On the edge of giving up

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Billy53, Jul 13, 2018 at 2:21 PM.

  1. Billy53

    Billy53 New Member

    She left this morning. Stating that she just couldn't handle my lack of passion in my making love. She says that I am flat and don't seem to enjoy it. Well she is right and now I have lost relationship number three. Seems that I am no good at sex. I am freaking out and thinking I will just go back to masturbation and give up on women. It never works for me. I love them and then sex happens and they are always disappointed in me. Help I feel my resolve slipping away.
  2. matthewmammothrept

    matthewmammothrept Administrator Staff Member

    Hi so sorry to hear this Billy. Breakups are tough. You know that, you've already experienced this twice. You should know, then, that is gets better and the pain fades. The pain will fade faster if you allow yourself to feel it now. Don't push it away with PMO! That will only make it worse.

    If passionless sex (and perhaps PIED?) is the issue that is causing these breakups, then PMOing now while you are grieving won't help. You need to fix the underlying problem. Stop looking at porn. Go on a reboot. Abstain for however long it takes to regain your reboot sexuality. As your brian rewires itself your sexual passion will become more natural, and you will enjoy it a lot more. That, in turn, will make you more attractive while you are having sex. Give it a try, we'll be rooting for you!

    Oh, I just noticed that your counter says 500+. Is that accurate? In that case, maybe your problem isn't porn?
  3. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear about this. I have a few questions... not because I think I know something you don't, but because I think they may be important to consider.

    First, was she worth it? It is unfair to say that sex should be unimportant to women... the idea that women are perverts if they want sexual satisfaction in a relationship is inherently sexist, but at the same time, I would hold women to the same standard I would hold men: love is about more than sex, and if a partner is struggling sexually, they likely need love and support, not shame. A guy walking out on a woman because she isn't performing right sexually isn't exactly a champ. I don't want to blame her for everything or call her names, but we do need some perspective here.

    Second, if she wants more intense, freakier stuff, then maybe she is also a victim of an over sexualized culture. Porn addicts can't be satisfied by real people because no real person can compete with porn. Many women are left with a sense of shame when their husbands fail to find them attractive enough to have sex with, though it isn't their fault. Do you think you might have been held to too high of a standard, much like the porn wives?

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