I have mixed feelings about starting a journal here (due to privacy concerns). I'm a 48 yo married father. I've had a PMO problem off and on for probably 15 years. I have ED now and very little sex with my wife. She caught me at the computer a few years ago and reacted as if she'd caught me in an affair. I made a half-hearted effort to stop but soon was back at it. She caught me again a year later, and I stopped again for a while. Having talked to her a BIT about it, I now have a better understanding of why she feels so hurt. YBOP opened my eyes further. I blamed my ED on being out of shape and taking medication, but I know it's been the PMO. I stopped for a while last year but relapsed again in the fall. This is day 12 since start of latest reboot for me. Priority #1 for me is rebuilding my relationship with my dear wife. I can see now how this thing has damaged our life together. I simply can't be open about this with her--based on her prior reactions I fear she'd freak out and probably leave me if I confessed to this kind of "addiction." I've broken other addictions on my own (tobacco), and I hope to do it again. The fact that I've had limited success in the past gives me hope (although the relapses are very discouraging). I've always had mood swings, so I can't tell the extent to which they are related to PMO or the lack thereof. But I am absolutely certain that P, and PM, have been very destructive. I hate what I've become. I hate what I've done to my wife. I feel like this is my last chance (I hope it's not too late).