Overcoming my tranny porn addiction

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by joelski, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. joelski

    joelski New Member

    Hi all,

    I'm 32 years old and I've been addicted to porn since I was 15. When I was in college I started watching tranny porn and have been addicted to it ever since. I don't exclusively watch it but I would say I during my porn compulsions I usually tend to gravitate towards tranny porn over 50% of the time. It makes me feel incredibly guilty every time I do it, yet for some reason I keep on compulsing.

    I'm not going to get into the whole "am I gay or not" question, because I know that I'm attracted to women and will only be with women. It's only when I watch porn that I seem to get turned on by trannies. And it's usually during times of high stress and anxiety that I compulse. I think most of that is because I had a fairly stress filled childhood, and the only comfort I seemed to get was when I turned towards porn and masturbation. I've continued that habit well into my adult life and unfortunately now it's become a part of my life and I desperately want to change it.

    I'm about to be divorced and have been separated from my wife for several months now, and one of the biggest reasons for the divorce was because she found out about my secret porn addiction after she found me looking at tranny porn. Ever since that day she lost all respect for me and didn't look at me the same. To be honest, I didn't look at myself the same. The shame that it brough me was nearly unbearable. I have terrible anxiety and occasional panic attacks, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel so ashamed of my behavior. This addiction has ruined my life.

    Recently I met someone new. My marriage was always an unhappy one, we fought all the time and I felt like we were incompatible so I'm eager to move on. My parents never liked her, and I would have never left her because I'm too loyal so it's probably for the best that she left me although I wish it didn't happen the way it did. But with this new girl, I feel so much more complete with her. She is really kind to me, in a way that I've never been treated before. We're really compatible, and I really don't want to ruin it with my porn addiction. Since we met 2 weeks ago I have not looked at any porn at all or masturbated once, but I fear that as time goes on I will relapse like I always do. I had a stretch a couple months ago where I went a full month without looking at any porn which is probably a record for me. But then I relapsed hard and started looking at it every day before I got clean again.

    Can anyone help me with some tips on how to reverse this destructive habit? I want nothing less than to have a healthy, happy relationship free from my internet porn addiction, particularly tranny porn which for me is the most shameful and the most damaging to those I love.

    Thanks.
     
  2. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    Tranny porn was my visual crack cocaine. You know it's wrong but you can't help yourself when you find a link to it for the first time. It opens up another world of fetishes and the best thing is they look like regular chicks so the guilt is kind of eliminated. I'd say tranny porn was 75% of my PMO. The sheer naughtiness of looking at it got me hooked. I even joined forums to discuss it and found just how many straight men were obsessed with it. I was to a point where the next step would have been going to see a tranny escort but the fact I'd always had a mortgage and bills to pay made me cautious with my money. I still get massive urges to visit some tranny escorts in my local vicinity but scared it would cause further problems.

    It all started when my tastes escalated to gangbangs and bukakke. I wanted to be treated the same way as that lone girl in the middle of all the action. I had no feelings for men whatsoever and still don't but trannys used to blow my mind and the more I got the more I wanted. I don't think my tranny fantasy will ever go away. I've done shameful things while masturbating to tranny porn but at the time it was the biggest dopamine high I experienced.

    It's going to be tough beating my addiction to porn, even tougher beating my addiction to tranny porn.
     
  3. joelski

    joelski New Member

    So you don't think you can ever beat it?

    I feel really frustrated that I haven't been able to stop looking at Tranny porn, but I know that when I'm doing well mentally and emotionally I don't have the urges. I believe that I can beat this horrible habit, I'm just going to need a lot of accountability and guidance to do it.

    I'd like to use this thread as a way to keep myself accountable and honest with my struggle for the near future. I think it would be a good tool to help me long term.
     
  4. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    I'm sure I can beat it but years and years of looking at images, videos and cams is going to be hard to forget about. There are 2 views on fantasies; 1. ''Fantasies should remain just that''. 2. ''Why have fantasies if you're never going to act them out?'' I find myself in between 1 and 2!

    I too am using this forum to make myself accountable and hopefully beat the cravings.
     
  5. shaz

    shaz New Member

    You can win the battle joeski. It's not easy but you can do it. I say start now with your new relationship. Delte all your P and put P blockers on your computers. Put a counter in your journal and set easy goals. Extend your counter when you reach your goal. Exercise, mediate and visit this forum often. Before you know it 90 days will have passed. It takes patience and dedication. Take baby steps. Good luck!
     
  6. joelski

    joelski New Member

    Thanks so much! I don't have any P stored anywhere and I've only used my phone to look at P.

    Are there any good filters for phones?

    Also, for accountability, I haven't looked at any P or masturbated since before Friday October 11th. I can't remember the exact date but I'm fairly certain it's been almost 2 weeks. I want to continue this streak for 90 days because I've never gone that long before.
     
  7. ppycat

    ppycat Guest

    if anyone comes around in this topic to tell you you're probably gay and should start coming out therapy, try not to take it too seriously ::)
     
  8. zefizzle

    zefizzle Guest

    K9 web filter has a phone app that you can't uninstall unless you know the password
    Qustodio also has a phone app
    sure there are many others that would suffice if those 2 don't do it for you
     
  9. zefizzle

    zefizzle Guest

    If falling victim to addiction like millions of other people on earth makes me gay then label me the fruitiest motherfucking mango in the jungle motherfucker
     
  10. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    It's a common myth that men who are into transsexuals are gay. Far from it, the vast majority are straight and have no interest in men whatsoever.

    I joined a couple of transsexual forums during PMO and learnt so much about straight men being obsessed with transsexuals. Stories of how they got into them all seemed to follow the same pattern of PMO, curiosity and the inquisitive human mind.
     
  11. joelski

    joelski New Member

    I have no doubts in my mind about my sexual orientation. I've never found men attractive and I could never have sex with a man. Nor do I think I could ever have sex with a tranny, I just got hooked on tranny porn. I honestly think that it became something so weird and exotic that got my attention and the worse I felt about it afterwards the more I did it. It's almost like I was intentionally doing something I hated out of resentment towards myself.

    Maybe I'm off base, but I believe that's part of why I got into it and continue to do it.
     
  12. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    I always asked myself the same question; what would I do if I met a girl in a club, got her back to mine and she was actually a transsexual? The more I asked the question the more I got into transsexual porn. The temptation of the unknown always kept me going back for more and the escalation in images and videos mirrored that of my heterosexual porn tastes. Started out with images and videos of solo and basic hardcore and went through to gangbangs and orgies. In the end my transsexual tastes were the same as my heterosexual tastes. Had to be the right girl in the right outfit in the right scene performing the right kind of sexual act. When you get to this stage in two genres of porn you really are chasing the dragon, looking for that perfect hit.
     
  13. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    If you don't want to relapse ever again, you can't rely solely on your partner's accountability.

    You need to learn how to live without the "high" of this fantasy world of endless hot chicks and trannies.

    Are you willing to let go of the intense pleasure that artificial stimulation provides?

    I'm warning you, it's going to be painful and you're probably going to feel like shit.

    Stay away from any kind of artificial stimulation. Don't take peeks. Don't browse pictures of girls online. Don't type pornstar names on Google image search. Don't read escort forums.

    You're either interacting with real women or you're doing something completely unrelated to sex. There is no gray area where you're checking out girls online or fantasizing constantly. Those acts accomplish nothing. They serve no real purpose. They will increase your urge to masturbate and keep your mind occupied with thoughts of sex.

    You have a great opportunity with a real woman this time. Any excuse your brain comes up to masturbate to porn is bullshit. Trust me.

    But you really need to dismiss erotic thoughts as soon as they emerge in your mind. It takes less than 10 seconds of recalling a shemale porn scene for it to go all downhill. This addiction is really powerful. Your brain is desperate for a dose of its favorite drug. If you take a peek or start fantasizing you'll lose control.
     
  14. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest

    \YOU REALLY NEED TO CHILL


    however your porn use shows that you are addicted...


    I have been watching shemale porn for 4+ years I am now sexually confused......Suicidal and depressed

    you really need to abandon the artificial sex that is shemale porn and move on with your life..its not worth it...quit porn and move one


    invest your sex life with your new partner....get yourself a banner and just simply stop
     
  15. sidney1990

    sidney1990 Guest


    if anyone suggests someone is gay due to tranny porn then they need to shut the fuck up....its officially the worst way of labelling people of their sexual orientation...
    to label someone as bi for simply enjoying shemales and their dicks visually on a screen is IMO pathetic..
    I would never label a gay guy as bisexual for enjoying buck angel (a female to male transgender, essentially a guy with a pussy)
    that would be silly...

    it annoys me when I see people in these forums label people...it just ruins the support that these forums have to offer
     
  16. joelski

    joelski New Member

    Honestly it would be a lot easier of an explanation if I was gay. But I'm attracted to women and always have been so simply chalking it up to me being gay doesn't add up. There is obviously something more going on here. Every time I look at tranny/shemale porn I would look for the most feminine tranny I could possibly find, one that looks identical to a genetic female. And I wasn't even attracted to the penis, it's just the fact that she has one that makes me feel excited because I know it's wrong.

    So today I wanted to compulse today so bad when I woke up but I didn't. I'm really glad that I haven't all day and right now I'm taking it day by day, minute by minute. I wish it wasn't as much of a struggle but it's worth it to fight for my own sanity. And it's worth it for the girl I'm seeing now. She is so beautiful, and I'm so lucky she's into me. She actually likes me, a lot. I just don't want to ruin this with my porn compulsion.

    Also, this is the first time I've publicly admitted that I am addicted to tranny porn, so thank you all for being so understanding. I feel so ashamed and terrible about it and it feels a lot better to get this off my chest.
     
  17. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    E
    Don't beat yourself up looking for answers to why you like tranny porn. I used to question why but came to the conclusion I just liked them. We are porn addicts and starting off with something relatively normal and finishing with something that asks questions is all part and parcel of the addiction. Just like alcoholics who start on a few cans of lager a day then eventually develop to a bottle of whisky a day. They probably don't like whisky at first but it satisfies their craving for stronger things. It's the same with drug addicts experimenting with stronger drugs and gamblers betting on sports they're not even interested in. It just happens with the addiction.

    When I look back at how I got into transsexual porn I wonder what the hell was going on in my brain but by the time it happened my brain was so damaged I didn't really question it. I just logged on, searched transsexual porn and got off to it as it felt new and exciting. My tastes in heterosexual porn had gone from boobs to hardcore to lingerie to porn stars to MILFS to threesomes to foursomes to moresomes to cumshots to orgies to gangbangs then to gangbangs with favourite things from over the years like big boobed, lingerie wearing, porn star MILFS. My tastes had become so exact that I was almost becoming bored. I had to find something new. I was finding that the more gangbangs I watched, the more my mind became curious about what it would be like to be that single girl getting all the attention and being right in the middle of the action. Fucked up I know but this is what porn and fantasy do, they create scenarios in your brain. I had no attraction to men whatsoever and looked at some transsexual porn. From the first image of a famous transsexual star in exotic lingerie I was hooked. The endless sexual possibilities that were presented had my curious brain going into overdrive. What would it be like? Would I enjoy it? Where can I meet one of these transsexuals who has got me all confused? The journey started again. From solo to hardcore to lingerie to threesomes, foursomes and moresomes to cumshots, orgies and gangbangs right through to where I left it; transsexual escorts. The addiction had got me to the point of joining forums, dating sites, twitter, escort sites and free cam sites just to try and pluck up the courage to meet a transsexual for sex.

    I have been PMO free for nearly four weeks now and I don't feel the urge to go online to look at porn. I do however have urges every now and then to visit a transsexual escort. It's just my brain telling me that in 17 years of being a porn addict, I've never fulfilled any of my online fantasies in real life. These are the feelings I need to eradicate.
     
  18. joelski

    joelski New Member

    That's a good point. I guess there's nothing really rational about my addiction. I've just progressed up the ladder of hardcore porn and that's where my mind has taken me. As the saying goes, it is what it is.

    Just to give you all an update I woke up with the thoughts of some tranny porn I've watched in the past and really wanted to compulse and watch it but I didn't. I still feel that urge but I'm telling myself no. It's not worth the pain and heartache.

    I can't get enough of what doesn't satisfy me and it never, ever satisfies me.
     
  19. TREBOR

    TREBOR PMA, not PMO.

    I'm just glad I never got any further than heterosexual and transsexual porn between consenting adults. I'm sure others have much worse addictions that cross over into illegal territory.
     
  20. joelski

    joelski New Member

    That's very true. As bad and damaging as what I have done has been to me, at least none of it was illegal. Though, who knows, if I continued down my path of self destruction it very well may have led there.
     

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