Should I publish a book? Would this community support me?

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by MO19, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. MO19

    MO19 Member

    DAYS Day 0

    Let me list the symptoms of a 10 year addict.
    -Memory loss
    -Boners that get in the way of life
    -not finding the pleasure of everyday life due to excessive dopamine released when fapping
    -Testicular pain
    -Emotionally unattached
    -easy to intimidate
    -hate confrontation
    -not being able to hold deep and meaningful relationships or friendships
    -erectile disfunction
    -hard time focusing
    -Paying no attention to girls in a romantic way
    -Anxiety attacks
    -Low self esteem
    -victim mentality
    -bad memory
    -Perverted thoughts and fucked up dreams
    -Bad oders
    These are the consequences of Fap addict.

    I am a 10 year masterbation and porn addicted who stated around the age of 8 years, and now I am 18 years old. I was bullied as a kid because i was never confident and smelled kinda bad due to masterbating many times though out the day. I went through life ignoring the simple things like friends and family that people seek, and i replaced all that with porn and fapping. I was bullied for around 6 years and now suffer post tromatic stress because of it...I am ready to let my past be my past and i am working with a councilor so that i can heal from my emotional scars. I am also ready to let go of the demon who was behind all of this..

    Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal. - MY MISSION IS To help those like me, before the new year. And to serve as motivation and proof that even a 10 year chronic masterbater and porn addict who has anxiety, been bullied, and has been all the way to the bottom, can climb out.

    I will dedicate today to planning, scheduling, killing triggers, sealing doors, and deciding on a hobby and protocol incase of temptation.

    I will be delivered from this addiction before midnight strikes, and we celebrate the year 2016- IT'S OVER
    If you are tied, stop complaining and shaming your self, Wake up! its gonna be another year!!!! open your eyes!! do something about it. life has you on the ground man! are you gonna take it like a punk? OR WILL YOU FIGHT BACK!

    Lord please help me and every one else in this form stop falling back on the same beaten path. See the good in our hearts, and forgive us for our perverted sins. When we call on you, give us the strength to walk away. Deliver us from the spell of the deceiver, and open all the opportunities and doors he has shut in our lives. In your name, Amen.

    Psalm 23 ;
    4- "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me"
    6- "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the lord forever"

    Alright..Lets do this!

  2. Soundman

    Soundman Time is the single most precious commodity

    Re: All Guns on deck!! -Day0 Project #pornkillslove

    This is the best advice. Speaking from experience, whenever I binge-fap (meaning from 2 up to even 6 (!!) PMOs in one day), every one after the first is less out of sexual urges, but out of a vicious combination of regret, disappointment, shame and feelings of inferiority/inadequacy.

    Less anger and more groundedness. I see that you like quotes, so let me give you a cool one:
    "Long term consistency beats short term intensity"
  3. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day2-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 2

    Mood-8/10 - Exhausted because of finals(got 1 more left) but happy because I'm hanging in there

    Urges-5/10 - I am being really strict on myself when it comes to using the internet, youtube, and other stuff like that.

    I have not let my guard down and its been a battle of me against the old me. Right now Ive been doing

    really good, but I'm expecting the worst yet to come. Im holding on, and changing for good, with the help of god .

    Im Excited to see who the real me is!

    "The lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer" 2 Samuel ch22 verse4

  4. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day2-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 3

    Urge-7/10 (through out the day I'm fine but it hits me out of no where)
    Mood-7/10 ( I can feel changes happening to me physically and psychologically- I feel more in control of my emotions )

    Wow, i can't tell you the difference man. I have never had changes start happening to me so quickly like right now. I feel the same way I did when I went 22 days without fapping 2 years ago...WOW.

    One thing i will point out is that all those times i tried stopping and failed was because I was scared to actually stop.

    Its a feeling of anxiety, scarred, excited , motivated and curious all put into 1 . This is what I'm feeling because i finally

    made up my mind and chose to never return.

  5. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 3-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 4

    Mood-8/10 (more confident and in control)

    Urges-7/10 (getting stronger)

    I had urges at night, but I kept reminding myself that My future self was thankful I didn't give in, and

    my past self was rooting for me not to give in. I made a choice not to, and this is somthing that has

    become a constant battle for me. Im staying strong
  6. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 5-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 5

    1/4th of the way there, and the battle continues

    I will not give in,
    i will not give in,
    shit is rough, but i will wake up everyday and know god is looking out
    shit is rough, but i will wake up everyday and know god is looking out
    i will stop being a lazy bum ass person coming up with excuses to why i can't quit
    i will stop being a lazy bum ass person coming up with excuses to why i can't quit
    to quit is a choice
    to quit is a choice...

    The day I fap, will be the day i give up on life, my self and family. But that day will never come
  7. CJJackson

    CJJackson New Member

    Re: Day 5-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Stay strong man I appreciate your support on my thread. Your posts are inspiring keep up the good work
  8. j_nickles

    j_nickles No Bull

    Re: Day 5-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    keep staying strong, we're all fighting this garbage together!
  9. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 5-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Thank you man, stay strong! fight for a new life
  10. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 6-23 Project #pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 6
    Urges - 7/10
    mood- 10/10 ( feels great to have finished finals and be back home)


    I found something tonight that I have been searching for for years. After watching motivational videos ,
    listening to music, praying, reading success stories, leaving home and coming back, I still couldn't get of these urges and thoughts telling me , fap ! fap! fap and you'll feel so much better!. At this point (not meaning to be graphic) my testicles had begin to feel heavy, asking for a release of semon, my body was trembling, and I kept fighting and praying for this to go away. I was fumbling with my phone looking for a distraction and way out when i came across my photo album. I found a picture. in this was two of my best friends....which i don't talk to anymore...the memories, the love, and moments we shared...slowly apearing in my head...tears began to fall...(swipe).....another picture . ...This time..of me as a little innocent kid...before i was aware of what a fapping worries....just....the real me.....somthing i was robbed from at age innocences and child hood......This is what masterbation took from me.....ANXIETY, LOW SELF ESTEEM, DEPRESSION, LACK OF INTREST AND BEING EMOTIONALY UNATTACHED FROM EVERYBODY IN LIFE....including myself....I finally found IT....The IT that i had been looking for ! this missing piece to my puzzle!!!! ...My why...for quitting...after all these years...i found my reason for quitting....I want my friends back..the ones i was never there for...i want me back...the one who's been hiding behind anxiety, my faults and depression for 10 years....I want the real me back...

    ..Thanks for reading- i hope you guys find your why..and reason for quitting...... Thank you
  11. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 6-23 Project:#pornkillslove (Quit before new years!)

    Day 7 -

    Urges - 9/10
    Mood - 9/10

    I had the biggest boner out of nowhere and it was so sensitive! like anything, even the fabric from my

    boxers, turned me on. I had to sit, while the urges hit me like trucks...heat wave after heat wave... I

    put on some gangster music, lit a jazzman tea joint, and took it like a man....I aint gonna let these little

    urges control me, like I'm some sort of dog. Im tired of this shit.

    What really helps is blocking internet so that you can't browse.

    Thank you god for giving me the strength to fight and become an example that even a 10 year chronic fapper and porn addict can change his ways.
  12. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 8-24 Project:#pornkillslove (Quit before new years!) Me vs. Me

    Day 8
    Mood- 7/10 Was a little depressed at times, but i pulled though
    Urges - 9/10 The biggest wave of urges yet. My body seemed to turn against me . But my will and why did not leave me.

    Today I learned that there is much more to withdraw than just urges . I learned that it is normal to feel depressed, tired, unmotivated, and just overall lazy. Nofap takes a big toll on your body and its completely normal and not at all bad. I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS, until i googled it. I found out that no rap is like stopping a real fast moving wheel that has been spinning faster and faster each year. When you final pull on the clutch and brake, its takes a lot of energy to stop that, and the wheel also starts spinning slower. In the same way, its normal to feel depressed, unmotivated, weak and tried(you just stopped a fast moving wheel! take time to get use to the idea of nofapping while recovering), but don't worry, this will not last for ever. On the contrary, you will begin to get and feel and surge of energy as you recover and gain back your motivation, and loose the depression.

    No weapon formed against me shall prosper
  13. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 8-24 Project:#pornkillslove (Quit before new years!) Me vs. Me

    Day 9

    Urge: temptation -9/10 (AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FUCKKK!!!! AHHH!)
    Mood:6/10 (suffering withdrawal )

    Remember, I'm also fighting for YOU guys. I'm fighting for those who think they are hopeless. For those who say its impossible to quit. I'm here to serve as proof that even the most addicted chronic fapper can quit.

    I got you guys

    ps.Im not gonna lie and pretend this is easy, because this is by far the hardest I'm fought in my life! i fight temptations every night! and the urges man! the pain, the horneyness, the not being able to think strait, the withdrawal symptoms . holy shit...bUT! Its like giving birth. at first your biting down on towels, sweating, yelling, screaming, thinking your gonna die, accepting death, pushing, continuing to fight through the pain, being uncomfortable for a long ass time. BUT at the end, comes a miracle . Remember, Diamonds are created when being under tons of pressure for years. layers and layers of earth pushing down on it for years is what makes a dimond shine, beautiful, strong, and worth a lot!
  14. j_nickles

    j_nickles No Bull

    Re: Day 9-24 Project:#pornkills (Quit before new years!) !!!!! 15 DAYS LEFT!!!!

    In this together, stay strong today bud
  15. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Day 9-24 Project:#pornkills (Quit before new years!) !!!!! 15 DAYS LEFT!!!!

    thank you man
  16. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Project:#pornkills (Quit before new years!)

    Day 3.
    Urges 1/10
    mood 7/10

    Ive been experimenting to see how I can give masterbation up.
    I started rapping at the age of 8 and am now 18. as you can imagine, this is a big part of my life, and getting rid of it will leave a big dent in my life.....I came up with a way of filling it up with dreams, hobbies and showing love to friends and family, also living to become the best version of my self possible and leave this world looking a bit different when i die.

    What also helped me was getting rid of my internet, so i can only use a laptop where there is wifi at public places and my phone is no good, except to call and text...But whats sexy about that?

    Any ways, I didn't make my goal of 22 DAYS, BUT I FOUND a way that will work for sure and i have covered all the doors...
  17. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Project:#NEWLIFE (Beat best streak of 22 days.; Day 6 out of 22)


    Urges: 3/10

    I noticed that logging on to hear every day just reminded me of my addiction. What i did was stop logging in every day, black all internet from everything, and pick up a couple hobbies to stay busy. Also, most importantly, make the choice of quitting. I'v already been addicted 10 years, lets not make it 11.
  18. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Project:#NEWLIFE (Beat best streak of 22 days.; Day 7 out of 22)

    day 7

    mood-2/10 not feeling well

    IDK guys, I've been getting major anxiety like I used to when I was a little kid..Ive been getting nausea and tightness of throat which brings me back to the memories of when I was bullied as a little kid and suffered panic and anxiety attacks then as well...Today is my first day back to college and I'm thinking about my public speaking class that i have to take this semester and my anxiety goes even higher and i wanna throw up and then i think about missing my parents and then i feel lonely and depressed and now i just want to cry!!! idk whats going on guys! I feel scared and lonely ...idk what to do.. please help

    this might be happening because i haven't taken out my stress by masterbating so I'm guessing i need to release it some other way instead...but how do i cope with my feelings right now..? please....i just need support

    im a 18 year old guy in college without room mates or friends ...i also don't wanna seem like a pussy saying that I'm scared and have anxiety. but this is the little kid coming out of me...the one that has ...idk..please help!
  19. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Project:#NEWLIFE (Beat best streak of 22 days.; Day 7 out of 22)

    Day 8

    Fighting off anxiety and panic attacks....ive had them from time to time but i was hit with it again on my first dy of second semester of college....idk guys...i have no friends...i feel lonely...i really don't wanna talk to anyone..i just miss my little sister....i feel like god isn't with me right now either...becuase i stopped praying over winter on day 8 which might also explain why I'm feeling all these things like depression, loneliness, anxiety, panic.. when i use to fap, i felt nothing like this....maby I'm suffering strong withdrawls?

    I feel lonely guys..

    but I know these symptoms are only here to pass, not to stay.

    i also got you guys

    PLEASE COMMENT GUYS...i just need somebody to tell me things will be okay...i need someone to tell me, its alright..i don't ask for much..thanks guys
  20. MO19

    MO19 Member

    Re: Project:#NEWLIFE

    #Project new life

    Fuck this man, Im not taking it like a pussy. The devil see's my potential and all these great things i will do in life one day and this is why he is trying to dismantle me and break me down into nothing...IT worked for 18 years...But now I see what he see's too. And now I'm chasing what he didn't want me to see. He's gonna kiss my feet. Gods by my side.

    Day 9!!!!!

    Mood- 8/10 no anxiety or panic. fighting back with positive thoughts and i have been praying.
    Urges.- 8/10 very super strong urges yesterday. spent about 2 hours day dreaming about cumming and fucking..these kept me up at night man..not proud of time i won't give in.

    MO19 thanks for reading guys

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