1. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    Seriously. no orgasm? How does a married guy pull that off? No masturbation? No sex with wife? Even when I have ED, I do oral on her and get myself off with her. I can understand no porn, that is the problem. But men are not wired for no orgasms. That just as unatural as unlimited high speed porn.
    Working hard (excuse the pun) on not fantasizing with anything other than my wife. Not sure I have gone a single week without an orgasm in my entire 53 years on this planet, and the only guys i know who do do it for orgasms denial BDSM.
  2. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Guys with porn induced erectile dysfunction, who still orgasm regularly, often don't heal.

    You can try to O and see if you still make progress.
    But don't blame the community and/or the theory of PIED if this doesn't work for you.
  3. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    You might find my journal interesting Colonel (link below).
    I'm married, like you. I gave up the P and the M...but not the O's with my lovely wife. We had regular sex throughout my reboot. I still healed just fine. I no longer suffer from ED or PE at all, and my sex life is getting better all the time.

    I'd never say my way is the only way. I just know it worked for me. And I ALSO think that I might have healed faster if I had abstained from the O's with my woman for a while...though I will never be sure. In my mind, it was a tradeoff I was willing to make. And it worked out well.

    Let me know if I can help.
  4. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    That helped tremendously JDoe. Day 3 of no P and M, and no O. Taking it one day at a time.

    I am a diabetic, so although I have used pron heavily, I may have some other deciding factors in my ED, but Viagra usually helps in those circumstances and it does not get me back to where I used to be.

    Would like to get rid of the P just for my own minds sake. I just know if my wife sees that I am not having O's, she will really start to wonder about me. Maybe I can fake a few. :)
  5. freefrompmo

    freefrompmo New Member

    If your a diabetic eat paleo..you should NEVER eat grains if your diabetic. Research it.
  6. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Good to hear mate. Yep...it's a one-day-at-a-time thing - especially in those early days.
    Diabetes can certainly be a contributing factor to ED, but it sounds like you're already aware that the PMO is also likely to be a significant player in your particular scenario.
    Getting rid of the P has so many other benefits as well...but I'm sure you've already read plenty on that.

    The key thing for me was the unwiring of my neural connections between porn, masturbation, and orgasm. During my reboot, I completely abstained from the P and the M (hence no PMO). I believe my brain was simultaneously learning that it was not going to get stiumlation from porn anymore, and that the only place it would get an O was with my woman. As I said before, I'll never really know whether the real-sex-Os helped or hindered my recovery; I just know it worked.

    The "no O" rule, to me, fails to take into consideration the additional complications involved in being in a long-term sexual relationship with another human being. That's why I still think this is a bit of a grey area on these forums. For a single guy, it's a whole different set of dynamics at play. For us married guys (or guys in a relationship), there is a unique opportunity to re-establish the neural connections that associate sexual arousal and bonding behaviors with genuine human interaction and physical contact - DURING OUR REBOOT. I think this fact gets a bit lost in all the strict 'absolutely no P, M, or O'-talk. That talk also fails to consider the impact that complete O-abstinence can have on the relationship as a whole, and the partner of the rebooter during the process. I know that my woman's KNOWING she was involved and supporting in my healing process really helped her through my reboot period as well. It has all brought us closer together than we have been in a very, very long time...

    My advice? Don't fake it. Include your woman in your recovery process. It can be hard (emotionally uncomfortable) to do, at first. But if she's a good woman...going through this together can take you to some amazing places. That's been my experience, anyway.

    Wishing you well, mate!
  7. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    +1 to this.
    Going Paleo had a tremendously positive influence on my life and health as well.
  8. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    Thanks again Jdoe.

    Sorry to say I cannot include my spouse in this process. She has zero sympathy, cannot comprehend the male sex drive and addiction to porn. We have been through some counseling but she prefers to have her head buried in the sand on the subject. She thinks I should just stop, that's all there is to it, nothing more to be said or done. I wish she was right. She has no concept of the porn induced ED. That is why this forum is no beneficial for me. Got to talk about it with someone.(She is a great woman, not trying to bash her at all, just basic semantics and paradigms, she cannot comprehend)

    Be that as it may, I am trodding on in my recovery. 4th day now, no PM or O. We had a nice date last night so I dropped a viagra, but she stayed out so late she just crashed when we got home. Maybe tonight we can make use of it.
    Fighting off the constant barrage of sexual thoughts, trying not to touch myself as much as possible. Passing up every picture or anthying else that jumps out as sexual.

    My diabetes is completely under control. I'm in good shape, 6' 190, work out frequently. Others here giving me diabetes advice, I'm trying to get over 1 thing at a time. Pushing forward.
    Thanks man
  9. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Sorry mate, but that just doesn't reflect my experience with it at all. (Maybe we're all a bit different.)

    I never stopped having Os with my woman. I have no problems with erections or flatlining anymore, either. I'm not convinced that the 'all or nothing' approach is a necessarily a recipe for success for everyone...even though it may be for you.

    All I can speak of is my own experience.
  10. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    There is so much differing advice. Its like guys who are with someone can still orgasm and reboot fine if they aren't susceptible to massive flat lines. But guys who have never been sexual before have these massive periods of flat lines were orgasms just keep slowing it down.

    Maybe its orgasms from sex that are ok but blowjobs, hand jobs etc that are more porn style set you back? I dont know i find it strange its so different for everyone. I myself will be having sex throughout my reboot.
  11. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    I'm just starting this journey, so I don't now if it will slow the journey down or not. Being married for almost 29 years, sex and intimacy is part of the relationship. My wife has needs as well.

    6 days no PM, except I finished myself off after gettng my bride off with oral, using her as my focus. The next day she finished me off with her hand.

    Living without O's is not natural, and will lead to many other abnormalities for the typical man, both pshycological and physical. Hence wet dreams. O's are a basic need.

    I feel really good being absent of P for almost a week. No flat linning as far as I can tell. No emotinal problems, but no erections worth much.

    Thanks for all the comments, every one of them helps
  12. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Great to hear man!
    Like everything else in life, we all just have to find our own way...what works best for us. We can use the advice and experiences of others to help guide us along the path, but ultimately it all comes down to each man finding his own truth.
    Just part of our individual journeys...

    Personally, I don't think living without Os is particularly natural either (at least, not for ME it isn't! ;) ).
    But I acknowledge that neither is a triple-bypass or hemodyalysis; sometimes 'unnatural' interventions are necessary in life in order to remedy a situation. So that's why I don't get too fanatical in the 'O vs. no-O' debate. I can see the rationale for both positions. I think it all comes down to whatever suits your particular situation the best.

    Stay with it Colonel. It'll just keep getting better.
  13. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    Thanks JD.

    Woke up with some nice morning wood (80-90% hard) and my bride was willing. It wasn't going to last long so I O'd within a few minutes, but it was nice, very nice. I could have held out, but the way it was subsiding I took advantage of it while I could.

    This marks 7 days I think without PMO. 3 O's with my bride over that time. Feeling good, sugar well under control, weight is perfect, the future looks bright.
  14. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    (And I do love me some morning-nookie...) 8)

    Sounds like things are on the mend...real good to hear, mate!
  15. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    Too early to tell for sure, but I'm in this for the long haul. Even if my ED remains forever I will be a better person without the P in my life, though I am hoping for some nice erectional activity.

    You have been very encouraging, ty
  16. ironworld

    ironworld New Member

    In my experience, O would cause my libido to drop again - but that was after months of flatlining. In my opinion, your body gets used to abstaining from O, so when you do eventually O again it goes "ahh, that was a nice release, now I can relax again" and your libido drops again. After O'ing at least 2 to 3 times a week for a month or 2 my libido came back and no longer suffers after O.
  17. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    My libido has always been high. Started testosterone therapy a few months back. Horny as can be.

    Amazing how we are all different in our recovery. One thing for sure, P is bad. Mom was right all along!
  18. nowsthetime

    nowsthetime Do Your Best, Then Do it Again.

    Married here, closing in on a month without no pmo or m, but have O'd with the wife three to five times over the past month.

    I think whether to O or not is different for everybody.

    I do believe holding off on any O during reboot will bring about a faster healing, or complete re-boot.

    I believe Porn is no good, not even a little bit...I am 53 and I know where things go and whats what and so there is nothing to learn or get from it...nothing.

    I believe M is natural, not wrong, but too much is a problem, and doing M puts me in a place where I might possibly headback to P or P like imagery, so I am looking to not M anymore...so far so good.

    I also believe now that my marriage comes first and if we naturally move to intimacy and O, and it sets me back some then too bad, thats the sacrifice, the price I pay for what lead me here....

    I know that sounds silly, that having an O is a sacrifice, so I get that, but I would prefer no O for 90 days if I could, but again, if we naturally move to intimacy I go with it as a normal functioning couple would.

    For me, fortunately, I feel I am healing, I feel, and I am seeing, alot of positive things.

    The biggest benefit I am seeing now is that I am not PMO ing and not M....two things that Five weeks ago I would never have thought possiblle.

    And what that really means is that I now have CONTROL over my urges, over myself, and I am trending towards the better me, and away from the one I was...in the end I really feel that this is what it is all about, gaining control over ourselves, breaking the addiction, that powerless cycle that leads us to who we dont want to be.

    Once we can be free to make those better choices I think the other results show up, including fixing the PIED.

    My energy, focus, thinking, motivation, and self esteem is at a level I cant recall having in perhaps 15 to 20 years. I find myself really being with people now, fully, looking them in the eye...its amazing how I never did that much over all the years, and its so natural now.

    My libido or horniness is there, but its not pervy or over the top like it was, and my pied? I am so so, so far...have had morning wood at times amd have felt dead there too...have been fine with the wife, naturally, but also helped things along with 10 mg of cialis the other times where, I saw how the night was shaping up, and I knew I felt kind of dead down there...I would have preferred not to have done it, but I was really feeling very dead or flatline like there. I do believe I will get there without the Cialis. We had fun last night, after a 10 day or so break, and the O with her was wonderful, long lasting, and deep feeling...very different from other o's durig the porn days...on all levels.

    With all this said, am I out of the woods?


    But I am up and walking and making my way, and I can see the way through, and I will tell you that I believe that way through is here, with each of you...no way am I this far without these boards and all of you posters...thank you.

    I wish everyone the best.
  19. Colonel

    Colonel New Member

    Great to hear Nowsthetime. I can relate to a lot of that.

    Had intimacy last night with my bride, I am 53 this month. Did oral on her and then I was about 50% hard, was able to penetrate and O. Was fabulous. Experening nightime erections and morning woods.

    Being P free is fabulous, sad it had to come to this to get me to stop. Over a week P free, have only M's with my wife during itimacy after I took care of her.

    I am hopeful I can still have O's throughtout reboot. thout O's my mind dwells on sex, and the longer I go the more pervy it gets. After an O it stops dead for a day or two.

    I am looking forward to this time next year to see how things have gone.
  20. nowsthetime

    nowsthetime Do Your Best, Then Do it Again.

    Thanks Colonel...

    I went about 10 or 12 days without PMO or M a d then I did M, and some mild P, but I started over a d learned alot from that....the big thing I got from it was how I started innocenty on the pc, happy to be almost two weeks fre of the bs and then I saw an ad or whatever of a sexy women, and then another click to here and there and then another and well a few minutes later, that was that....I am only telling you so you stay vigiliant to not hit 10 or 12 days and get sucked in....

    I have been careful since and I am closing in on a month.

    The NO PMO thing has not been difficult.

    The NO M thing is hard at times, but when I really think about how I feel in those moments, I am learning that what I am feeling is more THE OLD HABIT then true HORNINESS....most times, and a quick change of state...getting up, leaving the room, doing something, really helps tell the brain that NO I am not in that old state, and so no, we won't be doing that.

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