My Journal (updated regularly)

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by apc27, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Hi,

    I've started a new relationship with a girl I have really strong feelings for, but I've been having sexual issues which has really set my confidence back. I'll say a little bit about my history; I'm 27 years old, and since my first time I have had delayed ejaculation. I started on internet porn around 13 and I've had to fantasize certain scenarios to get over a certain pleasure threshold (once I'm there I can focus on the girl and bring myself to orgasm through looking at her and sensation). This hasn't really bothered me too much as when I was younger it meant I could last for ages and I had no problems maintaining an erection.

    However, on our first time together with this girl I got dreadful performance anxiety and now I have trouble maintaining an erection when we're together. She takes a lot of time to get "ready for entry" so theres a lot of foreplay involved. I won't lie, I feel there is a lot of pressure for me to perform in this situation, but luckily she is amazingly understanding. When we kiss and cuddle I have no problem getting erect but when it comes to penetration my system panics and shuts down. Thankfully we've had one successful session when I was drunk which was incredible but I also had a tab of viagra which my doctor prescribed me to get over the psychological ED. I think my body is starting to resist viagra because I experienced ED again recently when I was dosed up.

    Here's the thing; I've recently given up regular porn use. I haven't been a heavy user (I define heavy by once or twice every couple of days) for a few years, and I now have a strong moral objection to the internet porn culture which has colored my views on pornography as a whole (I also suffer from OCD so my moral compass is on constant overdrive). As it stands now I look at porn maybe once a month, and its been this way for a few months now (I recently ended a longterm relationship so am attributing my drop in porn use to possible depression too). Is it possible I'm in the middle of a flatline? My libido seems to require a kickstart every now and then as I don't get spontaneous erections nearly as often. I also can't achieve a sensation-based erection, which I used to be able to do. I've taken steps to improve my erectile health such as more exercise and giving up smoking, is there anything else I can do? I really hope I'm not in the middle of a flatline because I really like this girl and don't want to put our sex life on hold for fear of losing her. Thanks.
     
  2. heyzeussantiago

    heyzeussantiago New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Hello buddy and welcome to the site.

    I would recommend viagra but only after you have given the process a few months at least. So absolutely no PMO for a long time and then maybe a pill to kickstart your system. I also think it should help if you are suffering from performance anxiety.

    Viagra isnt a quick fix if you have PIED, but it was a life saver for me after I had been through the process for half a year or so
     
  3. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Thanks for the reply, was getting a bit desperate, this whole ordeal has left me so depressed lately.

    I'm not 100% sure I'm in a flatline as my libido tends to come and go sporadically (almost like a wave). I'm wondering if the lows are because I'm giving myself a hard time for crashing and burning when I try to perform. I've noticed that my taste in pornography has changed in the last few months; before, I could only get aroused to lesbian pornography but now I've noticed I'm getting more aroused by F/M and models which I'm taking as a good sign as it must mean my brain is rewiring to find normal situations more appealing. Will this get better? I stupidly indulged in "panic porn" (looking at porn to kickstart my libido) the other day and have decided this is a useless technique.

    I've noticed my performance is 10 times better when I'm drunk, does anyone else have this? I don't know if it's because the lowered inhibition suppresses the performance anxiety but I have no trouble maintaining when I'm drunk, which leads me to believe much of this is performance anxiety (though longterm I would love to be rid of delayed ejaculation too).

    I'll stay on viagra for now, is there any more advice anyone could give me? I'll take literally any suggestions. Thanks.
     
  4. Dan82

    Dan82 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Alcohol has ability to relax blood vessels and increases Libido. I suggest you to stay away from porn, mo. Eat low fat & do cardio.
     
  5. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Thanks for your advice Dan, when you say low fat could you specify? I don't really get too much fat in my diet and as I'm quite slim I have very high metabolism. I had my bloods taken recently and all my levels are at normal condition. I've taken up going for long jogs for my cardio as it's cheaper and more convenient than joining a gym. I've also started taking multivitamins too and like I said before quit smoking, is there anything else that might help? Thanks again.
     
  6. Dan82

    Dan82 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    If you eat fatty meal (eggs, meat, oils) your blood flow will decrease for few hours. It is better to avoid those type of foods, if you plan sex on spec. day. I get noticeable better erection, if I eat hot pappers day before. So try to find hottest papper and eat it. I know it sounds funny but it works for me. You can also try other herbs:
    - maca
    - horny goat weed
    - yohimbee
    - pine pollen
    - l-argenine
     
  7. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Good news is my erectile strength has improved, bad news is I feel absolutely nothing while I'm having sex now which makes it difficult to maintain an erection. I have the most beautiful girlfriend, my body gets excited when I'm around her yet absolutely no sexual pleasure while we're in the act. Fuck this really. I'm having real trouble coping, smoked my first cigarette in over a month this morning because I feel so fucking low. Took viagra too last night, did absolutely nothing, was still going hard then soft every few minutes, no trouble really getting erect, just can't orgasm. I feel broken, overwhelmed, empty. Haven't looked at porn in weeks, haven't felt the desire to look at it in months. Wish my brain would sort itself out. Would really appreciate some advice.
     
  8. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Try vitamin e cream for a month and 2 weeks without sex or masturbation. Might allow you to pop.
     
  9. SuperGreg

    SuperGreg New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    I don't think you can half ass this - you really need to quit the porn altogether, 100%. Don't worry about what your tastes are, just don't look at it.
     
  10. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Thanks for the feedback. Am currently off porn altogether, and having mixed results. When I'm fully erect (which is rare) it's a lot stronger. Don't seem to have morning wood every day like I used to though.

    I think I may have made some progress though, not sure if I should have done this but...felt horny by myself for the first time in a while a few days ago so took advantage of the situation to see if I could achieve MO by sensation, and it worked! No fantasy, no porn, I managed to climax through concentrating on how it felt, is this a good sign? I'm abstaining from MO in general but this feels like a huge step forward, no way would I have been able to achieve this in my porn use days.

    Problem is, at the moment, viagra is having virtually no effect on me now. I'm on 50mg, should I up to 100? Besides giving me "placebo confidence" (ie. taking the worry away about performance anxiety) it doesn't seem to affect my erectile strength and last time me and my gf were together I lost wood briefly while I was inside. It seems like whenever I'm going full bore with a girl I lose it, does this have anything to do with blood pressure?

    I have a question for anyone who's been to psychosexual counseling for their PIED, as I'm currently considering it; does it work and what can I expect?
     
  11. louis

    louis New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    You can read all infos and success story at yourbrainonporn.com ,there a big great porn FAQ to answers most questions about porn/fap and how reboot.
    You also can find infos about how viagra work on our body.
    Don take any pills,i have a friends use blue pills for fours years and became addict to pill,he can t have an erection without pill now and the effect of pill decrease,many time he can t have erection with..

    Try basic sex with your girls:during sex don t touch dick with your hand or girlfriends hand,no masturbation,no blowjob,only dick in the pussy and cum in the pussy all without imagination ,alcool and pills!
    If it don t work,you have to wait to have sex and make serious reboot.

    You have problem with your dopamine system on your brain,it create bad anxiety in many situation where you have to take pleasure like with a girls you like or withs friends in social situation...

    Don t force yourself,take a big break of the thing give us big dopamine rush like fat food,sex,porn,extrem sport or too much sport,video game,too much time on internet,random web surfing for entertainment,story book,tv...

    Actually you continue your porn use cause you still horny in front of soft pictures,soft pictures are relapse at porn if you have a rush in your brain with...
    Porn is all is virtual and make us horny!

    For your reboot i advice you stop watch all kind of picture and movie,it include normal picture and movie!

    It took me six month free of all visual virtual to be able have successfull basic sex(i had bad ED,extrem anxiety the past ten years)
    I had twenty succeffull sex the last two month and enter now a new flateline...
    I enter a new reboot and try now be free of PMO and sex during five month,the goal is completely heal my body.

    Be sure,there no need training to have successfull sex,only need healhy body and healthy sexual fonction.
    The way we live actually damage them...

    I know now reboot work but it take years and many change habit of virtual use and life.

    Be strong.


    Must read:
    yourbrainonporn.com
    dopamineproject.org
     
  12. Re: PIED and viagra?

    I used Viagra for a while (granted, before I began rebooting) and I experienced the same thing you are – sometimes it worked, sometimes it did absolutely nothing. It never worked consistently for me.

    The problem you, I and most other guys on here have is not in our penises, it’s in our brains. That’s why drugs like Viagra won’t help much. They only enable your penis to be more easily engorged by blood, but you still have to be aroused for it to work.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Instead of focussing on how to get an erection, I believe our first priority should be to recover our lost libido/sex-drive. If we can do that erections will follow. It is the lack of that primal animal instinct and urge to have sex which is lacking, causing us to have low quality erections or no erections at all.

    Oh, and drop the porn ASAP! Otherwise you'll never fully recover.

    Now, if only I could find that libido…
     
  13. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    I think you misunderstood me, I've ceased watching all kinds of porn. Thanks for all the advice though, am trying to win through this reboot as best I can.

    Thanks for the input 38, glad to hear its not just me. This is the first time in my life I've wanted to actually do something about my mental block; before I could maintain a normal sexual encounter but at the expense of bonding with a partner, but now that I'm out of the rabbit hole I want to fix the damage I've done to my brain. I agree that libido is a major issue; some days I'm really horny but others I feel absolutely deadened. I also have OCD and I'm beginning to wonder how much of that is contributing to my problem, insofar as my brain is constantly on alert and I have a hard time finding a state of pure relaxation. The fact I achieved orgasm through sensation rather than fantasy has given me a little more hope though. Good luck to all of you too!
     
  14. Re: PIED and viagra?

    @apc27

    Yes, this is indeed progress.

    Congrats!

    ... and keep going!
     
  15. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Posting an update.

    Haven't MO since my sensation-based sesh about 5 days ago. However, still having trouble getting a sensation based erection; can get to about 60% but nothing more. Get half-decent morning wood once a day. All in all, feeling the flatline returning; no sex drive, women are attractive to me but don't inspire an erection. My mind still feels numb.

    I am extremely depressed, and I'm wondering how much of this is factoring in. The only pleasure I get from life right now is going for a run every day. I'm terrified that my girlfriend is going to break up with me, as I can't bring myself to tell her my problem. If I didn't feel the way I do about her I'd break it off to spare myself the torture I'm going through. My heart goes out to every single one of you guys, I wouldn't wish this hell on my worst enemy. I'm 27 years old and I feel like a virgin, as I've realized that every sexual encounter I've had has been a cheap, artificial experience that I've had to fake my way through because of this disorder. To feel that you're "less than a man" is a terrible thing, I've had some very dark days in the last week, and I'm not suicidal but...some dark thoughts creep in that offer me some cathartic relief. Shouldn't say all this but I can be honest here and I feel I'm among sympathetic minds.

    Going to make a doctors appointment today, see if therapy might be a good idea.
    Every day is a battle right now. Stay strong everyone.
     
  16. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    It's frustrating.

    Just to let you know, I too had problems with ED meds helping when my PIED was strong. This appears pretty common. Once you're free from porn and masturbation for a while, ED meds will likely provide quite a bit of benefit. At that point, you'll have to decide whether to use them to generate an erection or go with the flow and see if your erections come back naturally.

    Here's the sad fact: you haven't been off porn for very long (just since mid October?)...so you're really very very early in your reboot. You recently masturbated to orgasm...most find they need to stop masturbation entirely in order to reboot.

    So give it a real go. Cut out all P and all M for at least 90 days. If you can manage, cutout all O if you have sex during that period.

    Unfortunately, I can't tell you that 90 days is a magic number...it's just a point at which you know you've given this a serious try for a meaningful period of time. I'm a little past 90 days and I still have ED issues...and libido issues. I've gone without P, without M, and without O (I've had regular sex, but I've withheld O). But, at this point, if I take ED meds, they work wonders.

    Buckle down for at least 90 days. Tell your girlfriend if you can. Good luck!
     
  17. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    Thanks xstar. I've been "off porn" for a lot longer (since July I suppose), the mid-October PMO was a "panic relapse" that I foolishly indulged to kickstart my libido. I haven't been a regular porn user for months and I don't have any urges at all to indulge. In some ways thats worse, I just wish I felt something. I'm actually pretty far into my reboot, but have had quite a few relapses.

    I'm trying to rewire with my girlfriend, but achieving O is nigh on impossible and thats if ED doesn't kick in, thats why I'm on viagra.
     
  18. xstar

    xstar New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    This is what I was referencing when I thought you'd only recently cut porn out. Based on reboot accounts and how Gary has described the underlying issues, even very low / moderate use will hurt you.

    When you relapse, you can set yourself back...possibly to the beginning. So the idea that you're far into your reboot but you've had quite a few relapses is contradictory.

    By that standard, I'm 1.5 years into my reboot. (I had a lot of success summer 2012, but then fell back into very modest use of porn...nothing like I had been using, but I was using it periodically.) In reality, I view myself as just over 90 days into a real reboot even though it's obvious I've made significant effort and progress for 1.5 years.

    I'm not trying to crack on you or anything...I'm just trying to help you see that your expectations might not be realistic in light of relapses and occasional porn use v. what Gary has written about brain function (...and the reporting of other rebooters here). It could be that you've still having trouble because you haven't gone an extended period clean of porn and masturbation.
     
  19. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    no problem, I know I might contradict myself sometimes. and thanks, appreciate it, and its ok I know you're giving me hard facts for my own benefit and it's very much appreciated. Like you I've been trying to phase it out for just over a year, but relapses happen to the best of us. I understand I need more discipline and patience, I'm just having a hard time dealing with it (which really is no excuse, everyone on this forum is going through the same thing).
     
  20. apc27

    apc27 New Member

    Re: PIED and viagra?

    New update.

    Depression's been really bad lately, but libido has been returning, albeit with mixed results. Rarely getting morning wood, but yesterday libido came back, I'd say around 50%, had a few spontaneous erections while watching The Big Bang Theory (yeah I know, but what can I say, Penny's hot), resisted the urge to rub one out and kept going. Libido is back to nothing today. I've noticed a definite change in my erection quality, I feel a "surge" now when I'm at full mast, that I never did when I was PMO. Taking that as a good sign. Just wish I knew how long the flatline's gonna last!
     

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