Question for Underdog and others

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Darkhorse23, Nov 2, 2017.

  1. Darkhorse23

    Darkhorse23 Member

    How long should a man abstain from porn before it's okay to visit escorts. Not trying to get into a moral discussion. Just wondering how long should you should abstain.
     
  2. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    With no moral code involved, you don't have to wait to abstain. PMO'ing and seeing an escort are completely different things. The brain doesn't want sex when we crave PMO'ing, it craves PMO'ing. However, be very wary and be very careful of catching STD's even when covered. That isn't a fairytale, it's quite quite quite common. I personally felt like digusting trash after a visit to an escort and I had no moral conviction at all. I went for full pleasure and came back empty and with regret. I think is becuse sex is meant to be a bonding experience falling short of that can make people feel hollow.
     
  3. Darkhorse23

    Darkhorse23 Member

    I can understand that feeling of wanting a bonding experience for me I’m just looking for a way to rewire sexually with women I’m attracted too. Thanks for the feedback though.
     
  4. lookingahead

    lookingahead To restore my inmost being. Staff Member

    Even from an amoral position, sex with prostitues is just as much an addictive and compulsive behavior as PMO. Any sexual activity that doesn't involve intimacy and bonding leads to addiction in another form. You're needing to rewire not just your raw sexual drive but also your ability to connect. It's an intimacy disorder at its root, not a sexual disfunction.
     
    Mendoza likes this.
  5. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    What a superb post. The answer in a nutshell.

    A contradiction. Rewiring in itself requires a form of bonding, or at the very least a connection to that person. You can have sex with prostitutes but the experience is too short and too superficial for it to become a means to rewire. Rewiring isn't just sexual intimacy, rinse and repeat. It also involves touch, a lot of it non sexual. An in between solution for you could be to hit Tinder, for although mostly sexual, there is supposed to be a connection or rapport established before the act takes place.
     
  6. Darkhorse23

    Darkhorse23 Member

    Contradiction in what way? Maybe rewiring requires that for YOU but you can't say that is an absolute for every man. For me personally i'm not trying to open up to a woman about my issues again, i did that with my last ex girlfriend(we broke up back in July) and granted she was understanding and quite frankly she had more issues than me but there is no guarantee every woman you meet will be able to handle that. I respect your opinion though.
     
  7. Mendoza

    Mendoza Well-Known Member

    I haven't thought of that, so who knows? Maybe you are onto something about rewiring being different for each man.

    But given you already went through the girlfriend experience, then surely escorts is going to seem lame in comparison. Because at a basic level, those women cannot care... and even if what you want is purely sexual, there should still be a minimum level of caring and respect from both sides. That's why I suggested 'casual sex' type of web platforms... you'll also save a bunch of cash!
     
  8. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    A porn addict should stay away from escorts.

    When I decided to visit prostitutes, it wasn't a conscious or well thought out decision. It was more of an uncontrollable feeling, an extension of my addiction.

    They did help me regain my erections and sexual confidence, but I didn't stop after that. They just made it much more difficult to stop compulsive sexual behavior.

    Visiting escorts has a negative effect on your well being, both physical and mental. I don't give a shit about morality or whether it's right or wrong, I just know they cause more harm than good.

    Sorry if that wasn't the answer you were expecting.

    If you still insist, I would make it a rule to never masturbate and only have sexual release with escorts. You will realize how strongly connected they are to porn.
     
    Darkhorse23 and Catharsis like this.
  9. umass75

    umass75 New Member

    I have found that seeing an escort conpromises my recovery from porn addiction. But it's early days for me. Depending on the extent of the wiring i would wait several months. For me, I suspect it will always be risky behaviour.
     
  10. solo

    solo New Member

    Darkhorse23, i'm also wanting to see an escort after 2 months and a half or so of no PMO. Underdog's take on it is interesting, but i believe that it's a personal thing for everyone. I don't know, maybe i will share Underdog's view after my encounter with an escort... but i'm definitely going to do it - not even for the intercourse, just to realize a non porn-induced fetish of mine, that i deem a bit impractical and weird for a 'normal' partner.

    It could be dangerous if you're inexperient with women though... you could end up settling with the escorts instead of going through the pain and hard work of developing yourself into an attractive man to have sex with normal women. Something to be aware of...
     
  11. Darkhorse23

    Darkhorse23 Member

    That is the main appeal of working with them for me as well.

    Appreciate the feedback.

    For me it's just the opposite, i've approached many women over the years but have had for the most part bad results and not many fond memories. So for me dating and/or pursuing women isn't something I plan to do for the next year or so. Just going withdrawal and focus on me, but i'd still like to have sex from time to time so i figure this is my best option as well as way to develop more sexual confidence. Can't really end up settling for them because unlike in Underdog's country they aren't cheap in the states. I'll keep that in mind though.
     
    solo likes this.
  12. solo

    solo New Member

    Can totally understand you wanting to focus on other areas of your life instead of pickup right now; i'm going through the same, have more important things to deal with as of now (i.e. my financial independence). And same here, i can't end up settling for them because the hot and nymphomaniac ones are expensive, best case scenario i would see one twice a month, but for most of the time only once per month i think.
     

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