I think that I have rewired

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by oldfellow, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. oldfellow

    oldfellow New Member

    Some while ago I sent in some posts on the subject of ED and the older man and the relationship between PIED and age related ED. I think that I am doing well so following the injunction of fugu the Moderator here is my story.

    For the record I am a fit 76 year old man who recently completed a 10 mile race in 90min. I am a heterosexual who has an occasional lady friend but I also have a long but not continuous interest in fetish cross-dressing. I have been a porn user of increasing seriousness for about 10 years, mostly fairly standard stuff but with a bias towards shemales, crossdressers and Japanese and combinations of these.

    The ED first showed up when I was about 65. As I expect that it usually is, I developed a certain unreliability both masturbating and fucking which was then exacerbated by performance anxiety. For the next few years Cialis worked its magic but at the same time I greatly increased my porn watching thinking that it might help – or so I told myself. This was the point that I returned to crossdressing. I remembered the days a long time ago when pulling up a pair of lace panties was instant hardon time. It sort of worked, as did the porn and I fell into all the usual patterns of porn watching behaviour. If I was in the right mood I could get a semi hardon and cum to porn without taking Cialis which, if nothing else saved money. Crossdressing probably does not turn many of you on but it is a fairly innocuous fetish and away from porn, in real life, my friend was happy to join in the play. Note that I have never wanted to be passable and go out though occasionally I 'underdress'.

    Now comes the bad part. About when I reached 70 Cialis started to not work. Disappointing, even worrying because 70 is not that old. But we are all different and I am lucky in being able to run so maybe this was payback. I did try more crossdressing and some other mild kinky behaviour but without success. I could – should – have talked to doctors but, probably because of my age and background that was an embarrassing idea so I headed for the web and found YBOP and this site and then bought Gary Wilson's book. And read it carefully and decided that it made sense. At least it could do no harm and offered hope.

    I suppose that for a 76 year old giving up on masturbation is not hard when compared to the problems for a 26 year old. I had a strong incentive to give up porn watching. I am attempting to write a book and looking for the ultimate thrill on screen wastes enormous amounts of time.

    I got through my first 90 days with no porn viewing, a couple of orgasms through masturbation and one fuck. My weakness was, and still is, a liking of fantasy and edging. At this point I was hoping that my problems were entirely PIED and not age related ED but I realised that that was not true. I did not really feel the need to masturbate much, I had some withdrawal symptoms – sleep problems and the like but no flatline but it did seem the there was a change. It was not so much that I was getting hardons because it became obvious that Cialis was still needed but that I was more alive and aware of my body and particularly my balls and my penis and my core. For example, I would wake in the morning not quite with a morning wood but with a definite sensation in my penis and a felling of 'nice' tension in my body.

    The other advice I picked up on was to stop using my hand and get a Male Masturbation Device such as a Fleshlight. I have never used the Death Grip so I did not have that problem. My technique has been to roll the head of my penis round with my thumb and finger tips. There is even a variation of this for a flacid penis which involves circling the base of the penis tightly with the thumb and forefinger of the other hand to keep blood in the rest of the penis and using the finger tips and thumb up and down on the head till you cum. Even so I did see the logic of using the Fleshlight or in my case a Tenga Flip-Hole. The YSOP article made the point that you had to fuck the device by moving your body to relearn the relationship between the body's actions and the pleasure It certainly felt wonderful and quite different from masturbating. I suppose that fucking always does, though oddly I do not remember that. I suppose that cuddling up to a warm body generated all sorts of other sensations and it is the total experience which is remembered. Anyway, the point was that practising fucking and giving up reacting to a screen were all part of the rewiring process.

    How am I doing.

    I still need Cialis but I can live with that.

    More important – I definitely have a libido back. Even if I do not take Cialis, and so do not get a hardon, I get a pleasant reaction to being greeted by my friend and seeing her naked. I get a very good reaction to pulling up my lace panties and especially showing off to my friend. I even get a reaction when looking at some nice bum of the street and I am feeling quite excited just writing this.

    I also know that if I take my pill I can get a hardon which is good enough to give pleasure and am confident that I do not have to rush before it goes away. Practising with the Flip-Hole has helped here, I do not need to have performance anxiety, it does not care if it does not get an orgasm and it will not make me feel inadequate.

    Have I relapsed, The answer is – not quite. I have done some things like checking on use of the Flip-Hole and on aspects of crossdressing like tucking which are near pornography and could have been triggers but I have not gone further so I think that I am OK. The proof is that I can still get it up, I can still please my friend and I can still masturbate with or without the Flip-Hole and in or out of my panties.

    And my book is slowly coming along.

    I really have to thank YBOP and YourBrainRebalaned and all the people how have written their stories and given their advice. It has made such a huge change to my life going forward. My only reservation is that it seems to have been quite easy – but it has said in YBOP that it would probably be easier the older that one was.
  2. wecandothis

    wecandothis Member

    You sir smashed it. It is never too late. You are our leader. Congrats and use your erections properly!
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You've been a porn user for 10 years, it may take more than 3 months to get your erections fully back...at any age. Nice work!
  4. oldfellow

    oldfellow New Member

    Thanks for the responses and the encouragement.

    I should have been a little more precise when giving the timeline. I began my 'formal' 90 days on Nov 20th last year so I am a little further along than you realised. It is still a short time but age does seem to help.

    I am not too bothered about erections which may surprise you young folk. I do know that Cialis works and I am fairly sure that I have age related ED and that I have conquered PIED but the most important thing is that I feel good about my new sexual awareness and actually getting hard and reaching orgasm are bonuses. It is so good that a little fantasy produces a response even it if is not a hard erection and the same goes for indulging in my fetish.

    Being even handed I have also read Marnia Robinson's “Cupid's Poisoned Arrow”. I was not sure that it would be relevant but there were a number of ideas to consider. Firstly, like Gary, Marnia is interested in brain chemistry. She combines this information with an analysis of mammalian mating habits to suggest that we should trigger the chemical changes associated with arousal and orgasm much less frequently than most of us do. The other suggestion is that bonding and 'slow' sex mostly without orgasm is best for our relationships. This is the concept of Karezza. These two suggestions suit me quite well because however many pills I take there are limits to my performance. I and my friend have found that the 'slow' sex idea is very nice, we can lay together in the scissors position for a long time and maybe cum or maybe not.

    The one time I can get from hard erection to orgasm without a pill is on waking up. If I feel the build up of sexual tension and start masturbation at once and continue without stopping I can cum. If I slow down the erection will start to go away and not come back.

    The other good thing, as suggested by a number of people, is that I generally feel more alive. Maybe it is because of my increased training or maybe my keenness for increased training is part of the new me. The fact that if I can train as of old and win things in the M75 class helps as well.

    So I look forward to the next years or two with a few kinks and quirks to help the world go round – and a little love as well.

    I suspect that this may be a bit off topic so I thank the moderator for any indulgance shown.
  5. oldfellow

    oldfellow New Member

    I was always suprised by how quickly I rewired but I understood that things were easier for older men and I am 76. I had started in Nov 2015 and my previous last post talking of my success was July 12 2016. Since then things have got better. The morning erection which with some coaxing could give some pleasure is now much harder and will stay hard without any stroking as long as I fantasise a little - and that is with any ED pills. It is so nice just lying there feeling the stiffness and the sensations and remembering what it was like to be younger. I would still not risk trying anything else without some Cialis, I think that performance anxiety would be a problem. With someone I am very relaxed with I may risk it. That would be the ultimate test and I think that my orgasms are more pleasurable without the pills. It is interesting to think that almost all of what I thought was age related ED was probably PIED.

    Something else - probably not related - is that my fetish has become a little more pressing. As you can read in my other posts, I am a fetish crossdresser. I am now finding comfort in spending more time crossdressed. Recently I spent a few days, at home, completely en femme and I have been out underdressed and tucked. I am not passable and have not got the courage to brazen it out otherwise I might go out too. I have seen suggestions that even crossdresser like myself are to some extent gender dysphoric which is why we started. There is some evidence of a tendency to move towards a female persona as one ages. It is noticable that the sexual excitement of putting on sexy underware is replaced with the feeling of wellbeing, evidence of the transition from fetish to gender status. Just as well if you are going about tucked.

    As I say, this is probably not related to my continuing recovery from a porn addiction but having the two things happen is nice.

    I suspect that you all think I am strange but this website and YBOP have helped me as much as anyone and I am grateful.

  6. gymaddict

    gymaddict Member

    Hey Man

    Enjoy your good physical health and evidently your good cardio health at age 75. I congratulate you on kicking porn and your recovery from PIED. You are in great sexual shape for your age.

    I am pushing 70 and morning wood is a thing of the past. I can understand your joy at having it as I have grieved at its exit in my life years ago. I had a heart attack about two years ago and that ended any morning wood I may have enjoyed. Today, even tho my heart has recovered amazingly due to my devotion to gym work and the eliptical for cardio, I am bereft of morning wood and my erections are not dependable all the time for sex. I was having the best sex of my life a month before the heart attack.

    Just wanted to congratulate you at your amazing recovery at your age. I never allowed my porn usage to involve masturbating, so I have had no PIED, and my porn usage was sporadic and intermittent. Still, I needed to stop for personal and spiritual reasons, and for the sake of prudent use of my professional time.

    Let us know the title to your book as I want to read your journey. I lead a group of men who are kicking porn in their lives and your book may be a resource to them as well.

  7. oldfellow

    oldfellow New Member

    Thanks gymaddict for the nice words. This morning I took a 10k run on a perfect autumn morning along the Thames in West London. It made it really worthwhile to be fit (relatively) and well and I am sure that a rebalanced brain contributes to that. Not sure which way things are. Does rewiring make it easier to get healty or does being healthy encourage rewiring. Probably both.

    Another question relating to gymaddict's comments. We know that masturbating to porn is bad and that masturbating without porn if not in excess is normal and natural but how about porn without masturbation. The problem with porn on the screen is the reducing in effect of the stimuli of other human beings and the replacement of arousal triggered by images on a screen. I suppose that as with a lot of things it is a question of amount and control which is another way of asking if you are compelled or addicted. I know one or two people who have happily used cocain in small amounts for all their adult life.

    Anyway I am pleased to have given up porn but am pleased that I can read posts on forums related to my crossdresser/transgender fetish without it being a trigger to go back to porn.

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