Screw#Femdom [OPEN GROUP]

Discussion in 'Groups & Meetups' started by RolandOfGilead, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    cool! I am interested in the talk , so maybe first week of Jan sometime, can you send me the link for this zoom thingie, I have no clue whatsoever about it, also if anybody else is interested to join us it would be great.
     
  2. Mr Know It All

    Mr Know It All New Member

    @Yuri (and anyone else interested in joining our meeting):

    Go to zoom.us to download zoom. Once you have that, I can PM you (and anyone else joining) the link to join the specific meeting that I started.

    As far as when to hold it, how does Wednesday (1/6) at 2:00 PM (PST) work? I'm flexible that week, so feel free to propose another date/time if Wednesday at 2PM doesn't work.

    Also, anyone else who is interested in joining, please voice your interest in this thread so I can PM you the link to our video meeting when the day of the meeting comes. And of course, let us know if Wednesday at 2PM works for you.
     
  3. OK, I made an attempt to quit femdom a couple of years back but unfortunately returned to my old bad habits. After spending much of the Christmas period binging on femdom clips (and having spent a considerable amount of money doing so), I'm back to try to quit again. After the Christmas binge I felt utterly depressed; whether that was due to a change in brain chemistry associated with hightened levels of dopamine and frequent ejacuation, or the sense of shame I had afterwards I'm not sure.

    I'd also say, and I'm sure many of you can identify with this, but I'm staggered at how much time it wastes. I'd often spend hours, at the expense of much more important things I should be doing, searching for that 'perfect' video to get me off. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if all this time when added up amounts to years of my life which have been wasted.

    Anyhow, I came to the conclusion that it's not a habit I can afford to have in my life anymore. The last time I PMO'ed was a couple of days ago, and at the moment I'm getting mega cravings. Anyone have any tips on how to control your thoughts in these situations?
     
  4. NewHope972

    NewHope972 Member

    Honestly, I think there's only one way, and you might not like it.

    YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

    It's really the only way, and as you can see, I've been a member for a long time, and tried numerous methods. What do I mean by that? I mean you need to find your passion, and work towards a grand life goal. Want to eradicate world hunger? Plan and go for it. Want to build a company that's gonna change the world? Go for it. Want to earn a billion dollars in your lifetime? Go for it. You need to find something to strive for, and occupy yourself with it.

    Then, you need to make some friends and start socializing regularly. Finding some girl friends is a big plus, as real life interactions with girls is the only thing that's gonna rewire you back to the real thing. You need to make your body/brain perfectly chemically balanced, as you cannot afford to not function at your 100%. Start working out. Learn something new every day.

    Here are some nice habits to have (speaking from personal experience):
    [list type=decimal]
    [*]Wake up early (6 or 7 am)
    [*]Work out after you wake up the morning
    [*]Put the hardest work of the day for the morning
    [*]Drink plenty of water
    [*]Cook your own food
    [*]Get some hobbies (1 or 2), and actively try to get better at them every day.
    [*]Take cold showers (amazing for discipline and pushing you out of your comfort zone)
    [*]Make a Quora account and follow all the topics you like (a lot of amazing people)
    [*]etc ... a lot more examples can be formed, but you get the gist
    [/list]

    The thing is, with us femdom addicts, you cannot afford to slack off. You can't afford not to strive for something in your life, because then you become a femdom jerking off shadow of yourself. Trust me, I've been there. There will be times when you will want to relapse with every fiber of your being, and if you don't have something to push you forward, something to cling to in your worst moments, you will give in. There are countless tries where I attempted the 'willpower' approach, and every single one of them failed. The plus side of reogranizing your life completely is that you are naturally going to think about femdom much less in general, and in the rare instances that you do, you will be able to pull back and get a clear head. That being said, in case you do relapse, don't feel too bad. Just write it off as a minor slip-up and get back onto your journey ASAP. Don't binge!!! Now go and find your life purpose!! It will be worth it, trust me!
     
  5. Thanks NewHope972 that sounds excellent advice. I actually started work on a degree not too long ago which I think could fit into what you're talking about. I just became aware that this femdom crap is going to get in the way if I'm not careful.

    One thing I have to beware of is the temptation to 'have a quick look' at certain websites, twitter feeds - just out of curiousity. Amazing how your brain works against you like that.
     
  6. NewHope972

    NewHope972 Member

    As in a University degree? If so, that's very nice. May I suggest studying in a library instead of a home? Also, start doing it from the morning, immediately after your workout. In the evening, either go out with your friends, or go to sleep early. No mindless browsing of random shit.

    Been there, done that. Having a 'quick look' almost always turns into a 5 hour mindless browsing of femdom content, until your willpower gives out and you finally masturbate to end the misery. I strongly suggest avoiding that if possible.
     
  7. Cheers man, and again, that sounds really good advice. Actually it's a doctorate I'm working on - I should really have been working on a report over Christmas but instead spent the time on a week long jerkfest. I guess nerves kicked in and the femdom stuff served as a distraction from stress. Now I'm trying to make up for lost time.

    Yeah, that's exactly what it's like - at least I'm wise to it now. In the past I'd try and rationalize those extensive sessions by telling myself that I was inherently submissive and I may as well indulge my true nature. I only recently realized how damaging that behaviour was to my life in all sorts of areas and is a route to severe depression, and I'd have to take drastic steps to quit it.
     
  8. jjveetec

    jjveetec Member

    @Chester
    Hope gave you excellent advise.
    To me the single most important component of recovery is meditation/mindfulness training. If you're honest with you and keep on doing that EVERYDAY (scheduled) you will become much more aware of what's going through you mind moment by moment. Soon your scheduled practice will start radiating into your everyday life. Pmo is a parasite feeding on unconsciousness, just like cancer lives in acidic environment. Bringing consciousness (awareness) into your life you bring light into the dark corners of your mind.
     
  9. NewHope972

    NewHope972 Member

    Interesting, I've always wanted to get into the meditation thing, but never made the habit stick. What kind of meditation are you doing? Just close your eyes and try to think of nothing or? How long/often would you recommend to a complete beginner?
     
  10. jjveetec

    jjveetec Member

    It's called breathing meditation and try to do body scan. Check out Jon Kabat-Zinn on yt - there are plenty of guided medition videos, where you just follow instructions.
    And I suggest don't try to sit and think of nothing - it's frustrating:)
     
  11. Yuri

    Yuri New Member

    Mr Know It All: Sorry Man, I was here end of december but last couple of weeks I was and still am very busy till end of January, how is ur reboot doing?
     
  12. Thanks to jjveetec for his tip on mindfulness - this is a very useful practice. For some reason I've not been experiencing the cravings for femdom porn that I expected during the past few days. Whenever I've thought about that stuff it's seemed really sordid and unappealing.
     
  13. jjveetec

    jjveetec Member

    No worries - just practice and everything else will take care of itself....
    And remember -- it won't be always sordid and unappealing. There will be moments it will be very temptin and appealing. The challenge is to always remember the ungliness that's on the other side of the appeal. And remember that it will pass. It's all an illusion, has no real weight and pull, because it's not real.
    Femdom craving are NOT natural. For no one. They're always manufactured and reinforced, even if it's started early in the childhood.
    You every read "Breaking the cycle" by G. Collings? I also suggest "Your brain on porn" by Wilson and "Wack" by N. Church.
    And "The slight edge" by Olson. It helped me a lot.
     
  14. Mr Know It All

    Mr Know It All New Member

    My reboot has been rough -- I haven't made it past 8 days yet. I'm slowly making changes in my life -- starting to meditate more consistently, starting a workout program next week, currently seeing a therapist, started attending a Co Dependents Anonymous 12 step group.

    The problem is, this is not something that just started with porn. In fact, the first time I ever masturbated, as well as watched porn, wasn't until I was 19. The sh*t started very early for me and is very hard wired in my brain. It probably started from the day I was born -- I was so afraid/traumatized of my bi polar mother from an early age, and instead of developing, exploring, and just being myself like a normal infant/human, I became her obedient slave. And she was only too happy to have her under her complete control. Sound familiar?

    So for me, recovery is not only weaning myself off of porn, but also undergoing a complete life/paradigm transformation. I need to look at women, men, myself, life, and even God in a different way than I always have.

    I'm taking it one day at a time.
     
  15. kira

    kira Member

    writing to follow
     
  16. reworkingboy

    reworkingboy The years of your age, are the years you had lost.

    Hey there! i want to join the group! (but im new here and do not know what to do) i already posted my first post, with my story, but i need help so i can sucesufully reebot my brain and forget femdom.

    Thanks and regards.
     
  17. NewHope972

    NewHope972 Member

    Hey man, I feel you. The truth is that I've had these fantasies from before porn as well, as far as I can remember. I don't think I've ever found 'regular' porn very stimulating. And the worst part is .. I really don't know where it came from. I wish I could tell you that I've been abused as a child, or that I suffered a trauma or something. The truth is, I didn't. I've always had loving parents, good upbringing, nice childhood, yet I am as fucked up as all of us here are, maybe worse.

    The moment I started developing social problems is the day I hit puberty, and had started to view the world and women completely differently, which led to shyness, semi-depression (I've never been truly depressed), loss of productivity/motivation for life, etc. I'm continiously trying to fix all of the above, and most of them are at a decent level nowadays, except my sexual confidence. That one's at an absolute zero. In an attempt to fix that, I've been to 2 hookers by now, and in both encounters barely achieved an erection for a short amount of time, which was then shortly gone. I don't think that that's a good way to rewire anymore, so I'm gonna try with a girlfriend now. Hopefully it works out for the best :)

    NewHope
     
  18. Redemption

    Redemption New Member

    Apologies for my recent absence on here, hope everyone is doing okay.

    Was hoping by now I would be in a position to report significant progress. Unfortunately I am still having major ED problems. I think a lot of it is actually down to depression, stress and anxiety right now. Anyway, I'm not dead yet. Will soldier on for now. I have everything in place to make this rewiring process work and hopefully will be able to report real progress in the near future.
     
  19. Mr Know It All

    Mr Know It All New Member

    Really struggling here. May have to turn to Jesus
     
  20. NewHope972

    NewHope972 Member

    The only one who can help you is yourself. The sooner you accept that the more power you will have over yourself.

    Mind describing your whole day when you relapsed? As in, what you did from morning to evening.
     

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