This fucked up habit is with me since my 11 birthday. I was thinking I am strong enough to beat this bad habit, but I'm not. I do this thing everyday for about 6 years. My longest period of time when I wasnt doing it was 32 days. I want to see how my life will look when I refuse to do this. I'm not confident as I want to be in relations with girls. I don't let this weakness ruin my life because of this I'm not courage enough to chase my dream and talk with people a lot. I finally decide to lead this journal because I know this give me strength to stay clear. I know I'm better than this shit. Because of PMO I always was shy in relations with woman. I didnt know what to do in life and when my girl left Me I thought about suicide a lot, I was in deep depresseion. My family situations was not good. I fall into bad environment and drugs. I'm not going to self-pity on myself, I used to do it before. I was living that way too long, now I had enough that kind of life in quiet desperation. I used porn, drugs, alcohol as a reliever from pain and emptiness inside me. I dont do drugs like I did it before. I throwed away it, now it's time to porn and alcohol.