Severe PIED from video cam sites: My journey to defeat PIED

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by olivejoe, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. olivejoe

    olivejoe New Member

    Hey everyone, I am a 19 year old guy with erectile dysfunction. I've posted on here a few times, but I come back once in a while once I clock in again on a new reboot. I hope this long explanation provides some insight for those suffering through porn addiction like I am, or if someone else has had similar experiences.
    I am addicted to video cam sites - like Omegle and ChatRoulette. When I was a horny young teenager discovering porn, I realized you could get girls to strip for you on camera. I loved it. I would meet other teenage girls, get their skype or snapchat and receive nudes and private shows whenever I was horny. Seemed like a pretty good deal to me. I began to go on these sites (Omegle in particular) and I stopped watching regular porn and masturbating to my own fantasies entirely. I began to go on these sites almost every day, even to the point where I masturbated with guys, just so I could get that high from jacking off to someone.
    By the time I was 16-17, I started having my own encounters with girls. Unfortunately I realized I could never get a proper erection. It became a habit telling girls i couldn't get wood because I was nervous, or had whisky dick or whatever excuse I could think of. Fast forward to now, I'm still a virgin. I'm in college and I've had plenty of opportunities to cash in, but I've never been able to get hard enough for sex. In fact I've never had a full election with a girl. The culprit, becoming glaringly obvious, is porn. I can still get an easy erection on these sites with girls across a computer screen, but only on those sites now. Its even a challenge to get a boner with regular porn. It's fucking embarrassing. I feel like shit going on those sites for pleasure, I don't morally enjoy it. I feel like some sick pervert. The only person who knows I go on Omegle is my psychologist. It's something I want to stop forever and keep buried in the rear view.
    After my recent guilty encounters on Omegle this summer, I began to immediately and progressively start to feel like shit. My brain gets foggy; I get dizzy, socially awkward, uncomfortably alert, unable to sleep. It's an absolutely terrifying feeling. Some nights I would just lie down and try not to cry. These symptoms last for a few days afterwards, then they go away. My psychologist says I may be reaching the point of full o addiction to Omegle since these sites seem to change by brain chemistry, after she's dealt and seen the consequences with other drug addicts and alcohol abusers (and told me how addiction ripped their lives apart). That's scares the shit out of me.
    I also have feelings of being asexual. I don't get aroused by girls anymore as I did before. I understand I'm out of puberty and my hormones are at a consistent level now. Despite that, i barely fantasize about girls. I don't get erections seeing hot girls or being caught off guard by them. When my buddy says "would you bang her", truthfully I could care less. I don't really care about hooking up with girls anymore. Maybe it's because I never actually had sex before. But I feel like Omegle has conditioned me to not become aroused in real life like I was before. Another terrifying feeling.
    I'm a 19 year old college student with close to a perfect GPA that I worked my ass of for, I'm sociable, I have a good job and I (like to think) I'm good looking. I'm going to throw my life away if I keep going down this road. It's starting to affect my job performance. I'm starting to cancel plans to go out because I feel off from porn. If I girl asks to hang, I usually don't because I don't have confidence in myself to perform or I just don't have that drive anymore. Fuck I've never had sex! This shit has to stop! So here I am, going for another reboot. I started on August 20th. I really hope I can do this. Wish me luck everyone. I need this.
     
  2. Marksanchez

    Marksanchez Member

    Olivejoe, wich is the answer from your psycoligist? Is he giving you any psych-meds (antidepressants) now or did you ever take it in the past?
     
  3. Marksanchez

    Marksanchez Member

    So, olivejoe, did you get another antidepressant in the past? or is wellbutrin your first antidepressant?
     
  4. olivejoe

    olivejoe New Member

    No I didn't receive antidepressants from the psychologist, only a 5mg dose of Cialis from a urologist. I wouldn't say I'm experiencing full depression, where I could use antidepressants. It's only after jacking off I fall into feelings of guilt and isolation, but that's temporary once I stop.
     
  5. olivejoe

    olivejoe New Member

    I've gone 15 solid days without any porn or masturbation. This is the longest I think I've gone since abstaining for 3 months. I'm at the point where the wheels are rolling, and I have that "you've gone too far" mentality to quit and go back on porn.
    Erections and morning wood have gone from rare and semi-hard to completely gone. Flatline is back baby.
     
  6. TheYoungOne

    TheYoungOne Member

    Hey I'm on day 15 and it's also my longest streak! Stay strong~ :)
     
  7. olivejoe

    olivejoe New Member

    -REPORT 3 MONTHS LATER-

    Sorry folks, hard mode for the past 3 months has not worked - completely. I've been staying off Omegle and porn since August, however I have masturbated a few times and viewed erotic stuff on Snapchat and Kik on a few ocassions, so I haven't been completely clean porn wise since late October. I also M'd a couple nights ago since I couldn't sleep.

    The main difference this time around however is that I don't have crazy urges to watch porn anymore - Omegle in particular. For a reboot, it's a lot nicer not constantly thinking about porn anymore. Knowing that video cam porn has been an issue for about 6 years now, this is the first time I really don't have strong urges to watch it anymore, and I hope it's a big step stepping away from video cam porn forever. I mean porn is the reason we're all here. Sometimes in bed I get urges just to jack off still, and I've fallen for it a couple times and it's probably what's keeping me from maintaining a clean reboot. Better than doing it to porn I guess.
    Still in a pretty noticeable flatline. I haven't had a full, healthy erection in forever. No morning erection whatsoever, no erections during the day. Even when I M'd a couple days ago, I managed only like half an erection. It's scary. I thought I was in flatline when I tried rebooting on different occasions over the year, but this flatline so far has shriveled my dick into nothing.
    When I do masturbate, I get a bit of a headache the next day - the same kind of brain fog I mentioned in my last post with porn, but not as bad. It takes 12-20 hours for this feeling to kick in, then it goes away if I wasn't watching porn at the same time. From what I understand, brain fog may be a side effect of addiction, in this case porn, but I'm not sure why I feel sort of the same way after doing it without any artificial stimulation. Maybe from fantasizing? Maybe I'm aware that I jacked off the night before and I feel guilty. Doesn't sound healthy at all though.
    My interest in girls vanished completely too. Is that normal of a flatline? I made out with a girl in September, but I just haven't really cared since then about doing anything with girls. It's not that I'm scared I wouldn't be able to perform (and there's no way I would be able to anyway); there's just no sex drive. Almost complete feeling of asexuality. For example, I study often with a really cute girl for some of our university courses. My roommates keep bugging me that I should ask her out or invite her to a party and hook up with her. Honestly I just don't care. She's funny, nice, brilliant but I don't have any sexual motivation with her, even though she is really attractive. And that scares me.

    What do you guys think? Can anyone relate to anything I mentioned? I still get really scared sometimes that I'm going to be like this for a long long time, maybe forever. I want to beat this so bad. Would really appreciate some feedback!!
     
  8. Matei99

    Matei99 I hope One day I'll be cured

    Hey man look here, :) Flatline is a flatline .
    In a flatline you are not suposed to get an erection or to have interest in girls. You feel asexual just because of the flatline. Don't worry tho this will dissapear and ur dick and libido will come with a revenge :)
    Don't get scared and cut that MO off , It holds u in the same place. Good luck to you buddy
     

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