Screw#Femdom [OPEN GROUP]

Discussion in 'Groups & Meetups' started by RolandOfGilead, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. Redemption

    Redemption New Member

    Looking forward to it.

    We will get there eventually, it is just the 'there' might not look like what we imagined it to be.

    Like I said, I think most of us have two problems, and it is not simply a straight forward porn addiction were are confronting.

    Sharing knowledge is the way forward.

    I have a window of opportunity to get out of this mess over the next few months. If I do manage it then I have a pretty good idea - in terms of step by step measures - by which more and more can escape.
     
  2. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    Excellent updates guys, started intercourse with gf, we take it slowly , no pressure, and it was GREAT!

    Advice to all the femdom minded folks:
    You can start with a slow erotic BJ then transition quickly to her riding you in cowgirl position It is possible but not necessary to transition during the act (if wanted) to other positions like doggie or missionary. The thing is my girlfriend loves the cow girl - woman on top position the most, so this will help if the girl you are-with likes it. It doesn't put much thrusting pressure on yourself (she mainly likes being in control of the thrusting/ movement).

    Def GOOD NEWS FOLKS, you can do it! will try to keep you posted.

    Remember the fantasies and the inclinations for more kink is def. not over, its a mental struggle but it gets diminished by time. Plus maybe it wont be dangerous a bit down the road to play with her a bit. She is quiet understanding of my femdom tastes and said she wants to try kinky stuff but I am slowing her down in fear of regression.

    Keep me updated with whats going on with you folks.

    Yuri
     
  3. Hey guys, just thought I'd chime in here. Firstly I'll apologise for whats going to be a fairly long post but it may be of use to someone so I want to cover detail as best as possible. If anyone has any questions at the end feel free to ask and I'll try respond over coming days.

    I used to frequent this site, even this thread like 2 years ago when I first started a reboot. A lot of has happened with me since then but today is probably worth an update. To cut a long story short I was kicking ass on my reboot, made the mistake of trying to rest my erection which lead to orgasm and basically while it didn't totally screw me up I just found it hard to get back on with a SERIOUS amount of abstinence etc and I started to feel like being on these threads wasn't good because I kept reading of too many peoples problems that I knew would get in my head if and when I got the chance to seriously pursue a nice woman. In any case I wasted a lot more time, doing 2-3 week reboots before a quick orgasm, sometimes porn, sometimes not but ultimately I come to the decision that after so much time away from femdom and porn (other than quick relapses) that I really badly needed to rewire that no more abstinence would help me.

    I mean I'd gone from being the worst case of femdom pied I'd nearly read! I'm talking masturbation to femdom fantasy from a young age and graduating to constant femdom porn use to the point I could be in bed with a stunning woman and not feel even one ounce of excitement kissing, hugging, grinding etc. After doing a couple reboots (one for like 90 days, another for 150 days) I could then get hard to touch alone, could at least masturbate to vanilla fantasy and while it wasn't as exciting I felt it did somewhat help me just to get the idea of touching a woman again.

    The thing that has ALWAYS held me back in this process is my past failings and embarrassment in bed so I tend to shy away from women who could potentially be great, even if its just casual stuff I figured whats the point if I'd get pushed towards intimacy and I'd fail. Recently however I got talking to a great girl and just decided I was finally going to take the plunge and pursue her. I did so thinking I could just slow burn it while we did basic rewiring eg hand holding, some kissing, hugging etc as we date casually for a few weeks while my abstinence from any porn relapses would grow. Well that plan somewhat got shot to hell as we had our 6th date in like 2-3 weeks just last night and on the 5th one she made it pretty clear she was ready to have sex aside from being that time of the month. She's a great girl and wouldn't have pressured me anyway but considering when we were kissing, hand holding etc I could feel a hard on in my pants I figured maybe just maybe I was actually ready? Seemed almost to good to be true considering the level of rewiring I'd done was basically none.

    Starting to kiss etc and important I think to mention was being fully clothed I could feel myself getting hard again as has been the case the last couple times, also one other time about a year ago with a random girl that then when the clothes come off I lost the erection and performance anxiety set in (I think). Then we went to the bedroom, clothes come off and once again I lost my erection. Still we kept fooling around anyway, lots of kissing etc and for a while I thought "FUCK I'm not going to work" but after a while I started to get hard. Once getting an erection I didn't just rush to penetrate and have sex we still kept kissing etc for a while before eventually penetrating and actually having sex! The first time in 8 years or so for me and the only time previously was with femdom porn chick who I guess I was wired to from masturbating to her.

    So hell yes this has taken me so much longer than it should have as I've let my own fear hold me back but I really wanted to come share this today to give anyone who maybe resembles what I was like that there is hope even for really bad cases like me and in truth it probably takes less than you think as I truly wasted a lot more time than I feel I needed to.

    Ok a few things I need to make note of:

    - Having seen this girl for 2-3 weeks I had about 20 days porn free prior to it which did help my confidence a tiny bit in actually pursuing. That and a failed attempt a year earlier with a random who I could at least get hard kissing in a club. Therefore my 'successful sex' come at about day 40. Of course you should keep in mind that I'd been rebooting on and off for like 2 years though never got fully sucked back into total porn benders it was only ever a drunken hour or so every 2-3 week type thing but probably enough to ensure I wouldn't make any further progress without rewiring.

    - I did take half a cialis when I knew what was going on. Honestly I'd prefer not do that and am going to need to monitor such things so I don't become dependent but it was as much to try give me confidence given my performance anxiety from past failings which always haunted me. I honestly don't know if it really helped or what I guess in future I'll try without it and maybe it'll give me an indication. Regardless I'm rewiring so I don't see it as a bad thing, I mean I just had vanilla sex for the first time in 8 years.

    - Obviously I still have erection strength fluctuations and maintaining it can be a bit sporadic. Considering my lack of real sexual experience in the past I can't really say how normal any of that is in comparison.

    - In truth the sex feeling probably wasn't as amazing feeling for me last night as I'd figured it would be. That being said afterwards I did feel pretty amazing. I guess this isn't totally a surprise to me since I spent so many years masturbating to femdom and not sex that the whole thing was a bit foreign feeling.

    - My partner wanted to go again for round 2 like within 30 minutes, I was able to get a bit hard again though not enough to actually have successful sex though neither of us were worried there. Refractory periods are normal, ok mine is probably a bit messed up compared to the average guy who hasn't been a porn addict but I'm sure without that in my life in any more I'll continue to improve.

    - So far there's been no chaser effect or desire for porn though I did largely break that habit as it's only when I was alone and was drunk late at night that my brain would guide me there. I did wake up with morning wood knowing she was next to me in bed which I don't usually get, I usually just get nocturnal wood.

    - I did find it interesting that in an attempt last year and last night that soon as clothes come off I lost erection. It could be performance anxiety or perhaps for me that I've never really masturbated a lot to sex so being naked with a woman isn't as sexually stimulating as it should be due to no strong link between that an orgasm being created? I mean with femdom it was never about seeing a womans boobs or ass etc so that element may possibly be something I need to try work on with rewiring.

    I think that covers the majority of the important info. This was a huge step for me and more so was actually taking the leap those 3 weeks or so ago to let someone into my life instead of hiding away from fearing failure. (something I have in general life at times too) The great thing is I feel better knowing I was able to perform, even if it was just the one time so far so she knows I'm really into her and doesn't feel unattractive or something because of my issues. Now I can get right back to abstaining until next time and of course now we've crossed that real intimacy step I think I'll be more comfortable about trying to do other things to rewire. Most likely trying things like massage with oil while both naked, hugging etc, I think for me personally doing some of this naked will be more beneficial for the point I raised above as things still didn't quite just come natural and I'd love for my brain to get really excited about sex.

    Ok I'll leave this post there. I won't be posting a success story as such yet as I will save that for when I feel like I'm fully rewired, confident and able to have sex whenever I like. That being said this is a milestone for me and I really hope that any other femdom sufferers can benefit from this, just think if minimal rewiring can achieve this what more will be able to achieve.

    If anyone has any other questions feel free to ask. Good luck everyone, I hope you all get to where you want to go just stick with it and preferably don't follow my path of wasting so much time and letting fear hold you back.


    *** Just a minor update: I'm thinking part of the reason the sex part wasn't as enjoyable as also because being an uncut guy my foreskin/frenulum has probably tightened up some due to not masturbating etc (reboot abstinence). I actually had a tight foreskin when I was very young but was able to stretch it out without too much effort. I think its more the frenulum in this instance but probably if I try focus on stretching it out a bit most likely it'll improve for me pretty rapidly. Of course I also wasn't using lube the other night which might have helped quite significantly. In any case just something to keep in mind for guys who arent cut.
     
  4. Great to see you are doing well Yuri, I remember years back touching base with you. I just want to respond directly to this. I TOTALLY understand how anxious you may feel. I think if you can have a blow job you should be able to have intercourse, for me personally I think I'd struggle more with a blow job than sex! My first time just last night took a bit to relax and get into it as there was definitely some worry but hopefully you'll have a girl who helps you out on this front letting you know she's having fun. I know part of what helped me was a lot of kissing, especially kissing my girl on the neck got her making some noise in enjoyment which I really found helped me as it felt good to know she was loving it even if at that point I was struggling to get hard. Ok the sex wasn't probably the most amazing experience for me but damn I know I'm on the right track. The whole experience only really reinforces to me that I want to push forward.
     
  5. Quick update, I know no one else has posted here since but more good news from me that I hope can give any sufferers proof that this can be totally overcome.

    Spent the weekend with my girl again and had plans to stay at her place overnight for the first time which obviously still had me a little nervous given I only had my first taste of success a week prior and did use half an ED drug. I made the decision not to take any cialis this time and see how I'd go. Having read some guys stories on this site about going back to flatline after orgasm/sex or numerous other issues did play on my mind in the lead up a bit, which is actually the reason I decided to get off these forums in the first place as so much of the rewiring side is more in your head and worrying and obsessing does you no good. In any case I was more relaxed this time round from the start, soon as we started to kiss I got hard. Soon as we were in bed and naked I had no issues getting hard at all, in fact this time round my erection was stronger than the week prior which was a huge confidence boost. In bed we probably spent 40-50 minutes doing foreplay before actually penetrating and I was hard the whole time. I'd guess I probably still have a little bit of time away from porn and rewiring before I get that last little bit of erection strength though I have no doubt it'll come if I stay on track as the progress in just another week has been huge.

    So what do I take away from all this?

    I'd say I'm damn near cured and on the way to enjoying the rest of my life actually having sex without needing femdom or fetish bull shit. Not bad for a guy who started masturbating to femdom fantasy at some stupid young age and spent so many years only getting off to femdom porn to the point nothing else interested me.

    Oh and one last thing, I mentioned last time that I felt my frenulum I felt was tight and caused me a bit of pain the week prior. I made point any time through the week when I'd get a hard on eg morning wood, texting my girl to just stretch it carefully. Fair to say this worked and was easy as no surprise it'd just tightened up from all the abstinence I'd done so the sex felt much more amazing this time.

    Alright that's all I've got to add for now. Same as last time if anyone has any questions leave them here and I'll do my best to check and respond in the future.

    Seriously guys if I can fix myself from the conditioned state I was in then you can all do so with time and discipline! Good luck everyone.
     
  6. Yuri

    Yuri New Member


    Congrats Going to Succeed! I am very happy for you. Let the success inspire people here who are still struck or struggling or having doubts that they are conditioned beyond return. You can ALL do it.
     
  7. Thanks Yuri, yep the whole reason I come back was to try show any sufferers that maybe feel trapped by all this that they can get out of it and wire to vanilla sex. I'm still hoping to see further improvements and also make sex last a bit longer in due course though just really happy and excited about what a fetish and porn free future looks like.
     
  8. anomaly4

    anomaly4 New Member

    How to beat femdom porn?

    Hi guys,

    I am 16 and addicted to femdom porn...I know that is a young age, but I need help. How to beat femdom porn?
     
  9. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    Re: How to beat femdom porn?

    Just STOP watching, dont start with the crappy conditioning. Restrict porn and if not able to, stick to only vanilla porn once per week or so.
     
  10. kira

    kira Member

    Hi GoingToSuceed

    Firstly congratulations on the progress you have made here.

    I had a question. What other improvements have you noticed in yourself apart from wiring to vanilla? Has you world view changed?

    I realized recently how everything I saw in the world (people, things) was related to porn. Like every girl I meet or every person I talk to gets somehow linked to the dirty porn thoughts in my brain. It's really a disgusting way to live a life. Have you experience this? Has it improved?

    In my case I don't know if this is only because of porn. I had started ogling and fantasizing about women long before porn and at a very early age (I was in third grade I guess). It all started with those stupid wwe matches.

    Well I was a kid back then so I didn't know what I was doing but now I do and it's not very pleasant.
     
  11. That's a great question, I'm glad you asked that as I planned to address it in a success story in the future. It's almost odd because despite how badly conditioned to fetish porn I was I always had a pretty balanced life, optimistic (mostly) about the future etc. The one part that wasn't the case was I felt I had ZERO chance of getting a girlfriend because I'd failed to perform with a couple in the past and they wasted no time moving to a guy that could and I guess that scarred me a bit figuring I was destined to be alone so that one little thing that's now changed as changed my world view immensely but I can't blame porn for anything other being a limp dick, a waste of time and money. In fact maybe some of it has allowed me to focus my time and energy on a successful career since I wasn't spending all my time trying to pursue women! Not that I'm advocating this giving it credit either I'm just being honest about where I was Another thing I was into before all the reboot was active gym sessions etc so yeah I would say my life was decent just had this one thing that had totally robbed me of excitement for the future.

    But during my porn years it was mostly just negligence that I had no idea what I was doing was actually causing me harm but it didn't effect my mood, I was never depressed, I always viewed women as beautiful and not just sex objects. I guess one thing thats maybe a bit different is that I found more women physically attractive when I was probably comparing them to porn girls in the past or maybe I was just using it as a justification to not try pick them up because I was scared of what follows?

    I think one thing that may be different among many guys is

    there are porn addicts

    & there are porn users.

    Ok these terms may not be official but for instance once I learned what porn had done to me it didn't take me the same level of effort to massively cut it down. I remember my only MASSIVE porn urges were within the first 2 weeks where I was actually shaking at night before bed when my body realised it hadn't received its dopamine fix for a couple weeks, the first time in more than a decade. I think this is significant because yes while I slipped up here or there along the way it was virtually always with alcohol + a really late night where your body just keeps craving more dopamine but through the week, long streaks when I didn't have the late booze nights I wouldn't crave it or think about it at all unless the thoughts were how stupid it was. I think for those reasons I would say I was a heavily conditioned fetish porn user but not an addict. Ok I know some people will just want to blanket everyone in the term of addict because it's easy but I think it's reflected there's differences in how easy some guys can give it up and just move on vs other guys who do struggle with it and get those damn near uncontrollable urges. Obviously both can achieve the same effects on us but the difference is probably more on how easy it is for some guys to recover. So while I was a horrible case of fetish conditioning I didn't battle the never ending urges that I read of some guys having. Sorry I got a bit off topic there, I tend to do that and always have a million things running through my mind so I just go with it.

    Sorry I can't be a bit more help to your specific question or situation, maybe someone else whose recovered can identify with that more than me?

    Good luck on your reboot and rewiring!
     
  12. dobby

    dobby New Member

    Hi guys,
    as many of you I'm very attracted by femdom and I can get hard only with femdom porn. I have been rebooting for around a month now (with few relapses) and I'm seeing some improvements. So I have hope.

    I have a question for the people in the group.

    Were you only masturbating at femdom porn or were you also hurting/humiliating yourself while masturbating?
    Maybe the people with femdom fetish may be divided in 2 groups according to this.
     
  13. Honestly I've probably done a bit of both at some point or another I don't really see it as that relevant aside from what you've conditioned yourself to but the whole point of abstaining and then ONLY indulging in vanilla type activities with a REAL woman is to undo that conditioning and open up pleasure pathways through different ways.

    Just keep going with rebooting, if you relapse here or there dont beat yourself up as I did it and long as you just keep trying and then invest the time in rewiring you will get fixed. One thing that I do think is important is that say you start dating someone is that you are in complete hard mode so you aren't giving your brain mixed messages about where pleasure should come from eg dont be kissing/cuddling etc then go home and jerk off to femdom porn as your brain will never understand then that pleasure is to come from real women/intimacy. If you have however starved yourself of an outlet to get off then your brain will be hungry for it and adapt to the new method.

    Just my thoughts, I wish you the best of luck.
     
  14. Redemption

    Redemption New Member

    That's great to hear GoingToSucceed ... a real inspiration for all of us.

    Your story was probably the first I read on here when I first came on just about a year ago, because you sounded the most similar to me. Was really worried when you disappeared ... I thought you must have just given up.

    Keep us all updated and let us know of anymore insights you have developed along the way. Unfortunately my rewiring process is not working out so well.
     
  15. Thanks Redemption,

    Nope definitely not given up, just wasn't as diligent as I could have been. I think one of the issues when you get too focused on abstaining is that when you slip up it hurts more and feels like you can never quit. The thing I've found since actually pursuing my current gf was that it helped things along again, basically haven't even had the tiniest desire to look up porn or fetish crap. I think something important to try remember while rewiring is that it will just happen too, I know my first attempt at sex I thought here we go again when I lost my erection son as clothes come off so it was more a performance anxiety thing for me by this point than a PIED thing. Excessive worrying and thinking about it will definitely make it harder. Just focus on foreplay stuff and on your partner and strictly stay away from your fetish/porn and I'm sure you'll get there.
     
  16. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    Everything going great guys, intercourse around ~3 days. Getting better in controlling my duration. Noted that I stay more focused, last longer and harder when in woman on top, any other similar experience?
    How is everybody doing?
     
  17. kira

    kira Member

    Hey Yuri, congratulations man! I have seen your post earlier, maybe a year back. You have come a long way. Keep going! You are doing great
     
  18. kira

    kira Member

    I am no longer aroused by femdom clips anymore. But unfortunately it's not because of rebooting but because of desensitizing myself and now I have escalated to more eccentric and humiliating fantasies which makes me feel less of a man.
     
  19. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    Hey Kira, I have toyed with these fantasies before and they sometimes pop up. If you need to talk about it feel free to PM me.
     
  20. Mr Know It All

    Mr Know It All New Member

    Question for GoingToSucceed: Before that first sexual encounter, were you open with your girlfriend about the fact that you might have trouble performing (due to prior porn use, the femdom fetish, performance anxiety, etc.)? If so, how open were you with her?

    And thanks for your story man, it's really inspiring for a guy like me still trying to find my way out
     

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