Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    That's a great idea, Saville. I've done them in the past, and have benefited greatly. I've been thinking of doing another one soon...
     
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  2. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Just a self-observation – when I get a glimpse of how amazing things could be, or clarity as to how fucked up the world is and how I see a way through it, I get so excited and out ahead of myself that I trip over myself and remain stuck in the place I am. I’ll do much better if I slow myself down and stay in the moment so that I can focus on the next step in front of me that I need to take. There’s a shit load of work that I need to do to heal, and it’s best done one day, one step, and one breath at a time. I will benefit greatly if I keep this front and center in my thought process.
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I love this! :)
     
  4. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Saville:)

    BTW, I really appreciate your positivity here - you are a very bright light on YBR:D
     
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  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Had a great day today. Feeling good on many levels because of how the day played out. I have had difficulty with just hanging out in this space in the past - often I want to sexualize my good feelings to give them that "high octane" boost. Adding pleasure to joy just doesn't make sense, as it dilutes my joy and leaves me with a hangover. Will stay focused and vigilant tonight...
     
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  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    My new T-shirt saying. :D

    Thanks for the kudos, NCBob. I love it when you show up here to dispense your wisdom.
     
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  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Much appreciated, Saville:)
     
  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Have felt awful the past couple of days - I've had a nasty cold that has made my body ache and everything inside my head feel like broken glass. In my semi conscious dream state, I've been uploading and downloading porn, even though my self is telling me I don't want be doing this. The exact opposite of peace of mind. Much work to do...
     
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Ouch! The addict loves it when we are sick. I would even go so far as to say it makes us sick. My immune system is stronger than when I was watching P all the time.

    Anything on the romance front?
     
  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    You are correct, Saville. Feeling sick gives it an excuse to medicate:(

    I'm doing a good job just sitting with my feelings, which means I'm feeling awful...

    As the king once sang...

     
  11. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Nothing on the romance front - which is good for the moment:)
     
  12. Kranti33

    Kranti33 New Member

    Nice article so far. I just read it. Thank you!
     
    NCBob likes this.
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thank you very much, Kranti33:)
     
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  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I cannot recall my head ever feeling so bad. My head want to explode, and nothing I'm trying to do has allowed me to soften the pain. Breathing, meditation, napping, relaxing, no matter what try, I feel trapped in my pain. There just seems to be no end in sight. Maybe this is what powerless is about. I absolutely hate it. Not sure if I have a cold, the flu, or both - and that in combination of going thru withdrawal absolutely sucks:(

    I'm absolutely trapped in my brain...
     
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I sill feel awful - and now have the smallest of breathing room spaces in my head. Every time I manage to dose off, I start dreaming of downloading/uploading porn, and always leave myself with a "hook" in the dream to stay connected with the porn. And that feels extremely unsettling in my dream. Now that I'm awake, I'm relieved that I can choose otherwise.
     
  16. dig deep

    dig deep must stop wasting my life on porn

    When I've been clean for a few weeks and have porn type dreams I see its as the brain getting rid of the porn.
     
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  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Exactly, dig deep. And it's a very uncomfortable way to go about doing it. During these dreams, everything inside my brain screams "no more porn!" I should take this sort of feedback very seriously...
     
    dig deep likes this.
  18. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Lustful pleasure has no substance
     
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  19. Kranti33

    Kranti33 New Member

    You are most welcome!
     
  20. Kranti33

    Kranti33 New Member

    this is embarrassing for me when I have a dream like porn while sleeping. Is there any side effects for nightmare?
     

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