Life. Part Two.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Rapha, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Thanks @fcjl8 for the words of encouragement.

    This is my third night of being weed free (it feels like a LOT longer). I have to say, the withdrawals have not been as bad as I expected. Plus my mental clarity is already returning and it feels amazing to wake up in the morning without brain fog. My productivity has noticeably increased - I've intentionally kept myself active and busy throughout the day so sleep comes easy as night. There's no doubt in my mind that making this decision will also help me fight the battle against PMO / my compulsive behaviour.

    I'm finally back in the gym and have been spending the last 3 evenings cooking fresh food instead of lying zonked out in a daze on the sofa
  2. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Pleased to report I'm still weed free and in general terms I'm feeling more positive than I have in a long time. I'm dressing better, eating better, looking healthier and having smoother mood transitions. Now that's out the way I can turn my attention towards fulfilling my potential in various areas of life., i.e. regaining control of my finances (a source of anxiety), being better prepared in my career (another source of stress) and ultimately focusing on health and relationships. This last point is critical because as @Saville once pointed out to me, that's perhaps the primary reason why we are here. In recent years I haven't given my relationship with my wife the respect or attention it deserves.
  3. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    I'm spending some time learning about and practicing a fundamental skill today, i.e self control. I had to make a decision today which required a tremendous amount of self control. Given my history, it's something I've lacked in the past but it's an attribute I wish to develop and strengthen within myself. It's definitely a trait I admire in others - I know my father has it because he never ever drinks alcohol to excess even though many around him frequently do. I read that self control is a form of emotional intelligence - it gives us the ability to curb our behaviours and choose long term fulfilment over a short term buzz. It aids us in achieving longer term goals.

    The basic premise of self control is use of reason to control instinct

    Around lunch time today I was seriously tempted to do something that would have been immensely pleasurable but would also have had negative consequences in the long run. On this occasion I was able to filter the decision and weigh up the pros and cons before deciding on a course of action. This is a skill I aim to develop further - it doesn't have to mean cutting everything out, it means maintaining balance, knowing my limits and enjoying things in moderation. I also came across a great quote whist doing some reading earlier, it said "self control is just empathy with your future self".

    I have a pretty serious work project to deliver in a few days time, since the client is a close friend, I really don't want to let her down. I feel anxious about it but I know the only way to overcome that anxiety is to be as prepared and focussed as I can possibly be. In the coming days I am aiming to immerse myself into this project to deliver the best work I can.
    Saville likes this.
  4. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    "self control is just empathy with your future self". this is a great statement that would serve us all well, Thank you.
  5. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    Still on the theme of self control, I'm well aware that simply reading and learning about self control is not enough. I need ways of implementing it into my life. It needs to be 'installed' in my mind as a value. I know that addiction goes deeper than just willpower but there's no doubt in my mind that learning self control can play a part in active recovery - not purely in terms of PMO but in other areas of life too e.g. eating, drinking alcohol, using substances etc. Having done a little digging around on the web I've found a few practical (mostly measurable) things I can try to do put self control into practice.

    A life vision and goals can help to guide our choices, e.g. I want to stay healthy and have a clear mind so I won't go back to my old ways of smoking weed. Whenever I'm tempted I can filter my decision making and determine whether it is aligned with my goals. Another method is to define what it is I'm trying to control and set myself targets - e.g. to do 30 minutes of work without any interruption at all, no email, no checking WhatsApp or flicking between tasks. I could also delay gratification as per the marshmallow test. Finally I could spend a few minutes meditating each day as this will aid my general awareness. And just the act of being self disciplined enough to follow through with 5 minutes of meditation each day in itself is an act of self control.

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