Recovery Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ParaBellum, Jan 30, 2018.

  1. ParaBellum

    ParaBellum Member

    First 24 hours completed. What I’ve learned: It’s clear porn addiction is real and legitimate and it’s clear I’m an addict.

    Moving forward with recovery.
     
  2. ParaBellum

    ParaBellum Member

    48 hours completed. Last night was brutal. I laid in bed and couldn't fall asleep for hours. I wanted to use but resisted. This will be challenging. Getting up and keeping myself busy along with relaxing meditative music helped a great deal.
     
  3. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Congrats on making it to day 2. The sleepless nights suck, but if you can make it through that you can make it through anything. Looking forward to seeing your streak grow.
     
    ParaBellum likes this.
  4. ParaBellum

    ParaBellum Member

    First week completed. I have definitely had some major trials this week. What I've learned is that triggers can come out of no where and pretty much ruin you for a few hours afterwards in terms of giving you the crazy itch to use so you have to just really deal with that reality. Having an accountability partner is priceless, having someone you can reach out to when you are struggling to help give you a little smack in the face and get your head back in the game which I've need 2-3 times this week. Finally, you need to be completely resolved on why you are doing this and believe in the cause because there will be others who disagree with this but have not lived the life you have nor suffered with this addiction and missed the sleep, dealt with the delayed ejaculation, the erectile dysfunction, the emotional avoidance, and life hijacking any addiction can and will do to you and will see no porn and no masturbation as too extreme. There are countless slippery slopes out there to recovery from this, it's no wonder so many of us countless addicts fall to this during attempts at recovery. An iron resolve and working those tools in your toolbox are vital. If you don't have your resolve cemented nor the tools gathered, get them now.

    Week 2 starts now.
     
  5. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Hey, great job on making it through week 1. Totally agree with you on the triggers, and on the need for crazy strong resolve. Sounds like you've got the right mindset and the tools to finally kick this habit.
     
  6. ParaBellum

    ParaBellum Member

    Relapse. I had an emotional upset and used after my first week of sobriety. I am not dwelling, but moving forward.

    Here we go, week one starts now.
     
  7. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Hey, sorry to hear about the relapse, but sounds like you've got the right attitude to go forward from here. No point dwelling on the slip or beating yourself up about it; before you know it, you'll be back to week two.
     
    ParaBellum likes this.
  8. ParaBellum

    ParaBellum Member

    I've been out of control for a week. A night of staying up using and missing sleep when I'm exhausted and not even having a real libido has lead me to be able to be truly committed again. Here I go.
     
  9. typicalme

    typicalme Member

    Hey, welcome back. I've had those out-of-control weeks, too many times to count. Betting you'll be way more successful this time around—keep us posted.
     
  10. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Hey ParaBellum- nice start mate! It's a rocky road, but your attitude is on the money. One thing i wish I did more of in the early days was read more journals on here. I've done a few long reboots (300+) since 2013, but each time relapsed for various reasons (but all connected to stress and ego). This time round I read more and found WabiSabi's journal, where I read about Pema Chodron, a Buddhist teacher. It was a game changer.

    Good luck bro.
     

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