Please help me with info

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by VJ, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. VJ

    VJ Member

    hi,

    I have been addicted to femdom fantasy since age of 12 I guess even before I knew what is femdom. When I started masturbating I used femdom fantasy and i did the same for 16 years almost and I never watched any sort of porn till date. All I knew and get erected is for femdom fantasy and imagine the same when I see a real women.

    Current state of me :
    I started reboot and I am on 185th as of today , I can say I can control my fantasy thoughts in recent weeks because during my reboot femdom fantasy thoughts come and go for a day or two in between.

    Now if I watch any hot scenes I feel like imagining touching and feeling a women who appears on screen but before reboot I never get this feel. But this feelings are not enough for me to reach the full level as I feel during femdom fantasy.

    But I still can’t get the sexual feel with my partner because the whole reason I am starving to get rid of this addiction is for my partner and for my betterment.

    What you guys think , am I making progress and what else I should do to get normal sexual feelings with my partner ?

    Any thoughts is highly appreciated and that will help me a lot in my life change.
     
  2. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    You asked a point blank question. Here is a point blank answer.

    You are not addicted to "femdom". No one is addicted to any category. This addiction is about using porn to achieve a neurological reaction, a brain reaction. It is the brain reaction that is addictive, not the category of porn we watch to get it. Porn is a button we push. Do not mistake the button for the reaction. We arrive at categories via desensitization, resensitization, and escalation. At some point, probably years ago, vanilla porn worked for you. You found interesting porn that you saw whatever you saw your normal, natural, sexuality in. But we desensitize to that. I know you say you started with femdom, but, more likely, you started with boy loves girl, and escalated quickly when you desensitized to it. Stay addicted long enough and you will desensitize to femdom. Then, it is on to a new, different, shocking, category.

    Next truth, that we do not like to acknowledge. Porn, for a porn addict, is more efficient a means of getting that neurological reward than sex is. When you ask about how you can get "normal" sexual feelings for your partner, you are, actually, asking, how can I get the feelings I get with porn, with my partner. Answer: You cannot. Normal sexual feelings are...quite nice. But, they take effort, compromise, negotiation, and are not endlessly available. Sex is a pretty powerful stimuli. Porn, for a porn addict, is a super stimuli. Sex has real difficulty competing with that.

    Quitting addiction involves giving that up. Quitting the addiction means living with less of it, "it" being the neurological reward that comes with thinking about sex, and nothing allows us to think about sex more than porn; not even sex itself.

    With time, and eliminating that super stimuli, you will return to something pretty close to normal.

    When you talk about "reaching the full level", I think you are talking about using porn during the reboot. BAD IDEA. During the reboot, you want to eliminate all artificial sexual stimulation All of it. It is what you are attempting to fix, the use of artificial sexual stimulation to achieve what I will crudely describe as a dopamine high. One of the things you are going to have to accept, if you are going to reboot, is that you will live without "reaching the full level." Until and unless you do that, you will have real problems rebooting. 185 days is good, but you must understand that it is the "thought" of sex that results in a dopamine rush. It is not just about not watching porn or PMOing, it is about cutting out thoughts that result in a dopamine rush.

    You asked for thoughts. There you go.

    Peace.

    Will.
     
    Kevin Walez likes this.
  3. Kevin Walez

    Kevin Walez New Member

    Totally agree!)
     

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