Journal for a New Life

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by O Prophet, Jul 12, 2017.

  1. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    I am in my 20s, after countless relapses the past years and a few relapses this month, I've finally decided to start a journal, for my own sake and sanity.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2017
  2. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 1: Starting over. Currently on vacation in Asia till end of July. Didn't have much energy or motivation. Spent the day mainly browsing TV shows. Didn't think about PMO at all. Quite an uneventful day.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
  3. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 2: Didn't get enough sleep the night before, not feeling good. But that also means no energy to think about PMO either. Currently have two injuries in both of my arms that's really bothering me and preventing me from going to the gym, which is my favorite hobby.

    Will be getting an MRI 2 days from now.

    Gotta make sure to get enough sleep tonight!
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
  4. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Had a strange sexual dream last night. Dreamed that I was a young teen again, and one night I wandered into the bedroom of a beautiful teen girl, and we had passionate sex.... and then I woke up.

    This dream made me more determined to quit PMO. Because of PMO, I stayed at home and missed out on so many potential romances as a teenager. I am determined to beat this thing so I could live my life to the fullest in my 20s.
     
  5. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 3: Had a few fantasies today, managed to distract myself each time. Gotta try and avoid movies and tv shows that could feature nudity or sexual scenes.

    Gotta get up early tomorrow, so will try to go to bed soon. Having a bit of a sore throat, hope it heals.

    Damn.... Boredom causing me to feel some serious cravings now....... we already know where this leads. Gotta fight.
     
  6. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Wow, feel much better after taking a shower. Note to self, if ever in danger of a relapse, jump in the shower ASAP. It will refresh you.
     
  7. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 4: Saw a Kate Upton movie trailer where she flashes her boobs. Damn. Managed to stop myself and scroll away to Ajax Unchained's NoFap Channel. Watched a few of his videos and now I'm good.

    Will be going to the hospital later today to get an MRI for my arm. I feel like I've survived another day, but definitely got triggered a bit. Will have to be careful the next few days.

    Update: Just got back from the hospital, now just relaxing before bed. Another day has gone by!
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2017
  8. HeyRevolver

    HeyRevolver Active Member

    Hey OP, a warm welcome to you! With regards to movies especially early on in a reboot. Type the name of a movie followed by imdb parents guide on a google search and it will show you in writing exactly all the explicit scenes that will appear in a movie. Btw as pmo is done intentionally when we chase, as you weren't looking out for the trailer it's impact won't be the same.

    A word if I may Brother, enjoy rebooting but don't focus on it. Crack on with the task at hand. I think early in my journey when I was 19 I use to love watching recovery videos, reading stories, the whole shabang. Not thinking about something you can't do, is thinking of what you can't do. It's reinforcing at a point.

    Keep the mindset of 'there's only today'. I always find commenting helps if one has urges, it's a great community here, indulge in it.
     
  9. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Thanks brother, I will keep all of this in mind!
     
  10. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 5: Friend took me to get a massage for my injured arm today, turns out the person giving the massage was an attractive lady. She kinda flirted with me a bit during the session, I was slightly turned on but nothing else happened.

    In the past, major urges usually hit at the 5-7 day mark. Gonna have to be on my guard.
     
  11. HeyRevolver

    HeyRevolver Active Member

    That massage scene is a classic, the tendency to sexualise, I doubt we'd be addicts otherwise. I think the mindset we get indoctrinated with from porn is that every girl wants to rush to undress us. Through fantasising we've kind of inserted ourselves in a porn scene. Her flirting might have been innocent, might have been a personality trait or it might well have been a pass at you. If you can appreciate it without reflecting heavily, you'll remain present and more objective.

    I'm glad though that you're feeling emotions, how nice are they right? ;p
     
    O Prophet likes this.
  12. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 6-7: Continued to get massages for my injured arm. Feeling much better.

    On Day 7 I woke up with morning wood, haven't had that in a long time!
     
  13. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Yea, met her twice more and turns out you're right, her flirting is totally innocent and just a personality trait of hers. She's actually really professional and good at what she does. Porn has definitely turned us, or at least me, into someone who has a tendency to over-sexualize every encounter.

    Gotta change this!
     
  14. HeyRevolver

    HeyRevolver Active Member

    Definitely, true man for me too. I forgot to mention maybe 3 years back in the Netherlands, a mature, ginger-haired sales assistant in a store helped recommend me a gift for someone. She recommended a cream and proceeded to massage it into my arm. As you might've guessed I felt super turned on. The talk seemed that way, her joking when I told her it felt good. We both were in hysterics at one point.

    As our conversation continued she told me things about herself, her being dyslexic (came up when we spoke of books), her own personal style of gift-giving and a bit about her own family.

    I believe p got us really in the attitude of seeking, after all it's a dopamine addiction. Sometimes in life the best things come to those who wait. And not wait in the passive sense, but delay gratification. Women like all humans love personality and that'll sharpen through experiences. Keep having them. Enjoy completely this journey you're on, it's always nourishing.
     
  15. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Seems like we had similar experiences. Agree 100% man especially the last paragraph.

    Really gotta work on improving my personality and the best way is probably by gaining more life+social experiences.
     
  16. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 8-9: Urges have actually died down a bit compared to days 6-7. Glad to have beaten the 7 day mark which is where most of my relapses happen.

    Currently aiming to at least beat my previous record of 35 days, I really think I can do it this time.

    Of course, the ultimate goal is to beat PMO for good.
     
  17. HeyRevolver

    HeyRevolver Active Member

    I believe you'll do it, a day at a time. Simply create the lifestyle you desire. In quicker than real time we can load up a tube site and start on the slide, not doing so is the power. The discipline no doubt will transfer across all the facets of your life.
     
  18. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Day 10: Wish I listened to this. Spent the early part of the day looking up nofap videos on youtube, thinking that it would help me. But instead, it got me thinking about porn over and over again, and gradually I got aroused. Ended up looking at some stories with sexual content.

    Was able to stop myself by going out and buying some coconut juice which tasted great, and then watched a movie which made me forget about porn. (note to self: good food/drinks takes your mind off porn).

    Today was the closest I've ever come to relapsing, but now I feel more determined than ever. I will not fall this time!
     
  19. O Prophet

    O Prophet Member

    Absolutely man. Will hit the gym as soon as my arms are fully healed.

    We will rise!
     
  20. HeyRevolver

    HeyRevolver Active Member

    We shall indeed, we know the road taken, it presents itself as 'novelty' and yes it is a 'novelty addiction' but it's results invariably are the same; sadness and pain.

    You did good on halting the impulses, great save. Happy healing, and when you recover enjoy gym. More than that, enjoy changing the focus in your life. What does O Prophet do when he's not doing porn? There's a world out there, be in it!
     

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