comfort zone..

    I also want to take a cooking class, or a class with heating up and making things out of glass.

    Ill keep you posted on how my lonely dead life changes over the course of these 3 months .

    And thanks for reading.

    Mo19
     
  7. MO19

    MO19 Member

    NOFAP day 27

    Its been 17 days since my parents drove away leaving me here at college with no internet, no phone, no laptop and no IPod. So over this 17-day span I have gone through so much and have had very bad withdrawals.

    The first week was weird. I kept reaching for my phone and I missed being on YouTube at night. I felt free. A much needed break. By week 2, not having an iPod was hitting me hard. I’m a music fanatic! I love listening to music, and I would have my earphones in my ears for around 8 hours a day, to the point of having sores insides my ears. I loved music. Music in the morning, music when studying, walking to class, working out, and when going to sleep. I went from 8 hours to nothing...It affected me a lot. I laid bored in bed. No music or internet...no YouTube or Instagram...This forced me to go out to the gym, to go photograph downtown, and to join a business club at my university.

    The internet has been my world. Since childhood, I would spend a ton of time in the internet. It was my shell were I could hide from the world. When I gave up my shell in exchange for freedom from addiction I felt weird, naked, exposed, and I saw my life in a new light. I saw my life as a blank canvas! No hobbies, no nothing....a fresh start..

    Side effects- more social, more confident, more self-love, less comparing self to others, boredom is so big that you have to leave your dorm and find something else to do which gets you up and out which is good. I also suffered periods(days) of not wanting to talk to anyone, days where you have massive social anxiety, restlessness, insomnia(I had it before but mabey im noticeing it now since im not on my phone) ? Depression, Alof of fantasizing and memories from my past, flashbacks, headaches! Extreme border.



    But ever since i gave up the internet I have had no triggers and therrfore have not relaps! I have so much self confidence and am sure life will get so much better for me, it will be full of freinds, adventure, love and fun!

    Wish me luck
    MO19
     
  8. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Day 33 no fap.
    Im very upset. The reality is that I have been living in a fantasy world. A world made up in my head. A world were I have no social anxiety, shyness and a world were I do things that I want because I don't care what other things.

    Yes Ive been in denial, but today I day dreamed for an hour and got really anxious and almost ran to a computer to keep daydreaming. Im doing a no internet challenge and so I've been spending alot of time in the library to use the internet...but i never search up things that i like...i have no hobbies...interets...

    I just search up popular people, celeberties and successful people ...i image myself as them...i imagine my life like this and i just sit here fantasizing all day...Im really sad and ashamed..Im embarrassed..but Im happy im not in denial abou this anymore...bUT SAD...i feel embarrassed exposing myself but i need and stop running from my reality..my life...im ashamed of it...and so i chose to ignore it and pretend to live as other people...It goes hand in hand with fantasizing with porn...but since I've been clean, I've been noticing all these chains on my hands, feet and neck...I need to get them off....
    I get anxious without the internet,...Like i cant hide myself anymore...

    To fi this i think i should just not search youtube videos....make a list of things i want to do and pursue them....






    I just want to find myself, my style, personality, who I am, and love myself..
     
  9. MO19

    MO19 Member

    DAY 14
    OMG! Ever since I gave up the internet, and all my technology for that fact, My grades went up! Ive been working out, Ive gone kayaking! Im more social and confident! And no temptatoin at all!! I feel so great! I feel my brain slowly resetting and clearing up.

    the first month was filled with anxiety, panic attacks, fanasizing about internet for hours on end. I would pase around my dorm at 3am becasue i just watched to beon the internet. I needed it!!! And i would have given up this chllenge if it wasnt for me leaving all my technology at home when i came to college. I also hadvery graphic horrible sexual, vilent day dreams which started to scare and worry me abit. I realized that the videos i was watching on youtube and the gore videos that i had watched were actully effecting and had effected me! I had no idea it was harrming me to watch shooting videos on youtube. I unscribed and have just litened to music. I haveresorted back to all things that are healthy. No vilence, no action,..kinda like a clense which has to happen for many many months as i continue o make progress in recoevry,.

    As part of my recovery, I picked up oil pastels art as art therapy. it makes me just, express my self with colors, relax, desress and it very hands on and gets your finders messy. I love it! I picked up photagrahy, which forces me to go out! and am trying kayaking..
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2017
  10. MO19

    MO19 Member

     
  11. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Day 26 no fap! I have way less self hate. Withdrawal is real and still continues in my life. To cope, I hit the gym, photograph from time to time, and draw with oil pastels. No social life, As i dont want one yet untill i get a nose job to fix my big broken nose, then Ill make a facebook, post on instagram and twitter as Ill be more confident. Ill reach out and start traveling and making freinds as i wont hate my self image and wont dread taking pictures. My nose is the resaon for my social anxiety, why i hide inside all the time, and why I turned to porn. Ive wanted a nose job since 8th grade as ive always hated my nose, and have gotten bullied throughout life becasue of it. Im still saving up money, and the cost will be around 6000. I have 1,500 right now and am continueing to save and spend as little as possible. soon! Ill take me around 1 1/2 years. so ill have it before i graduate and turn 21 hopefully!
     
    koolman likes this.
  12. koolman

    koolman Member

    Good luck with your goals man I'm kind of thinking about travelling an saving money for that.
     
  13. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Thank you man. And yes traveling is my dream too!
     
  14. MO19

    MO19 Member

    I relapsed after hitting day 35. I very very happy with my progress as i have been going doing long streaks this whole year. Im now on a mission to hit day 39 with will surpass my longest streak of 38 days which i hit last year :).

    I also got a raise at work and ever since i stopped fapping, my depression went away!!! a full month without depression and self hate. Im still going strong on that no phone, no laptop challeneg, and keeping my use of public computer to less than 3 hours.
    My withdrwals have been so strong, like never before..1 week ago i was acully clenching my firsts, crossing my legs and bitting my pillow becasue of the temptation and withdrawl.
    But it wont kill me so ill see how long i can go :)!
    Day 1!
     
  15. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Should I write a book about my experience, the things I've gone through? Amazon was offering a trip to london and alot of money which i could use to help me grow fapnosity, my website...Would i have your guy's support?..I mean untimately this is all about this community. I want dream of helpping people all around the world.. I need to help poepl who are stuck like i was for 11 years! I need to get my story out to motivate others, and show them that I am proof that even the ost addicted can get out and turn there lives around.. What do you guys think?
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2017

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