Hi guys, I apologise if my 1st post is gonna be a long read. Trust me, it's gonna be worth it. I've had PMO addiction for 10 years. PMO'd heavily since 14-year old and continued till 24. Was so bad, I started watching abusive porn few times (I stumbled upon Necrophilia once!). Worse, I realised in 2016 that porn doesn't turn me on, as I used to. PMO went from 100% erection to 70% erection in 2016. Was I desensetised from years of porn abuse? Maybe. I'll give you a quick summary of myself: 25-year old with great career, wealth (I save and invest a lot) and active in sports (bodybuilding, boxing, calisthenic, muay thai, obstacle challenge, swimming and running). Great body, after years of sports and bodybuilding. Confident, outgoing and charismatic, which makes me really comfortable around girls. Some friends consider me as an alpha male among our group. Smoked weed excessively. Stopped when I was 23. Smoked cigarettes excessively, due to my stressful work nature. Slept 2-3 hours per day. Always impulsive and filled with negative thoughts. Now, I'll tell you how it all began. How I discovered I had PIED, and how it affected me. 1st gf 'Chrissie' (2009) - Had 1st sex when I was 17. I was so nervous, I PE'd after entering her. Tried again after 30-minute cuddling, and continued to have sex for the next 10 minutes or so. Started getting super-horny after break-up, I frequented sexual massage parlor. 2nd gf 'Nini' (2011 - 2013) - Constant cuddling, fondling and kissing which led to constant BJ and HJ. Didn't had sex with her. I was so horny, that I had my 2nd sex with an escort. The sex was great although I went limp after changing positions. I lasted for 20 minutes and managed to make her come. 3rd gf 'Nisa' (2014 - 2016) - Constant cuddling, fondling and kissing which led to constant BJ and HJ. She's really good when it comes to BJ, used to BJ me all the time while I'm driving. I'm always rock hard when I was with her. Didn't had sex with her, as she wants to keep her V-card. 4th gf 'Maira' (Nov 2016) - She's the most amazing person I've met. She confessed that she was sexually active with her two exes and I'm okay with that. During my birthday on Dec 3, she came over to my house and we had some sexy time. She wouldn't give me a BJ because she's wearing a braces, so she decided to let me fuck her instead. Things were going great and when it's time for us to start fucking, guess what.. I COULD NOT GET IT UP! TRIED FORCING IT UP WITH LUBRICANT AND I GOT 40% ERECT. WORSE, I PE'D BEFORE I ENTER HER! IT WAS SO EMBARASSING! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE! Maira laughed at first. But then, she decided to let me go again for the second time. Tried to use porn this time to get it up (obviously, she was not okay with this), and guess what.. I STILL CAN'T GET IT UP, DESPITE EVERYTHING I TRIED! WAS SO NERVOUS THAT I PE'D WHILE I WAS 20% ERECTED. FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!! Maira started to play with her phone when I was trying hard (pun intended). She said she wanted to shower, put on her clothes and had to leave. She was so supportive though despite me failing twice. She went on to hug me and kiss me before she left. I remember the look in Maira's eyes, when I walked her to her car. It was like she couldn't believe what just happened. Here I am, a well-built athlete with a great body who can't get it up, and worse PE'd twice before entering her. She told me it's okay, and I might be nervous but I knew that I was not okay. I fell into a severe depression that night, I smoked two packs of cigarette in the next three hours. Was sleepless, suicidal thoughts appeared endlessly in my head. What happened to me? Am I broken? Those thoughts frequent itself in my head. I did what everyone will do these days, I Google'd what the fuck just happened to me. I discovered Gabe Deem's video, RebootNation and YBOP. Spent hours that night watching all videos related to PIED. Even watched Noah Church's video. Next day, spend the whole day watching videos and reading everything I can get my hands on, about PIED/PE/ED/DE. I knew there was something I need to do. I can't keep crying and hope for things to get better. I've to take action! If I don't do something about it, I might lose Maira in the long run. Yes, she'll say it's okay now, but what happens if she got fed-up of my PIED/PE and decides to call it a quit? Fuck! The thought of it scares me. I love her so much. I really do. I decided to give this hard mode reboot journey, a try. No PMO for the next 90-day. I knew it was not gonna be easy but fuck it, I'm not gonna let porn take away my manhood, my love and my life! Just like that, I decided to quit bad habits and start new good ones. I purchased the app 'Habit Bull' and started tracking my reboot process (Best app I've purchased in my life! Trust me guys, it's really worth it!). Here's how my reboot has gone so far: Bad habits I'm overcoming Haven't PMO'd in the past 35 days Haven't smoked cigarette in the past 35 days Good habits I've started Showered with cold water, for the past 35 days (I read it's good for reboot) Updated my expenses daily with MoneyLover app, for the past 35 days Drank 7 glasses of plain water, for the past 35 days Meditated with the Headspace app, for the past 22 days (Purchased this app too, strongly recommended!) Brush my teeth 3 times daily with right hand, for the past 5 days (I'm a lefty, I read by using non-dominant hand you can enhance brain neuroplasticity and psychomotor skills) Use stairs instead of escalators, for the past 4 days Packed my items and planned my to-do list for next day, for the past (I've always had hard time being punctual and felt like I don't have enough time, this habit has changed all that). New good habits I'm planning to start 20 reps of 20 Kegel exercises daily Write daily on this site (starts today! ) Rope-skipping 500 times daily Sleep 6-7 hours daily (Trying my best. Ugh!) Pray 1-2 times daily (I'm a Muslim, it's obligatory. I know, I know don't judge me haha!) Honestly, I can't believe I've made it this far in my reboot journey (I still can't fucking believe it myself, as I'm writing), especially with its ups and downs. I felt as if this reboot has led me to become emotionally vulnerable, but this is amazing. I feel human again after so long! Throughout my reboot, I visited a urologist and a sex therapist once. Urologist prescribed me with 100mg ginseng supplement (to be taken twice daily), ginseng creme for my penis (to be applied twice daily) and Xydiena (Udenafil viagra, just in case if I've to use it). The sex therapist wanted me to start masturbating without porn again, after my 25 day reboot (which is against hard mode reboot). I decided to stop visiting him as I couldn't afford costly sessions and expensive supplements like Green Oat Extracts, GABA and etc. In short, here's how I've felt so far, in my reboot: 1st week - Felt good, had an ecstasy on life. Mindfulness was everywhere. 2nd week - Depressed and suicidal. 3rd week - Had morning wood (50% erection) and wet dream after so long (last had them when I was 23). Had a semi-boner whilst staring at a girl at the office. 4th week - Depressed and suicidal again. Cried few times. Help! 5th week (now) - Tried getting 6-hour sleep daily. Had consistent morning wood (90-100% erection) lately, and life felt good. I'm lucky that Maira is far away, and we're kinda in a long-distance relationship. This gave me the opportunity to go hard mode in my reboot, and be a better, healthier and smarter person. I may not get to see her till the next 30 days or so and I hope to be on a better progress till then. This PIED/PE experience has taught me to appreciate my life better. I now regret those years I've wasted with PMO. If only I would've stopped PMO and make use of my time better, I wouldn't be suffering like this and I'd be more successful in life. I know I'm still far from recovery, but I hope to see the light at the end of this tunnel one day. I appreciate all the support I can get from you guys in my journal here, and I'll try my best to support your reboot in any way possible. Hopefully one day, we'll all get to recover, and this will just be nothing but a distant memory in our lives. Till then, keep trucking guys. Tomorrow will be my 1st-day update on my 36 days of no PMO. I'm already excited! Haha. Thank you for reading guys! God bless!